by Marie Force
Smitty kept a tight grip on Mitzi's hand as tears tumbled from his raw eyes.
"Come here, honey." Mitzi reached for him and wiped the tears off his face. "Go ahead."
Smitty stepped into the room.
Theo got up to greet him with a hug. "Thank you so much for coming." He leaned over to gently nudge Lillian awake. "Sweetheart, Smitty's here to see you. He's come all the way from Australia."
"Smitty," Lillian whispered. "Theo help me sit up a little." After he had raised the bed she said, "Will you give us a few minutes, my love?"
Theo kissed her forehead. "Of course. I'll be right outside if you need me."
When they were alone, Lillian turned to Smitty. "You look exhausted, honey."
Smitty broke down. "I was so afraid I wouldn't get here in time."
"I told you I'd wait for you," she said weakly.
"I should've had more faith in you," he teased through his tears.
"That's right." She squeezed his hand as she studied him. "Your heart is heavy and not just because your favorite old girl is about to check out."
"I don't want to waste the time we have together talking about that."
"Honey, why do you think I asked you to come? I never would've put you through such an emotional journey if I didn't have something important I needed to say to you."
Smitty took a deep breath hoping to somehow manage the riot of emotions.
"I want you to do something for me, but mostly I want you to do it for yourself." She kept her eyes trained on him. "I want you to forgive him."
"I don't know if I can."
"If you don't, the bitterness will poison you. Your friendship may never be the same, but if you carry this around with you it'll eat away at you and keep you from finding happiness of your own."
"Lill—"
"You have to find a way."
"I only just found out they're married half an hour ago. I'm not feeling very forgiving at the moment."
"They got married because I asked them to. They were going to anyway. I just pushed things along a little." She paused to take a deep, wracking breath. "I know it was terribly selfish of me, but I wanted to see my Ted married before I left him. I wish I was going to live long enough to see the same thing for you."
"I don't think it's going to happen for me."
"It will. I know it will, but you have to make room for it. If your heart is going to be open to receiving love, it can't be full of anger and bitterness."
"I know you love him, Lillian, but he's done a terrible thing to me. You're asking a lot of me."
"I'm not saying you have to forgive him today. But eventually." Her face lit up with a coy smile. "I'm on my deathbed, so I could make you promise me…"
"You wouldn't do that to me."
"No, I wouldn't," she said with a fading twinkle in her eye. "You're a wonderful, kind, generous man, Smitty. You deserve a woman who has eyes only for you. Caroline wasn't that woman, and while I'm sorry you had to find that out the way you did, it's better now than later. There's someone out there just for you, and she'll see everything I see when I look at you."
He attempted a smile. "I met a woman in Sydney this week who seems to think I'm pretty cool."
"Then she must be a smart girl."
"She is."
"I'll be watching over you."
New tears coursed down his face as he kissed her hand. "Thank you for showing me what a real family is and for being my family. I love you."
"And I love you. Be good to yourself."
He leaned over the bedrail to hug her and dissolved into sobs.
Mitzi finally came in and eased him up. With her arms around him, she led him from the room and held him until he had collected himself.
He swiped impatiently at tears that refused to quit. "Will you understand if I can't stay here and wait with you?"
"Of course," Mitzi said.
"We're all at Parker's."
"I'll call you," she said. "It was very, very good of you to come. It seemed important to her that she see you."
"It was."
She escorted him back to where Parker waited for him.
Ted stood up and came to the door of the waiting room. "Smitty—"
"Are you ready to go, Parker?" Smitty asked.
"Sure." Parker kissed Mitzi's cheek. "Call us if there's anything you need."
"I will."
Chapter 36
Lillian died in Theo's arms at three thirty that afternoon. While Mitzi and Ed tended to his grandfather, Ted called the funeral home and Lillian's parish priest, who had been by earlier in the day to administer last rites.
As he was swept into the details that came with planning a funeral, Caroline watched Ted struggle to put his own troubles aside for the time being so he could focus on making sure his grandmother got the send off she deserved. Not that he seemed to notice, but Caroline was by his side every minute except for a couple of hours on Monday afternoon when Tish took her to buy something to wear to the wake and funeral.
Late on Tuesday afternoon, she watched from across their bedroom as he knotted his tie in front of the mirror. He had put a million miles between them since Smitty's snub on Sunday, and she had no idea how to reach him. She hoped that once they got past the funeral they could somehow get back on track.
"Ted?"
He turned to her.
"I was thinking, you know, about the wake and everything."
"What about it?"
"I know you're going to have to be in the receiving line with your family, and it might be better if I'm not with you, so you don't have to explain to hundreds of people that you've gotten married. It doesn't seem like the time or place for that."
He shrugged with nonchalance that hurt her. "If that's what you want."
"I want to keep the focus where it belongs—on your grandmother—and not have the whole place buzzing about us."
"That's fine."
Caroline wanted to scream. Fine! Nothing is fine! But this wasn't the time. There would be time for screaming—if it came to that—after they had gotten through the next few days.
The wake was mobbed with people wanting to pay their respects to a pillar of the community, a beloved friend, and a generous patron of the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, among other local charities. The family photographs Elise had taken before the anniversary party sat on easels around the room.
Caroline found a seat in the back where she could see Ted but remain out of the way.
Chip, Elise, Parker, and Smitty came in about an hour after the wake began. Each of them hugged all the Duffys, including Ted, as they moved through the line and then stopped to pay their respects to Lillian. They were wiping at tears as they went past her open casket and merged into the crowded room.
"Caroline?"
Caroline looked up. "Oh, hi, Elise. The photos are beautiful."
"Thanks. Why are you hiding back here? Shouldn't you be up there with your husband?"
"I didn't want him to have to explain me to everyone. It didn't seem like the right time for that."
"How's he doing? Really?"
"He's having a hard time with a lot of things right now, but I'm sure he'll be fine." If he could use that word, so could she.
"How about you?" Elise asked with concern as she took the seat next to Caroline.
"I'm doing my best to support him. That's all I can do." She glanced up and unwittingly caught Smitty's eye. For a long moment, she couldn't make herself look away. Finally, he did. "How's Smitty, Elise?"
"I don't know. He won't talk to us about it. Parker and Chip have both tried, but he refuses to discuss it."
"That's not healthy. I'd rather hear he's ranting and raving than keeping it all inside. Do you think they're ever going to forgive Ted?"
Elise's grim expression answered for her. "Chip's really spun up about it, and Parker, being Parker, is trying very hard to be rational and see both sides, but he's upset, too. And Smitty, well, who knows what's going on inside his
head?"
"If you think it'll matter, please tell them how sorry I am to have put them in this position. They mean the world to Ted, and I know he would do just about anything to make this right with them."
"I'll tell them if I get the chance. Can I ask you just one thing that's been driving me mad?"
"Of course."
"When did this happen?"
"The first night we met. Remember how Smitty crashed early and the rest of you went out?"
Elise nodded.
"I was on the deck upstairs when he arrived. He was a mess over losing his patient, Joey. We talked for a long time, and there was just this connection between us. And then the next day, when I broke my ankle, he was so awesome."
"But nothing happened between you then? Right?"
"No," Caroline said. "Not until Block Island when we acknowledged we had fallen in love that first weekend." She reached for Elise's hand. "Please try to understand. Neither of us would've ever wanted to hurt Smitty like this if we could've avoided it. But it was so big and so immediate and so overwhelming."
"Elise," Chip said. "We're going to go."
She looked up at him. "Okay." Hugging Caroline, she said, "I'll see you tomorrow."
* * *
After they got home from the wake, Ted spent the rest of the evening in his office working on what he was going to say at the funeral. Caroline wandered in to check on him before she went up to bed. Draping her arms over his shoulders, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Can I get you anything?"
"No, I'm fine."
Fine. Caroline was starting to hate that word. "You need to get some sleep, honey."
He shook her off. "When I finish this."
Stung, Caroline stepped back from him. "Okay." She went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and saw their list on the refrigerator. She ran a loving hand over the creamy paper. Their wedding night already seemed like a lifetime ago, and she wondered if they had any chance at all of getting to number ten.
* * *
The funeral was a blur of people and emotions. Theo asked Chip, Parker, and Smitty to serve as pallbearers along with Tish's husband Steven and two of Lillian's nephews. Caroline watched the three of them, handsome and somber in dark suits, as they went through the motions of ceremony in honor of a woman they had loved. Except for the ten minutes when he was at the microphone sharing eloquent and humorous memories of his grandmother, Ted kept a tight grip on Caroline's hand and on his emotions. Even though their shoulders were touching and their hands were intertwined, Caroline was aware of the gaping distance between them and found it hard to concentrate on anything else.
The long funeral procession to the cemetery shut down traffic between the cathedral in downtown Boston and Weston, the suburb twelve miles west of the city where the Duffys lived. After the burial, Ed and Mitzi invited everyone to their home for lunch. As the limousine from the funeral home delivered the family to the house, Caroline had to work at not being intimidated by the gated driveway, the rolling lawn, and the imposing two-story stone house where Ted had grown up.
He was a gracious host to his parents' guests and stayed close to Caroline. He introduced her as his wife and deftly answered the inevitable questions with his usual mix of charm and grace, which he turned off as soon as they were alone again.
"Do you want something to eat?" Ted asked as he sought out his friends, who were congregated on the other side of the huge living room.
"No, I'm not hungry. How about you?"
"I'm not either."
"Do you want to go talk to them? I'll stay here if it would make it easier."
"They don't want to talk to me."
"They're here, Ted. That counts for something, doesn't it?"
"They're here out of respect for my parents and grandparents. It has nothing to do with me."
"That's not true."
"Leave it alone, Caroline," he snapped.
Ted's boss, Martin Nickerson, and his wife, Jenny, approached them, oblivious to their tension.
"Ted, honey, you've been keeping secrets from us." Jenny kissed his cheek. "Are you going to introduce us to your lovely wife?"
"Yes, of course." The charm was back as he put his arm around Caroline.
She played the part of the doting wife even though she was dying inside as she accepted the very real possibility that she might have made a terrible mistake.
* * *
By four o'clock the house had begun to clear out, leaving only family and close friends sprinkled in groups throughout the rambling first floor.
"I suppose I should thank the guys for being pallbearers," Ted said, looking around for them.
Caroline pointed to closed double doors. "I saw them go in there a little while ago."
Ted opened the door to his father's study where Smitty was sprawled in a leather chair, Chip and Elise were on the love seat, and Parker stood at the window.
"You have to talk about this, Smitty," Chip was saying. "You can't act like nothing's happened and expect us to go along with that bullshit."
"Hey! It's the happy couple!" Smitty said with a big smile. His eyes were slightly glazed, probably due to the tall glass of whiskey he held in his hand. "Come in, come in. Join the party."
"Just remember where you are and why," Ted said in a low tone as he ushered Caroline into the room and closed the door.
"Oh, so, we're going to talk about decorum, are we?" Smitty asked with a chuckle.
"No, we're not," Ted said, pouring a glass of whiskey.
Caroline shook her head at his offer of a drink.
"Yeah, it is kind of late for decorum, isn't it?" Smitty said. "By the way, I haven't had a chance to congratulate you on your wedding." He made a big show of pulling himself out of the chair so he could kiss Caroline's cheek. "I'm sure you were a lovely bride."
"Thank you," Caroline said in barely more than whisper.
Returning to her side with his drink, Ted's closed his hand around hers as his jaw clenched with tension.
Smitty went to the bar to refill his glass, keeping his back to them. "There's one thing I want to know more than anything else, sweetheart. Were you doing him at the same time you were doing me?" He turned around. "Because, you know, that would be kind of unseemly, wouldn't you say? I mean with us being best friends and all that."
Shocked, Caroline stared at Smitty.
"That's enough," Ted said through gritted teeth.
Elise sobbed softly behind him.
"You're not going to speak to her like that," Ted said.
"Oh, right," Smitty said with a dramatic nod. "Right. I forgot. We're operating under rules of decorum. Now. I guess all bets were off a week ago."
"We never meant to hurt you—"
"Speaking of hurt," Smitty said. "I'll bet it hurt like the devil when you fell off that golden boy pedestal you'd been sitting on all your life."
"There was no pedestal," Ted said quietly.
Smitty laughed harshly. "Like hell." His eyes narrowed as he addressed Ted. "In my whole miserable, stinking, shithole of a life, there's only been one thing I always knew I could count on. You." With a gesture to encompass the others, he added, "This. You have no idea what you've done to me."
"Nothing happened between us until you two were over," Ted said. "You can believe that or not, but it's the truth."
"The truth," Smitty said. "And I should believe you why exactly?"
"Smitty…" Caroline said.
His steely stare bore down on her. "I want to go back in time to before I knew that people I cared so much about were capable of this. I want to go back to that tent and my cigar on the lawn. I want to go back to when Elise was offering to go find you for me."
Caroline gasped and tried to take a step away from Ted, who tightened his grip on her hand.
"'Will you wear this dress again sometime, just for me? Anything for you, Ted,'" Smitty mocked. "I was so touched."
Caroline went pale as tears spilled down her face.
"So the next
day, when you let her think you were going to rape her, who were you trying to punish?" Ted asked. "Her or me?"
A collective gasp went through the room.
If looks could kill, the one Smitty sent Caroline would have been the end of her.
"I'm sorry," Caroline cried, pulling herself free from Ted so she could face off with Smitty. "I'm sorry we hurt you because you're right, you didn't deserve it, and I would give anything to have been able to spare you that pain. But I'm not going to say I wish I'd never gone to Newport with you and never met Ted, because I can't say that. I love him." She wiped at the tears on her face. "And he loves you—as much as he loves anyone in this world."
Smitty snorted. "He's got a strange way of showing it. I think I've heard enough—more than enough, in fact. I'm going back to Sydney. There's nothing here for me anymore." His glass landed on a table with a loud clunk.
"What about us?" Parker asked, throwing his hands into the air with dismay.
"You?" Smitty tilted his head to study his friend. "You knew something was going on between them, didn't you? That night when you went home early, you interrupted something."
"I only suspected," Parker said. "I didn't know for sure."
"And you didn't think I needed to know that?"
"I didn't know what to do. Put yourself in my shoes. What would you have done?"
Smitty shrugged. "I would hope I'd be a better friend to you than you were to me."
Astounded, Parker stared at him. "You can't seriously be saying that to me."
"Imagine my surprise when Mitzi mentioned who the best man was at this farce of a wedding," Smitty said. "You've made your position perfectly clear, Parker."
"No, I haven't!" Parker fumed. "I did that for Lillian more than anything."
"Oh, that's good to know," Ted said, shaking his head with disbelief. "Thanks a lot."
"What about me?" Chip demanded as he stood up to face Smitty. "I haven't done anything to you."
"Collateral damage," Smitty said with a small, sad smile for Chip before he opened the double doors and left the room.
"Great," Parker said with a furious glance at Ted as he followed Smitty. "This is just great. Thanks a lot, Duff. Really. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."
