The Thief of Dunmire and the Tear of Astra (The League of Sinister Means Book 1)

by H. K. MacTavish

  “All of it,” I say.

  “What? The entire cellar? I don’t think…”

  “This is the Tear of Astra we are selling you. This isn’t some nobleman’s heirloom. We came to Bernice because he has the money. If we wanted that,” I say, pointing to the chest growing heavier in his hands. “We would have gotten that from anyone.”

  “Yeah, fine,” the man says.

  “Didn’t Bernice tell you the details?” Corvina asks.

  “Bernice doesn’t tell us shit,” the man grumbles as he walks past me and Corvina to load up the wagon with the chest of gold. He deposits it there and walks back, slowly.

  “You need to hurry,” I say.

  “Yeah, yeah,” the man says.

  “I’m serious,” I say. Corvina shakes her head. What? What am I doing wrong?

  “We will give you fifty gold coins apiece if we are out of here in an hour,” Corvina says.

  “Fifty? Gold coins?” the man asks.

  “But you lose ten gold coins for every minute over you are,” Corvina says.

  “Come on! Hurry it up? Did you hear?” the man asks the other man.

  “I heard! I heard! Out of my way!”

  Yeah, fine, look smug Corvina. I would have thought of that too. Eventually.

  We wait nervously for almost an hour while they run up the stairs and load up the wagon. Every time I hear voices, or think I hear something outside, I hold my breath and listen.

  I know patrols are out looking for us. We have to be on our guard. This is a long hour. I try my best to not look nervous. Corvina is a statue. She has to be as afraid of the heroes and the patrols as I am but she sure doesn’t show it.

  The men are good on their end of our bargain. They finish a few minutes early, by my reckoning. It’s not like we were timing it exactly.

  “Just in time,” Corvina says as they finish loading up the wagon.

  “Good,” the man says.

  “Here,” I say, pulling out the fake Tear of Astra. I make sure there is no light. I pull it out so they can see it. The Tear of Astra is famous. They know what it looks like, but if any of them are jewelers, or have skills in identifying precious stones, well, I don’t want to aid them at this point.

  “Bernice will love to see this,” says the man I give the Tear of Astra to.

  Corvina goes to the wagon, counts out fifty coins to each man while I climb up into the driver’s seat. The promise of coins helps to keep their eye off the Tear of Astra. After all, the Tear of Astra is Bernice’s, the coins are theirs and therefore, more precious to them.

  “Thanks!” the man says.

  “Yeah, thanks,” the other man says. Both are excited over their loot. Whether Bernice lets them keep it, well, that’s a different story.

  “Don’t you want the rest of what Bernice purchased from us?” Corvina asks.

  The men look at each other turn back to Corvina.

  “What do you mean?” one of them asks.

  Corvina smiles and pulls out her sack.

  “What’s in there?”

  “Something Bernice personally requested,” Corvina says.

  “Oh,” one of the men says. He opens it up and…what does he see?”

  “What is it?” one of the men asks.

  “It’s for Bernice. It’s not going to kill you,” Corvina says. “Just leave it alone down in the cellar for him.”

  “You have your money,” I say. The men nod. They know better than to mess with Bernice’s personal possessions.

  “Let’s go,” Corvina says.

  I nod as I pull the wagon out slowly, looking both ways to make certain that no one is out looking for us. The road seems clear.

  It is hard not racing to the finish, but we can’t afford to draw attention to ourselves. I’ll just take the wagon nice and slowly down the street to that hole in the wall we discovered when we scouted out Hammerheim. That is our next stop.

  Shit! Are those soldiers up ahead? I know they aren’t looking for me. I turn to my sister.

  “Corvina! You’ve…”

  Where did she go? I look around and can’t see her anywhere. Well, if I can’t find her then those guards up ahead won’t. I hope she sneaks past them just fine.

  Coincidental Meeting

  Mary doesn’t have to tell me to get out. I can see the guards up ahead. They’re looking for someone with a bruise on her face. I wrap my head up as I hide behind the corner of a building so only my eyes are visible. I’m going to have to go around those guards on foot.

  It is nearly night now and there are plenty of shadows for me to hide in. I see Mary keeping her eyes forward. She can talk her way past those guards easy. I should worry about myself and not her.

  The guards are talking to one another as they slowly patrol the street. Are they even trying to look for me?

  Best to just leave the guards here and go around, far around, to another street and catch up with Mary on the way. There is a street behind me. I’ll just go that way.

  I start to run. I have very little in the way of gear on me right now. The upside is I can move a bit faster and with no risk of making any noise whatsoever.

  I turn down that street I saw behind me, creeping along the corner and I see a patrol down the street a bit. They are walking away from me right now. That’s good. I can walk at a quickened pace.

  I hope Mary is all right. Don’t worry about her Corvina. You know she’s fine. We’re so close to finishing this and having more wealth than we know what to do with; life is about to get amazing.

  There’s another street I can turn down. I should be able to follow this down a ways and be closer to Mary. I’m at least moving in the right direction now even if I’m a bit behind her.

  I walk down a few blocks when I hear some guards talking loudly. The street curves so I can’t see them but I know they are there. Only guards would be making that kind of noise. It’s late and they’re told that they are looking for one woman that may pass them at some point. They don’t give a shit. In fact, none of the patrols seem to care enough to really look for me. None of them believe that they’ll be the ones to find me.

  Still, I shouldn’t prove them wrong, now should I? There is an alley across the way. I’ll head down there and take a left and continue on my way.

  Dressed in black none of them will see me. I am like a shadow. I am like the night. I…

  “There you are,” Kincaid says.

  I am spotted! Shit!

  Kincaid stepped out from a doorway behind me. He was waiting for me. Corvina! The loud guards were there to push you this way! And you fell for it! You better make up for it now or…someone’s getting spanked and it just might be your ass if you’re not careful. He’s holding a wooden club in his hands and he’s dressed in a tunic and pants, a nice tunic and pants at that. He was at a party when he came charging out to look for me, wasn’t he? And didn’t have time to get his armor on! Well, good for me!

  “Kincaid? What are you doing out of the keep so late. Didn’t you know that there are thieves about?” I ask.

  “I heard that there might be. I’m something of a thief hunter, you see,” he says. Kincaid is so full of himself.

  I look around and I see a pair of archers on some rooftops nearby. There is one guard blocking the other way that I was going. He was no doubt waiting for Kincaid to spring the trap on me.

  “I’ll make you a deal, Kincaid. Let me leave and I promise I won’t humiliate you,” I say as I step closer to the guard.

  The guard is the tough one. Oh, and Kincaid. I have no clue how I’m going to take him out. Running isn’t an option. I can’t lead him to Mary.

  Kincaid just smiles.

  “That…that is a fine deal. Let me make one to you. Turn yourself over to me, along with what you’ve stolen, and I’ll punish you in the privacy of the dungeon, where you’ll be spending quite a bit of time.”

  “Wow. That is a lovely counter offer. It sounds really nice; getting spanked and all by a man in private?
And the accommodations sound charming as well. But, as it turns out, I have other arrangements, so I’ll have to decline.”

  “Oh, I don’t just spank women. Don’t paint me in the wrong light. I punish men and women equally. Your parents didn’t teach you not to take what didn’t belong to you. That’s my job now,” Kincaid says.

  “Well my job is to get out of here with what I took. Seems we are at odds,” I say.

  “Seems so,” Kincaid says. “I wanted to do this easy. Last chance to take me up on my offer.”

  “Last chance to take me up on mine,” I say. “No?”

  “We are at odds, as you say,” Kincaid says. He is enjoying this. I can see he loves the hunt and collecting his prize. Well, this villain isn’t going to be his prize.

  I run right at the guard. He isn’t prepared for me to charge him. I leap on him but just to use him as a spring board. I leap off, spinning through the air, pulling the pair of daggers from by thighs as I spin. One flies from my fingers at one archer and then the other flies straight for the other archer.

  My aim is so good I can aim for their shoulders. The daggers plunge in and the archers collapse.

  I land ten feet from Kincaid, one hand on the ground. The other hand is without a weapon. Not great positioning.

  He comes charging at me with that club of his. He swings left, right, left again before swinging his wooden club down on me. I roll to the side into the wall, the blow just missing me. He swings again and I leap above it, kicking off the wall as another swing comes my way. That one was close! I roll backwards away from yet another attack.

  He is good and tenacious. The guard is approaching from behind me. There is some garbage there on the ground.

  I reach what looks like some broken pottery shards and throw them at Kincaid. He flinches backwards as I leap at the guard. He has a blade out and tries to cut me. I slide underneath him on the wet stonework of the alley, grab something metal on the ground…a fork? Well, better than my fist. As I pass through the guard’s legs I punch straight up into his balls with the fork as I pass by.

  He kneels in pain, nearly sitting on my head. I pop up quick as I can, rip his helmet off and slam the helmet into the back of his head.

  He falls to the ground. I look down the alley and see Kincaid standing in front of me. Alone.

  “You can run, but I’ll only chase you,” he says.

  Oh no, I’m not running. I look down and see this guard has a dagger on his belt. I pull it out and turn to face Kincaid.

  “Who’s running? I made you a promise, remember?” I ask.

  “So you did,” Kincaid says.

  Well, so far I’ve managed to bring the odds down from four to one to one on one. But in ten minutes the archers will be awake and I don’t know how long I have until the other guard wakes up, and on top of all that I have to take down a hero.

  Oh, come on Corvina. You’ve taken down two heroes today. How hard is it going to be to take down another one?

  He charges me, kicking me square in the chest. I fly backwards and somehow manage to roll to my knees in time to see his club coming down on me. I raise my dagger and deflect it, but it still grazes my back. Not enough to cut me or my shirt, but it stings something wicked.

  He grabs me by the neck before I move away. Reflexively I cut his arm. He drops me and I roll away.

  At least he isn’t wearing armor or I might not have escaped. Okay Corvina. He’s tougher than Blaise and Melinda. Well, you had poison for Blaise. Maybe I should have hit him with the dagger and tried taking the archer out alone?

  “When are you going to start humiliating me? A cut with a little dagger isn’t that humiliating,” Kincaid says.

  Oh, I’ll think of something, just as soon as I figure out how I’m going to beat your ass into the ground. Or figure a way on not getting mine beat into the ground.

  I lunge at him again but I don’t get close before he swings his club in front of me. He hits my dagger but I manage to hold onto it. Trying to disarm me? Nice try Kincaid!

  He comes at me again and he grazes my arm before I can move away fast enough. So this is how he catches thieves, is it? He’s fast for a man of his size. Deceptive. I bet a lot of thieves underestimate his speed.

  Like me. But only because I’m an arrogant idiot apparently.

  Wait. What am I doing? He’s a warrior in a narrow alley. This is his element. He chose this as his battlefield. This isn’t what I would have chosen. So why am I here? I need to drag him out. He’s fast so I need to take him out like he’s the fast nimble warrior that he is. In order to do that I’ll need room.

  I back up from him and stay out of reach of his club. He is following me. He’s been dominating this fight; he has no reason to not follow me.

  “You’ll wish you had taken my up on my offer,” Kincaid says.

  “I…I won’t give up…” I say, feigning exhaustion. I let my arms droop a bit and my feet scrap against the ground, just enough to show me slowing down a bit but I don’t want to overdo it.

  I stumble over the guard but I turn it into a clumsy roll to gain a little more ground. Kincaid steps over the guard’s body. I’m on the sidewalk of the street and Kincaid is still following me.

  “I’ve got guards on all the surrounding streets. You’re boxed in,” Kincaid says. “There’s no escape.”

  Yeah, I figured. I doubt you have any up on the rooftops other than those two archers because I’ve been looking around and I don’t see any.

  “You won’t catch me!” I say defiantly. He just smiles. I bet all thieves say that to him before he catches them.

  Kincaid lunges at me but I can keep away from him now. I roll left to dodge one attack and then I dodge right. He lunges at me and I back flip away. He has to know that I was faking my exhaustion.

  I kick him in the face, duck low as he swings high and punch him right in the sausage and potatoes. He staggers and I box his ears. He swings his club clumsily at me but he misses. I kick him again in the face and take a step back.

  His face is red and he lunges at me. He’s not used to losing to a villain. I bet I can disarm him now. I set myself up so I can kick him as he swings…there! He swings and I sidestep and kick his wrist

  The club clatters to the ground.

  “You think I need…” Kincaid says as I kick him in the head. He blocks it and punches at me. I block it with my forearms and elbow him in the nose fast. It isn’t enough to even make him bleed but it forces him back.

  I follow that up with a kick behind his knee and the thief hunter falls to his knees.

  I can tell he is upset at this turn of events against his favor. I back up a lot, quickly. I want him to charge at me. I know there is a small window behind me and wooden awning above that. That is my trap for the thief hunter.

  “How does it feel to be beaten by a thief? Have you failed before?”

  “I haven’t failed yet!” Kincaid says.

  “Of course you have. How are you going to catch me? You’re too slow now…” I say as he charges at me. I look surprised, but in hindsight it doesn’t really matter since most of my face is covered. I guess my eyes grow wide in shock. Feigned shock, of course.

  At the last moment I leap out of the way, tripping the hero before he can stop. Kincaid tumbles forward and crashes into the window. The wood shatters as does the glass.

  With a quick high kick I take out a beam holding up the awning and it comes crashing down on him, holding him in place. His top half is inside this old store and his bottom half, well, it’s at my mercy.

  “Stop!” he yells. I peer around and don’t see any blood. He’s not wounded by the glass. It will just be his pride. Oh, and his ass.

  “I made you a promise,” I say, walking over and picking up the guard’s sword from the alley. I run back and I can hear the wood shift as he tries to pull himself free. It’s not happening, is it Kincaid?

  “Don’t you do a damn thing!” he orders.

  “But Kincaid, your parents never told
you to mind your own business,” I say. “Someone has to teach you better manners. Well, I guess, I have to be that someone.”

  Oh, I am going to enjoy this. I pull down his pants and his dangly bits hang in front of him and his hairy ass is exposed fully to me.

  “Stop! I order you! Guards!”

  He’s yelling into a building. His voice isn’t carrying like he’s expecting it to.

  “This is for all the women, and men, that you’ve disciplined. I can honestly say you’ve earned this,” I say as I swat his naked rear end with the flat of the blade. He screams.

  I swing again, with great enthusiasm, and I can hear the smack echo across the empty buildings.

  I swing again as he tries to free himself. Smack!

  I can honestly say Blaise has the better ass. Kincaid is just too hefty for me. And hairy.

  Smack!

  I’m not really into bearmen like Kincaid.

  Smack!

  “You will suffer for this!” Kincaid yells.

  Smack!

  “Don’t be a sore loser,” I say.

  Smack!

  “I promised you,” I say.

  Smack!

  “I said, I would humiliate you, didn’t I?”

  Smack!

  “And here you are…”

  Smack!

  “Spanked by your better…”

  Smack!

  “The Thief of Dunmire!”

  Smack!

  “Publically!”

  Smack!

  “This is truly…”

  Smack!

  “mortifyingly…humiliating!”

  Smack!

  “Fuck!” Kincaid yells. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

  Yeah, I’d be swearing up a storm too if I was being spanked like this. His ass must really sore by now.

  Smack!

  It’s too dark to really tell how red his bottom has grown. And my arms are tired. Mary is waiting for me as well. I can’t really chastise her for her dalliances with Princess Inflated Chest while I indulge in mine. Okay, one last good one.

  Smack!!

  I walk over, pick up the dagger and, hey it fits the sheath! Good. I didn’t want to be completely unarmed.

  I’ll just carry the blade for a bit. If I throw it down he’ll know I’m gone. I want him to wonder, for a bit, if I’m really gone or not.