Second Wind

by Aimee Nicole Walker

  “Honey, I’m so happy for you.”

  “It’s dinner, Jules.”

  “It’s so much more, and you know it. Grab hold of Linc with both hands and don’t let go this time.”

  “Um, I think that’s a felony in all fifty states,” I said casually although my heart and mind raced with the possibilities. It was a huge moment and no amount of downplaying it would change the way I felt. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

  “After he leaves,” Nigel added. From Nigel’s mouth to the universe’s ears!

  I disconnected the call and handed the phone back to Nigel. “So, Lincoln is an old flame?”

  “I need to focus right now, Nigel. I promise I’ll tell you all about him later.”

  “Fine,” Nigel said dramatically, “but I expect you to call me as soon as you finish talking to Jules.”

  “Deal.”

  I passionately loved capturing all the wonderful moments of my clients’ special day for them to cherish for the rest of their lives. I had never felt impatient or irritated by the sometimes-demanding wedding party, or their families, until I knew Lincoln was waiting on me. What should’ve lasted for an hour to ninety minutes pushed well past two, which made me late meeting Lincoln. I nervously texted him a few times to let him know I was running behind, and he gave me the same reply each time.

  Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.

  Regardless of his assurance, I half expected him not to be there when I finally announced that I was on my way. I stowed my equipment in my SUV and headed to meet him at Jenn’s. I stood at the door, closed my eyes, and sucked air into my lungs to calm my freaking nerves and racing heart.

  Inside that diner is the one guy you never got over. Like I needed a reminder. Just breathe.

  When I opened my eyes, Lincoln stood looking at me through the glass. He gave me that crooked smile that I loved so much. It showed me that he was nervous too, which gave me the courage to finally open the door.

  “I worried you were going to bolt,” Lincoln said huskily, reaching for my hand.

  “I thought I dreamt you here.”

  I went into his arms again, not giving a fuck about anyone around us. God, he smelled and felt so fucking good—both familiar and different at the same time. I felt tears burning behind my closed eyelids and knew I had to rein myself in. I’d save that for a private meeting if we had one.

  “I feel it too, Rush,” he whispered before he pulled back. “You must be starving.”

  “Oh, I am.” I hungered for more than just food. I’d been starving for him since we parted. I don’t think I realized just how much I had missed him until that moment.

  “Let’s get a bite to eat and catch up a little.” And see where this goes.

  I followed Lincoln to a booth in the far corner of the diner, assuring us a little bit of privacy. “I don’t quite know where to begin,” I told him honestly. “Let’s start with what brought you to town.”

  There was a pregnant pause before he said, “I’m making a surprise visit to my kids.”

  He knocked the air out of me just like the time that I crashed Jules’s bike. “Kids?” I croaked out.

  “I’m not married,” Lincoln assured me. “Well, not anymore. Phee and I got divorced earlier this year. Both of our children attend colleges here, so I dropped by to tell them something important.” He ran his finger along his collar nervously, but never took his eyes from mine. Damn, I wanted to stare into those eyes for-fucking-ever.

  “What will it be, fellas?” the waitress asked when she approached the table.

  What I wanted couldn’t be found on any menu, but my growling stomach reminded me that I hadn’t eaten since early that morning. Still, my hunger for the man staring into my eyes rivaled that of my stomach, and I wasn’t sure which appetite to feed first. It didn’t matter that decades and God knew how many miles separated us; my need for him was still there. “Could you give us a few minutes?”

  “Sure, honey.”

  “Maybe we should’ve had this reunion in a more private setting,” I said sheepishly.

  “That can still be arranged.”

  It would’ve been easy to fall into bed with this man, but I couldn’t survive him breaking my heart again. Jumping into sex with Linc too fast could be a recipe for self-destruction.

  “Or not,” Lincoln said when he saw my hesitation.

  “Let’s just have some dinner and see what happens.”

  Lincoln nodded his head. “Fair enough.”

  When the waitress returned, we placed our order and resumed talking. “So, I see that Southern fried foods are still your favorites.” I ordered Jenn’s famous lasagna that made my mouth water.

  “I doubt very much that this fried chicken and gravy can hold a candle to my mama’s,” Linc said.

  “You might be surprised,” I told him. “How is Lillian?”

  “She’s doing better.” When I quirked my brow, he went on to explain that his father had passed away earlier in the year, and he’d just helped her move into her new condo.

  “I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, Linc.”

  “Thank you, it was a huge shock.” He took a big gulp of his soda, running his finger up and down the glass. I watched the trail he made through the condensation and wanted to feel that same finger bump along my spine again. “We talked about you a lot yesterday. Were your ears burning?”

  “Me?”

  “Mmm-hmmm.” One corner of his mouth tipped up in a sly grin. “It turns out that my mom was onto us all those years ago. She hadn’t been prepared to hear the truth back then, and I doubt my father ever would’ve been ready, but it felt so good to be honest with her now.”

  “You just came out to your mom? This weekend?”

  “Yeah,” he said softly. “Ophelia, my ex-wife, has known for a few months, but I just now told my mom.” Lincoln swallowed hard and said, “That’s why I’m here in Chicago. I need my kids to know the real me.”

  “They do know the real you,” I told him. “Maybe just not this one part of you. Your sexuality doesn’t define who you are, Linc.”

  “I’m not sure how they’re going to take it, but…”

  I reached across the table and laid my hands on top of Lincoln’s when his words trailed off. “Kids are more open now,” I told him. “Of course, they’re going to be surprised, but give them time. I know they’ll come around.”

  Lincoln laughed and asked, “How could you possibly know that?”

  “Because they’re your kids, and I bet they’re amazing young adults.” I gave his hands an extra squeeze before I pulled away. The situation with Lincoln was pretty complicated. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to get involved with him, beyond friendship, until he had it all sorted out. Then he turned his full, megawatt smile on me and my resistance melted. It might be the dumbest thing I ever did, but I wasn’t about to let Lincoln leave town without lying naked in his arms once more. Unless… “Does that mean you’re seeing someone? Is that why you’re taking the big leap?”

  “I wouldn’t be looking at you like this if I was seeing someone, Rush.”

  “How are you looking at me?” I teased, feeling more lighthearted than I had in years.

  “Like I would prefer to make a meal out of you instead of fried chicken.”

  “We call that dessert, sweetheart,” the waitress said as she returned to our table. “You sure you don’t want me to box these to go?”

  It was on the tip of my tongue to say yes, but I wanted more assurance from Lincoln that I wasn’t about to figuratively slit my wrists and bleed for him all over again.

  “We’re good,” Lincoln told her with an easy smile. She set our plates in front of us and left. “I’m coming out to my family because it’s the right thing to do. I won’t regret my children, because I love them more than anything, but for the first time in my life, I want to live for me.”

  “I’m proud of you,” I said, earning a scoff. “What? I am.”

  “You’re the
brave one,” Lincoln said. “My mom told me how your parents reacted when you came out to them. I’m sorry, Rush.”

  “First of all, staying in the closet isn’t a cowardly act, Linc. It’s great that some people have supportive families, open-minded employers, and live in welcoming communities, but that’s not the reality for most. For some, coming out can even be a life-or-death decision. That should never be taken lightly, and you should be proud that you’re able to step out now. Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed.” I took a steadying breath. “As for my family, it’s all water under the bridge. It was hard at first, but Jules and I got by. We shared an apartment and worked odd jobs while attending community college. We made ends meet the best we could. We had each other, and that’s what mattered the most.”

  “How is Jules?”

  “She hasn’t changed much,” I replied. “She looks at least ten years younger than her true age.”

  “It must run in the family,” Linc said, his eyes roaming all over my face. “Your body is obviously more filled out than the last time I saw you, but you don’t have a single gray hair and you look like you’re twenty-eight instead of almost forty-four. I’d like to know your secret.”

  “I try to eat right and take care of myself, but that’s it. I didn’t find a miracle drug or drink.” I let my eyes roam freely over his face. I loved the crow’s feet by his eyes and lines around his mouth, it meant that he laughed a lot. Lincoln’s happiness was always important to me. My fingers itched to run over his facial hair to see if it was as soft as it looked. I wanted to feel it against other parts of my body too.

  “I look old and gray in comparison,” he said softly, sounding insecure.

  “You look sexy as fuck.” That got his attention and made him sit straighter in the chair. “That touch of gray looks good on you, Linc. You’re bigger and stronger than you were the last time I saw you. How often do you work out?”

  “Six days a week,” he replied. “It helps me manage stress.”

  “How long are you in town for?”

  “That depends on you,” Linc replied.

  I arched a brow in surprise. “You can just take off as much time as you need?”

  “I’m my own boss for the most part. I had planned to take a few more days off, but I could stretch that out for longer. If you were interested in having me hang around the city that is.”

  “I’m interested.” Life was about taking risks, and taking Linc home was a big one. He could destroy me, or we could finally have the life we dreamed about when we were teenagers. There really wasn’t much to decide. I signaled for the waitress to bring those boxes after all. We had barely touched our food, and I had a feeling we might be a lot hungrier later.

  “I still see the boy I loved so much when I look in your eyes. I really want to learn about the man you’ve become, Linc.”

  “I want that too.”

  “Your place or mine?” I asked him.

  “I want to be in your space, Rush.” Oh lord, that could be taken so many ways, all of them really fucking good.

  “Is there anything you need from your hotel?” Rush asked after we left the diner. It sounded like he didn’t expect me to return to my room anytime soon.

  I looked at him with a quirked brow.

  “That sounded pretty bold, didn’t it?” He tilted his head back and laughed, but it didn’t disguise his nervousness. “Jules told me to grab hold of you with both hands and not let go.” Damn, that sounded good to me. “But I want you in my home because you want to be there and for no other reason.”

  “Jules knows I’m here?”

  “Thanks to Nigel.” Rush proceeded to tell me about Nigel calling Jules for the skinny when he refused to divulge anything about our past. “I have to remind him at least three times a day that I’m the boss and not the other way around.”

  “He must really care about you.” I only saw curiosity in Nigel’s eyes when he looked at me on the pier, not the jealousy of a lover, or someone who wanted that role in Rush’s life.

  “He does,” Rush agreed. “Some might say he cares about me too much.” Then he realized how that sounded and shook his head. “Not like in a sexual or relationship way,” he clarified quickly. “More like he thinks I need mothered, as if my sister doesn’t do enough of that. Then there’s Kent.”

  “Who’s he?” Wow, I sounded all growly.

  Rush stopped at a sleek, charcoal-gray SUV and turned to face me. “I kind of like this knuckle-dragging thing you got going on.”

  “Sorry, I have no right to act like a possessive beast.” I wanted the right though.

  “Kent is Nigel’s husband,” Rush explained as he hit a button on a key fob to unlock the doors for us. “He has this friend who created a dating app for gay men who are interested in real relationships and not just hookups.”

  “They sound like Phee,” I joked. It was Rush’s turn to raise a brow. “She’s been trying to set me up on dates too.”

  Rush started the car and said, “You guys must have a really special relationship. I’m not sure I could try to fix an ex up with someone else.” He tipped his head to the side for a minute. “On second thought, I did try that recently.”

  “Ophelia is my best friend and the mother of my children. I love her dearly. I just couldn’t love her like she deserved. No matter how hard I tried, I felt like a fraud. She’s met someone who really makes her happy, and she wants the same for me.”

  “That’s great, Linc,” he said, backing out of his parking space.

  “So what about this app? I don’t think I’ve heard of it.”

  “It’s in the testing phase of development. There are about a thousand guinea pigs in or around Chicago who’re trying this damn thing out,” I explained.

  “You’re one of them?” I had no right to be disappointed. It wasn’t like I had saved myself for him all these years. “How’s that working out for you?”

  “Horribly,” Rush admitted. I should not have been so happy about his misery. “I told them that I wasn’t doing it anymore. Good God.” He proceeded to tell me about the conversations he’s had with Kent Clark—what were his parents thinking—and the developers. “I swear to God, I’d rather die a lonely man than rely on that app to find Mr. Right for me.”

  I wanted to say that I was his Mr. Right. But that was ridiculous, we hadn’t seen each other in a very long time and both of us had most likely changed a lot. Sure, the attraction was just as hot as it ever was, but I wasn’t some randy kid looking to get off. Even if our emotional connection was as strong as ever, I lived and worked nearly two thousand miles away. The reality of the situation creeped in and burst my euphoric bubble. Were we just setting ourselves up for more heartache?

  Rush reached over and patted my leg just beneath the hem of my khaki shorts. I wondered if he noticed that I’d changed clothes since we parted. I felt gross after traveling all day and a hot shower awakened me. All of me. “Nothing has to happen, Linc. We can just use tonight to talk and be together. I’m so fucking happy to see you again. That’s enough for me.” I prepared my body for more than just talk, not that I had any expectations.

  My skin burned and tingled from the skin-on-skin contact. Instead of removing his hand, Rush squeezed the muscle. I bit my lip to keep from moaning as my dick hardened. It had always been like that with him. One simple touch and I was ready to fuck, but we both deserved better.

  Before I could respond, my cell phone rang. I leaned over to the left, so I could pull it from my right, rear pocket. Rush used that opportunity to slide his hand beneath the fabric of my shorts a few inches. No matter what either of us said, we both knew exactly where we were heading that night.

  Seeing my mom’s name on the caller ID screen cooled my ardor some, but didn’t extinguish it fully. “Hey, Mom.”

  “I assume you’ve made it to Chicago by now,” she said dryly.

  “Oh shit! I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I ran into an old friend as soon as I arrived, and I just lost track
of time.”

  “Old friend?”

  “Hello, Mrs. Huxley,” Rush said.

  “Lincoln, is that Rush?” she asked in disbelief.

  “Sure is.”

  “Oh my! I think fate is trying to tell you something, love.” Although it seemed silly to wish it were so, I couldn’t stop myself from hoping she was right.

  “I’m sorry for worrying you, Mom. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “I love you, Lincoln.”

  “Love you too.”

  I was quiet for several moments after I disconnected the call. Rush must’ve taken my silence as having second thoughts because he removed his hand and placed it back on the steering wheel. I missed his touch immediately.

  “I am having second thoughts, Rush, but not about us.” I swallowed hard and looked over at him. He kept his eyes on the road, but his body visibly relaxed as tension faded from him. “Never about us.”

  Rush looked over at me once we reached a traffic light. Not only did I have his eyes on me, his hand returned to my leg. When he turned back to watch the light, his hand remained. I felt branded by him, and I loved it so fucking much.

  “Linc, I want to tell you that the world has changed and it will be much easier for you now. It’s true that we live in a more open time, but it’s still hard as hell.”

  “Especially when you’ve pretended to be straight for forty-four years,” I said dryly.

  “You don’t just come out once, Linc. You come out every single time you meet someone new, or when a person tries to set you up with a woman. There will always be a time when a colleague or business associate mentions bringing a girlfriend to an event. People haven’t stopped making assumptions about us based on our gender yet. They see a male and think he needs a woman. In every instance, you relive that fear of rejection. It does get easier with time, and you do start to care less about people’s opinion, but it never completely goes away. You ask yourself if you’ll lose business or friends over it. Sadly, the answer is yes. If you can accept that, then you’re going to be okay.”