The Thief of Dunmire and the Tear of Astra (The League of Sinister Means Book 1)

by H. K. MacTavish

  My work is done and it is time for me to head to the kitchens and sneak in a bite to eat. The heroes and nobles have all gathered in the great hall for their breakfast and there is ample food available. Everyone is so busy it is a good time to gather some more supplies.

  Is that molasses? I need that. But…ah, there’s some empty glass jars with little metal lids. Good to store preserves in but also to transport molasses upstairs. It’s all in a big vat. On a nearby shelf are what look to be shafts of bamboo which is actually sugar cane. So, they are boiling and refining sugar straight here, are they? Good for me.

  I snatch a jar with purpose. If you look around and look like you’re stealing something people will more likely stop you. Because you’re looking odd to them.

  Don’t look odd.

  Look like you belong. I pick up a jar like I’m one of the workers. I find a ladle and when the chef of the kitchen is looking over some roast that is baking and yelling over some breads and pastries and how they’re not perfect, I ladle that molasses into the jar and seal it up.

  I was going to use honey but molasses will work. Don’t worry, it will all make sense.

  I put the jar into my pocket and look around. There are a few men and a few women here. So, who wants to be the patsy? It can’t just be anyone. It has to be a woman who is about my height and age since that seems to be what they are looking for. Well, it is what I am assuming they are looking for.

  You know what? I think I will take a peek at the heroes eating. Maybe there is a better target up there.

  I leave the kitchen and see a group of servants all gathered at the door. Whenever someone approaches, servant or hero, they all make room but no one criticizes them for being there.

  It is easy to peer into the feast hall and see them talking amongst themselves. Blaise is up there speaking with a servant woman, but I can’t make out who it is with her back turned.

  Veronica is there, in all her made up glory, speaking with Heinrich who is still wearing his armor. At least Kincaid stopped wearing his, puffed up ass that he is. The conversation between Veronica and Heinrich doesn’t seem to be pleasant. I think Bridget is next to Blaise but it is hard to see through the servant that Blaise is talking to.

  Blaise is talking to a woman. Maybe he’s interrogating her. Maybe they are looking for a woman. You know what, I’ll just frame a woman now and be done with it. It will be easier that way.

  “Excuse me,” I say, kindly, bumping into a guard.

  “Sorry,” he says.

  That is one more little pouch of gold in my pocket. I needed the pouch more than the gold. Time to find a nice quiet place to sort all this out; I need to get everything I’ve taken into this pouch.

  I head back to the basement where the kitchen is but I quickly dart down a side corridor. There I look into the rooms. The doors were all taken off and…is that a rat? Ugh. I hate rats. My sister once said she thought they were cute and that led to a long conversation about field mice and rats. The end result is she now hates rats like I do. Disgusting, ugly creatures.

  It flees from me, no doubt as afraid of me as I am of it.

  Hopefully there won’t be more.

  Suddenly I hear metal plates shifting. But I don’t hear footsteps. Is a guard just waiting down the hall? I walk past the rooms where most of the other servants of the castle have slept last night and creep to the corner of the hall.

  I peer around the edge, holding my hair back, and see a single guard in front of a door that looks reinforced.

  The dungeon.

  I retreat back before he sees me. That is one place I don’t intend on ending up. But I have work to do. Some unlucky serving woman out there is about to become a thief.

  I walk into the common room where most of the servants slept last night and see no one else is in the corner or sleeping in any of the makeshift beds. There are a few lanterns lit still but there are no windows. This must have been a terrible place to spend the night, everyone snoring, and no breeze at all. And the smell…I can smell, body odor. Ugh! It’s sticking to me. Bleh! I’m not going to be staying here for long.

  I empty my pockets and look at all the loot that I’ve gathered. It’s not a bad haul. But after a month it would be all gone. I’m looking for something a little more permanent.

  I open the pouch I took off the guard and pour everything that glitters into the same bag; a ring, some coins, all of it. After tying it off tight I put it back in my pocket.

  A pouch this big is hard to sneak into someone’s pocket. Fortunately a lot of the women have dresses with large pockets. There is something to be said for snug pants, it is harder to stick things into those tight pockets. But a dress that lightly rests against the legs? Not hard. Assuming it has pockets. The rich dresses the heroes and nobles are wearing? No pockets. The servants? They all have pockets.

  I emerge from the back area and take a quick look at everyone bustling about. I see a young woman getting something to eat with another woman. They seem to be having a pleasant conversation. I’ll leave them alone. No need to start a fight. Ah! There’s a good target. She could pass for the vague description that Bernice gave the heroes. In the right light she could look similar to me. Well, close enough anyway. Yeah. She’ll do just fine.

  The poor woman is helping lift some breads and pastries onto trays for the other servants. I guess it is time I made myself useful. I wait in line as she fills up some trays. A young man rushes off with a tray of goods for the heroes to stuff their faces with.

  I stand in line behind two other women. A tray is given to each of them and they rush off for the feast in the hall.

  I’m next.

  I step up, closer than the others, pouch at the ready in one hand. She is so busy she bumps into me and the pouch easily just falls into her pocket.

  “Oh! Sorry,” I say.

  “No, it’s…” she drifts off. She’s looking at her feet. She felt it! But she thinks a roll fell to the ground. I look behind me and see where everyone’s gaze is. I swipe a roll from the table nearby and when the woman is looking away I reach down and pretend to pick the roll up, dragging it along the ground so it has just the right amount of dirt on its bottom.

  “Here,” I offer.

  “Thanks,” she says. She sees the dirt and frowns. “Better just throw it out.”

  “Right,” I say. There is a barrel that has a bunch of bad food in it and I just throw it in there. I’m so helpful.

  “Here. Take this up to the feast hall,” she says.

  “Right away,” I say. The woman smiles at me and I take the food and hurry up the stairs.

  Now, a lot of thieves trying this will feel the need to insert themselves into the heroes and tell someone that this poor woman is the thief. They saw them act suspiciously. But that can easily backfire. If you’re the one making a lot of noise then the heroes will take note of you. You want to remain a shadow, remember?

  This is also the benefit of taking the whole pouch from a guard. Servants might complain as loudly as a guard but a guard will get shit done.

  “I don’t know where it is,” the guard said to another guard.

  “Keep it down. Let’s look for it. When did you first notice your money was missing?” another guard ask.

  Something noticeable will be noticed! And I didn’t have to say anything or act differently than any of the other servants.

  The door opens for me and I am met with all of the heroes and nobles talking amongst themselves and eating and drinking as servants rush around filling wine and ale and taking old plates away and, like me, adding plates with fresh food.

  I turn and one of the servants in charge of watching which table is low on food sees me and points…to the big table? Really? Wow, I must have a horseshoe up my ass. This seems lucky.

  I hurry up to the main table and see a spot between Blaise and Bridget.

  “They have you working in the kitchens? I bet it’s all hot…” Bridget begins but when I turn and face her she loses her voice.
Oh my god, it’s not stopping!

  “My lady?” I ask.

  “I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

  “That’s all right. That happens a lot to me,” I say with a courteous smile. Apparently I will need some ice because someone needs to be cooled down. This shit needs to stop.

  There is a tray that only has two pastries left. I pick up the tray.

  “Just put those two on the top there,” Blaise says, looking at his sister. He looks mildly upset. He has no idea what’s really going on. Or isn’t going on if I have my way.

  “Of course my lord,” I say, putting the last two pastries on the tray I just brought out.

  “What’s gotten into you?” Blaise asks Bridget.

  “Nothing!” she responds, and I don’t think that Blaise realizes that Bridget just gave him an honest answer. She is clearly frustrated. I can see her looking around the room, trying to find a certain someone.

  Yeah, and nothing will be getting into you. There’s work to be done and it doesn’t involve some uppity little princess getting in the way.

  “You had better be on your best behavior,” Blaise says.

  “Leave the poor girl be,” Derrick says to Blaise, putting a hand on Bridget’s arm. She pulls it back from him, clearly not interested in his advances.

  “It’s all right,” Bridget says as I take the old empty tray and turn to leave.

  “Forgive your brother,” Derrick says. “He is just nervous about today’s activities.”

  “Derrick!” Blaise corrects. Derrick says something else but I’m too far away to make out what they are saying. I noticed Kincaid watching the room carefully. Veronica and Heinrich were still talking quietly to one another, plotting. And the other heroes? They seem to be keeping an eye on everyone around them while they talk loudly.

  As I make my way out of the great hall I see a few guards looking on some servants. Some appear to be sympathetic, while others are standing there with their hands up defending themselves from some accusations.

  I make my way quickly downstairs with the tray and place it down on a pile of dirty dishes in the back room where servants are busy scrubbing and cleaning. I sneak back upstairs and I can hear them talking loudly, the ‘Them’ being guards and servants.

  I get to the top of the stairs and without making eye contact I quietly and quickly make my way over to the stairwell leading up to the second floor. I manage to get there without being called out or searched. The jar of molasses would have been hard to explain away.

  On getting to the second floor I find that Lady Winters is, thankfully, not present. I didn’t look for her but I bet she was down at one of the tables eating with the other nobles and heroes. Servants are all around here, sort of working. Without any overseers, and with most of their work done, they have a little bit of leisure time.

  It isn’t hard to get to the storage room and the bucket with everything that I’ll need in it. I can see all the rope sitting there, waiting for tonight. I put the jar of molasses with the rope and the contraption and make sure it is hidden away in the corner. I turn to leave and walk to the door. I can’t hear anyone beyond the door so I just step out and walk down the hall.

  Now I have to go and get searched. I make certain that there isn’t anything in my pocket that shouldn’t be there. It never hurts to double check. More than a few thieves get caught with illicit items on them because they thought that they got rid of them and simply forgot. Then they sit there and flub so poor a story about how it ended up in their pockets. Short version: it was a friend’s and they were just holding it or the second most popular, I don’t know how it got there. Yeah, because the guards and heroes interrogating you will believe the same defense a toddler comes up with. Morons.

  I make my way to the first floor and see that a few of the heroes are gathered about including Veronica and Blaise. The others seem to be still enjoying their meals in the great hall.

  “What’s going on,” I whisper to one of the servants. I make sure I stay in sight of Veronica. I act a little suspicious when I whisper and sure enough, it catches her eye.

  “Her!” Veronica states loudly, pointing a manicured finger at me.

  “Me?” I ask.

  “Has she been checked?” Blaise asks.

  “Not yet,” a guard responds.

  “Checked for what?” I ask, as innocently as I can.

  “There have been some items that have gone missing,” Blaise says.

  “Like my money pouch!” a guard says. “Did you take it?”

  Yes.

  “No. Why would I take it?” I ask.

  “I’ll see about that,” the guard says.

  “Easy!” I cry.

  The guard handles me, roughly. You deserve to have your money stolen if this is how you react. Quit being a whiny little bitch about it.

  “Please! You’re hurting me!” I say.

  He is, kind of, but I’m tough enough to handle it. I’ve learned that a woman crying makes whoever it is, doing whatever they are doing, the bad guy.

  “Hold on,” Blaise says.

  See? I knew he would fall for the damsel in distress. Veronica just sighs but she remains silent. Yeah, women tend to see through that shit but men? No way. Well, most of the time.

  “What? I’m searching her, my lord?” the guard says.

  “Let me do it,” Blaise says. “She could be innocent you know.”

  “I…yes,” the guard says. “Of course highness.”

  “Or she could be the thief,” Veronica says. Blaise just nods and turns to me.

  “Are you the thief?” Blaise asks.

  “No,” I say.

  “Tell me the truth now,” Blaise says.

  “It is the truth,” I say.

  It’s totally not the truth but good luck proving it.

  Blaise walks over and pats me down. He sticks his hands in my pocket and I grimace at the right moments.

  “I’m not a thief,” I say.

  “Where were you coming from?” the guard asks.

  “The second floor,” I say.

  “What’s up there?” the guard asks.

  “Her bedroom,” Veronica says. She walks up to me and looks me over. “It’s all right. I entrusted her with cleaning out that vault you have on the fourth floor.”

  “Oh,” Blaise says.

  “We can check her room,” Veronica says.

  Shit. No, no, that would be bad.

  “You can check whatever you want. I’m totally innocent,” I say. Always face a challenge like this head on. They want to search my room, I’ll let them. There’s still a chance that they won’t find my bucket. And if they do? Well, I hardly have exclusive access to that room. The downside is I lose my bucket with all the gear I’ll need. Which would be bad.

  “What about the kitchen staff?” Blaise asks.

  “They’ve been working hard down there,” Veronica says.

  “The thief has to be someone in this keep,” Blaise says.

  “Yes. Yes, she is,” Veronica says looking at me. “But, we should search everyone.”

  “I’ll handle the kitchen staff if you would prefer. You can check the staff upstairs,” Blaise says to Veronica. I step aside and out of arms reach of Veronica as she passes by. I don’t want a runecaster putting any runes on me. She hustles by without giving me even a casual glance. Bridget is hurrying out now of the great hall and catches her brother before he heads down into the kitchen. I pretend to talk with some of the servants as they gossip but I’m more interested in what the prince and princess have to say.

  “What’s happening?” Bridget asks. “Tell me!”

  “Nothing. Some things have gone missing. That’s all. Nothing to worry about.”

  I can tell Bridget’s place in the world; she’s an adult but at the same time so much younger than Blaise and his friends that they all see her as that kid sister and not the early twenty something that she actually is. And she hates it. On the up side it almost certainly means th
at she isn’t part of any plan Blaise is working on.

  “Who did it?” Bridget asks.

  “A servant most likely,” Blaise says.

  “That’s awful,” Bridget says. “What will happen to them?”

  “The dungeons until we can set about a proper punishment,” Blaise says.

  “Not Kincaid,” Bridget says.

  “He has good results from handling thieves,” Blaise says.

  “It’s demeaning,” Bridget says.

  “It is, and it is supposed to be. Many villains have been handled to softly. What are they risking? Standing in stocks for a week so everyone can see them? Most don’t care. Whatever prize they are seeking is worth standing in stocks or lingering in dungeons with a free meal and a wet roof over their heads. After all, you don’t think we should starve them or whip them or disfigure them, do you?”

  “Of course not!” Bridget declares.

  “Thieves need to be shown that being a villain is wrong and deterred from doing it again. Kincaid’s methods are…different, I’ll admit but the thieves he punishes don’t often remain villains. I can’t argue with the results.”

  “Well, I don’t like it,” Bridget says.

  “It’s a good thing that it isn’t up to you. I’m lord of this keep and I will determine what we do with the thief. But we have to catch them first.”

  “Fine,” Bridget says curtly. She is looking around for someone as Blaise turns to head down into the kitchens.

  I tip toe to the door leading down to the kitchen. I need to see how this goes.

  “Hold it,” a guard says to those just behind me. I just made it in behind Blaise. I hear some moans of disapproval but it’s nothing that the guards can’t handle.

  Mindful Pursuits

  Down in the kitchen I see the guards starting to pull servants away from what they’re doing. They’re clearly looking for someone. I sneak into the corner of the room near the door and watch everything unfold.

  “All right. Line up here and we’ll search through your pockets,” a guard says.

  A single young woman has followed Prince Blaise down the stairs. We look at each other and then at the guards. She quietly walks up to me.