Missez

by Sherryl Hancock

  “Sir, yes, sir,” she said, saluting him smartly.

  Jerith drove off ten minutes later, after kissing her for that whole length of time. Nicolette watched him drive away, thinking about him and missing him already.

  ****

  Billy and Skyler spent their two weeks together in companionable happiness. Skyler had gone back to work a couple days after Billy was released from the center, but he’d checked in with her frequently, even taking her on a mission with him once.

  Billy, like Michael, had been impressed with his agent personality, even feeling a bit of shock at his exertion of his peace officer powers later that day. The afternoon after the mission, while driving through a local neighborhood he’d reached over and turned up his police radio. Billy had been surprised when he stopped the car and jumped out, pulling out his gun and pointing it at a man walking down the street, yelling for him to get down on his knees with his hands in the air. Billy had watched in fascination as Skyler went over to the man and, producing handcuffs from his back pocket, cuffed him and laid him on the grass.

  “Don’t even think about moving,” he said as he walked back over to the car. He reached in, giving Billy a peremptory look. “Sorry,” he said, then talked into the radio. “This is Special Agent Kristiani, DOJ BNE. I have your 187 suspect here on… Lincoln Village Drive. Come back.”

  There was a moment’s pause, and then a voice broke through on the radio. “Sergeant Tiegs, Sac SO. Thank you, Agent Kristiani. We’ll be right there.”

  The sheriff’s department had shown up, taking the suspect into custody and taking Skyler’s statement. The sheriff’s sergeant had shaken Skyler’s hand, clapping him on the shoulder with his other hand. Billy had watched from the passenger’s side of Skyler’s Mustang, standing outside the vehicle now. She couldn’t help but be impressed by Skyler’s obvious authority and powerful presence at the scene. He had apprehended a murder suspect single-handedly. The man had had a gun on his person, which Skyler had taken off him and turned over to the sergeant. Billy realized Skyler had just risked his life to do a job for another agency—he’d gotten involved, and she was awed by it.

  On the way home she frequently found herself watching him, trying to figure him out. Skyler caught her staring at him and asked why.

  “I’ve never seen that side of you, Skyler.”

  “What side?”

  “Your cop side.”

  “I see,” he said, grinning over at her.

  “What?”

  “What’d you think, Billy? That I just carry this gun to impress the girls?”

  “No, I just didn’t really think about it. It’s not like I saw the gun a lot when we were together before, you know,” she said derisively. “It was usually in the pile of clothes on the floor.”

  “Aww…” he replied, nodding.

  Billy had also met his older daughter, and had had a chance to see Skyler with his grandchildren. Cassandra had shown up at the house one weekend, telling her father she was just checking on him. Her children, a boy and a girl, ages three and one and a half, threw themselves into their grandfather’s arms. Skyler played with both on the floor, laughing and looking very young in spite of the fact that he was playing with his grandchildren. Billy was surprised by the obvious affection he had for them. She’d never seen him with children; it was yet another side of him she had discovered. She’d begun to wonder if she’d ever really known him at all.

  Her conclusion was further proven the morning she was set to fly back to LA. She awoke before him and lay watching him sleep. He was on his side, facing her. She reached out, touching his cheek, his chest, his arms, as if trying to memorize the feel of him. Skyler stirred and then opened his eyes, looking down at her. He craned his neck around to check the clock.

  “What’re you doing awake so early?” he asked tiredly. They’d been up late the night before, because Billy hadn’t wanted to go to bed. She’d wanted to spend every last minute she could with him.

  She shrugged, looking up at him. “I just woke up, and couldn’t go back to sleep.”

  “Well, try,” Skyler said, closing his eyes again.

  “I can’t, Sky. I’ve been trying for the last hour.”

  “Well, then I’ll do it for both of us.”

  “No,” Billy said beseechingly. “Talk to me.”

  “About what?”

  “About what happens now.”

  Skyler was silent for a moment, his eyes still closed. “In about two hours I’ll get up and take a shower, we’ll grab something to eat, and then I’ll take you to the airport. That good enough for you?” He opened one eye to look down at her cryptically.

  “That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” Billy said, her tone taking on an edge. She hated it when he was like this. “I want to know what happens to us. Now that I’m going back to LA, will I see you?”

  “At some points, I’m sure you will,” he said offhandedly.

  “What the hell does that mean?” she practically snapped.

  Skyler opened his eyes, looking down at her. Then he sighed, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. “What is it you’re looking for, Billy?”

  Billy stared at him, not sure how to respond. “Oh, I guess something like you actually give a shit if you see me again.”

  Skyler glanced down at her, but didn’t reply.

  “Do you even love me?” Billy asked finally.

  “Half the time,” he said lightly, but he still didn’t look at her.

  “Half the time? What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Skyler turned to face her again. “It means that we have lives, Billy, and it’s time to go back to them.”

  “So you don’t want to see me.”

  “Sure I do. Whenever you want to come up, do it.”

  “But you won’t come to LA?”

  “Nope.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “What do you want from me?” he said tiredly. “Are you looking for some major commitment? ’Cause my major commitment days are behind me.”

  “Why are you being such an asshole?” Billy said sadly.

  “I’m not being an asshole, Billy. I’m being honest. You just don’t want to hear it right now.”

  “I see.”

  “No, I don’t think you do. What you want to hear is that I’ll move mountains to be with you, that I’ll take care of you for the rest of your days, that I’ll hold your hand every minute of every hour of the day. And what I’m saying is that I won’t. My mountain-moving days are through.”

  “Are we back to you being old again?” Billy asked, her voice sharpening.

  “No, we’re back to the fact that I’m not going to be there to hold your hand for you.”

  “Then why did I do all of this? I stayed straight for you—I did it for you, and now you’re telling me you don’t care?”

  Skyler was shaking his head, narrowing his eyes at her. “That’s where you can stop, Billy. You can’t stay straight for someone, and if that’s why you did it, then you won’t stay straight long. I guarantee it.”

  “Does your attitude have anything to do with Theresa?” she asked then, seizing at any idea that would explain his blasé demeanor.

  “Not even close.” Skyler shook his head. “But nice try. Terry doesn’t have anything to do with this.”

  “You lied to me,” she said quietly.

  “About what?”

  “You said you’d help me. You said you’d be there.”

  “And I did, and I was. What do you think happened this month? I was here. I tried to help you.” Skyler sounded a little bit hurt now.

  “Yeah, and now you’re telling me that you couldn’t care less what happens to me once I go back to LA.”

  “Is that what you think?” Skyler said, shaking his head. “I do care, Billy. I care a lot. But I’m not going to be some crutch for you to lean on. I can’t do that, and you don’t need it. You’re a big girl, and you’re going to have to take care of yourself.”


  “Yeah, fine, whatever,” she said, looking away from him.

  “Hey, if you’re looking for someone to worship you”—he gestured to the window above him—“there’s probably a million guys out there that would be happy to fill the bill for you.”

  “That’s not what I want. I want you.”

  “Billy.” Skyler reached out to pull her back to him. “You have me. I will see you, I will talk to you, I just won’t make some kind of commitment I can’t live up to.”

  Billy said nothing for a long moment. Then she nodded, looking resigned. “Okay,” she said finally, knowing she wasn’t going to get anything else out of him at that point.

  Three hours later they stood at a gate in the airport. Billy had been relatively quiet since their conversation that morning. She was feeling lost already; knowing that he wasn’t going to be pining for her didn’t make leaving any easier. Her feelings had ranged from despair to anger, but she’d contained them all. She didn’t want to fight with him now. Turning from the window, she looked up at him. He was watching the planes on the runway. Billy blew her breath out in a sigh. “You know, the least you could do is try to look ugly,” she said, grinning at him.

  His light green eyes looked down at her then, and he smiled. “Would that help?”

  Billy considered the question for a moment, then shook her head. “I don’t think it’s possible. You’re too goddamned good-looking for your own good, Skyler James Kristiani.” With that she reached up and pulled his head down to hers to kiss him.

  When their lips parted Skyler noticed that a lot of people were looking at them. He grinned down at Billy. “More fodder for the tabloids.”

  There had been numerous stories in the tabloids about Billy, and the mysterious “cop” that had “abducted” her from her hotel room. There had been stories about Billy’s drug problem, and a lot of lies about her overdosing, dying, and the like. But the main thing everyone seemed to want to know about was this man Billy had been seen with. It had come out that he had been with her at the concert in Sacramento, and that he was indeed a police officer, but that was all anyone knew.

  There had been one picture in the paper of Skyler in the blue room at the concert. He was leaning casually against the wall, watching Billy talk to the press. He looked good in the picture, and many a woman had thought Billy a lucky girl. There had been another picture released a week later of Skyler and Billy kissing in the blue room and a close-up picture of Billy looking suspiciously around moments later. The press had a field day with that one. They claimed she’d gotten into a cat fight with some of the women in the room because they had been watching Skyler too closely. They had interviewed one of the groupies who had been there, and she claimed Billy had slapped her, pulled her hair, and scratched her when she made an innocent comment about Billy’s “beau.”

  Billy had laughed at that one. “Yeah, I get into fights all the time right before concerts, gets the blood pumping!”

  Skyler had been surprised at the voracity of the press. He’d been irritated at the lies they had told, but happy they hadn’t found out much about him. Being a special agent helped; his DMV record was highly confidential, and his personal vehicle had a non-traceable undercover plate. Short of Skyler doing an interview with one of the tabloids, there was no way for them to find out about him.

  When the airline called for boarding on Billy’s flight, she kissed Skyler again, holding him tight. “Even if you won’t miss me,” she said softly against his cheek, “I will miss you.”

  “I didn’t say I wasn’t going to miss you,” Skyler chided softly, kissing her again—which just seemed all the more poignant to Billy. She moved out of his arms and toward the gate, not looking back. The last thing she wanted him to see was the tears in her eyes.

  Skyler watched her go, and knew that the reason she didn’t turn around was because she was crying, and he felt a little guilty about their conversation that morning. He knew he’d been rough on her, but he hadn’t wanted her thinking he would be there to save her at the drop of a hat. He had no intention of getting into anything really intense with her; he knew it would be too hard to do. The idea of having a relationship with Billy was like the idea of jumping out of a plane without a parachute and hoping you landed on something soft three thousand feet down. Skyler was well aware of Billy’s effect on him, and he had no intention of allowing her to exercise it. So if that meant putting her off before she had a chance to get really needy and demanding, then so be it. That was what he had done. He was sure Billy would be just fine, with or without him.

  What he wasn’t sure of was her sobriety. Skyler hadn’t fooled himself into thinking she was off cocaine—she wasn’t, she was just on a kind of hiatus from it. Like he had told Jerith, as long as she was in the business she was in, the temptation would always be there, and he didn’t think Billy had the motivation to avoid giving in to that temptation just yet. Not even Jerith’s threat to kick her out of the band held enough weight with her. Skyler wondered just what it would take to make her kick the habit. He just hoped that her “lesson” wouldn’t kill her in the process.

  When Skyler got home that evening he was chagrined to find that he was on the news. The story showed him and Billy kissing at the airport. Fortunately, it was a short piece that just recapped all the stories up until that point. “Must have been a slow news day,” he muttered to himself as he walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a beer. As he walked by the kitchen phone it rang. He reached over and picked it up.

  “Skyler, it’s Terry.”

  “Hi there,” he said, sitting down at his kitchen table and stretching his legs out in front of him.

  “So I saw that you’re a big star now,” she said mildly, smiling.

  “Oh yeah, big star. And a letch and a mystery man—you name it, there I am.”

  Theresa laughed. “Yeah, yeah, always the ham. So how are you, anyway? You don’t call, you don’t write…”

  “I know,” he said apologetically. “I’m sorry. Billy was here for the last two weeks and I didn’t have time to do much of anything.”

  “Uh-huh,” Theresa said, and Skyler could hear the reproach in her voice. “Why was she there and not at the center you checked her into?”

  “She wouldn’t stay there—she said they were giving her too much crap.” Skyler rolled his eyes, realizing how he sounded.

  “Like she wouldn’t say anything to get out of there,” Theresa chimed in, as if reading his thoughts.

  “Yeah, I know, but what was I supposed to do? She’s a full-grown adult, and I couldn’t exactly force her to stay there.”

  “So you had to bring her home with you.”

  That made him feel even more used. “Okay, okay, the inquisition can cease now, Terry. I’m guilty as charged, and I shall pay my penalty,” he said, sounding every bit the accused.

  “I’m sorry.” Theresa sounded genuinely so. “I just hate to see her take advantage of you, especially after that little stunt she pulled.”

  “I know, I know.” Skyler knew nothing he said was going to appease her at this point. “How’s your car?” he asked, hoping to change the subject.

  “Nice transition, Skyler. Very subtle,” Theresa said, grinning again. “My car is running great, as a matter of fact. I have a very good mechanic, you know.”

  Skyler smiled. “Yeah, he’s good, huh?”

  “Oh yes, incredible.”

  Skyler knew by her tone that she wasn’t talking about her car anymore. “Ah,” he said, feeling almost embarrassed. One minute he was kissing Billy goodbye in an airport, the next he was trading sexual barbs with his ex-wife.

  “Don’t tell me,” Theresa said in the ensuing silence. “I’ve embarrassed you, right?”

  “I, uh… well… I guess I’m just not used to this kind of double playing anymore,” he said, surprised at himself.

  “Well, that’s a good sign. It means you may have actually grown up.” Theresa’s tone was light, but her meaning obvious.

/>   “Terry,” Skyler said, knowing he sounded like a real jerk at this point. Twice in one day seemed to be a record for him.

  “Don’t worry about it. I know what field we’re playing on, and who the players are. I’m not blaming you, or even mad, for that matter. I just wanted to check up on you, that’s all.”

  “Okay.” Skyler wasn’t sure what else to say.

  “Oh, and I did want to remind you that Chelsea has her play coming up here next week. You can make it, can’t you?” Theresa said, almost sounding like her usual self again.

  “What night?” Skyler asked, remembering that Chelsea had the lead in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

  “Next Friday at seven thirty.”

  “I’ll be there. I’ll take myself off the flight schedule for that day.”

  “Good. Chelsea’s really excited about it, and she really wants you to see her.”

  Skyler grinned. “I said I’d be there.”

  “I know, I know. Maybe we can all have dinner afterward.”

  “Sounds good.”

  They hung up a few minutes later, after discussing what time they’d meet for the play. Skyler went to bed that night thinking about how strange his life had become. Because of Billy, he was now friendly with Theresa again, and his daughter and son seemed to respect him suddenly, like being with Billy was some sort of accomplishment.

  ♪ 　Four ♪

  The two weeks until Jerith and Nicolette were to see each other came and went. Things at the studio hadn’t gone well at all. Billy had been her usual unorganized, stubborn self, and Jerith was highly intolerant of her, causing all sorts of frictions and delays. When Jerith talked to Nicolette and explained the situation, she was fully understanding. In a way, she was relieved; work had been hectic since she’d been cleared, and she’d been working overtime to try and catch up. She told Jerith just that.

  “We’ll see each other soon, I promise,” Jerith said, but Nicolette was sure he was just trying to be reassuring.

  “I know,” she replied, doing the same.