Just.
The word belittled everything it touched. Matt just had to open his heart to God. Pearl just had to have faith God would provide for her. She didn’t want Sarah to see her upset, so she kept her voice low. “Sometimes people have to make hard choices, especially daddies. Just know that he loves you. I care about you, too.”
“Then why are you leaving?”
How did she explain vigilantes to a child? “Some bad men are causing trouble. My father has to leave to be safe.”
“Will you come back?”
Pearl weighed her words carefully. If Sarah was going to ever trust again, she needed the truth. “I don’t know.”
The child sat as still as a stone cherub. Like Pearl, she knew the futility of hoping for things she couldn’t have. With tears in her eyes, Pearl took a sheet of paper and the pencil Sarah had set down. In block letters she wrote her name and the address for Swan’s Nest, then she slid the paper to Sarah. “This is where I’m going to live. I’ll ask Miss Carrie to help you send a letter, and I’ll send one back.”
“Really?”
“You bet.” Pearl couldn’t fix all of Sarah’s problems, but she would always be her friend. Sarah looked at the paper for a long time. “I see an S like Sarah!”
“That’s right.” Pearl pointed to the W. “That says ‘Swan’s Nest.’ It’s where I’m going to live again.”
Sarah said each letter out loud. Before she got to the T in ‘Nest,’” Carrie tapped on the open door. “Matt’s here.”
Her cousin looked flushed and out of breath. Pearl wondered why. Later she’d ask, but for now the time had come to say goodbye. Pearl stood and pulled Sarah into a hug. She didn’t want to see Matt, but neither would she make the moment harder than necessary for Sarah. She also had to tell Matt about the errand boy and Jasper’s note.
She took the letter out of the pocket of her cloak, glanced at the writing and felt a cold certainty that it held a threat. Together she and Sarah went into the foyer, where Matt stood with his hat in hand and a grim expression.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Five minutes ago, Matt had arrived at Carrie’s house with Tobias. The old man was on foot, so Matt had walked his horse. They’d exchanged a few words but not many. The danger spoke for itself. As they’d neared Carrie’s house, Matt had gotten a pleasant surprise. On the far corner of the porch, he’d seen Dan and Carrie kissing in the shadows. Later he’d joke with his friend about dropping his guard while on duty, but for the moment he couldn’t have been more pleased.
Tobias had seen them, too. He’d given Matt a sideways glance, but Matt had ignored him. Until he could be the man Pearl deserved, he had no business thinking about kissing her. To give Dan warning, he had cleared his throat. The couple had broken apart, then they’d all gone into the house together with Carrie looking more flustered than Matt had ever seen her. When she left to fetch Pearl and Sarah, Matt slapped Dan on the back. “Now who’s the Romeo?”
Dan glared at him. “No jokes, Wiley. I’m going to marry that woman.”
“Did you ask her?” Matt half whispered.
“Not yet, but I will.”
Matt wished he could ask Pearl the same question. When she came into the foyer with Sarah and Carrie, he recalled seeing her with his daughter for the first time and being reminded of Bettina. He’d never been more wrong in his life. Pearl was nothing like his first wife. She had a sweetness he loved, a generosity of spirit Sarah needed as much as he did. He didn’t want her to go, but he had to keep her safe from the G.O. and from his own dark heart.
She still looked disheveled from the rain, a sign she’d spoken to Sarah rather than make herself more comfortable. She also had a white envelope in her hand and a worried expression. Instead of running to him, Sarah clung to Pearl’s other hand and glared at him. Tonight he’d read Cinderella, but he doubted the fairy tale could ease his daughter’s heart.
Looking tense, Pearl offered him the letter. “It’s from Jasper. I haven’t read it yet.”
As Matt took the envelope, their fingers touched. Hers were still cold. So were his. “Who delivered it?”
“An errand boy.” She told him about the boy who’d brought her things and her conversation with Mrs. Dinwiddie. “I don’t know how much he overheard, or if he’d go back and tell Jasper.”
Matt’s brow furrowed. “We have to figure on the worst.”
Pearl bit her lip. “That means—”
“Let me read the letter.” He opened the envelope, unfolded a single sheet of paper and saw Jasper’s penmanship. Every letter was slanted at the same angle. The capitals matched in height, and the lower case letters made a straight and perfect line.
“Read it out loud,” Tobias urged.
“Dear Pearl.” Matt hated having Jasper’s words on his tongue. “We seem to have had a misunderstanding. As you know, I think very highly of you and your father. I trust we’ll be able to speak tomorrow when you arrive at the store as usual. With warm regards, Jasper Kling.”
He folded the letter and looked at Pearl. “Whatever you do, don’t go near that place.”
“I won’t,” she murmured.
Matt turned to Tobias. “Sir, Dan and I will put you, Pearl and Toby on the train first thing in the morning. In the meantime, everyone needs to stay alert.”
Carrie spoke up. “You’ll need coffee. I’ll put some on the stove.”
“Thanks,” Matt answered. He put the letter in his coat pocket. It might be needed for evidence. “The G.O. could be planning something at nine o’clock tomorrow, or they could be watching the house right now. Either way, Tobias knows too much. Once we catch them in the act, his testimony could seal a conviction.”
“I’ll do whatever I can,” the old man said.
“Me, too,” Pearl added.
Matt looked at Pearl and felt a surge of love. Instead of trembling at Jasper’s threat, she looked defiant. She’d come a long way from being “Miss No Name” and running from a crowd. In some small way, he’d helped her find that strength. It made him proud, but not proud enough to stop the nightmares.
He turned to Dan. “I’ll take Sarah to Mrs. Holcombe’s. I’ll be back with your horse.”
“What about more deputies?” Dan asked.
“Dibbs and Murray are on duty tonight. I’ll tell them to keep an eye out.”
With their business settled, Dan gave Carrie a nod and went to stand guard on the porch. Tobias excused himself and so did Carrie, leaving Matt alone with Pearl and Sarah. Their eyes met and held, but neither of them spoke. He couldn’t bear the sight of Sarah clinging to Pearl’s skirt, glaring at him as if he were an ogre about to snatch her away. A man did what had to be done, so he gave her a stern look. “Come on, darlin’. It’s time to go.”
“No!”
“Sarah—”
“I don’t want to go to Mrs. Holcombe’s house! I want to stay with Miss Pearl.” She stuck out her bottom lip. When Matt saw it tremble, he hated himself with the full force of all his guilt. Unwillingly, he looked to Pearl for help and wished he hadn’t. Her eyes matched Sarah’s too perfectly. The females belonged together. Matt belonged with them both. If he were a better man, he could have told Pearl he loved her. He could have given Sarah a mother and ended this charade of uncaring. He would never have participated in a lynching and he’d be free to sit in church without resentment coloring his every thought.
He wasn’t that man, so he stepped forward and lifted Sarah to his hip. She kicked so hard he’d have a bruise. “Sarah—”
“Wait,” Pearl said gently. “Let me talk to her.”
Shamefully grateful for her help, he stood so that Pearl and Sarah were nose to nose. She cupped the child’s head with her hand, kissed her temple and then rested her forehead against Sarah’s smaller one.
“I love you, Sarah,” she whispered. “I’m going to write to you, remember?”
The child sobbed.
“And we’re going to be friends forever, right? I won’t
ever forget you, and you won’t forget me.”
Sarah settled a bit, but tears kept spilling down her cheeks. “I don’t want you to go!”
“I know, sweetheart.” Pearl pulled back, but she kept contact by touching Sarah’s chin. “How about this…I promise I’ll come and visit. I don’t know when, but someday I’ll come and see you. Would you like that?”
Slowly, as if her head weighed a hundred pounds, Sarah nodded.
“Good,” Pearl said with false enthusiasm. “We’ll look forward to it. Now go with your daddy, okay? He’s a good man and he loves you very, very much. He’ll take good care of you, always. I know it.”
If Pearl had looked into his eyes, she’d have seen tears. The feelings embarrassed him, but they didn’t humble him enough to tell her he loved her. First he had to settle matters with God and the Golden Order. Turning his back, he walked out the door with Sarah in his arms.
“Bye, Miss Pearl,” the child said in a shaky voice.
“Goodbye, Sarah.”
With the words echoing in his ears, Matt closed the door and headed for his horse. Sarah felt as lifeless as a sack of flour. He’d have preferred a tantrum to the dead-weight. He lifted her into the saddle, climbed up behind her and wrapped his coat around her for warmth. She usually chattered when she rode with him. He’d tease her about taking the reins and they’d think of funny names for horses. Tonight she curled sideways against his middle and clutched his shirt, a sign she’d said goodbye too many times. Either God didn’t know, or he didn’t care. Matt’s blood boiled with a consuming anger. He could understand the Almighty turning His back on a man like himself, but how could He forget Sarah?
When they reached Mrs. Holcombe’s house, Matt climbed off his horse and carried Sarah to the porch. Mrs. Holcombe opened the door and greeted them with a smile. “Looks like I’m going to have company tonight.”
Sarah usually liked staying with Mrs. Holcombe. Tonight she muttered, “I guess.”
“What’s wrong?” the woman asked.
Sarah shrugged. Matt chose not to enlighten her, either.
Mrs. Holcombe respected his silence, but Matt knew her opinions. More than once she’d told him Sarah needed a mother. Tonight he had to agree. “She’s tired,” he said. “I’ll put her down, then fetch her nightie from the house.” He’d get the Mother Goose book, too.
As he set Sarah on the divan, Mrs. Holcombe sat close. “How about a story when your daddy gets back? We could read Cinderella.”
“No, thank you,” Sarah replied, sounding overly polite. “It isn’t true anyway.”
It pained him, but Matt had to agree. When it came to Pearl, he’d failed miserably as Prince Charming. He’d failed Sarah, too. He couldn’t pray for himself, but he could pray for his daughter and Pearl.
Help them, Lord. They need more than I can give right now.
He didn’t expect God to answer, but a small part of him hoped that someday he’d be able to trust God the way Pearl did. Until then, he’d stand guard like the watchman. It wouldn’t be in vain, either. He intended to stop the Golden Order on his own. He’d fight and he’d win. If God wanted to watch, so be it. But Matt wouldn’t count on Him.
When Pearl walked into her room, she saw her father in the rocking chair, pushing gently as he hummed a lullaby to his grandson. She’d had a harrowing day and still needed to pack, but she welcomed his company. She’d never have a husband, but she had the best father in the world. She sat across from him on the seat of the vanity. “How are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m fine.” He kept rocking. “I just wish things had turned out better.”
“You did your best,” Pearl said. “I’m proud of you.”
“I’m proud of you,” Tobias replied. “Here’s hoping Matt finishes the job fast. I’d like to come back here.”
Pearl had the same hope. “If anyone can stop them, it’s Matt.”
“He’s troubled, Pearl.”
“I know.”
He looked at her with the love she’d known her entire life. “You know I’ll be praying.”
“Thank you, Papa.”
He indicated Toby with his chin. “This little boy’s asleep. I’ll put him to bed and go pack. I don’t think either of us will get much sleep tonight.” Her father carried Toby to his cradle, then kissed Pearl on the cheek and said goodnight. As he lumbered down the hall, she closed the door and slumped against it. The emotion she’d been holding back for Sarah’s sake leaked into her eyes. A tear trickled down her cheek, then another one. She wiped them away with her knuckles, then went to the wardrobe and opened the doors. One by one, she removed the dresses from the hooks.
The blue one she’d worn the day she arrived reminded her of her first glimpse of Matt. He’d struck her as handsome and troubled, a good man with a chip on his shoulder. He hadn’t changed at all, except now she loved him.
As she lifted the gray dress she’d worn to the interview, she thought of Matt taking her to the bakery. She recalled the tenderness of the moment, then the look in his eyes when he realized she’d been the victim of violence. Was that when she’d started to love him? Or had it been sooner? Pearl didn’t know and it didn’t matter. Unless Matt had a change of heart, her feelings had to be put aside.
As she lifted the fancy dress she’d worn to Carrie’s party, she thought of Adie’s wedding and her own hopes for marriage. Those hopes had been dead when she’d arrived in Cheyenne. Matt had brought them to life, but they’d faded again when he said the kiss was “just stuff.” Had he been lying? Or did he mean it? Either way, the words hurt.
Last, she removed her everyday dresses, the ones she’d worn in Jasper’s store. They held no memories, good or bad. She could wear them in Denver without remembering Jasper and running into the rain.
She packed her petticoats and underthings, then opened the vanity. With her throat tight, she took out the blue ribbons one by one, recalling when she’d worn them. When she lifted the one Matt had touched, it warmed beneath her fingers and she remembered everything…the moment they’d met and Sarah’s messy braid. The night in the kitchen and the kiss in the alley. Closing her eyes, she pictured Matt’s face as she prayed for peace for his soul.
She whispered “Amen,” then looked at herself in the mirror. Slowly she unwound the coronet she’d made with her braid, then she loosened the plaits until her hair hung unbound down her back. Over and over, she brushed the strands until they crackled.
Looking at her reflection, she felt beautiful and strong. Never again would she pull her hair so tight that her scalp hurt. The blond lengths were indeed her crowning glory.
“Be with him, Lord,” she said out loud. “Remind him of Your mercy. Remind him that he needs You. Amen.”
Pearl needed the Lord, too. She also wanted a husband and a father for Toby. With those prayers on her lips, she felt a rush of courage. Not once in her life had she regretted being brave, but she’d paid dearly for being timid. Tomorrow she’d wear her hair down for the first time in a year. She’d wear Matt’s ribbons, too. As he’d believed in the note that came with the ribbons, she’d become a woman of uncommon courage.
Chapter Twenty-Three
By sunrise, Matt’s bones ached like an old man’s gout. The coffee he’d consumed tasted bitter on his tongue, although he was certain Dan felt otherwise. Carrie had been up half the night, making sandwiches for them all and keeping coffee on the stove. Matt couldn’t help but hope he’d see Pearl, but she’d stayed upstairs. He knew, because he’d watched the light in her window. Long after midnight, she’d blown out the wick.
Alone in the dark, he’d looked up at the sky. Instead of stars, he’d seen a thousand blind eyes. Bands of clouds had swept over the points of light, hiding them and then revealing them again as if God were blinking. Each time he wondered why he couldn’t do the one thing that might have given him peace. He couldn’t forgive God, and he couldn’t ask for forgiveness for himself.
While standing guard, he’d thought a
lot about what Pearl had said about that night in Virginia. She’d been wounded by a crime as heinous as the one Matt had committed, yet she’d gone on with her life. He wanted the same freedom, but how did he get it? He owed a debt for what he’d done in Virginia. Somehow it had to be paid. He’d heard what Pearl had said about Jesus dying for his sins. He’d once believed in that gift and supposed he still did, but somehow believing God could forgive him wasn’t enough. He felt dirty inside. And he still thought the Almighty had blinked on that fateful night.
Would his feelings change if he stopped the Golden Order? Matt didn’t know, but he wanted to sleep without bad dreams. He couldn’t bring Amos McGuckin back to life, but maybe he’d find peace if he could stop the Golden Order.
Even more important, he had to protect Pearl and her father. The Golden Order hadn’t struck during the night, but Matt couldn’t relax. If the G.O. wanted Matt and Tobias, Pearl was the perfect bait. Matt intended to put her on the train before Jasper opened his shop, but what about the errand boy? If he’d revealed the plan to Jasper, anything could happen.
Yawning, Matt leaned against the railing at the far end of the porch. He’d been up all night along with Dan and two other deputies. He’d sent Jake Murray home an hour ago. Charlie Dibbs was checking the horses, and Dan had gone to the livery to fetch a hack for the ride to the train depot. Until Matt saw the train pull out of the station, he wouldn’t take his eyes off Pearl for an instant.
As if he’d called out her name, she stepped through the front door. “Matt?”’ “Over here.”
As he pushed off the railing, the sun turned the day into a haze of gold. The light glinted off her hair, and his mouth gaped at what he saw. In place of the braid he’d come to expect, she’d swept half her hair up and let the rest fall down her back. Matching blue ribbons held the waves in place, the ribbons he’d given to her to say thank you…the ribbons that now said so much more.
When she saw him, she smiled. It didn’t look the least bit forced, though she had to be hurting. “Good morning,” she said. “I thought you might want breakfast. Dan and the other deputies, too.”
Wyoming Lawman Page 21
