Teacher's Pets

by Stephanie Calmenson

  “Of course. It’s my mom,” said Lucie.

  “Hi, Moms!” the girls called together.

  Mrs. Farber put the phone on speaker.

  Lucie’s mom was home from her job teaching at the Little Apple School House.

  Their moms were best friends, just like they were. They were single parents who helped each other out a lot. They also talked on the phone a lot, just like Kate and Lucie.

  “How did you get that scratch on your nose, Lucie?” asked Mrs. Farber.

  “We met a cat in a bad mood,” said Kate.

  “You’d better go wash it and put on a Band-Aid,” said Mrs. Lopez through the speaker.

  “And would you please wash your hands, too?” said Kate’s mom. “Remember, I’m allergic to cats.”

  Kate and Lucie went to do some first aid and wash up. When they came back, their moms were still on the phone.

  “Other than the cat, how was your day?” asked Lucie’s mom.

  “It was pretty wild,” said Kate.

  “So is your hair,” said Kate’s mom. “You must have been in a tornado.”

  “It’s a good thing we’re going to Fast Snips today,” said Mrs. Lopez. “Lucie, your bangs have been getting so long, you look like a shaggy dog.”

  Kate and Lucie looked at each other and burst out laughing.

  “It wasn’t that funny,” said Mrs. Lopez.

  “If she only knew,” whispered Lucie.

  “Come on, girls, we’d better get going,” said Mrs. Farber.

  “I’ll drive,” said Mrs. Lopez.

  They met outside and all four piled into the car.

  “So, why was your day so wild?” asked Mrs. Lopez, as she pulled out of the driveway.

  “Ms. Lu was out. We had a substitute,” said Kate. “You should have seen him!”

  “You should have heard him,” said Lucie.

  Together the girls said, “Har-har-har!”

  “Was he nice?” said Kate’s mom.

  Kate stopped to think.

  “You know, he was,” she said.

  “In a goofy kind of way,” said Lucie.

  They pulled into a parking spot right in front of Fast Snips.

  Kate and Lucie couldn’t believe who they saw. Darleen was walking out with a freshly trimmed ponytail.

  As soon as she saw Kate and Lucie, she said, “Oh, puh-lease! You two even get your hair cut together?”

  “Yes, aren’t we lucky?” said Lucie.

  “More like yucky,” said Darleen.

  “That was pretty snippy,” whispered Kate to Lucie. “Get it? Snippy? Fast Snips?”

  “Come on, girls, Millie and Muriel are waiting,” said Kate’s mom.

  Kate and Lucie each took a seat in front of the big mirror.

  “What have you done to your hair?” asked Muriel, as she tried to comb out Kate’s knots.

  “They were recently in a tornado,” said Mrs. Farber.

  “I can see that,” said Millie, trying to undo Lucie’s tangles.

  Finally Millie and Muriel started cutting. Snip, snip.

  “Eek! Don’t cut my bangs too short,” said Lucie.

  “I haven’t touched them yet,” said Millie.

  “Wait! Watch out for my ear,” said Kate.

  “I’m nowhere near it,” said Muriel.

  “Girls, please let Millie and Muriel do their job,” said Mrs. Lopez.

  “They’ve never given you a haircut you didn’t like,” said Mrs. Farber.

  Snip, snip. The girls didn’t say another word.

  When their haircuts were finished, Kate and Lucie liked what they saw.

  “Thanks, Muriel! Thanks, Millie!” they said.

  Back in the car, the moms started whispering to each other. Kate and Lucie knew something was up.

  “We’ll be going to see Millie and Muriel ourselves,” said Mrs. Farber.

  “Yes, we have to look our best for Saturday lunch,” said Mrs. Lopez.

  “Why? Where are we going?” said Kate.

  “You’re not going anywhere. We are,” said Mrs. Farber.

  “That’s right,” said Mrs. Lopez. “We’re going on a double date.”

  “Really?” said Lucie.

  “Who are you going with?” said Kate.

  “We don’t know. It’s a blind date. A friend set it up for us,” said Mrs. Lopez.

  “You mean you’ve never even seen the guys?” said Lucie.

  “They could be goofy,” said Kate.

  “They could be like Danny and DJ!” said Lucie.

  “Horrors!” said Kate.

  “Now, girls, be nice,” said Lucie’s mom.

  “You don’t know Danny and DJ,” said Kate. “They are extremely annoying!”

  “Well, it’s just one date,” said Mrs. Lopez. “And it’s not with Danny and DJ.”

  “Anyway, the two of us will be together,” said Mrs. Farber. “So whatever happens, we’ll have fun.”

  Lucie and Kate knew just what she meant.

  6

  Hoots and Howls

  The girls thought Ms. Lu would be back at school the next morning. But Mr. Z was there again. He said Ms. Lu would be back on Monday. The first lesson of the day was math. Then the class did some map reading for social studies.

  When they finished social studies, Mr. Z reached under his desk.

  “Can you read this?” he said, pulling out a big poster.

  The poster had one word on it: THIS.

  “Har-har-har,” he laughed.

  The kids started laughing, too.

  Mr. Z reached for another poster. Before holding it up, he said, “We are now going to study advanced philosophical teleology.”

  Huh? The kids stopped laughing and gasped.

  “Har-har-har again! Just kidding,” said Mr. Z.

  The poster he held up said WHAT DO YOU CALL A FISH THAT CHASES MICE?

  “Who knows the answer?” asked Mr. Z.

  “A shark!” called Ben.

  “A mousetrap!” called Sara.

  “A meanie-mo!” called Juan.

  “Har-har-har! Good tries, but I didn’t hear the answer I’m looking for,” said Mr. Z. “Darleen, what do you call a fish that chases mice? Can you read the answer?”

  He turned the poster over so Darleen could see the answer.

  “A catfish!” read Darleen.

  “Har-har-har!” laughed Mr. Z.

  He shared three more funny posters, then said, “After lunch, we’ll get back to studying animal communication.”

  A single tweet came from the back of the room. It was followed by a hee-haw.

  “Uh-oh,” said Kate.

  “Here we go again,” said Lucie.

  In no time, the room was even noisier than the day before. There were the same meows, tweets, hee-haws, ribbits, growls, grunts, hoots, and howls. And now there were moos, chitters, chatters, oinks, and cock-a-doodle-doos.

  Darleen yelled, “Quack-quack!” right in Kate’s and Lucie’s ears.

  Fortunately, the lunch bell rang.

  “What a relief,” said Kate.

  “Let’s go before the stampede,” said Lucie.

  In the lunchroom, Kate and Lucie each grabbed a tray.

  Danny and DJ came up behind them.

  “This food isn’t fit for a dog,” said Danny.

  “I could use a liver snap myself,” Lucie whispered to Kate.

  “Guess what. We have a substitute,” said Kate.

  “We’ve got one, too,” said DJ.

  “Ours is wild,” said Lucie.

  “And funny,” said Kate. “Har-har-har.”

  “Did you say, ‘Har-har-har’?” said Danny.

  “He sounds just like our sub,” said DJ, as the boys walked off.

  “They can’t have the same sub,” said Lucie when they left.

  “It’s not possible,” said Kate.

  “Unless Mr. Z is running back and forth,” said Lucie. “Har-har-har.”

  7

  Dancing Dogs


  At the end of the day, the kids flew out into the school yard.

  “All that animal talk was making me feel waggy,” said Kate.

  “Me too,” said Lucie. “Woof?”

  “Woof!” said Kate.

  They waited till the school yard cleared. Then they ducked into the crawl tunnel in the playground area.

  They turned to face each other, said “Woofa-woof,” and gave high fives. The dog bones on their necklaces lit up. With a pop and a whoosh, two dogs came crawling out of the tunnel wearing silver collars with pink dog bones hanging down.

  Just then, Mr. Z looked out the window. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

  Dogs? In the school yard? That’s not allowed.

  “No way. What a day,” said Mr. Z to himself. “Way, day. That rhymes. Har-har-har.”

  He closed his eyes and shook his head to clear it. When he opened his eyes again, the dogs were gone.

  Kate and Lucie had left the yard and were happily going up one street and down another.

  Boing! All of a sudden, Kate’s tail went straight up in the air, and she took off.

  “Where are you going?” said Lucie.

  “Squirrel alert! Squirrel alert!” called Kate.

  “Leave those poor squirrels alone,” said Lucie.

  “I can’t help it. It’s in my blood!” said Kate.

  Fortunately, it was in the squirrel’s blood to be able to race up a tree to safety.

  Kate slowed down, panting, and they kept going.

  “It’s fun having Mr. Z for a substitute,” said Lucie. “But I miss Ms. Lu.”

  “Me too,” said Kate. “We should buy her a get-well card.”

  “No. Let’s make her one!” said Lucie.

  “We can do it as soon as we’re back to being girls,” said Kate.

  “What will we write?” said Lucie.

  “Let’s make up a poem,” said Kate.

  “How about ‘Achoo! Ms. Lu!’?” said Lucie.

  “That’s a Ms. Lu rhyme. Mr. Z would love it!” said Kate.

  “Har-har-har,” said Lucie. “Let’s keep going.”

  Between sniffing fire hydrants and barking at squirrels, the girls went back and forth till they had a poem they liked.

  Achoo! Ms. Lu!

  We’re sad you have the flu.

  Sneezing is no fun to do.

  While you’re at home, we’re missing you.

  Get well fast. Please do.

  We want you back, Ms. Lu!

  “We can put a heart on the card,” said Lucie.

  “And lots of sparkles,” said Kate.

  Suddenly, they both stopped. There was a mailbox with the name Lu on it. It was in front of a house with a big picture window.

  “Omigosh, look who’s there!” said Kate.

  “It’s our Ms. Lu,” said Lucie. “She looks really sick.”

  Ms. Lu was stretched out on the couch. Her nose was red, and there was a box of tissues by her side. She sneezed.

  “Just like in our poem!” said Lucie.

  “Achoo! Ms. Lu!” the girls said together.

  “She needs cheering up,” said Lucie.

  “And we are just the dogs to do it,” said Kate.

  They trotted onto the lawn and barked a couple of times to get Ms. Lu’s attention.

  “It’s showtime!” said Lucie.

  “Performers, take your places!” said Kate.

  The dogs stood side by side in front of the window. They got on their hind legs and waved their paws up and down. A big smile spread across Ms. Lu’s face.

  “Remember the dancing dogs we once saw at the circus?” said Kate.

  “I do!” said Lucie. “Let’s do it!”

  They began to dance. Hop. Twirl. Dip. Roll over! Hop. Twirl. Dip. Roll over!

  Ms. Lu started to laugh. That made her cough. And cough and cough.

  “Uh-oh. I think we’ve cheered her up enough,” said Lucie.

  “Wait, we need a grand finale,” said Kate.

  They turned around and put their tails together to make a big heart. It was even better than a greeting card.

  Ms. Lu began to clap. Kate and Lucie took their bows. Then they pranced off down the street, with the pink dog bones on their collars twinkling in the sun.

  8

  May We Be Excused?

  Friday morning at school went surprisingly well. Kate and Lucie were settling in at their desks. Kate was lining up her pencil, sharpener, and eraser in a neat row.

  Meanwhile Lucie was looking for a pencil. And looking. And looking. It was hard to find anything in her messy desk.

  “Here, take one of mine,” said Kate, rolling her eyes.

  The morning lessons were spelling and math, and there were hardly any animal noises at all.

  When the class came back after lunch, Mr. Z was standing at the door. He didn’t say a word. He just waved at each kid.

  After everyone had sat down, Mr. Z said, “What was I doing when you came in?”

  “Shooing away a fly?” said Pete. “Bzzzz.”

  Everyone laughed.

  “Har-har-har. Nice try,” said Mr. Z. “I was using body language to say hello. What would I do if I were an elephant?”

  The kids raised their arms in the air like trunks. Of course, they started trumpeting, too.

  “Here we go again,” said Kate.

  “How would I say hello if I were a dog?” said Mr. Z.

  “Now he’s talking our language,” Lucie whispered.

  Some kids started barking.

  Pete and Ben got up, turned around, and wagged hello with their behinds.

  “Dogs say lots of things with their tails,” Lucie called out. “Not just hello. Sometimes the tail says stay away.”

  “Sometimes it says I’m scared,” said Kate.

  “Tails are very talkative,” said Lucie.

  “How do you two know?” whispered Darleen. “I bet you don’t even have dogs.”

  “Grrrr,” Lucie growled under her breath.

  “You’re just know-it-alls,” said Darleen.

  Lucie and Kate looked at each other. Then Lucie wrote on a piece of paper: WOOF?

  Kate read it and wrote back: WOOF!

  She raised her hand and said, “May I please be excused?”

  “Yes, you may,” said Mr. Z.

  Darleen whispered to herself, “One … two … three.”

  On three, Lucie raised her hand and said, “May I please be excused?”

  “Oh, I am so surprised,” whispered Darleen as Mr. Z gave Lucie the okay.

  Kate and Lucie met in the girls’ bathroom.

  “Quick! Before someone comes!” said Lucie.

  “Woofa-woof!” they said together and gave each other high fives.

  Two seconds later, the door opened. A fifth-grade girl walked in and almost tripped over two dogs.

  One was shaggy and ginger-colored. The other was smooth and white with spots.

  As the dogs slipped out the door, they saw the girl shake her head and heard her say, “No way. I did not just see two dogs in the bathroom. I did not!”

  9

  Teacher’s Pets

  Back in the classroom, Mr. Z was talking about dogs’ ears.

  “When the ears are back, it may mean the dog is scared,” he said.

  Kate and Lucie slunk into the room with their ears back.

  “When the ears are up, the dog is at attention,” said Mr. Z.

  Kate and Lucie stood tall and perked up their ears.

  The class began to cheer.

  Mr. Z had his back to the door and didn’t know there were dogs in his room.

  “I’m glad you’re enjoying the lesson,” he said to the class.

  “Wow, Mr. Z! You brought in real dogs!” said Pete.

  “You’re the best substitute ever!” said Sara.

  All the excitement made Mr. Z turn around. That’s when he saw Kate and Lucie panting and wagging.

  “Um, er, ah, well…” Mr. Z didn’t know what to s
ay.

  Then the kids began to clap.

  “Yay, Mr. Z!” they called.

  “Thank you, thank you,” said Mr. Z. “I should take a bow. I mean a bow-wow! Har-har-har.”

  Kate and Lucie waited to hear what Mr. Z would say next.

  “When dogs are nervous, they often yawn,” said Mr. Z.

  Kate and Lucie showed the class how it was done.

  “When dogs are happy and excited, they sometimes sneeze,” said Mr. Z.

  Kate and Lucie sneezed happily.

  “These dogs are really smart,” said Julia.

  “They are totally cute, too,” said Sara.

  Kids started running up to pet the dogs. When Kate and Lucie saw the whole class coming at them, they slunk down and tucked their tails between their legs.

  “Look, you’re scaring them!” said Darleen.

  She stood up and said, “Class, sit!”

  Something about the serious way she said it and the way her face looked made the kids run back to their seats.

  Darleen turned to Kate and Lucie and said gently, “You’re okay now.”

  Kate and Lucie went to Darleen and nuzzled their noses into her hands.

  “Good dogs,” said Darleen, petting them.

  “You really know how to handle dogs,” Mr. Z said to Darleen.

  “I have two dogs,” said Darleen. “I also have three cats, four hamsters, five fish, and—”

  Just then the bell rang. Kate and Lucie made a run for it.

  “To the tunnel!” whispered Lucie.

  The dogs ran out to the yard and into the crawl tunnel. They said “Woofa-woof!” and tapped their paws together.

  Woofa-wow! By the time the rest of the kids came out, Kate and Lucie were girls again.

  “Did you see the dogs?” said Ben.

  “Dogs? What dogs?” said Kate.

  “The dogs that were in our class!” said Sara.

  “There were dogs in class?” said Lucie.

  “Oh right, you weren’t in the room,” said Julia.

  “You missed everything!” said Pete.

  The kids all started talking at once. More kids were coming from other classes.

  Kate and Lucie went out the gate with smiles on their faces and their dog-bone necklaces twinkling in the sun.

  10

  Two Dogs, Three Cats …