Diamonds or Donuts

by Lucie Ulrich

  “In all fairness, you did give him a lot to think about.”

  Ice daggers shot from her eyes. “You’re on his side now? I tell you I’m still in love with him and ready to forget about whatever might have been between you and me, and you’re defending him?”

  Other than the day on the beach when he’d said more than he should have about Logan and Sarah’s relationship, Kevin had never seen her angry. He couldn’t come close to imagining how many different emotions were whirling through that beautiful head of hers.

  “I’m not defending him. I’m simply—”

  “What? You’re simply what, Kevin?”

  Kevin held up his hands in surrender. “At this point I think it’s best if I keep my mouth shut, because I’m obviously doing more harm than good.” When the car stopped at another red light, he turned to her. “Want me to get out? I’m sure Mike would be happy to come get me.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I put up with you this long. I can manage the rest of the way.”

  Without meaning to, Kevin laughed. “Ouch.” He hugged his side, but kept laughing. “I’m sorry. I know there’s nothing funny about this.”

  The light changed and Sarah stepped on the gas harder than need be, causing him to lurch. She peered his way and offered a half smile. “That’s for being a jerk.”

  He shrugged. “I’m a guy. It seems to come with the territory.”

  Her smile grew into a slight chuckle. “Your words, not mine.”

  “I’m really am sorry, Sarah.”

  “I know you are, and I appreciate it.” They passed the school, and onto Main Street. “You’re too nice for your own good. You must always play the good cop part during interrogations.”

  “That tactic isn’t used as often as is portrayed on TV shows. In truth, we’ve never used it. But I appreciate the compliment.”

  Sarah pulled into his driveway and put the car in park. “I want to apologize for snapping at you back there.”

  “It’s okay.” He brushed some damp hair from her cheek. “Will you call me after Logan leaves?”

  “I don’t think so.” She sucked in both lips before speaking again. Her gaze remained trained on his garage door. “I chose Logan over you, and even if he decides he can’t forgive me, I can’t come running back to you. You deserve to be someone’s first choice, not their second.”

  “Even if you’re my first choice?”

  She shook her head. “It might be best if you get out now.”

  He was being stupid, pushing her this way. This was not the time to state his case. She knew where he stood. “Sure. Thanks for the ride.” He opened the car door and grunted his way to a standing position, then leaned down before closing the door. Tears dripped down her face, and he couldn’t think of a single thing to say that might make her feel better.

  Shutting the door, he watched her drive off. “It’s not over, Sarah Alexander. I don’t give up that easily.”

  ****

  Sarah tossed her keys into the bowl by the front door and schlepped to the couch. She kicked off her sandals and lay down. Her tears had dried, and she refused to shed another one—at least until she found out how things played out tomorrow.

  She shut her eyes and came close to drifting off when her phone rang. “That had better not be you, Kevin.” Sitting up, Sarah dug her phone from her pocket. Her heart hitched. She connected. “Logan, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you until tomorrow.”

  “I know. It wasn’t until a few minutes ago that I realized I still had your keys. I wanted to make sure you were home before I brought them by.”

  “I have another set. You can give them to me tomorrow.”

  “Are you sure? It’s no problem for me to run them over to you. I won’t stay or anything.”

  An odd feeling niggled at the back of Sarah’s mind. Something was off. A short time ago he couldn’t get away fast enough, so why was he in such a hurry to return something she wasn’t in immediate need of, then scurry away again? “I don’t know, Logan. After the way you left me, I’m not sure it would be in either of our best interests to meet face-to-face this soon. I think it might be better to wait until tomorrow.”

  “Oh, okay, then. Why don’t I stop by your place say around eight?”

  “Fine, I’ll see you then.”

  Sarah disconnected and reclined on the couch. The day replayed in her mind on a never-ending loop. Had she said the right things? Seemed sorry enough? Made it clear that she loved Logan enough to work things out, and most importantly that she’d chosen him over Kevin?

  Tired of thinking about it, Sarah sat up. “Enough already. Stop moping and do something.” She went into the kitchen and fixed a chicken salad sandwich, which she took out onto the fire escape. With her feet propped up on the rail and the sounds of children’s laughter coming from the park, Sarah relaxed for the first time all day—if only for the time it took her to eat her sandwich.

  In an attempt to keep her mind free from thoughts of men and relationships, Sarah threw herself into housework. It wasn’t enough to dust and vacuum; she also emptied the dishwasher, changed her sheets, and did two loads of laundry.

  Her mother called at dusk, and Sarah filled her in on the day’s events, down to her conversation with Kevin.

  “Are you sure that’s what you want, honey? It doesn’t sound to me like Kevin is going to give up as easily as you think.”

  Tears filled Sarah’s eyes and tension knotted her shoulders. She loved her mother with all her heart, but the woman was like a dog with a bone, and for whatever reason, getting Sarah together with Kevin appeared to be her mother’s latest project.

  “I agree, Mom, but in the same way I’m not ready to give up on Logan. Despite everything, I still love him. Maybe I’m crazy, and maybe I’ll get hurt more than I already have been, but I can’t toss the last nine months away without a fight.”

  “All right, sweetheart. Your father and I will do all we can to see you through whatever happens. Take it day by day, or moment by moment, whatever you need. God knows what’s best. Listen to his leading, and you’ll come out a winner.”

  Coming out a winner sounded wrong when one or more of them would soon be a loser. “I will, Mom, but now I’m going to take a long, hot bath, read for a while, then go to bed. Love you. I’ll call tomorrow.”

  “Love you, too, sweetheart.”

  The evening dragged on for Sarah. She turned off her bedroom light a little shy of ten o’clock. If only her mind could be turned off as easily.

  Sleep came in waves, and by four thirty, she’d had enough. Dragging herself from bed, Sarah padded into the living room and turned on the television. She plopped onto the couch and curled up under the same blanket she’d covered Logan with not that long ago. Tucking her arm under the throw pillow, her hand brushed against something unfamiliar. She lifted the pillow and found the small khaki satchel Logan had carried in with him when he first arrived.

  It was too dark to see well by the light of the TV, so Sarah sat up and turned on the closest lamp. Embroidered on the front were the initials LM. Her fingers lingered on the flap. Did she have any right to look through Logan’s personal property? Probably not. Was she going to? Without a doubt.

  Sarah tugged at the Velcro closure, lifted the flap, and peered inside. She pulled out a spiral notebook and pen, a mystery novel—something they had in common, and a leather passport holder. Could this be why he was anxious to come over? But if so, why not just tell her he’d left it behind?

  She slipped his passport from one side of the holder and flipped through it. Running her thumb over his picture, she smiled. The man never took a bad picture. He had at least a dozen stamps, where her passport had one from a trip to Mexico. Adding more had always been her goal.

  His return ticket was on the other side. There was nothing out of the ordinary to warrant her suspicions about Logan’s earlier phone call. While returning the items to the satchel, the paperback slipped from her fingers and landed on the area rug. When s
he retrieved it, a piece of paper fluttered to the floor.

  Reaching for it, Sarah felt the blood drain from her face. The paper was a photograph of Logan with some woman in his arms. She studied their faces and body position. This wasn’t a friendly side hug with his arm draped over her shoulder and a smile for the camera. This was an arm around her waist, a hand to her cheek, and a smile only for her. She wore similar clothes to Logan: khaki pants, long-sleeved shirt, and boots. It was obvious they were more than mere coworkers.

  There was no telling how long Sarah sat on the couch staring at that picture. Her heart wasn’t as much broken as it was bruised. She’d laid it all on the line yesterday, yet Logan hadn’t said a word about this woman. Eight o’clock couldn’t come soon enough.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  The theme music from the local morning news show roused Sarah from a restless sleep. She tossed the blanket aside and picked up the photo sitting on the coffee table. After one last look, she put the picture back in the book, shut the satchel, and stuffed it back under the pillow.

  A hot shower helped ease her tired muscles, but did nothing to clear her mind or wash away the ache in her heart. She didn’t want to overreact before giving Logan a chance to explain, but from her viewpoint, the picture pretty much spoke for itself.

  Thirty minutes later, dressed in a pair of denim capris and a sleeveless button-down blouse, Sarah entered the kitchen, pulled four eggs from the refrigerator, and cracked them into a bowl. Adding a little milk and some salt and pepper, she whisked them to a froth. “Might be a little overkill, girl.” The buzzer sounded. Sarah set the eggs aside and hurried to peek out her living room window. Logan stood on the street. It was time for truth. She opened her front door, and buzzed the bottom one open. “Come on up, Logan.” Hurrying to the couch, Sarah sat next to the pillow hiding the satchel.

  Moments later, Logan stood in her doorway, wearing jeans and a tight T-shirt, not the usual casual dress pants and polo shirt she was used to seeing him in. He hesitated before stepping inside. “Hi.”

  “Hi. You can set the keys in that bowl to your left.”

  He dug them out of his pocket and did as she requested, never taking his eyes off her. “Do you want the door open or closed?”

  “Closed is good.” She fluffed the pillow before standing. “I’ll have the eggs ready in a few minutes. You can stay in here, or join me in the kitchen.”

  Logan followed her through the dining room. “Are you okay?”

  She glanced over her shoulder. “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know. You seem different today, a little cold even.”

  She made a full turn and crossed her arms in front of herself. “Oh, and how do you think I should be acting?”

  He raked a hand through his hair. “I don’t know, but after your confession yesterday, I figured you’d be a little more…concerned.”

  “Yesterday I was concerned. Today I’m curious.”

  “I’m not following you.”

  “She’s very pretty.” Without waiting for his response, Sarah moved into the kitchen and pulled a frying pan from the cabinet next to the stove.

  Logan stepped into the kitchen, a scowl on his face. He propped a hip against the counter. “You went through my private stuff?”

  “Is that really the best you’ve got?” Sarah banged the pan onto the stove, and then stopped to take a breath. “Who is she? And please don’t play dumb, Logan. I want the truth.”

  His drawn brows and tight lips relaxed. “She’s a fellow archeologist. We met on the dig and soon discovered we had a lot in common.”

  A lot in common? With nothing but work and dark, quiet nights, Sarah could only imagine how much they’d learned about each other. “Are you in love with her?”

  He shrugged. “We’ve become very close in the last few months.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me yesterday?” Despite the pain that threatened to swallow her whole, Sarah refused to cry or yell. She needed to understand. “We could have talked about it, maybe even laughed about it. Instead, you let me go on and on, baring my soul and asking for forgiveness, while you showed nothing but anger. I don’t understand.”

  “I’d planned to tell you. I swear it.” Logan’s voice softened. He approached and took hold of both of her hands. “It was obvious something was bothering you, so I let you go first. When you told me there was another guy in your life, it was like a knife to my heart.”

  “Wait.” Sarah pulled her hands free. “A knife to your heart? You’re involved with another woman, but my admission was a knife to your heart? Who are you kidding here?”

  “I know it sounds ridiculous, but please hear me out.”

  Sarah let out an impatient breath. He wouldn’t listen yesterday, but expected her to listen now. Then again, she was seeking the truth. “Far be it from me to not give you a chance to speak your piece.”

  “When your indiscretion was followed by your willingness to give the guy up for good, I got to thinking about Kathy.”

  The corners of Logan’s mouth rose into the beautiful smile Sarah loved so much. The one she’d hoped to wake up to every morning. Stay on track, Sarah. She took a step back. “What about Kathy?”

  His smile grew. “What if my attraction to her was simply a result of me missing you, just like you were missing me? I had to process that for a while, which is why I went back to the hotel.”

  Sarah’s head spun. “I still don’t understand. If we were both feeling the same way, then why not simply tell me?”

  “Don’t you get it? From the remorse you showed, I knew we’d make up, so there seemed to be no need to bring Kathy into the picture. I figured I’d go back to Egypt and make sure what I felt for her was the real deal. If it turned out it was just a passing fancy, then I’d end it with Kathy and you and I could get on with our lives the way we’d planned.”

  Sarah’s breath caught, and she had to force air into her lungs. “And if it turns out to be the real deal? Then what?”

  He took a tentative step forward. “I don’t think it is. After seeing you again, and taking the time to think things through, I started re-evaluating Kathy’s and my relationship.” He reached out to caress her cheek, but Sarah sidestepped him. “Babe, let’s get past this.”

  “How can I move past this when you think it’s okay to keep secrets from me?”

  “I only did it to keep you from getting hurt.”

  “Getting hurt?” Sarah yelled. “That’s got to be one of the lamest excuses I’ve ever heard. You weren’t thinking of me.” She poked him in the chest. “You were thinking of yourself and how I’d just saved you from having to admit to something you’d been keeping from me.”

  “Come on, babe. Let’s not make more of this than need be. It’s all out in the open now. Let’s move on, weigh all our options, and see what happens.”

  “I can’t believe this. Do you honestly think it’s okay to string people along like that? People aren’t options, Logan. Nor are they pawns in whatever crazy game you’re playing.”

  “Babe…”

  “Stop calling me babe.” She paced across the small kitchen. “Does Kathy know about me?”

  His jaw twitched the way it did whenever he was angry. “Not yet.”

  “Are you planning on telling her?”

  “Guess that depends on how this conversation progresses.”

  This whole conversation was surreal. How had she never seen this side of him before? She’d been honest. He’d kept secrets. She’d fought her attraction to Kevin. He’d pursued another woman.

  Sarah stormed into the living room, retrieved his belongings and shoved them into his hands. “As far as I’m concerned, this conversation is over, and so are we.”

  “Babe…”

  “I told you to stop calling me that.” She slid the ring from her finger and slapped it into his palm. “Here’s your ring. And here’s the breakfast I promised you.” Grabbing the bowl of eggs from the counter, Sarah dumped it over his head.
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  The wide-eyed, stunned look on his face was almost comical. He sputtered while wiping egg from his face. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “Not a thing. I haven’t felt this good in months.” She pushed him toward the back door. “I’d prefer if you left this way to keep from tracking a mess through the apartment.”

  Logan wiped the tip of his nose with the back of his hand. “At least let me wash up first.”

  “There’s a hose out back. I’m sure Antonio won’t mind if you use it.” Opening the kitchen door, Sarah shoved him onto the fire escape. “Goodbye, Logan.” With a firm hand, she slammed the door and locked it.

  ****

  Six hours later, Sarah sat in her mother’s kitchen. In keeping with her new motto, this wasn’t something she cared to talk about over the telephone. Besides, this was Saturday, which meant fried chicken for dinner, and Sarah was in need of some serious comfort food.

  Her mother dropped a thigh into the batter with a thud. “You poured eggs over his head?”

  “Too extreme?”

  Lorraine laughed so hard she had to sit down. “Not from where I’m sitting.” Her eyes quickly softened to the concerned motherly ones Sarah knew so well. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

  “I will be. I have no doubt breaking up with Logan was the right thing to do, but I think it’s going to sting for a while.”

  “What about Kevin? Have you told him?”

  “Mom, I already told you I have no intention of running to Kevin.”

  “You’re right.” Lorraine stood and went back to preparing dinner. “No need to rush into anything. You and Kevin have plenty of time.”

  Lack of sleep, combined with the two hour drive, caught up with Sarah. She no longer wanted to talk or think. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to go upstairs and take a nap before dinner.”