Microsoft Word - MeantForEachOther.doc

by Allison

  “Good for you. I never doubted you’d achieve whatever you set your mind to.”

  “You remember I wanted to teach?” The surprise in Jeremy’s voice was unmistakable.

  “Of course. You said you wanted to and I knew you would follow your dream. I bet you’re an amazing teacher. All your students must have crushes on you.” Craig witnessed several emotions pass over Jeremy’s face. He appeared thrilled, but the excitement seemed to fade into something more like sadness. “Did I say something wrong?”

  Jeremy turned his amber gaze on Craig, causing his breath to catch. “No. I had forgotten anyone knew my childhood and could appreciate that I achieved my goals.”

  Craig’s heart thumped at the deeper meaning in Jeremy’s comment. “You were my best friend. I paid attention to everything you said. Plus, you told me on a day I’ll never forget. That kiss cemented every detail into my mind.”

  The flush pinking Jeremy’s cheeks caused Craig to laugh, but he never dropped his gaze. “How about you? You said you were going to do something creative. I guess you achieved your goals as well.” Jeremy glanced around the room at Craig’s artwork.

  “Show me your work. I want a tour from the artist himself.”

  Resisting the sudden impulse to take Jeremy’s hand, Craig followed Jeremy as he walked by the various pictures on display.

  “These pictures remind me of home,” Jeremy said, a wistful note in his voice. “Like this one. The wooden beams are exactly like the ones in your kitchen. And this fireplace, the use of stone and the various shades of gray match the one from your front parlor, right?”

  A mixture of happiness and regret filled Craig, and he had to work to keep himself held together. “I guess you have a good memory too. I enjoyed this job. My specialty is modern design, but Boris wanted me to make the designs softer and warmer.”

  Craig surveyed the designs again, scrutinizing his work from Jeremy’s perspective.

  He had used his home as motivation, but had not realized until now how similar his designs were to several of the features from growing up. He walked over to the picture of the house by the lake. “Jeremy, check this one out. Recognize anything?”

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  Jeremy studied the picture. “It’s the Cape house.” He peered closer and his mouth fell open. “Is that…That’s The Love Tree!”

  “Yup.” Craig walked up to the picture. “As best as I can remember it anyways. I know it wasn’t there, but I had to draw it anyway.”

  Craig had been particularly nostalgic when he designed this scene. Each detail came to life in his mind as he had replayed moments from growing up with Jeremy…none more vivid than the kiss in the Love Tree. Somehow bringing together the two places he shared with Jeremy which held the most powerful meaning for him seemed a natural thing to do. He reached up to touch the tree. “I did the same thing you did.”

  Jeremy looked at Craig. “What’s that?”

  “I judged my first few boyfriends against you.”

  Jeremy dropped his gaze. When he lifted his head, he wore a serious expression.

  ”It’s so good to see you again.”

  Craig stared at the picture for a moment longer, before turning to Jeremy. He took a step forward, maintaining eye contact as he moved, and his foot caught on the floor causing him to trip. He would have smacked himself smartly on the ground if Jeremy hadn’t caught him. Jeremy’s arms wrapped around Craig, holding him until he steadied his feet on the ground. When he righted himself, Jeremy kept his hold around his waist.

  Their eyes met and locked, Jeremy’s amber pools peering into his blues. For a brief moment, no more than a few seconds, they were back in the tree, nothing else existed.

  Craig felt himself draw closer to Jeremy, his desire to seal their lips together filling his every thought. It seemed that Jeremy’s mouth drew closer to him as well, each of them breathing a bit more heavily.

  Jeremy shook his head, breaking the moment, replacing the intensity on his face with a sheepish grin and a weak laugh. “Your balance has improved dramatically, I’m impressed. The flat floor would be tricky for anyone to navigate.” His laughter became stronger, helping to bring Craig out of his haze.

  Craig smirked. “Fuck you.” Then he started laughing too, appreciating the release in the intensity of their reunion. “We better not let another fifteen years go by before we get together again.” Craig reached into his pocket, pulled out a business card, and wrote his cell number on the back. “Here, take this. Let’s grab dinner sometime soon and catch up.”

  “I’d like that. Can you give me one of those cards?” Craig obliged, pulling another card from his pocket. Jeremy wrote his number on the back as well, and returned it to Craig. “Now we have each other’s numbers. I’m free any day next week.”

  “Me too.”

  Their conversation was interrupted by Boris who called for everyone’s attention. He stood at the podium. “I would like to thank each of you for coming tonight. I’m pleased to be able to show the work my company can do for you. Could we all take a moment to appreciate the bright, young designer who created the samples of work you have seen this evening? Craig Harper, please step forward.”

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  Craig turned to Jeremy. “Well, guess I need to be shown off.” He gave Jeremy a quick hug, before heading for the podium. As he walked away, each step was harder to make than the last, taking him further away from Jeremy and their reunion.

  * * * * *

  Jeremy didn’t spend much time with Craig after Boris announced him. A constant band of clients surrounded Craig, all undoubtedly wanting to discuss their plans for redecorating their places. Finally, at the end of the evening, Craig stopped by, pulling him into another tight hug. Craig’s arms squeezed him tightly, the pressure heating him where they touched, a hint of cologne, something light and fresh, on his collar. Jeremy wanted to stay in Craig’s embrace all evening just to breathe him in. “What’s that cologne? I love it.”

  Craig pulled back, smiling. “Acqua Di Gio. It’s my favorite. They hugged once more, then Craig left with Robert.

  Longing filled Jeremy as Craig walked away. All of his memories of their childhood flooded his mind. He had always been so happy with Craig, the boy. Now he was stunned by Craig, the man. He had grown into himself nicely. Light brown hair, slightly longer than his own and a bit disheveled, perfect for an artistic type. Pale skin, unblemished, the line of his features perfectly symmetrical. Those bright blue eyes he had admired as a child hadn’t aged, youthful excitement still evident in his confident gaze. And those plump lips, the ones he had nibbled seventy feet in the air. He had dreamed about kissing those lips, the soft press of them against his own, countless times over the years.

  Jeremy was distracted from his thoughts by an uncomfortable tightening in his pants He shifted his hips, attempting to readjust himself without using his hands. Just thinking about him is giving me a hard-on.

  Craig understood him. He should. They grew up together. You didn’t spend fifteen years with someone without knowing who he really was, deep down inside. What if things had been different…if I had never moved?

  He tried to remember when he and Craig had lost touch. What the exact circumstances had been causing him to let such an important friendship slip through his fingers. Their kiss, the day before he left, had left him with a void when he and his family moved to Arizona. He had always loved Craig and for a year before he actually kissed him, had been aware of being in love with him. After he moved, he cried himself to sleep night after night; upset he had waited until the last possible moment to show his true feelings.

  They called each other every week for the first year, but once a week became once every two weeks and then once a month. Each time they spoke, the void would return and he would fall into a depression, missing his best friend and wishing for what they never had a chance to have. He
found when he didn’t call, he could focus on his new friends and his new life without the sadness and depression of yearning for his past. By 64

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  the time he left for college, he only kept in touch around holidays, yet every contact still filled him with regret.

  He had considered going to college back east, but with his parents divorced, money was tight. Going to Arizona State made more sense. Even if money hadn’t been tight, he would have avoided going home. Too much time had passed. He had allowed things to slip between them, dreading the feeling of emptiness which always filled him afterwards. And Craig had become more distant during the phone calls, as if he were pulling away. That hurt more than anything.

  In college he focused on building new memories, making new friends. He didn’t have the courage to come out in high school. Surrounded by tons of gay people at Arizona State, he explored his sexuality and focused on his lifetime dream of becoming a teacher, distractions which kept him from thinking about Craig.

  He had dated a few people, but he always thought of Craig whenever he kissed them. No one measured up and the sense of emptiness would return.

  When he met Greg during his junior year, he finally fell in love with a person, rather than the idea someone could be to him what Craig had been. Greg helped him to let go of the hold the past had on him. They dated each other for the remainder of college, but when Jeremy moved to New York City, Greg remained in Arizona.

  Jeremy didn’t want to begin a long term relationship, not after all the suffering he had already experienced once, so they broke up amicably, choosing to remain friends.

  As he thought of Greg, he realized they never talked either. That’s not a good pattern.

  Craig showing up in his life once again seemed like a second chance to reconnect to his past.

  Yes, that’s what’s going on. I’m reclaiming something I lost. Craig reminded him of who he had been, a strong, confident person. There was no reason he couldn’t bring the past into his present, right? Andrew would understand. Jeremy’s heart gave a thump.

  Craig’s card sat in his wallet, and he could almost feel its presence as if it were alive. He shook his head and reached for his wallet. There was no reason to feel so guilty when Craig was a friend, an old friend he loved and who was helping him and his current partner remodel their home, right?

  Right.

  Jeremy pushed the thought aside, guilt filling him. Andrew was trying so hard to make things good between them and here he was reliving a kiss from fifteen years ago and wanting to experience it again. Chill out, Jeremy. All he said was he wanted to get together for dinner. The reprimand sounded right, but didn’t fool him. Craig was back in his life and for the first time in as long as he could remember, the future excited him.

  The entire ride home, Jeremy’s mind raced and he barely managed to maintain conversation with Andrew without interrupting his own thoughts. Andrew bubbled on and on about the evening and his excitement about redecorating their condo. Jeremy made the appropriate sounds of affirmation, but his head remained focused on Craig.

  The fresh scent hovered around him like a mist, each intake of breath making the 65

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  picture of his best friend clearer in his mind. As he sat, his cock pushed at the fabric of his jeans, constricted within the tight space.

  Andrew called his name with a bit of alarm; causing Jeremy to snap his head to face him. “Huh?”

  “Where are you? You looked like you were a million miles away.”

  Panic gripped Jeremy. What’s the appropriate response here? “Considering some ideas for the condo.”

  Andrew squeezed his hand, a broad smile crossing his face. “I’m so glad you’re excited about this. And what a bonus your friend is the designer. Small world.”

  Guilt managed to squeeze inside his chest along with the panic. Jeremy had been thinking the same thing. Not about spending money. He normally became irritated at Andrew for spending money when Jeremy couldn’t contribute. Instead he focused on the fact he would be able to spend more time with Craig. Suddenly a third emotion joined the guilt and panic. Pride welled inside him as well as he thought about Craig and how talented he had become.

  Back in their condo, they got undressed and slid into bed; Jeremy nestled in Andrew’s arms. Within minutes, Andrew’s breath came slow and easy, but Jeremy remained wide awake, memories of his childhood playing through his mind like a slideshow and fantasies of what his life might have been if he had never moved.

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  Chapter Eight

  The next morning, Jeremy pulled the card out of his wallet. He had wracked his brain for a plausible reason to call Craig and finally decided on inviting Robert to dinner. His heart sped up and he started breathing faster. Geez Jeremy, it’s just Craig.

  Before he had a chance to dial, his phone started ringing. Glancing at the caller ID, he didn’t recognize the number, but then checked it against the card. It was Craig.

  Jeremy picked up the phone on the second ring. “Why’d you wait so long to call me?”

  All of the tension Jeremy had allowed to build up inside seeped out as soon as Craig responded. “What? You expect me to drop everything and call? I had to pee first.”

  “You could have called me and peed at the same time.”

  They both burst out in heartfelt laughter. God, it felt good to laugh with Craig again. How had he lived all these years without hearing the sweet tenor of the man’s voice? When the laughter had passed, Jeremy’s insides jumped and he prepared himself to broach the true purpose for his call. “Listen, I wanted to invite you and Robert for dinner.”

  Waiting for Craig’s answer, Jeremy ignored a sliver of jealousy at having to extend an invitation for two. He pictured the tall man with dark hair, who had been drunk and ridiculously talkative. My God Jeremy, you’re jealous. The realization startled him, but he couldn’t deny the truth of it.

  Craig cleared his throat, a nervous sound Jeremy recognized from their childhood.

  His own throat dried suddenly. Was Craig feeling the same way?

  “I’d love…I mean, we’d love to come, Jeremy.”

  Jeremy’s heart beat even faster Wow, he was actually inviting Craig to his home for dinner. Just twenty-four hours ago it was something he’d never imagined possible.

  ”How does Wednesday night at seven o’clock sound?”

  “Sounds like a plan. Can we bring anything?”

  “No, I’ll take care of everything.” And I’m spending my money for this. Not Andrew’s.

  With a pang of guilt, he knew why he’d not use Andrew’s money for this dinner.

  “Okay. Wednesday night then.”

  Jeremy waited for the other end of the line to go dead before replacing the phone on the handset.

  A few minutes later Andrew came into the kitchen. “You’re up early.” He snuggled behind Jeremy and planted a kiss on the back of his neck, his scruff tickling the sensitive skin. The normally enjoyable sensation blended horribly with the guilt snaking around inside him. Come on, Jeremy, you’re just friends. That’s all. He closed his eyes and concentrated all his attention on the brush of Andrew’s lips.

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  “I woke up alert today,” he murmured. “Hey, I called Craig. He and Robert are going to come for dinner on Wednesday night. You don’t mind, do you?”

  “Of course I don’t mind.” Andrew released Jeremy with a pat on the butt and walked over to the coffee pot. “Didn’t make the coffee yet, huh?”

  Jeremy ignored his comment. “I think I’ll make the roasted chicken Craig’s mom used to make. We ate it all the time growing up.”

  Andrew walked over to the freezer and took out the ground coffee. “Sounds delicious. How come you never made the meal for me?”

 
; Jeremy froze, panic setting in once again. “Uh, I—“

  “I know, I’m never around for dinner.” He turned to Jeremy and offered him a sly smile and a wink. Jeremy released the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding.

  “I’m glad you’ve reconnected with Craig. You’ve been pretty down. Maybe spending time with an old friend is what you need. Whenever you talk about growing up in Newton, you’re always so excited.”

  “Yeah. Maybe it is.” Jeremy kept his other thought to himself. Maybe it’s what I’ve always needed.

  On Wednesday, when Jeremy finished school, he left right away rather than staying to prepare for the next day as he normally would. Craig and Robert would be coming over around seven that evening. And he still had to do some food shopping. While in the supermarket, Andrew called. “Hey, baby. Just wanted to check if you need me to pick anything up on my way home. I’m going to cut out right at five o’clock today so I can be home and help out with last minute preparations.”

  “I have most everything I need. Would you mind picking up some wine?” Jeremy had gone way over his food budget. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to afford wine as well, he succumbed.

  “Absolutely. I’ll pick up a bunch of bottles so we can get tipsy tonight. Do you want me to get out of work early to help out?”

  Jeremy’s guilt intensified. Not only was Andrew being sweet and accommodating, but he was now offering to help make the evening a success; an evening which felt like he was preparing for a first date. In a way, it was a first date. “No, thanks. You need to work.” He fiddled with the tie of his apron. “Besides, I love cooking.”

  If Andrew noticed his tension, it didn’t register in his voice. “Ok, I’ll be home around five-thirty with the wine. I love you.”

  “I love you too. See you when you get home.” Jeremy snapped his phone shut and stood quietly, staring at the oven door. What the hell is going on with me? I’m in a relationship! He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to push the image of Craig’s face from his mind, unsuccessfully. With a sigh, he placed his cell back in its holster and continued selecting the food for their dinner.