Can't Hate You (Second Chance Diaries Book 1)

by Emma Vikes

I tried to call his attention, “Ryan!”

  But he didn’t turn back. He kept moving forward.

  Beside me, Adam dared to laugh. “See? He’s not willing to do this with you, Kate. You’re a woman with baggage on the side.”

  I turned to him quickly, eyebrows furrowed. “What did you just say? Did you just refer to Faith as baggage?”

  Adam sighed and moved towards me.

  I took a step back.

  “Let’s face it, Kate. There aren’t many guys who are going to line up to you because you’re with a kid. I’m sorry that I messed up seven years ago. I was a stupid eighteen-year-old. Raising a kid scared the crap out of me then but I’m here now. I came back and I want to do this with you.”

  All I could do was stare at him, amazed by his audacity. “You wanted me to get an abortion. You wanted to kill her, Adam.

  “And I regretted it every single day in the past seven years. I’ve made sure that when I came back into her life, I could provide her with the kind of life I always knew I wanted my kids to have. I’m able to do that now.”

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I never asked you to do that. All I wanted was for Faith to grow up with a father. Every parent would want to give their child the world, I do too, but I realize what she needs most is a constant. Someone who won’t fail her. Someone who’s always there. Someone willing to be a parent to her.”

  “That’s why I’m here now.”

  Nodding, I flashed him a small smile. “Then you go do that. You make sure that you won’t fail her the way you did in the beginning. But until you make up for what you’ve done, you do not have the right to be called her dad.” I pushed past him. “You can go inside and ease your worries. You’re right. You are her father after all but don’t be so smug because you’re nowhere near her dad. And one more thing, Adam, Ryan was more of a parent than you. Granted, he had a couple of months to be one but he seemed to fit the picture the first time they met. You were all awkward.”

  “You’re not going to give her a messed up family.”

  I stared at him. “Just because they’re not biologically related doesn’t mean it’s messed up.” Turning my back on him, I went to look for Ryan. I asked the nurses where Dr. Bell went, wanting to know if he went straight to his office after all of this.

  They told me that he’d stormed to the exit.

  I caught him in the lobby.

  There it was, this burst of adrenaline coming from within me. Everything that Adam said, how there wouldn’t be a guy in the world willing to have me because I had Faith. Ryan’s confession earlier, how he was in love with me when he thought he never would fall for anyone. The way he confessed about how scared he was of losing Faith.

  I love him.

  “Ryan!”

  He stopped when he heard my voice. He seemed hesitant but he waited for me.

  I was panting by the time I reached him, after running down flights of stairs. I threw my arms around him. “I’m sorry.”

  Ryan sighed and buried his head against my shoulder, wrapping his arms around my waist. “He was right. When my dad remarried, I couldn’t handle living with my stepmother. I can’t give Faith the same kind of life, Kate.”

  I pulled away from him and placed my hand on his cheek. “Why didn’t your parents’ relationship work out?”

  “Unlike yours, they didn’t love each other enough.”

  I nodded, smiling at him. “They didn’t keep each other warm enough?”

  Ryan sighed, nodding glumly. “They didn’t. The fire fizzled out and they gave up. They didn’t even bother staying for the warmth of it all.”

  “You keep me warm, Ryan.”

  “They messed it up for me, Kate. They messed up romance, love, and commitments. The idea of it all still scares the crap out of me…”

  “I want to do this with you, Ryan. All or nothing.”

  He didn’t seem to be listening to anything I was saying as he went on, “And maybe it’s more socially acceptable if you do this with him. It breaks my heart but like they said, to love is to let go—”

  I smacked his chest. “You’re an ass.”

  Ryan grimaced, rubbing the spot.

  “You’re not listening to what I’m trying to say!” I shouted.

  His eyebrows furrowed. “If you’re going to tell me that you’re going to do this with him, shortcake, I’ll understand even if it hurts me—”

  “I love you, you asshole!” I yelled.

  Ryan blinked, his words dying on his lips. “…What?”

  “You told me earlier that I’m not inclined to respond to your confession. At that time, I already knew. I just wasn’t sure if I was ready to say it.”

  “Then why say it now?”

  I placed my hand on his cheek. “Because I realize that I’d rather do this with you than with anyone else. It’s better with the person you love, than anyone else.”

  “What about the part about love doing the choosing?”

  “Screw that,” I muttered, leaning close to him our lips touching. “Letting love do the choosing is a thing cowards do. I don’t want to be a coward anymore.”

  Epilogue

  Kate

  1 Year Later

  The bed dipped down and I felt heat being blown on my core. My body reacted instantly, back arched, and a gasp escaping my lips. I let out a low moan and then I felt his tongue on my folds, licking me from end to end. Biting my bottom lip, I tried my best to refrain from screaming because Faith was in the other room.

  “Shit, Ryan,” I mumbled as he crawled on top of me, pulling the blanket away to reveal my naked body. Hadn’t it been just five hours ago when he last fucked me? “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

  “Hmm,” came his muffled response.

  I gasped when he began to suck my clit and drove two fingers inside of me. I reached for his hair, wanting to tug at the long dark locks.

  Ryan stopped, abruptly stood up and searched our drawers, and took out my vibrator.

  “What are you…?”

  He didn’t say anything. Instead, he spread my legs wider and then inserted the vibrator into me, starting it at a slow pace. It felt like a slow hum, pleasure slowly building, and the satisfaction made me mewl.

  Then, he changed the level of the vibrator.

  I gasped, from a slow hum to this erratic vibration that seemed to be shaking my entire being. Then, I felt his lips on my pussy, sucking at my core while one hand reached to my breast. He toyed with my nipple, rolling the sensitive bud between fingers.

  I wanted to scream as loudly as I could but I knew we weren’t the only ones in the house.

  Ryan’s hand let go of my nipple and then he moved it closer to my mouth, inserting three fingers through my lips to stifle my noise.

  I sucked on his fingers and bit down gently when I felt my stomach coiling in anticipation of my climax.

  But right when I was about to have it, Ryan removed his hand from my mouth, his lips on my clit, and eased out the vibrator from my pussy.

  “Fuck, no!” I whisper shouted.

  He chuckled and then swept me from the bed, carrying me bridal style to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and set me on my feet.

  I felt woozy, still dizzy from the sensations he gave me. “What the hell, Ryan?”

  He merely snickered and crashed his lips against mine, pushing me against the wall. He was naked and I could feel his hard cock pressed against my stomach, throbbing and wanting.

  I pushed him away from me, ready to kneel and suck him but he held me up, shaking his head.

  “It’s all about you right now,” he murmured, reaching for my body soap then slathering it all over me.

  The feel of his cool hands against my hot skin felt soothing as if his touch became a balm because of the differences in temperature. But at the same time, the more he touched me, the more I wanted his skin on mine.

  He lathered my body with the soap in concentric circles, massaging me and pressing on the spots that elicited pl
easure within me. “Hmm. You like that don’t you?” Ryan knew the right way to pleasure me. We’ve explored every aspect of each other and tried to be adventurous with sex. He knew the right buttons to push and knew how to make me want him even more.

  “Bend,” Ryan demanded.

  I did immediately, bending down and pressing my hands against the bathroom wall in anticipation. I felt a sharp slap on my ass, the pain throbbing from my ass cheeks to my core, the reverberation causing another round of pleasure. I hissed, biting my tongue to stop myself from screaming.

  Gripping my ass, I felt Ryan’s fingers spreading my ass cheeks. I felt the anticipation build. He rarely fucked me in the ass but every time he did so, it sent a new wave of pleasure through me. Ryan eased his dick in, pausing to allow me to adjust.

  But what I thought was a pause for adjustment wasn’t, when I felt him slip two fingers in my core. “Oh god,” I moaned when Ryan began to move. He wasn’t moving fast, just slowly and languidly, but with his cock and fingers moving in the same rhythm, sent another shockwave of ecstasy through me. I was gasping for breath when he picked up his rhythm. With each thrust, I felt myself being pushed more against the wall.

  It didn’t take me long to come. To be honest, I was a ticking time-bomb by this point but Ryan remained relentless. He pulled his dick out of my ass and then turned me around, hoisting me up and then sliding his cock inside of my pussy. He pressed me against the wall, head buried on the crook of my shoulder as he pushed himself inside of me continually.

  The hot water was causing steam, so we were wet, slick and too lost in sex. He licked my chest, his mouth swallowing my nipple, and sucking.

  My fingers tangled in his hair and then I felt his shoulders tense and he came, shooting his cum inside of me. When he pulled out, my core felt even slicker.

  He quietly reached for my body wash, spread it all over me, and massaged my pussy with it. He kissed the side of my head, chuckling. “Happy birthday, shortcake.”

  Birthday sex. I couldn’t help but chuckle. I forgot it was my birthday. “I’m another year older.”

  Ryan kissed me slowly, almost lazily. “Don’t worry. I won’t replace you with a younger version. You’re the only one I’ll love. Except for the younger you in the other room but let’s face it, you’re not the only woman who has my heart.”

  I giggled and kissed his lips breifly.

  We finished showering and refrained from fucking each other for another round. It was hard and I ended up leaving Ryan for a cold shower to make breakfast downstairs.

  As I reached downstairs, I could hear someone moving in the kitchen. “What’s going on?”

  Faith stopped, eyes widening when she saw me. “Happy birthday, Mom!” She was beaming at me.

  Unexpectedly, Vanessa, Andrew, and a very pregnant Mila popped out from behind the counter, all bearing balloons, and a banner wishing me happy birthday.

  My parents rushed in the room, loudly cheering and greeting me.

  I could feel my heart swell with joy as I stared at the people I loved.

  They began to crowd around me, singing me a happy birthday.

  “You guys know I hate making a big deal out of my birthday.”

  “We thought that this year could be different,” Mila said, placing a hand on her belly. “Maybe, a double event.”

  Faith moved next to her, beaming at her aunt.

  I looked around the room. Everyone I loved was here. I wondered what she meant by a double event? Then I heard the footsteps from the stairs and remembered that I left Ryan upstairs.

  Andrew rolled his eyes playfully. It took my brother a while but he finally came around.

  My parents loved the idea of Ryan and me seeing each other. They secretly wanted it to happen, so Ryan could officially be their son. Dad even told me that at some point, they wondered if they could arrange for me to marry him. Mom had thought it was impossible but when Ryan and I came clean to them, they were overjoyed.

  No one seemed to be as thrilled as Faith though, especially when Ryan officially moved back to Tampa to live with us. There had been instances when I would overhear her praying and thanking God for giving her a complete family. It made my heart swell with happiness to know she was truly grateful to have Ryan around.

  She still saw Adam from time to time. Although it took him a while to accept the fact that I chose Ryan, he came around and made an effort to be Faith’s dad. Sometimes, I worried that having two dads would affect Faith but she seemed to love it. Both spoiled her rotten and Ryan was always defending her whenever I scolded her.

  She didn’t have a dad growing up and now, she had two. She said that it was like God granted her prayer and doubled it. I found it cute until I overheard her praying for a sibling. What made it more awkward was because I was with Ryan and he was laughing beside me. He would pull me to our bedroom and tease me that we should ‘try’.

  “Shortcake.”

  I’d gotten used to the nickname. It used to annoy me so much but now I loved the fact. I loved that he had a pet name for me.

  When I turned around my gaze dropped.

  Ryan was on one knee peering up at me with a bashful smile on his face. His hair looked a little wet but he was a dressed up and he’d even styled his hair. His green eyes were bright with excitement.

  Still, I could see anxiety in his eyes.

  “I know how much you hated celebrating your birthday because of how it went eight years ago,” Ryan began, taking a deep breath to seemingly appease his nerves, “but a lot has happened in almost a year and we happened too.”

  “Ryan—” My heart was thumping wildly against my rib cage and I could vaguely hear Vanessa and Faith squealing in excitement.

  He held up a hand, stopping me from saying anything. “You gotta let me have this moment, shortcake.”

  I chuckled but I was beginning to tear up.

  Ryan took another deep breath. “I didn’t want to believe that love existed. Then you told me that love did the choosing and I felt like it validated my opinion on it. But the very person who validated my opinion was the very person that proved me wrong.” Ryan reached for my hand and his thumb rubbed circles on my knuckles. “You made me fall in love with you when I believed I would never fall for anyone. The very girl I thought I hated for being annoying became the very girl I would love. Our hatred for each other sparked the forest fire and evidently, wanting each other trapped us in a blazing inferno.” Ryan’s eyes glistened with tears as he said this, eyes remaining fixed on mine. “But I fell in love with you when what we had felt like the warmth of sunlight coming after a cold storm. Warm yet addicting and I want to stay warm with you for the rest of my life, shortcake.”

  “Jesus, just ask the question, Ryan,” Andrew muttered from behind me.

  I heard him yelp, as Mila or Mom must’ve hit him.

  Ryan wiped away a tear, chuckling. “Will you marry me, shortcake?” He still held my hand at this point.

  I tugged at his hand, pulling him up, nodding while repeating ‘yes’ over and over. I kept crying when he enveloped me in a hug and kissed me gently on the lips. It was sweet and slow. “I love you, Ryan,” I whispered.

  He chuckled, kissing the top of my head. “You keep me human, shortcake.”

  My family crowded around us, cheering us on, with Faith hugging us both tight.

  Ryan picked her up, kissing her cheek while Mila and Mom gave me a big hug.

  Andrew was high-fiving Ryan and we all overheard his warning, “You better not make my sister cry, or I will castrate you.”

  Ryan laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  It took a while but Andrew accepted what I had with his best friend. “I always wanted you to be my brother,” Andrew admitted while grinning and then he glanced at me. He nodded, smiling at me too. “But I always thought that it’d be because we’re best friends, although this works too. This works really well. Welcome to the family, brother.”

  My heart felt like it would burst. After
the downfall with my first love, I never thought I would ever want to give love a chance again. I never thought it could be sweeter after you tasted how bitter it could be.

  Maybe there were people fortunate enough to have love choose them. No heartaches. No betrayals. No scar from having a love that went wrong. But the ones love broke, the unfortunates, the ones who thought that love wasn’t for them, could get the chance to redeem it.

  If only they were brave enough to choose love again.

  ---

  Did you like this book? Then you’ll also LOVE “Can’t Forgive You – Second Chance Diaries Book #2”.

  I never got a chance to reveal my pregnancy to my boyfriend. Instead I was hit with a breakup by him on the same day I decided to let him know the good news.

  8 years have passed and I am now a single mother to a beautiful girl & an aspiring lawyer in the famous Hadfield and Schrearer Law Firm.

  Life was going good, until an embezzlement case comes to our firm and I am appointed as the lawyer to win it for our high-profile client.

  Little did I know our paths will cross this way.

  What sarcasm!!!

  The bustard who ruined my life, is now our billionaire client whom I have to fight for in the court???

  Enough!!! I can't take it anymore...

  Because 8 years have passed and still, I can't forgive you Logan...

  GRAB Can’t Forgive You HERE!

  The Rest Of Second Chance Diaries

  Can’t Forgive You

  Can’t Resist You

  Can’t Forget You (Want this book for FREE? Then check the next pages to know how.)

  “ALL BOOKS CAN BE READ AS STANDALONE READS WITHIN THE SERIES”

  Also By Emma Vikes

  The Hudson Brothers Series

  The Lost Love

  The Broken Love

  The Sudden Love

  The Raving Love