The Fib, The Swap, The Trick and Other Stories

by George Layton

  ‘It’s fun.’

  She didn’t understand, the bombsite’s great. It’s where a doodlebug landed in the war, Miss Taylor had told us all about it at school. There’s all these bombed-out houses, nobody lives there any more and we run in and out playing commandos.

  ‘Fun? It’s dangerous. I don’t want you playing around that bombsite any more, will you promise me . . . ? Promise!’

  If it hadn’t been for Mr Churchill and Mr Attlee I wouldn’t have broken my promise. We’d have been at school and I wouldn’t have gone to the bombsite. And I wouldn’t have gone into the air-raid shelter.

  No, that’s daft, it was my own fault. I shouldn’t have listened to Norbert. I shouldn’t have gone with the others.

  ‘You d-d-don’t have to c-c-come with us. We’ll see you at P-Pearson’s.’

  I watched them all going off. I didn’t want to be on my own. What was I going to do all morning?

  ‘Hang on, I’m coming with you.’

  Norbert was right, it was better than the park. We were playing World War Two and me and Keith were against Norbert and David, we were the English and they were the Germans. Norbert always wants to be the German side. They were in the upstairs of this bombed-out house shooting down at us. He was wearing this old gas mask he’d found. He’s mad, Norbert, it was probably full of germs but he still put it on, he wasn’t bothered.

  ‘S’all right, it’s a good gas mask this, might be worth some money, I’m goin’ to show it to my dad.’

  I threw a pretend hand grenade that would have killed them but they carried on shooting.

  ‘Norbert, you’re dead, I threw a hand grenade.’

  He shouted something but you couldn’t tell what he was saying ’cos of his gas mask.

  ‘Y’what? I can’t tell what you’re saying.’

  He pulled it off.

  ‘My gas mask protected me.’

  ‘A gas mask can’t protect you against a hand grenade. Anyway it’s your turn, we died last time, didn’t we, Keith?’

  ‘Yeah, w-we died last t-t-time.’

  David put his hand up.

  ‘Truce. We’re comin’ down.’

  We stopped playing World War Two and sat on this old sofa. There were tons of sofas and beds and armchairs around. And old stoves and kiddies’ cots. And wardrobes and cupboards and old baths. All sorts of stuff. I can’t remember the war, I was only a baby. I’m glad a doodlebug didn’t fall on our house.

  David had a bar of Five Boys chocolate. He gave us a piece each and he had two. It was his chocolate so it was only fair. It was nice of him to give us any, I wouldn’t have.

  ‘My mum said I had to.’

  It was still nice of him, he didn’t have to do what his mum told him. My mum had told me not to play on the bombsite. She’d made me promise. But I was here, wasn’t I?

  ‘If I hadn’t given you any she’d have found out, she’d have asked me. She can always tell when I’m lying.’

  So can my mum. I wish I hadn’t come.

  ‘I’m bored here now, let’s go somewhere else.’

  They all agreed. I couldn’t believe it. Mind you, we’d been there for more than an hour and we’d had enough of World War Two. David said he fancied going to the park for a bit before we went for us fish and chips.

  ‘We can have a go on the boating lake if it’s open.’

  Norbert said he couldn’t, he wouldn’t be allowed on.

  ‘I’m banned. Ever since I turned that canoe upside down. Hey, I’ll wear my gas mask, he won’t recognise me, come on!’

  We set off across the bombsite. I was so glad, I wouldn’t have to lie to my mum now, I could tell her that we’d been in the park, got fish and chips from Pearson’s like we said we would and gone to see Canyon Raiders. I just wouldn’t tell her we’d played on the bombsite. Yes, I felt much better. Everything was all right now.

  And it would have been if we hadn’t bumped into Arthur Boocock. He was hanging around by the entrance to the air-raid shelter.

  ‘Where you lot off to?’

  ‘Park.’

  We all said it together. David told him we were going on the boating lake. I wanted him to shut up, I didn’t want Boocock coming with us, I hate him.

  ‘I thought you were banned, Lightowler, for capsizing that boat.’

  ‘I didn’t capsize it, I turned it over and it wor a canoe not a boat and I’m goin’ to wear this, he won’t recognise me.’

  Norbert put the gas mask on. Boocock snorted.

  ‘You look stupid. Anyway, t’boating lake’s closed, it’s only open on Saturdays and Sundays this time of year.’

  Trust Boocock to muck everything up, I bet none of them would go now. We had to go to the park so I wouldn’t have to lie to my mum.

  ‘Me and Gordon were down there earlier on. S’all closed up.’

  Him and Gordon Barraclough. I hate them. Norbert took the gas mask off.

  ‘Where is Barraclough?’

  Norbert hates Barraclough as much as I do. More. They’re always fighting.

  ‘In there.’

  He pointed towards the air-raid shelter. He couldn’t mean in there. Nobody goes in there. It’s horrible. It’s where all the people ran to when the doodlebug came down.

  ‘I’ve bet him that I can stay in there longer than he can.’

  I’d peeped through the door once. It’s pitch black, you can’t see a thing.

  ‘He’s m-m-mad, I w-wouldn’t go in there.’

  Just then there was a scream, the door opened and Barraclough came running out. He looked scared stiff.

  ‘There’s someone in there, I heard something.’

  We all gathered round him asking what he’d heard.

  ‘I don’t know, a noise, it were like a cough and I heard footsteps. I didn’t like it.’

  It was good seeing Barraclough scared like this. We were the ones usually scared of things, not him. Everybody laughed at him.

  ‘You can’t see a thing and I’m tellin’ you, I heard summat, there wor a cough.’

  Norbert started teasing him.

  ‘Maybe there’s a ghost in there, maybe that’s what you heard, a ghost with a cough.’

  He started waving his arms around and making ghost sounds and Barraclough went for him. Me and Keith had to pull them apart.

  ‘I bet none of you lot’d go in there. Come on, I dare yer, any of yer!’

  Arthur said he had a better idea.

  ‘Look, there’s six of us ’ere, we’ll all put sixpence in and the one who stays in the longest keeps the money. C’mon, a tanner each, that’ll be three shillings for the winner.’

  Norbert put his hand in his pocket.

  ‘Here y’are, Arthur. Come on, Barraclough, put your money in.’

  Barraclough didn’t look too keen but he couldn’t back down in front of Boocock and Norbert and he handed over his sixpence. Boocock turned to me, Keith and David.

  ‘What about you three?’

  I looked at the others. I didn’t want to waste my money, Boocock was bound to stay in the longest. Then David took his money out.

  ‘Might as well. You never know, I might win.’

  I looked at him. How could he think he could beat Boocock? None of us would beat him, he wins at everything.

  Well, me and Keith weren’t going to waste our money.

  ‘Come on, Keith, we’ll go to the park.’

  But he had his hand in his pocket.

  ‘Keith, you said Barraclough was mad goin’ in the air-raid shelter, you said you’d never go in there.’

  He got his sixpence out.

  ‘Yeah, b-but this is for m-m-money. Here y’are, Arthur, here’s my t-tanner.’

  They were all looking at me now. What was I supposed to do, be the only one not to do the dare? I’d never live it down, specially with Keith doing it. He’s softer than me. I held out my sixpence. Norbert took it, gave it to Boocock and asked him how were we going to time it.

  ‘How are we goin’ to know who
stays in the longest?’

  ‘As soon as the first person goes through the door, all of us outside’ll count.’

  And who’s goin’ to go first?’

  ‘We’ll do “One potato, Two potato” to decide the order.’

  We all got in a circle round Boocock.

  ‘One potato, two potato, three potato, four, five potato, six potato, seven potato, more – you’re first, Keith.’

  Norbert was second, then Barraclough. David was after Barraclough, then Boocock and I was last. Boocock pushed Keith towards the door.

  ‘W-why do I have to g-go f-first?’

  ‘’Cos you were first to go out in “One potato, Two”, now go on.’

  Keith looked at us all, went in and we shut the door behind him.

  ‘1–2–3–4 . . .’

  We only got as far as 9 before the door opened and he came running out.

  ‘It’s horrible in th-there, you c-c-can’t see anything.’

  Everybody laughed ’cos he’d only got as far as 9. I was hoping I’d last that long. Next it was Barracloughs go. He went to the door and turned back.

  ‘Keith, did you hear anything?’

  Boocock laughed.

  ‘He didn’t stay in there long enough!’

  ‘W-wait till you lot g-go in, you w-w-won’t be laughing then.’

  ‘1–2–3–4 . . .’

  We all counted out loud.

  ‘10–11–12 . . .’

  He was beating Keith.

  ‘15–16–17 . . .’

  I didn’t want Barraclough to win.

  ‘28–29–30 . . .’

  He came running out.

  ‘I heard it again. The cough. There’s someone in there, I’m tellin’ yer.’

  David went in and came out again straight away.

  ‘It’s too dark, I don’t like it.’

  Norbert went in.

  ‘1–2–3–4 . . .’

  He was inside for ages, we counted up to 53. He looked white when he came out but he had this big smile on his face.

  ‘Beat that, Boocock!’

  Then he threw up. Arthur Boocock went in.

  ‘1–2–3–4 . . .’

  I didn’t want him to win the money.

  ‘19–20–21 . . .’

  I just prayed he wasn’t going to beat Norbert.

  ‘41–42–43 . . .’

  Oh no, he was going to win, wasn’t he?

  ‘49–50–51–52 . . .’

  Blooming Boocock!

  ‘53–54–55 . . .’

  The door opened and he came running out, holding up his arms like he was the champion.

  ‘Shall I take the money now?’

  Norbert pointed at me.

  ‘Get lost, he’s got his go yet.’

  Boocock laughed at me. He was right, he might as well have taken the money. There was no way I was going to stay in there as long as him. I probably wouldn’t stay in as long as David or Keith. I went to the entrance. Boocock was still laughing.

  ‘Go on, we’re not goin’ to start counting till you’re inside.’

  They closed the door. It went black.

  ‘1 . . .’

  I could hear them counting outside.

  ‘2 . . .’

  It was horrible. I couldn’t see a thing.

  ‘3 . . .’

  Three? Why are they counting slower for me?

  ‘4 . . .’

  I’ve nearly stayed as long as David . . . nearly. At least I won’t be the worst.

  ‘5 . . .’

  Only 5? I’ve been in here for ages, how can I only be on 5? I’m going. I’m getting out.

  ‘6–7 . . .’

  I’ll stay long enough to beat Keith then I’m going, just another couple of seconds.

  ‘8 . . .’

  Nearly there. At least I’ve beaten Keith and David. Right, I’m off, Boocock can have the blooming money, I’m not staying here any longer.

  ‘10–11 . . .’

  I’m in double figures. How long did Barraclough stay? Thirty? No, I can’t stay that long, that’s twice as long again.

  ‘13–14 . . .’

  ‘14? That’s nearly 15 – halfway to Barradough’s score.

  Maybe . . . maybe . . . I closed my eyes. I don’t know why, it made no difference in the dark.

  ‘15 . . .’

  No, I can’t stay any longer, I’m off. I’ve had enough. I opened my eyes again – and that’s when I saw it – the light shining in my face. There was a man standing there, shining a torch in my face.

  ’16 . . .’

  I tried to scream but I couldn’t. Nothing would come out. My heart was pounding inside my chest.

  ‘17 . . .’

  I tried to run. I couldn’t move. I was paralysed. Help! Help! No sound came out. I wanted to shout help but no sound would come out. Help!

  ‘18 . . .’

  He started coming towards me. Help! Help! Why won’t any sound come out? He was horrible, he had these scabs all over his face and he was all whiskery.

  ‘19–20–21 . . .’

  ‘Don’t vorry, zere iss nossink to be frightened of.’

  I was frightened. He spoke funny, in this foreign accent.

  ‘22 . . .’

  Suddenly he grabbed hold of me by the shoulders. I was terrified. He’s going to kill me. Help! Nothing’s coming out. Why did I break my promise? Why did I come to the bombsite? Help! Please don’t kill me. Then he smiled.

  ‘I can help you. You can beat ze bully boy. Stay here for a few more secondz and you vill vin your competition.’

  ‘27–28–29 . . .’

  ‘You see, you are almost half of za vay zere.’

  He smiled again and started coughing.

  ‘Excuse me, I haff a bad chest, it makes me cough.’

  Barraclough had been right, he had heard someone cough.

  ‘Please, don’t tell ze uzzer boys zat I live here.’

  I couldn’t believe it. He lived in the air-raid shelter?

  ‘Zat’s vy I have zis cough, it’s very damp in here.’

  Why would he want to live in the air-raid shelter?

  ‘32–33–34 . . .’

  ‘Why do you live here? It’s horrible.’

  He smiled again. His eyes were watering a bit.

  ‘My dear boy, I am lucky to haff zis. I came from Germany viz nuzzink.’

  He held out his hand.

  ‘My name is Rudi.’

  I shook it and told him my name.

  ‘Where do you sleep?’

  He shone the torch over to another part of the air-raid shelter and started walking.

  ‘49–50–51 . . .’

  I followed him.

  ‘52–53 . . .’

  There was a walled-off bit, like a separate room, and he pointed his torch into the corner. There was a mattress on the ground, an old sofa, a chair and a small cupboard. He must have found them all on the bombsite. And there were lots of empty tin cans. The smell was horrible. How could he live here? It was disgusting. Where did he go to the lavatory?

  ‘56–57–58 . . .’

  ‘You are ze vinner. Go! But please, don’t tell anybody zat I am here. Ziss is our secret. Ja?’

  I nodded and he shone his torch so that I could see my way to the door. When I turned back to say thank you, it was all black again, he’d gone.

  ‘Thanks, Rudi!’

  ‘62–63–64 . . .’

  I opened the door and the daylight made me blink for a couple of seconds. I could hear Norbert, Keith and David cheering, then I saw Norbert jumping up and down.

  ‘Go on, hand it over, Boocock, he’s the winner.’

  Boocock and Barraclough couldn’t believe that I’d stayed in the longest. None of them could. I couldn’t believe it.

  I was sitting in the kitchen watching my mum unload the shopping.

  ‘Well, did you have a nice day, love? Did you go to the park like you said you would?’

  She had her back to me. She
didn’t see me blushing.

  ‘Yes.’

  I wasn’t lying. We had gone to the park, me, Norbert, Keith and David, but only after I’d said I’d buy them an ice-cream out of my winnings.

  ‘And we went to see Canyon Raiders, it was good. And we got fish and chips from Pearson’s like we said we would.’

  ‘So, you had a good day, then?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  I wanted to tell her about Rudi, the German man, living in the air-raid shelter. How he lived there in the dark, sleeping on an old mattress, eating stuff out of tins. But I couldn’t, could I? I’d have to tell her that I’d been down to the bombsite. That I’d broken my promise. Twice.

  I’d gone back to the air-raid shelter after the pictures.

  ‘Rudi? . . . Rudi? I’ve brought you something to eat . . . I thought you might be hungry . . . Hello . . . Rudi?’

  I saw the light from his torch and then I heard him coming towards me. He called out my name.

  ‘I’ve brought you some fish and chips, Rudi.’

  I’d bought them from Pearson’s out of my winnings. I didn’t want the money anyway, I felt guilty.

  He couldn’t believe it. He took hold of them.

  ‘Zey are varm. Sank you, sank you. You are a goot boy.’

  His eyes filled with tears, I felt sorry for him. He was quite small, not much bigger than me, and he looked so old.

  ‘I’ve got to go, Rudi. Sorry. My mum’ll be home soon.’

  He came over and gave me a hug. He smelt horrible. It made me feel sick. I pushed him away.

  ‘You’re squashing your fish and chips.’

  My mum was putting her coat back on.

  ‘Now listen, love, me and your Auntie Doreen have got to go and vote, I’m just popping round to fetch her. We won’t be long.’

  She picked up her handbag and went towards the back door.

  ‘Mum – I’ve got something to tell you.’

  ‘Oh, yes?’

  She turned round.

  ‘What, love?’

  I looked at her.

  ‘Norbert Lightowler came with us today, but we didn’t get into any trouble.’

  She smiled and came over.

  ‘You’ve told me now, that’s all that matters. As long as you tell me the truth.’

  She gave me a kiss.

  ‘You’re a good lad.’

  I felt sick.

  ‘Rudi . . . Are you there . . . ? It’s me . . .’

  After school on the Friday I spent my last sixpence on a Cornish pastie and took it to the air-raid shelter for him.