Family Values

by AnDerecco

  The anger started to build up in me. I wanted to take his pillow and place over his face and put him out of his misery but my heart would not let me do it. The more his spoke, the more I could feel the knife turning in my heart.

  DWIGHT

  Grandfather …

  GRANDFATHER DAVIS

  This is something that I have always wanted to say. Now don’t stop me. I could not put you in my will. Your grandmother would meet me on the other side and kill me. I want you to look in that closet and get that bag out of the corner.

  I did not want him to see me wipe the tears from my eyes. So as I walked to the closet I made sure that he could not see my face. When I opened the closet I reached for a bag. It was a heavy black bag that was tucked in the far corner of the closet. I grabbed the bag by the straps and took it to him.

  DWIGHT

  Is this what you wanted Grandfather?

  GRANDFATHER DAVIS

  I want you to take that bag and don’t tell anyone that I gave it to you. Never tell anyone what is in it.

  DWIGHT

  Grandfather, may I ask you something?

  GRANDFATHER DAVIS

  What?

  DWIGHT

  Is the reason you and Grandmother hate me so much is because your son is not my father?

  He turned his head to the other side of the bed. I walked around because I wanted to look him in the eyes.

  DWIGHT

  Did you have my mother killed?

  Grandfather coughed and turned his head again.

  DWIGHT

  Did you kill my mother?

  GRANDFATHER DAVIS

  Your mother was abducted and held for ransom. They killed her when I would not give them everything they requested.

  DWIGHT

  Grandfather I can’t believe that. You thought Landon wasn’t a Cove like me. You and Grandmother would have done anything to keep this family’s name clear. You had her abducted and killed.

  GRANDFATHER DAVIS

  I think that it is best that you take that bag and leave right now boy. Now when I come back to get Ella I will have my ear next to the dirt. I don’t want to hear you up there dancing because we are gone.

  I picked the bag up from the foot of his bed. I looked at him and shock my head. I could not believe what he said by not speaking.

  4

  I exit the back of the house and placed the bag in my trunk. When I slammed it closed my baby brother surprised me from behind. I jumped as I turned around. We hugged each other and I gave him a kiss on the jaw.

  LANDON

  When did you get in?

  DWIGHT

  I have been here for a while. I just visited with Grandfather.

  LANDON

  Did Grandmother speak to you?

  DWIGHT

  No. No she didn’t.

  LANDON

  Well she is just upset that you left years ago and didn’t come back. You know that they didn’t want you to leave and move north.

  DWIGHT

  Landon it is deeper than that.

  Landon looked at me with confusion on his face.

  LANDON

  You know that this family has always been secretive. I always felt that you all tried to keep a lot from me.

  DWIGHT

  A lot of it was best that you didn’t know.

  Madison came out of the house. She was wiping her eyes. Landon and I raced over to her.

  MADISON

  He is gone. I guess he was waiting on you to get here Dwight.

  Landon and I walked into the house. Grandmother was sitting beside Grandfather’s bed on the phone. As soon as she placed the phone on the receiver she looked over at me.

  GRANDMOTHER ELLA

  Dwight I want you to know that you are not in the will. So if you want to leave and go back to Seattle – you can.

  LANDON

  Grandmother!

  DWIGHT

  No Landon. Don’t say anything. Her mind is made up that she doesn’t want me here.

  I walked over to my grandfather and kissed him. I kneeled down in front of Grandmother Ella. I placed my hand on her knee.

  DWIGHT

  Well since Grandfather is gone I guess we can let everything out. Landon, I am your half brother. Grandmother here has hated me for so long for not being a Cove by blood. After you were born your grandparents had our mother killed because they thought that she was having another outside child. They could not allow any outside children to come in and steal what they had built.

  LANDON

  Is this true?

  Before Grandmother could answer, Madison walked in. Grandmother noticed her and requested that she remove me from the room. I could not believe how much she hated me because Bobby wasn’t my father.

  Madison, Landon and I walked into the kitchen. I pulled a chair from the table and flopped down. Landon wiped away the tears that streamed down his face.

  MADISON

  What was said?

  DWIGHT

  I told Landon the truth about why your grandparents hated me so much.

  MADISON

  Why did you do that? It was best that he didn’t know.

  LANDON

  So all of this is true?

  MADISON

  Landon, forget everything you heard. We are all family. We are Coves. Nothing will ever change that.

  DWIGHT

  Maddie, do you know who my real father is?

  Madison opened the refrigerator ignoring me. I got up and slammed it closed. Madison jumped when she turned to me.

  MADISON

  No! I don’t.

  DWIGHT

  But you knew that Grandfather and Grandmother did not care for me because of all of this.

  LANDON

  What about our mom? You two knew her. Was she killed by Grandfather?

  Before anyone could answer him, the doorbell rang. Madison exited to answer the door.

  Moments later I walked into the foyer to go into the living area. As soon as I stepped in, the paramedics were rolling my grandfather out on a stretcher. My heart was racing and I almost dropped my soda when I saw his body covered.

  Grandmother was a few feet behind with a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. Madison was walking with the nurse that had sat with Grandfather while he was home.

  I was mixed with emotions. This man that I called “Grandfather” was no longer with us. This man that I called “Grandfather” told me to my face that I was a bastard child. This man that I called “Grandfather” exiled me from his will.

  LANDON

  Dwight…what do we do now?

  DWIGHT

  Baby brother, we live.

  LANDON

  How are you feeling?

  DWIGHT

  To be honest, I don’t know.

  LANDON

  Are you going to stay?

  DWIGHT

  Yes. Out of respect I must.

  Madison walked back into the house. She explained that she was going with grandmother to the funeral home to make the arrangements. I told her that I was going to get a room for the rest of my stay. Madison begged me not to do that. She said that she would talk with grandmother about me staying at the ranch.

  I did not want her to waste her time. Grandmother was in a fragile state and she would not make a rational decision right now. I didn’t want to put added stress on her.

  5

  As I lay in my hotel room staring at the ceiling I pondered what the future would hold with Grandfather being gone. I replayed everything that he told me on his deathbed. I could but I chose not about to pass judgment on him. Grandfather was a good man for his family.

  I picked up my phone to call Brian. As soon as I pressed the speed dial button – betrayal leaped into my head. My thoughts were on the kiss that I shared with Patrick. It was wrong for me to kiss him. But it felt so familiar. How could I betray my lover of two years? I felt so alone, and loneliness is the worst feeling any person can feel. Who could I call and talk to about everyt
hing that I was feeling inside? I have had this feeling so many times before. I found myself thinking, saying, and doing all kinds of things that I wouldn’t ordinarily do. I confess that being lonely has caused me to drink, smoke, and fuck more than I care to think about.

  Admittedly, I no longer practice the same coping strategies that I once did; however, like Janet Jackson says; at times I get so lonely. The craziest part about the sporadic bouts of loneliness in my life is that many times I struggle with the feelings while being in a healthy relationship, in the presence of my siblings, or being surrounded by friends.

  In hindsight I now understand that I get lonely not because I don’t have people present in my life - I get lonely because I do not always take the time to be present for myself. Sometimes I forget who I am.

  In other words I am the only one who can examine, touch, accept, or reject any feelings of loneliness that I face.

  Yes it sounds corny but self-love is an essential skill one must acquire when transitioning from young adulthood to adulthood. I didn’t learn to like and love the person I knew I was. I have found that many of my friends, especially my gay ones, are constantly complaining about how lonely they are and how tired they are of being by themselves. I have stopped asking certain people “How are you?” because I already know the broken record of how they just want somebody!

  Some people literally don’t even allow themselves to be single for more than a week before they are beating the dead horse looking at those same profiles on A4A, BGC, Grindr, Jack’d or the likes hoping that they will find someone new to be with. It is so pathetic. Then once they “catch” someone that’s all they talk about- #teamTaken, my boo, I’m so in love- yadda, yadda, yadda.

  I picked up my phone to call Brian.

  BRIAN

  Hello.

  DWIGHT

  How are you?

  BRIAN

  I am good, just fixing me something to eat.

  DWIGHT

  Oh okay. What did you cook?

  BRIAN

  Baked chicken, yellow rice, broccoli and cheese, and I baked a sour cream pound cake.

  DWIGHT

  Baby, you know that I love your cakes.

  BRIAN

  You are so crazy.

  DWIGHT

  I am talking about the ones that you bake. I hope you save me some.

  BRIAN

  Yeah sure, I know that Mr. Cove. How about I save you a slice?

  DWIGHT

  I want more than a slice.

  BRIAN

  Okay. How is your family?

  DWIGHT

  They are all good. I came and got a room to stay in while I am here.

  BRIAN

  Why don’t you stay with your family?

  DWIGHT

  Long story.

  BRIAN

  I am here to listen. You know…that is one thing that kills me with you. Your family business has always been so personal and private with you. I asked you before about certain things and you change the subject.

  DWIGHT

  I promise that I will tell you everything once I come to grips with it myself.

  BRIAN

  You know I love you right?

  DWIGHT

  Do you know I love you more? You are the only thing that I can really call my own. I am forever grateful to you and for you.

  BRIAN

  Dwight, tell me what’s wrong. I can hear it in your tone.

  DWIGHT

  I kissed another man today.

  I didn’t know what to expect when I blurted that out. I waited on hearing him hang up. I waited on him screaming. But there was nothing.

  DWIGHT

  Brian, are you there?

  BRIAN

  Yeah, I am here. I am just trying to process what I heard you say. Who was it?

  DWIGHT

  When I was driving here from the airport I stopped by an old friend’s house. I met his wife and child. He walked me to the deer shed and it went from there.

  BRIAN

  Did you have sex with him?

  DWIGHT

  No. I promise you that I didn’t.

  BRIAN

  Okay. That’s cool. Did the kiss mean anything to you?

  DWIGHT

  At first it did…

  BRIAN

  Bye.

  Suddenly I was alone again. He ended the call so quickly that I could not explain myself. I knew that I should not have told him. But I don’t want any lies in my relationship. I have got to get out of here.

  6

  Driving around looking for a liquor store it hit me that Waynesboro is a dry town. Damn! I don’t want to drive to MeridNoah or Laurel. Light bulb – my girl Ms. Sharon. I know that she has something.

  I took a chance and drove to her house hoping that she was home. When I arrived I noticed cars parked all over the yard. I got out of my car and knocked on the door. I heard blues music coming from inside. I knew that I was in for a treat. I knocked again and opened the door.

  When I entered I heard people laughing and talking. Suddenly someone called out my name. I turned and spotted Ms. Sharon.

  MS. SHARON

  Dwight! What a surprise to see you home? What are you doing here?

  DWIGHT

  My grandfather died.

  MS. SHARON

  I am so sorry to hear that.

  DWIGHT

  Thanks, but oh well.

  MS. SHARON

  Well come around and get you a drink.

  She took me by my hand and led me to the kitchen. I took a seat at the bar.

  MS.SHARON

  What do you want to drink?

  DWIGHT

  Give me a pint of gin and orange juice.

  MS. SHARON

  No it is a party. I am not selling tonight. So do you still want gin and juice?

  DWIGHT (laughing)

  That’s what I asked for isn’t it?

  MS. SHARON

  Look here dammit…I will knock your ass out. Just because you been gone don’t mean that anything around here has changed.

  DWIGHT

  You know that I have to give you hell when I come here.

  MS. SHARON

  I know it. Here is your drink. Now you know you are at home – enjoy yourself.

  I took a swig of my drink. WOW! It was so strong that it stopped me in my tracks. I walked around the house looking to see who all was there and speaking to various people that I hadn’t seen in years.

  I finished off that drink and went for a refill. I made sure that I watched the amount of gin that was poured in my cup. I didn’t want to get drunk tonight. Then again maybe I should. Just to get some things off of my mind. But I know that when I wake in the morning the same issues will still be there.

  I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I noticed that Madison was calling me.

  I walked outside so that I could hear the conversation.

  DWIGHT

  Yes ma’am?

  MADISON

  Where are you?

  DWIGHT

  At a friend’s house, why?

  MADISON

  I was just asking. We are about to have dinner with Grandmother.

  DWIGHT

  Okay.

  MADISON

  Are you coming?

  DWIGHT

  No. You all go ahead.

  MADISON

  Dwight I am going to need you to get over your issues with Grandmother this one time.

  DWIGHT

  Maddie, you are not the one that she doesn’t like. She won’t notice that I am not there. Did you all make the arrangements for Grandfather?

  MADISON

  Yes. We are going to tell everyone at dinner.

  DWIGHT

  Well you can tell me now because I am not coming.

  MADISON

  For me would you come?

  DWIGHT

  No. Just tell me know.

  MADISON

  We are going to have the funeral tomorrow at 11:00 at St
. Mary’s.

  DWIGHT

  Really?! This early. I guess you all are ready to read the will.

  MADISON

  Don’t be an ass Dwight.

  DWIGHT

  That is the only reason why you all are putting him in the ground that quick. Look, I will be at funeral, but I am leaving afterward.

  MADISON

  Okay Dwight. I will talk to you later.

  When I ended the phone call I wanted to throw my phone. But I was not going to allow the hate that my grandparents have for me dictate my life anymore.

  I walked back into the house and refilled my cup. I asked Ms. Sharon for a larger cup. I wanted to enjoy this night.

  7

  6:45 a.m. and there was my wake-up call from the front desk. After hanging up the phone I walked over to the curtains and pulled them back. I screeched at the morning sun that blinded me. I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It hit me that I promised myself never to come in at 3:00 a.m. again.

  I started to brush my teeth when I heard my phone vibrating on the nightstand. I figured that it might be Madison so I decided against answering it. I wanted to get myself together before I talked to anyone.

  Once again it started to vibrate. I walked over to the phone and answered it.

  DWIGHT

  Hello.

  GRANDMOTHER ELLA

  Good morning.

  DWIGHT

  Oh, good morning Grandmother.

  GRANDMOTHER ELLA

  I took it upon myself to call you and tell you that the funeral is today. I don’t know if you are coming or if you are back in Seattle.

  DWIGHT

  I am coming.

  GRANDMOTHER ELLA

  Okay, well meet us at the church. Madison, Landon and I are riding in the family car.

  DWIGHT

  Grandmother, can I tell you something?

  GRANDMOTHER ELLA

  Go ahead.

  DWIGHT

  I love you.

  “Click” was the next sound that I heard. I placed the phone down on the bed. I paced around the room contemplating whether or not to attend the funeral. Grandfather already told me exactly what he wanted me to know.

  I was lying on my bed when there was a knock on my door. I walked over and looked through the peep hole. I quickly opened it when I saw that it was my brother.