One Last Letter

by Pema Donyo

  Where would she even start? There was so much she wanted to tell Jesse. Whether or not the letters really came from him, she would have an outlet to express her feelings. If she’d been unable to tell him in the past about how his disappearance to California had affected her, she would be able to tell him now. She dipped her pen into the inkwell and began to write.

  Every thought she ever wanted to communicate to him in person, all the regrets she faced after turning him down, she vented in the letter. The emotions she bottled inside her released in a sudden flood of words, rushing out to be expressed through pen and paper.

  The blacksmith could wait for a few hours. She had a letter to reply to.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Supper was Jesse’s favorite and least favorite time of the day.

  As a new, though temporary, partner at his ranch, Mr. Lancaster insisted that if Jesse was going to live in the big house, he would eat there, too. Jesse refused at first, but Evelyn told him Mr. Lancaster had taken one look at the amount of money Jesse decided to invest in Breighton and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Besides, he didn’t have a reason for the refusal. The food inside the house tasted much better than what the ranch hands had.

  Afternoon meals were easy enough—whatever the cook made, he’d take in a knapsack and eat on the trail with the other ranch hands. But supper couldn’t be avoided. Mr. Lancaster still wasn’t well enough to leave his bed, so Jesse took his spot at the table.

  While the other men ate in the bunkhouse, he dined alone with Evelyn.

  The first few dinners had been, at best, awkward, and at worst, terrifying. The last meal he’d shared with her was before she left for the seminary. Instead of picnics ending with promises and steamy lip-locking sessions, now meals were just thick silence and distant memories hanging above their heads.

  Yet their old friendship couldn’t stay hidden forever. It took a few weeks for him to no longer go out of his way to avoid her around the ranch, and she to no longer let their conversations lapse into silence. They both had the ranch to talk about, and that topic of discussion brought ease back into their encounters.

  “Does Denny slack off? I keep reminding him to put fresh hay in the barn, and he never does. Yesterday he refused to milk the cows until I threatened him.” Evelyn regularly asked him how the ranch workers were responding to certain duties or changes in wages.

  “He just wants to get out to herding the cattle with the other cowboys, that’s all,” Jesse replied. “I’ll keep an eye on him for you.”

  “Thank you.” Evelyn glanced down at her plate. She pushed the carrots and peas to one side of her ceramic plate, and then back to the other side. “I worry that they are not listening to me now that my father is ill. Do they even see me as their boss?”

  “They do.” He was always amazed when she admitted her insecurities to him as head of the ranch. Strange, how a woman who seemed so confident could possess so much doubt. “I think they have more trouble listening to me.”

  “Why would they? They have every reason to listen to you. You are a partner in this ranch now.”

  “I don’t want them to know. I’ve got no more to my name than the rest of them.”

  “Now, that is not true.” Evelyn shook her head. “You have managed a hotel, you are an investor in this ranch—”

  “Still just a ranch hand. Once a cowboy, always a cowboy.” He threaded his fingers through his hair. “Wouldn’t make a lick of difference to them.”

  She pressed her lips together and furrowed her brow. Jesse couldn’t stand seeing her so worried, especially over him. She has enough stress already.

  He cleared his throat. “How are the bank payments coming along?”

  She beamed. After setting her fork down, she placed both hands on the edge of the table. “Almost paid back, thanks to you.”

  Fried chicken and buttermilk biscuits lay forgotten after one glance at Evelyn. There she sat, brazenly wearing trousers like a man, yet she’d tucked one slim leg behind the other like a lady. He smirked.

  “What is it?”

  “Some things are still so ladylike about you, even while you’re sitting there wearing britches.” He pointed to the evidence.

  She shrugged. “Dresses do not hold up well when repairing barns and feeding pigs.”

  “I’d reckon not.” Jesse tried not to grin further. “I’d like to see that, you trying to do the day’s chores in a dress.”

  “Is that a challenge, Mr. Greenwood?” Evelyn lifted her chin in that cute way of hers, showing off the expanse of creamy skin along her neck. “I have done so before, you know. I doubt you could do the same.”

  “I’ve never seen another woman wearing trousers.”

  “Sounds like you are avoiding the question. Would you or would you not be able to?” Her full lips curved upward, strawberry-red lips waiting to be kissed.

  He swallowed hard and went back to work on his peas. Green peas didn’t taunt him with a glimpse of what he’d never have, unlike Evelyn. “’Course I could.” His tone came out gruffer than intended.

  She didn’t seem to notice, though, and leaned only closer toward him. “I sure would like to see you try.” He glanced over at her and blinked as her breasts pushed against the starched material of her shirt. The top buttons of the cotton shirt were undone, and her curves teased him. “I bet you three days of ranch chores that you could not.”

  “And what do you lose if I win the bet?” Suddenly he wished he hadn’t asked that. She just seemed to lean further, naïve to how the fabric constrained her bosom. He tried to look away. But the soft flesh called out to him, preventing his eyes from averting.

  “You decide.” She laughed, a melodic sound that reminded him of running streams and chirping birds. “I have full faith you can come up with a punishment much more creative than mine.”

  Jesse stood up suddenly. “Think I’ll get back to work now.”

  “Now?”

  “Why not?”

  Evelyn looked out the window. The dark dusk showed no cowboys along the horizon. She sounded confused, even startled. “Why would you work now? Everything has been done for today. The sun is nearly down.”

  “All the better, then. Need to test how some of the horses react to the new horseshoes.” He ignored her sound of protest as he headed toward the stables.

  The girl was going to get the better of him. Evelyn Lancaster didn’t seem to know her effect on him, and he doubted she ever would. The only way he could manage to express himself didn’t involve a conversation. Fear gathered in the pit of his stomach. One wrong move and she’d send him packing from the ranch all over again.

  As he neared the first stall, he could see Preston talking to a girl who was leaning against one of the walls, Preston’s arm on one side of her. He looked at first like he was pinning her against her will, but the girl was laughing at something he’d said. Funny, Jesse was pretty sure he recognized that girl—blonde, tall, and—

  “Loretta!” He stormed to the side of the barn. After drawing to a halt before the frightened couple, he gritted his teeth. His sister would never stop disobeying him.

  His sister’s head turned at the sound of his voice. Her eyes widened and she ducked behind Preston before Jesse reached them. Preston shielded Loretta behind his body, meeting Jesse’s glare with a challenging look.

  “Let my sister go.” His voice could cut steel. “She’s engaged to someone else.”

  “She don’t want to be! You’re forcing her to do something she doesn’t want.” Preston scowled at Jesse. “You know she wants to be with me. She wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t true.”

  “It is true! I love him, Jesse.” Loretta called out from behind Preston’s shoulder and then hid behind him again. Preston’s chest puffed out at Loretta’s affirmation, as if someone just declared him governor of Texas.

  He groaned. “Come out this instant.”

  “You’re just jealous,” she said. Her voice shook, and he thought he heard her sniffli
ng through tears. “This is just because of Evelyn.”

  He set his jaw. “That’s enough.”

  “Just because you couldn’t be with the girl you loved doesn’t mean I can’t be with the man I love.”

  “I said that’s enough.”

  Even Preston seemed to know his girl had gone too far. His wide-eyed glance drifted from the girl behind him to her brother in front. “Hey, baby, you don’t need to bring that up now.”

  “No, Preston, I will.” Loretta stepped into view, wiping away the tears streaming down her cheeks. “You’re taking out your past on me. Just because you’re unhappy at losing love in your life doesn’t mean I have to be.”

  “I said, that’s enough, Loretta!” His booming shout echoed through the night air. The sound rolled through the far-reaching pastures below them. The setting sun caused darkness to creep over Jesse’s heart as well as his vision. “You are never to speak to Preston again, you hear me? Tonight is the last time you are ever going to see him. Preston, take her back to her house. If you’re not back here in fifteen minutes, I’m taking her with me to California.”

  Preston nodded and hurried the sobbing girl away from her brother.

  Jesse winced at the sound of her tears. Why couldn’t she see his way? He rubbed a hand over his chin, his fingers grazing the stubble he’d forgotten to shave that morning. His shoulders slumped. He just wanted her to have the best life possible.

  His sister’s words echoed inside his head. He wasn’t taking out his situation on her. But Preston would never amount to anything more than a cowboy in his life. Didn’t Loretta want more for herself than being the wife of a ranch hand?

  • • •

  After dinner, Evelyn hurried back to her room and opened one of her drawers. Inside were the letters. After the first one, the author told her he would leave the letters in a tree knothole by her house. Dutifully, she checked the spot daily for the newest missive. The letters were exchanged daily, sometimes with her putting a letter in the knothole in the morning and already finding one in the evening.

  Evelyn’s fingers traced over the ends of her desk. She lifted each letter out from the drawer, her fingertips brushing over the writing of the latest letter.

  Dearest love,

  It’s harder and harder every day to ignore my feelings for you. I want nothing more than to admit how I feel to you, but you make it difficult for me to express myself without fear of rejection. I shut my eyes and all I can think of is your beautiful green ones, challenging me with that fierce jade gaze of yours, your playful laugh as you find the most random pieces of conversation hilarious, and the hard work etched on the weathered planes of your face. I’d do anything to take away some of that work from you.

  The words sent a thrill up her spine. She didn’t just love the romance behind each letter; she loved the honesty. There was something sincere about each note. Unlike all the other suitors she’d had, this one actually admired her personality.

  Evelyn pulled out a pen and a scrap of paper.

  To the unnamed,

  I wish you would tell me who you really are. I admit I have certain suspicions, but I cannot be sure. You asked me to give you a sign of hope, to show at least a sign that there may be a future between us. If you may be the person I dare hope, I have tried to extend as much friendship as I possibly can. What else can I do? I admire you from afar as well. Perhaps we have known each other for so long that we have no idea how to start afresh for ourselves.

  Second chances are easier wished for than granted. Maybe, though, there is no need to run from the past. We can embrace what happened together, and deal with the future together as well.

  Evelyn pulled open her drawer and removed a small envelope. After placing the note inside, she sealed the letter and headed toward the tree. The fireplace in the parlor cast a soft glow over the house and through the hallway.

  The porch was dark, and shadows fell across the wooden slats as she approached the steps. One of the ranch hands had left a lantern on the table next to the oak rocker. After placing the envelope in the familiar knothole, Evelyn picked up the lantern on the porch.

  There was another light from inside the stables, too. She could make out the long shadow of a man standing in one of the barn aisles. She held her breath. None of the cowboys worked this late. Could it be a trespasser? She’d never had to defend herself before. Her knuckles tightened around the lantern grip and turned nearly white. As she strode toward the stables, her heart hammered within her chest.

  But her heartbeat slowed to a steady rhythm within seconds. Jesse was soothing one of the horses as she entered the barn. The corner of her mouth quirked up in surprise. He was whispering to Blue Star.

  As she stepped closer, she heard his words drifting from down the aisle. He didn’t seem to notice the lantern cautiously approaching him. “Do you think I’m taking it out on Loretta, Blue?”

  The hay underneath her feet rustled as her boots landed in a pile a few stalls away from where Jesse stood. She swallowed hard at her dead giveaway. He turned sharply.

  “What are you doing here?” His voice was rough. She couldn’t understand why the sound sent a thrill up her spine.

  “I thought maybe someone had been trespassing.” She dared to step closer, watching him for a sign of apprehension. “Ranch hands don’t usually come by the barn at this hour.”

  “You should go back in the house.”

  She gestured toward her horse instead, one arm holding the lantern high while the other one swung at her side. “What are you talking to Blue about? Is it about Loretta?”

  He didn’t respond. His shoulders stiffened as she drew near him.

  “Jesse . . ." Emboldened by the letters, she decided to push her luck. If he really was the one writing them, she needed to give him a sign, right? “Do you want to go riding with me?”

  “It’s after dark.”

  “Never stopped us before.” In fact, she’d spent plenty of nights racing with him after her father fell asleep when they were teens. “I was planning to go for a ride anyway. Do you want to accompany me?”

  “Reckon I better not . . .”

  Her stomach plummeted. She’d been so sure he was the one sending the letters. Their recent suppers together even seemed friendly. But now he’d turned cold once more. Who was she sharing her heart with?

  “I just want to be friends, Jesse. Can we?”

  Still no response. At least she’d tried. Evelyn nibbled her bottom lip and reached out to pet Blue Star. Jesse drew back at the gesture. She opened the stall door to let her horse trot out.

  “I can ride for a little while,” he conceded.

  She gave a small smile as she heard him ready his own horse. His tone was wary, but she would take it. Her voice perked up. “We can check on the new barbed wire fence, too, and see how it is holding up.”

  Jesse made a gruff sound of approval. The two of them trotted their horses out of the stable. She brought her horse to a canter across the pasture, and he did the same.

  The night air sent a chill through her, but she’d never felt more at ease. The cotton trousers and long-sleeved woolen shirt kept her warmer than any mass of skirts and shawls ever had. The comfort she felt extended beyond physical protection from the cold. She’d finally broken through to Jesse.

  She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, half expecting him to be riding away from her already. He matched her pace instead, staring straight ahead toward the fence at the edge of the ranch.

  The horses whinnied as they trotted close to the barbed wire. She calmed Blue Star, stroking the wide bridge of her horse’s nose. Blue sidestepped away from the wire, lifting her muscular legs a safe distance from the threatening spikes.

  After Blue settled down, Evelyn shifted out of the saddle. Jesse had just stepped off his own horse and held out his hand for her to take. She nearly laughed. It had been years since a man held out his hand to help her down from a horse. She pushed it away and hit the ground herself. He
r gaze turned from his hand to the new fence. The soft green grass rustled beneath her boots as she stepped toward a grueling week’s work. The boys had spent all week pulling the wire tightly against the po­sts and hammering nails into place.

  “Only problem is that the cows keep pressing against it and not realizing the damage till they’ve been cut up.” Jesse kneeled down and pulled one end of the wire to check that the nails were in place. He ran his finger lightly against one of the tips. “I don’t like them much.”

  “All the new ranches have them, though. We have to keep up if we plan to turn Breighton around.” She knelt down next to him and mimicked his motion of testing the wire. “The cattle are going through a testing period with it. Give them time. Soon enough they will all learn to stay away. Worth the investment, I think.”

  She leaned over to the other side of the barbed wire to check the tautness he had been testing. She didn’t realize she was checking that side at the same time he was examining the other end. They both reached forward to check the same section of wire, bumping into each other in the process. The force sent him reeling backward as her weight pinned him to the ground.

  Her eyes widened. She was sure he could hear her heart beating furiously through her shirt. Her lips were only inches away from his. Even during his days as a ranch hand, before leaving for California, his lips always looked so soft. The corded muscles of his jaw clenched. Against her will, she found herself drawn closer and closer to him.

  The feel of his body underneath her was so wonderfully familiar, even after all the years apart. His hard muscle beneath her soft curves made her long for increased contact. Heat pooled in the pit of her stomach. So much heat. Warmth radiated off his chest. Without thinking, she arched against him.

  He slid out from underneath her. His breath came out in ragged gasps as he backed away. Evelyn fell to the ground with a hard thud, and a plume of dirt rose up as soon as she hit the ground.

  “I’m sorry, I . . . Something just came over me.” She dusted off her wool trousers to hide what she was sure was a sweeping blush. “I should have been more careful.”