by Allie Hayden
“Fuck,” he breathed as I continued my kisses along his collarbone.
My hands were running all along his chest, and I made my way down to his waistline, teasing him with touches with the tips of my fingers.
“Do you like that?” I asked him, feeling coy as I glanced up from where I was kneeling in front of him.
“More than you can imagine. And while I’d love nothing more than to have you pleasure me on your knees, I want this to be about you.”
I stood up, and Sebastian backed me gently down on the couch. I was now lying on my back. My breathing was shallow, having to remind myself to take deeper breaths, so I wouldn’t suffocate from the intense desire. It filled my lungs like smoke, and I found my legs open of their own accord as Sebastian held his eye contact. He let his pants fall to the floor, and then he slipped his boxers down, revealing the full length of him. That glorious length.
I wanted him inside me, but the words wouldn’t come out; I could only seem to form small bits of it. Sebastian was watching me intently now, noting how wet I was.
He came closer, hovering over me, and put one knee between my legs. He placed the other one on the outside of my body, pressing up against the ache as he leaned down to kiss me. I arched against him, wanting him in me now, but Sebastian gently stopped me with his palm.
“Are you on birth control?” he asked.
I nodded, still not trusting my tongue to form words.
“Are you healthy?”
Another nod.
“Can I fuck you without using a condom?”
Another nod.
“Are you ready?”
“Is that even a question? You bastard, do it already,” I said pissed.
I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him harder. He groaned in appreciation, moving his leg away so that he might have better access. The tip of him brushed against my opening, and I thrust my hips forward, arching up into Sebastian as we crushed our mouths together. And then he was inside me.
I had done this many times before, but this wasn’t like anything I had ever experience. The anticipation of it, the emotional attachment I had from years long past, his sheer skill. He knew exactly how to pleasure me, knew exactly how to make me want him, all of him. He wanted this to be an experience that I knew I’d never have again; that was his power over me.
I cherished every second of it, taking all of him as the pressure built up inside me. I gasped as he kissed my neck, and I spread my legs further for him to enter me more deeply. He went hard and fast. I came first and then I could feel the orgasm spread through me as an intense wave. I felt him do the same, slowing as the energy we created together was suddenly released.
He eased himself out of me and pressed his leg against me instead. He kissed me gently along the hallows of my neck before landing back on my lips.
“Fuck, Lillian. I don’t know how I’m going to manage to think of anything else tomorrow,” he said in between kisses. I laughed against him.
“A big case?”
He nodded. “It was maybe not the best decision to fuck you right before I have to go into court. I need at least a day or two to cool off from that, more if we do anything else today.”
“I guess we better be done then,” I said, feeling disappointment.
“For now, yes. But believe me, we’re far from done. There are still many more ways that I can make you cum, Lillian, and I plan on exploring every one with you.”
And then he leaned down to kiss me again.
14. (Lillian)
Sebastian sent me a text as soon as he dropped me off at home, lamenting the fact that he wasn’t able to take me out the next day. He had files he had to go through in the evening and couldn’t take me to dinner.
I’m sending something by for you though, he texted.
He refused to tell me what it was after I inquired. He insisted on it being a surprise, and I would soon find out. When the doorbell rang that morning, I scrambled to get the door, not wanting to wait a second longer in anticipation of whatever it was Sebastian was sending me. I opened the door to see the driver holding several pristine shopping bags with tissue paper peeking out over the top.
“Good day, Miss Jade,” he said, handing me the bags. “Mr. Léon sent these over for you, along with his regards.” He turned around and strode back to the car before I could say anything in reply.
I shut the door behind me and took the bags into the living room, eager to know what lay inside. Coby came mewling in to investigate, clearly intrigued by the tissue paper. I laughed, grabbing a sheet and tossing it in the air, watching as Coby jumped to bat at it.
My hands closed in on something soft, which I knew would be expensive. Of course, it was made of silk. I lifted a fitted, burgundy silk dress out of the bag. It was long enough to just be above the knee; the style was work-appropriate, but Sebastian chose it because he knew I would look good in it.
In the second bag, there was a pair of white closed-toe heels that glimmered in the light with just the hint of an opalescent sparkle to them. In the third bag were several small boxes. The first contained an opal necklace that looked like the moon strung on a chain. In the second, there was a pair of matching opal earrings. They gleamed in the light with all the colors of fire and flowers, and though I wasn’t familiar with precious stones, I knew that they were expensive. The clearness of the opal, the shards of color within them, the perfect smoothness of the cut: it all added up to a large price tag.
How successful of a lawyer was Sebastian?
I knew that he was rich. His apartment and the past two outfits he bought me told me that. But to buy me a third gift, along with jewelry? I wondered what kind of money he had to have spent this much without a second thought. Of course, there was no choice but to wear the outfit to work tomorrow. It was one of the nicest outfits I ever owned, and I knew I would feel powerful in it. It was a different sort of beauty than the flowing dress from Sunday, but beautiful, nonetheless.
My confidence was pouring out of me, and I found myself smiling more after putting it on. I walked around the apartment with a purpose in my stride, and my face held that expression which communicated: Don’t mess with me; I know what I’m doing.
I felt as if nothing could bring me down. Not today; not ever. Knowing that Sebastian wanted me in the way he did made me wet just thinking about it. I had resisted the urge to pleasure myself again; I wanted to wait until he could it for me properly. The anticipation would only make the pleasure all the more potent. Like aging wine, wasn’t that what he said?
I made my way into work in the outfit that Sebastian had delivered to my house. I wore it with pride, knowing I was bound to draw some attention that afternoon. When lunch was over, Ana came up to where I was working away. There was a twinkle in her eye.
“So, how was your weekend?” she asked, a suggestive tone to her voice.
“My weekend?”
“Yeah, you went home with Ash Bennett, right? I saw him pull up on his motorcycle.”
“Ana!” I punched her shoulder gently, “You were watching?”
“I mean, how could I not? You’d been acting giddy all day. I wanted to know what was going on; call it a friend’s intuition.”
“Or just a friend being nosy.”
“So, what happened?”
“We…uh…” I was thinking of Sebastian now, and of the things we did after my afternoon with Ash. “We just hung out and took some more pictures; nothing like what you’re thinking.”
“Oh, good, because I think most of the people in this office would want to murder you if you ended up dating Ash Bennett.”
“Is that so?” I asked, laughing. “Well, we should probably go get some lunch then, before they decide they don’t care about technicalities.”
“Oooh, so something did happen then,” Ana teased, and I brushed her off.
We were on our way out of the building to grab an afternoon coffee when I overheard some of the hushed whispers of the newer workers.
/> “Have you seen the clothes she’s been wearing recently?”
“I know; they’re so expensive. I don’t know how she could afford them on her salary.”
“Sammy says she heard that Lillian had a sugar daddy,”
“Shhhh, she’s right there, you idiot.”
I hid my face in shame as Ana told the girls off for spreading rumors, then came back to comfort me, rubbing up and down my arm.
“Don’t pay any attention to what they just said, Lillian. They’re just jealous new recruits who want your position working with Ash. I’m sure nobody believes them.”
“I…it’s fine.” I did my best to push away the sick feeling in my stomach.
I tried not to think about whose money bought this dress, these shoes, this jewelry adorning me. I tried not to think about the other two outfits sitting in my closet at home, and how Sebastian’s motives for buying them for me might not have been what he said initially.
“Let’s just go,” I said, timidly.
Despite my best efforts, the thought lingered in my mind. For the rest of the day, I felt sick to my stomach every time I thought about Sebastian and his intentions…was that what some people thought of me? Could it be the way my relationship was being viewed? I didn’t know if I should pay it any mind, but I didn’t want to let this stand in the way of my second chance.
With a bit of apprehension, I picked up my phone and texted Sebastian…
Hey, I know you’re busy tonight. But can we please meet for dinner? I need you.
I tried not to be self-conscious standing on the sidewalk that night, waiting for Sebastian to pick me up. I didn’t want those girls to see me getting picked up in this expensive car. I didn’t want Ana seeing me with this new man, wondering who he was and if she had been wrong. Sebastian pulled up right on time, opening the door with a smile on his handsome face.
“You ready for dinner?” he asked. “Or should we go back to my place first?”
“Let’s get dinner,” I said, unsure if I was ready to go back to his apartment again, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to resist him if I did.
“So, how was work today?” he asked when I got into the passenger seat and closed the door.
Immediately, I was reminded of what those girls were saying, but I pushed the thought away. “It was fine; there wasn’t much that had to be done today.”
“I see,” he said. “Well, the case has been going well for me. If all happens as planned, we should be wrapping up by the end of the week.”
“That sounds wonderful.”
“Quite wonderful, because then my attention can be completely devoted to you for those two days. I was thinking a movie marathon, something nostalgic. I could cook for you too; does that sound good?”
“Haha, I don’t know if I trust your cooking skills, but that sounds nice.”
“I’ll have you know I was trained by a fine French chef, and if he deemed my dishes passable, then they are godlike to the rest of civilization.”
“Oh, sure, like that one time you burned pancakes. And forgot to add the sugar.”
“Those were dark years, yes, but I’ve grown since then.”
“I’ll believe it when I taste it.” I laughed again, feeling my worries dissipate like waves.
I had missed this banter when he left, and I forgot today how happy I was to have him back in my life. If anything, I could deal with the rumors. But still—as much as I kept telling myself this, a small seed of doubt remained.
Sebastian took us to a smaller Italian restaurant. One of those easily overlooked places if you didn’t know it was there. The inside was packed though, and it had such a warmth to it. The server smiled and joked with Sebastian before leading us to a small corner table. Then he disappeared to find a suitable wine and some menus.
“This is nice,” I said, taking in the atmosphere. I wanted to take photos there; it had that sort of feeling that would translate nicely through the lens of a camera.
“So, Lily,” Sebastian said, leaning forward, his chin on his hands, his attention focused on me. “You never told me how you got into your new position. Which magazine do you work for again?”
“I work for Illusions; you’ve seen it, yes?”
Sebastian’s eyes immediately lit up in recognition. “I know who runs it.”
“You do? That’s so cool.”
“Yeah, we’re quite good friends. You said you are their leading photographer there?”
I scoffed. “Leading? I’m not so sure about that. But I am one of their better photographers yes. After a bunch of them left at the beginning of this year.” I nodded.
“But you wanted to be a photojournalist?”
“Yeah, I’m slowly working my way there.”
“Well, I might be able to talk to my friend. I’ve seen what you can do, Lily, and with a few nudges in the right direction, I know she would be pleased to have you working as a photojournalist.”
“I…” The sick feeling was back in my chest. My throat was constricting at the thought of Sebastian getting me my dream position. And I was partially thinking of what other people might think of me for it, of…
“Lily, what’s wrong?”
“I—”
“Was it something I said?”
“I can’t let you do that, Sebastian.” There were tears coming out of my eyes now. “I’ve worked so hard to get where I am based on what I can do; for someone to try to take that from me, you really don’t understand me at all.”
“Woah, Lily, that’s not what I meant. I won’t talk to my friend if you don’t want me to. I just thought you might appreciate the boost.”
“No, I don’t. I don’t know how to feel about you doing these favors for me Sebastian. Because, to be honest, it’s starting to feel like you’re paying me.”
I was in full-blown cry mode now, and I didn’t care who was watching or listening.
“These clothes you’re giving me, it feels like you’re paying me to have sex with you, and that’s not the kind of relationship I want to have at all. I—” I stood up as the feeling of wanting to vomit inundated me. “I can’t do this, Sebastian. I’ve been feeling weird this whole time, and now I know why. I’m sorry, but I’m returning everything. I can’t do this right now.”
“Lily—” he said.
I got up and was already running of the restaurant. My heels clicked against the pavement as I sobbed. I found my way to one of the main streets and hailed a cab, a rush of emotions flooding me.
I got into the first one that pulled over, quickly giving the driver my home address, and continuing to cry in the back seat. Now everything made sense: why I felt slightly uneasy about all the expensive food, the treatment, the clothing. If Sebastian couldn’t understand where I was coming from, everything I worked for, and the integrity I valued—then this wasn’t going to work, past attraction or not.
15. (Lillian)
At work the next day, I found myself struggling to focus. Every moment that I spent with Sebastian from last night replayed in my mind. I ignored several texts and calls from him already, but I was beginning to wonder if I was doing the right thing. Maybe I was overreacting, but then I remembered how I felt in that restaurant, the rumors those girls had been spreading. My stomach turned again, and I decided that I didn’t make the wrong choice. I was barely getting any of my work done, though, and it didn’t escape my supervisor’s attention.
“Hey, Lillian.” My supervisor was a kind, older woman named Judy. Judy was the no-nonsense type, but she could be understanding when she needed to be, and in that way, she reminded me a bit of my grandmother. “Are you doing alright?”
“Uh, yeah, sorry. Just…stuff going on…you know.”
“It’s affecting your work ethic,” Judy observed, then placed the back of her palm against my forehead. “Well, you’re not feverish, and I’ve never known you to be like this, so it must be serious. Have you been working on that next story with Ash Bennett?”
I nodded.
“I—of course.” Judy’s kindness was the type that you couldn’t refuse, that you knew didn’t come from any place other than concern. “I’ll send you an update tonight.”
“That’s fine. Just show up at work tomorrow with a little more energy, okay?”
“Okay.”
Judy left to check on some of the other employees, so I went about packing up my things. I felt a bit like I was on display as I left the office. I wanted to cry again. I didn’t know that this would affect me so much.
It was still light out, so I took the public transportation back to my neighborhood, stopping at the closest store on my walk back to the apartment to purchase some ice cream. I figured that all I needed was a good old-fashioned cry and a couple of romantic comedies to make me feel normal again. It always worked before, though this time was different in many ways.
Coby was there to greet me when I opened the door, and Rebecca nowhere to be seen. Good; at least there was only a cat to witness my misery.
“Oh, Coby,” I cried. I scooped that furball up into my arms. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with human bullshit. The world is so fucked.”
He mewed, searching through my eyes. “I know, I know, you don’t understand me,” I replied, setting him down. “I’m just glad you’re here to join me for bad romance. We’re going to break into the classics tonight, Coby.”
I grabbed a spoon from the kitchen and changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt. I still couldn’t bear to look at the dress Sebastian had given me, so I hung it up carefully in the back of my closet. Then I came back out and flopped down on the couch with the remotes and a blanket wrapping me in its warmth.
