All He Needs

by Shirley Hailstock

* * *

  After-parties were usually laugh-fests. That’s what they had been when Carter was in college. He thought of all the nights he and his friends had stumbled out of bed and relived the antics of the night before. After his parents’ party, he and his dad had talked most of the night, but no part of their conversation had been humorous.

  His mind, as his conversation had been, were about Renee. Carter wondered what she’d done for the rest of the weekend. And he couldn’t forget the man she’d been with. Carter had gone to the party stag. Yet she’d come with a date. It was foolish of him to think that there was no man in her life. Renee was a beautiful woman and he hadn’t seen her in three years. It was natural that she’d moved on. Hadn’t that been exactly what he wanted her to do? What he’d told her to do when he left?

  So why did he feel like there was a hole in his heart? Even when he was away, the one thing he thought leaving her behind would do, hadn’t happened. He didn’t realize how much he would miss her, how much of her he’d taken with him when he went to Afghanistan. The universe was funny. While Carter thought he was saving both of them, the universe didn’t allow it. He’d taken all his feelings and more with him when he’d boarded that plane.

  While he was away, he wondered where she was and what she was doing. He wanted to know whom she was with and did she still use the same shampoo. He wanted to know if her hands were still as soft as they were when he held them and if the smile she’d always given him was now being given to someone else.

  Carter had his answer. He saw it Friday night in the way she danced with the man whose arm she held. He saw it in the easy manner that the two of them communicated. They almost looked like two halves of the same whole. Had they ever looked like that when they were a couple? Had their communications been that easy?

  “You’re awfully quiet,” Carter’s father said. Sitting in the passenger seat, Carter looked out on the scenery between his parents’ home and the train station.

  “It’s getting close to Monday. I was thinking about the office.”

  His father’s laugh was one that said he didn’t believe his son for a moment. “Carter, I remember the first time you lost your heart to a girl. You were thirteen. At thirty it’s no different. Why don’t you tell her how you feel?”

  “She’s not ready to listen yet. Maybe she will be soon, but right now she still sees me as the man who left her behind. I’m taking it slow. I don’t want to push her.”

  Joe Hampshire parked the car and they got out. Carter reached in the back and pulled his overnight bag out.

  “Good advice,” Joe said. “Just remember, there are other men out there who might also have an eye for Renee.”

  Carter nodded. The image of Renee hanging on the arm of the man she was with at the party had him suddenly ready for battle. “I’ll remember.”

  “I hope so,” Carter’s father said. “Because I believe your first test is about to happen.”

  “What?”

  His father hitched his chin toward something behind him. Carter turned and looked. Tension tightened his body at what his father meant. Renee stood next to a stairway with the same man she’d been with at the party. She laughed at something he said. Then he hugged her and kissed her cheek. Turning, she bounded up the steps, almost as if she had added buoyancy to her step.

  Carter thought she had gone back to New York Friday night. Yet here she was, still on the Island and still with the same man she’d been with at the party. Carter opened his free hand that he’d balled into a fist before loosening his grip on the overnight bag. He hadn’t realized he was holding it so tight.

  His father’s laugh broke into his thoughts. “Have a good trip back. It’s bound to be interesting. I’d sure like to be a fly on the wall during your trip.”

  “I won’t even be in the same car with her,” Carter said. “She won’t know I’m even on the train.”

  “Yeah, I believe you,” his father said, shaking Carter’s hand and pulling him into a man-hug. Carter could hear his dad’s strong laugh as he backed away and returned to the car.

  Turning around to the stairway, Carter scanned the area, looking at as much of the platform that was visible. Renee was no longer in sight. Carter couldn’t decide whether or not that was a good thing. For his peace of mind, it was better that he kept some distance between them.

  But could he?

  Did he want to?

  Carter heard the train coming and headed for the platform. When he came out to see his parents and took the train, he usually sat near the end of the train. There were less people there and he could get some work done. Stepping through the door in his usual place, he put his bag in the overhead rack and took his usual seat. He wasn’t going to go car by car and find where Renee was sitting.

  Ten minutes later the train pulled out of the station. Carter’s laptop lay unopened on his knees. Staring out of the window, he watched the platform end and rooftops begin to slide by. The train picked up speed while he thought of Renee sitting ahead of him a few train cars away. Another ten more minutes passed and he opened the laptop and looked at the blank screen. However, he hadn’t done much more.

  Making a snap decision, he closed the laptop and stood up. Grabbing his bag from the overhead rack, he walked determinately to the car door. Pulling it open, he ignored the Do Not Cross Between Cars While Train is in Motion sign and stepped across the gap. She wasn’t in the next car. Carter kept moving. As he opened the doors, all heads were facing front. He would have to identify Renee from the back.

  Five cars up, he saw her. The morning sun beamed through her dark brown hair adding halos of red highlights. He could have picked her out no matter which direction she faced. The seat next to her was empty. He walked directly to it, tossed his bag on the rack next to hers and dropped into the seat.

  She glanced at him, then did a double take. The book on her lap fell to the floor. Both of them reached for it. Their hands met and Renee quickly pulled hers free.

  “Carter!” she said.

  “Have a nice weekend?” he asked.

  For a long moment, Renee said nothing. She was obviously too surprised at seeing him to speak.

  “With all the seats on this train, why do you want this one?”

  “Time goes by faster when you’re with a friend,” he answered, and offered her the book.

  “Friend? We’re not friends.”

  “Of course we are. You don’t want to toss people out like Kleenex. You’ll find yourself alone in the world.”

  “Maybe I’d prefer that.”

  “Believe me, you wouldn’t. So, did you have a nice weekend? I thought you went back to the city Friday night, but I see you had company.”

  “Do you really want to say that and leave yourself open for the obvious reply?”

  “That you didn’t go back Friday?” he asked.

  “That there are a lot of things you don’t know about me?”

  “We can fix that,” he said.

  “We can’t,” Renee contradicted. “But for the record, I had a wonderful weekend. Your parents were gracious to invite me. They’ve always been very nice to me, especially when your father still ran the business.”

  Carter felt the obvious barb she’d thrown. “He speaks well of you. In fact, he wondered if you were back at Hampshire Publications.”

  “Does he still come into the office once in a while?” Renee asked.

  “He says he doesn’t want to step on my toes. And that he enjoys sitting by the ocean and letting other people do the work.”

  “I doubt that. He was always so active.”

  “He still is. He got a job at the local newspaper, one of the free ones, and writes a weekly column on business. And he’s taken up tennis and golf.”

  “Exercise is probably good for him.”

  Carter nodde
d. “His doctor suggested he get into a routine.”

  “What about you? Are you still swimming?”

  “I got some laps in while I was there. I go to the fitness club several times a week and swim.” Carter had been on the swim team in college and he still enjoyed the pool.

  “What about you, after the party? Did you get in any exercise?” He hated the way that sounded.

  Renee smiled. “I did,” she said. “In fact, I got a lot in.”

  “With...” He stopped the question. “What did you do?”

  “We ran along the beach”

  “We?” he interrupted.

  “Roger and I, the man who came to the party with me.”

  Carter nodded. “Does he live on the Island?”

  “He has a house there. It was very relaxing to spend the weekend by the sea. I hope to do it more often.”

  “Did Roger invite you back?” Carter hated the way he talked about the man she’d been seeing. He wanted to know about him, but then he didn’t.

  “Roger is a biomedical researcher. I’m considering investing in his business.”

  “That could be very risky. You could lose your entire investment.”

  “I know, but Roger would take care of me,” Renee said. She tossed her head and pushed her hair away from her face. It was curly and Carter wanted to run his hands through it. He knew it was thick and silky and he could get just as much tangled in it as he could in her. He wondered what she meant by Roger would take care of her. Was he doing that now? Did she need someone to take care of her? Why hadn’t she turned to him?

  Carter knew why. He knew that he’d left her almost standing at the altar. They weren’t engaged. They hadn’t gotten that far, at least not with spoken words, but they knew they’d crossed the line. And that was when Carter had decided to end things. He was leaving and he didn’t want any entanglements behind. He never expected to feel so strongly for Renee, especially when he knew he would be gone in weeks.

  But the fire between them flared, then raged out of control. Telling her he didn’t want to see her anymore was the hardest thing he’d ever had to say. Now seeing her, being within reach of her and not being able to say what he wanted, to touch her, hold her, make love to her was tearing him apart.

  The train reached Penn Station in New York faster than he thought possible. Passengers got to their feet, preparing to disembark. How could he keep Renee from leaving? He didn’t want to part from her. He wanted to stay near her, even if he couldn’t touch or hold her. He still wanted her around.

  “Do you have a car waiting?” Carter asked.

  “I’m taking a taxi,” she said. “I only have a small bag. Everything else I left at Roger’s.”

  The mention of the man’s name pierced him as surely as a switchblade knife would have. What kind of relationship did she have with him? Carter swallowed his retort on what he thought of Roger.

  They exited the train together. Throngs of people spilled out of the train and headed in all directions. Some scrambled to make connections. Others headed for the New York Subway System. Some rushed outside to catch an available taxi. Carter focused on keeping up with Renee.

  “Here, let me take that for you.” Carter took her backpack before she could refuse. She couldn’t ditch him if he had her makeup and jewelry. He was sure that’s what she carried. He wasn’t sure that green gown she’d worn was inside, but whatever was there was valuable to her and she’d want it back.

  Renee looked at him suspiciously, but allowed him to keep the bag.

  “How do you find being back in a place where people are always moving? Tourists never stop coming, no matter the weather and there are crowds everywhere. I guess it’s a lot different from the streets of Princeton, NJ.”

  “Every city is different,” Renee said. “I like New York with all the things you mentioned. I also have a house in Princeton that I kept. So if the crowds, tourists and anyone else...” she glanced at him when she said that “...gets in my way, I have a sanctuary.”

  “Do you think you need a sanctuary?”

  “You never know. After all, this is a very big city. I might need some place to relax.”

  They reached the escalator leading up to Seventh Avenue. A car was waiting by the curb. Carter went straight for it. He opened the door and stood back for her to get in. Renee looked at the taxi stand and the long line of people waiting.

  “I’ll take you wherever you need to go,” Carter said.

  “It’s out of your way. I’ll take my backpack and be gone.”

  She reached for it. Her hand touched the strap and Carter turned to face her. Someone bumped into them, pushing them closer together.

  “You’re not so scared of being alone with me that you can’t accept the offer of a ride, are you?”

  “Of course I’m not afraid of you. I wonder that you want to be in the area with me.”

  She stepped around him and slid into the back seat. Carter knew she had no idea how much he wanted to be in the same place with her.

  * * *

  Renee gave him her address and the driver pulled away from the curb. As much as she chided Carter, she was nervous of him. Her body was hot and she could feel a stream of sweat rolling between her breasts. The car was air conditioned, but it couldn’t keep up with her personal furnace. The drive was amazingly short.

  The driver opened the door and Renee slid out without answering his question. Carter came out behind her.

  “I’m all right, Carter. There’s no need for you to come. The door is barely ten feet away and it’s broad daylight.”

  “It would insult my mother’s teachings if I didn’t see you safely inside.”

  Renee looked up at him. He was clearly the most handsome man she’d ever seen. “Does that mean you need to check every room inside to make sure no terrorists or ninjas have eluded my alarm system in the last three days?”

  “Only if you think it’s necessary.”

  Chapter 5

  Wanda and Pete arrived in the bridal department at the same time the next morning.

  Renee looked at Pete with concern. “You look like you didn’t sleep at all last night,” she said.

  “I didn’t,” he said.

  “Why not?” Wanda ask. “We don’t launch for a while. If you can’t sleep now, by the time we get there, you’ll be a nervous wreck.”

  “I’m already a wreck. Did you pick up a magazine on your way in today?” Pete asked Renee.

  She shook her head. She usually did. She knew exactly when the new magazines hit the newsstands. And she was often there to get a first copy. Today, she’d been a little preoccupied. It wasn’t that she didn’t sleep well. She’d hadn’t been thinking about the magazine. Carter was on her mind.

  Pete lifted a copy of the current issue of Hampshire Bridal he was holding and slid it across the desk. Renee picked it up.

  “Beautiful isn’t it?”

  She gasped at the cover. Coming forward in her chair, she pulled the magazine closer. Opening it, she leafed through the pages. Color drained from her face.

  “I know,” Wanda said. “It’s gorgeous. I had the same reaction.”

  Renee’s reaction was different. She recognized a lot about it. It was different in some places, but for the most part, Renee was familiar with the layout. Why was it here? There were only so many ways to put people on a page, and Hampshire did own this layout. There was no reason they couldn’t use it. Renee was just surprised to see it.

  By the time she left work that night, she was still thinking about Hampshire Bridal. Going to a newsstand, she panned the array of copies like the one she was taking home with her. Laying it on the coffee table in her living room, she found it staring at her each time she passed. She had to find the truth. When she’d moved to Princeton, she’d put a
lot of her things in storage. She had yet to get them out and unpack them. She couldn’t get a physical copy or a previous magazine, but she might be able to find the CD where she’d saved the files.

  It took her two hours to find it in one of the boxes that was still unpacked and sitting in her would-be home office as soon as she had time to organize it. The files were over three years old and the program that had created them had been updated several times since. She hoped it would open.

  Renee put the CD in the disc drive and waited. Finally it opened and she watched the screen. Looking back and forth between the computer and the book on her desk, she saw the similarity. More than similarity. If there was such a thing as plagiarizing a previous issue, Hampshire had done it. And done it with a past layout that she had designed.

  Sighing, Renee knew there was nothing she could say or do about it. She’d been employed at Hampshire when she created it. And it belonged to them to do with what they wished. But why were they recycling a previous spread? And why were they making it so obvious that they had done little to disguise it.

  The next time she saw Blair, she would ask. Then Renee thought better of it. It was none of her business. If Hampshire wanted to use a previous design and layout, they had every right. And he might think she was trying to take credit for it. It was better to leave it alone. She had Designed for Brides to worry about and there was enough going on there to keep her busy until the launch. She didn’t need to get sidetracked by a misinterpretation with Hampshire.

  After a moment, a smile stole across Renee’s face. They were afraid, she thought. She could hear her own voice as a whisper in her mind. They were afraid of her. The smile widened. Renee lifted the glossy book and looked at it. She could tell their fear had translated into imitation. They couldn’t stop her, couldn’t even discover what she was doing to launch her project, so they were going to match her using her own designs. Suddenly, Renee’s energy level soared as if she’d had a drug infusion.

  Fear was a powerful motivator. Renee saw it in the pages of Hampshire Bridal. And Hampshire had reason to fear. They just didn’t know how much.