Distractions

by JL Brooks

  The entire room crowded with bodies, including people standing against the walls. So many arrived, they had to create an overflow room with a screen set up. It was overwhelming to see how many people cared about the man who seemed so hermetic. I wonder if he knew or even cared. He must have; there was no way he didn’t. He was so concerned about me being alone the last time we talked.

  Everything started to grow hazy with vertigo setting in. I could feel myself struggling to catch air. Jack was grabbing my arm, shaking me gently.

  “Violet, Violet, what’s wrong? Are you sick? Talk to me!” His tone was growing frantic.

  I shook my head and put it between my knees for a moment. He handed me a bottle of water that I sipped slowly while he rubbed my shoulders. I turned to see Shepard about to bolt out of his seat towards me. Jack must have seen him, too, because his hand went up to stop him and gave him a thumbs up.

  No sooner had I regained composure than, my turn was next. I walked slowly towards the podium, looking around at the massive yet subdued crowd. Leaning close to the microphone, I took a chance of being too quiet rather than too loud and backed up a bit. Clearing my throat, I heard the noise echo. I held my breath deep in my lungs before slowly exhaling. It’s hard trying to think of the right thing to say – what people need to hear.

  Chapter 3 - The Open Door

  I felt so small in the sea of people. Feeling their focus on me as I scanned the flickering lights, I closed my eyes and imagined what Doc would have wanted.

  “My name is Violet Phillips and I am Dr. David Robertson’s lead research assistant. Dr. Robertson was the most intelligent man I have ever known. His mind operated with laser precision with no detail left unnoticed. Some may have seen a bit of a brute as he was no nonsense, yet no one could deny his kindness and generosity. For the past fifteen years, he had worked diligently to build the genetics program here at the University of Cincinnati into the state of the art laboratory it had become. Groundbreaking discoveries have taken place on this campus, thanks to the man we are celebrating tonight. Several of you have personally been impacted by his life’s work, which is why you are here now. I know he would be humbled by your presence. Thank you.”

  I slowly turned and walked back towards Jack who had met me halfway to give me a hug. Shepard proudly smiled at me and then redirected his attention to Jack. I must have been staring for a while because fingers snapped behind my head, followed by snickering.

  “What?”

  “Don’t what me, Vy!”

  I spun around to give Jack a stern look but couldn’t hold it with his bright grin. I hadn’t even noticed he finished his speech.

  “I want you and Shepard to come over for dinner after we leave here. I want to get to know who makes you act like this.”

  I rolled my eyes, trying to play it off. Was I really being that obvious? I was supposed to be grieving, not growing a crush on my neighbor’s kid.

  “Something is seriously wrong with me, Jack…” My shoulders started to shake as I wept.

  Pulling a tissue from his jacket pocket and handing it to me, he started to laugh quietly. “If someone has the ability to make you glow in the darkness, they must be remarkable. That does not mean there is something wrong with you. It means there is something right. Only you would believe the worst.”

  I smiled at him and then looked back to Shepard, but he was gone. Frantically, I looked around the aisles by where he was sitting, but it was vacant.

  “Looking for someone?” his voice said behind me. I turned around in my seat to see Shepard’s beautiful blue eyes taking me in.

  “You’re not supposed to be here,” I whispered, giving a mischievous smile when I caught the sour woman giving her look of disapproval.

  Leaning in closer to me, Shepard replied, “Do you really want me to leave?”

  Reflexively, I grabbed his arm. “No, stay, please.” He looked down at my hand and then back at me, which caused me to quickly snap it back. “I’m sorry; I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately.” Nervous, I pulled my lip in between my teeth and bit down to focus, but it didn’t work.

  Shepard laced his warm fingers through mine and pulled them into his lap, absentmindedly stroking with his thumb, back and forth. A rush of calm poured over me as I concentrated on the feeling. He was paying attention to the next speaker as if his actions were normal, which they were. This is what people did to comfort one another; they offered their presence.

  We headed back to Jack’s house for dinner after the ceremony ended. Shepard was more than happy to accept the invitation. Being ever the gentleman, he stood behind me to remove my coat and asked Jack and Adam if they needed any help. It was nice to hear laughter coming from the kitchen as the men got to know each other. I closed my eyes for a bit, feeling the warmth of the fireplace on my skin. I lay there, slipping in and out of an empty dream, trying to forget my last night here.

  I didn’t know how long I was out, but a small fleece blanket was draped over my shoulders in the now darkened room. Quiet murmurings came from the dining area, too low to be discerned through the down tempo music playing. Softly walking towards them, I was able to distinguish their voices. I heard Jack first.

  “I don’t know what to do; I am really worried about her. This has devastated her something fierce. When she told me what he did, I didn’t believe her.”

  Shepard spoke next, obviously growing tense, his volume louder.

  “Who did what to her?”

  There was a pause in the room. I knew Adam knew, but Jack didn’t stop to think that maybe I didn’t tell Shepard. The silence caused him to become more agitated.

  “Who did what to her?” he repeated.

  “Shep, the Doc attacked Violet in the parking lot the night he disappeared. She screamed loud enough that the cops came before anything serious happened. The campus police called me to come and get her. I didn’t believe it. I trust her, more than anyone besides Adam, but it doesn’t make sense.”

  I sank to the floor with my back against the wall, trying my best to stay quiet. He knew I was off, but now he really didn’t know what to believe. I heard the wooden legs of a chair drag against the tile. Shepard walked right past me into the den where I was asleep before.

  “Violet,” Shepard yelled.

  “I’m right here.”

  My voice was hoarse from holding in my sobs. He rushed over to me and dropped on the floor, pulling me close. He knew instantly I heard every word.

  “I’m taking you home now,” he said softly.

  His strong arms guided me back to a standing position and into an embrace. I was too tired to fight; home was the only place I wanted to be. Adam and Jack stood watching; there was nothing to say. They both walked us to our car, making sure I was situated. Jack shook Shepard’s hand and told him, “Take good care of her.”

  Shepard looked to me and slightly smiled.

  “I planned on it.”

  Chapter 4 - Tying Knots

  Shepard followed me up to the bedroom silently. He sat on the edge of my bed, while I walked into the bathroom to change into some sleeping clothes. I came back out to find him looking at the pictures on my dresser.

  “It’s my grandparents’ ranch in Colorado; I grew up on it. It’s my favorite place in the whole world.”

  His fingers lightly touched the edges of the frame before picking it up to view it a little closer.

  “It’s beautiful. You can see the mountains right there.”

  I traced along the ridge outlining my grandma’s beloved Pikes Peak in the background.

  “I love the mountains. It’s hard finding my way here because I don’t have them to guide me; I never know which direction is which.”

  I laughed at my backwards compass, but it was how I was raised, and it came in useful most of the time.

  “Do you want to stay here with me tonight?” I watched his face to gauge his reaction to the question. He simply nodded and removed his coat, placing it across the rocking chair in the
corner and his shoes next to it. I turned down the patchwork quilt comforter and flipped on the television. He crawled in next to me, still wearing his suit pants and dress shirt. I knew it wasn’t comfortable because he kept trying to settle in.

  “I don’t know how you sleep, but you don’t have to wear your clothes. I promise I don’t bite, unless you want me to.” I giggled a little, but I didn’t want him to be restless all night.

  He sat up, unbuttoning his shirt before sliding off his pants. He was wearing sexy black trunks and a white ribbed tank. I couldn’t help but stare at the way his sinewy muscles rippled as he moved back into the bed, laying on his side to face me.

  “Are you okay?” he asked as he lightly thumbed my hairline, speaking softly.

  “I am now. Thank you…for everything.”

  I reached up and held his hand against my cheek, closing my eyes and breathing deeply.

  I felt him shift just before his lips grazed mine with feather-light softness.

  “Again,” I whispered.

  This time his lips pressed slightly harder, but just as briefly.

  “Again.” My heart rate started to increase.

  His body moved to hover over mine as he propped himself up on his elbows just above my face. A slick tongue licked gently along my lip line from one side to the other, causing me to gasp. My fingers went into his hair, pulling him down over my mouth.

  “Please kiss me,” I begged.

  I waited for him to devour me, but he continued his slow taunts. My hips arched up in a hungry response. He bravely dragged his nails down along my side and over the thin fabric of my shirt, flushing my skin as blood rushed to the surface.

  “Oh my, who taught you how to do that?” I widened my eyes between the breaths that were now rocking me.

  He laughed mischievously.

  “No more tonight, Violet. I shouldn’t have done that; I won’t take advantage of you.”

  “What if I want you to? Do you see me fighting you?” I tried scooting closer to him, but he started to back away to get off the bed.

  “I should probably go home. I can come back tomorrow if you want me to. I’m sorry.”

  I grabbed his arm before he was able to stand, pulling him gently back towards me.

  “I wasn’t expecting anything by asking you to stay; I just would prefer not being alone tonight.”

  He sat on the bed and watched me for a while, appearing to be deep in thought before finally speaking.

  “This is probably the wrong time to say this, but I like you. I always have. I know you don’t see me that way and most likely think I am too young for you. I can’t help how I feel, so it’s for the best if I don’t stay.”

  I couldn’t believe it. Any normal hot blooded twenty-one year old would have me naked on the floor, screaming his name out by now; it would be so easy. But here was Shepard confessing he’s always had a thing for me and being a proper gentleman about it. Of course, he is. He’s not a dick. Why am I so shocked about that?

  I shifted up onto my knees, crawling a little closer. Giving a large sweet smile, I held both sides of his face and kissed him lightly.

  “You are quite wrong. I never thought someone like you existed. There was a time in my life where you would have never taken a second glance at me. I suppose I still carry that feeling of inadequacy; you just mistakenly discerned it as disinterest.”

  I slid off the bed and walked into the bathroom to start the hot water for a soak. Coming back out, Shepard was still sitting there quietly.

  “I shouldn’t be so dependent on you. You don’t have to come back,” I said.

  I turned back towards the bathroom, only making it a few feet before I felt his hand grasp my shoulder.

  “You don’t listen very well, do you?” He laughed deeply while threading his fingers through my hair.

  “Wha…” His soft lips caught me by surprise.

  Stepping back away from me, he walked over to the tub to check the temperature with his hand, adjusting the water slightly. I stood closemouthed, taking in his movements. Sitting on the edge of the oversized antique claw foot tub, he motioned for me to come over. Standing between his knees, he slowly lifted the top of my sleeping shirt up past my ribs and over my head. I rested my hands on his shoulders for support as his fingers slid along the band of my shorts before dragging them down my legs, leaving me completely exposed. The cold room made my skin rise with goose bumps. One hand rested upon my hip while the other reached over, twisting the brass knobs to turn off the water. Looking up slightly to meet my eyes, he leaned in, placing a single kiss just above my navel before standing.

  “After you,” he said.

  I dipped my toes in the water tentatively before fully letting them sink to the bottom of the tub. It was perfect. I slowly immersed myself in the steaming water that came up to my breasts. There was plenty of room for another person, yet no one had joined me before in my beloved ritual.

  Watching him slide off the rest of his clothes and slowly get into the tub, facing towards me, my jaw fell to the ground before I quickly turned away.

  “Like what you see?” His confidence in my reaction caused my head to snap up in surprise.

  “Who are you and what did you do with Shepard?” I questioned cautiously at this new behavior. In the whole two years I had known him, never once did he come across as brazen.

  “It’s just…this isn’t the first time I have seen you in here.” He blushed, giving his confession. When I quirked my eyebrow upwards, he pointed out the window towards his house.

  “That’s my bedroom, Violet.” He looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

  My mouth continued to remain wide open. “I never noticed because it was always dark. I just assumed it was some spare bedroom.” I slapped my hand across my eyes and tried to lower myself further into the tub. “So you like to watch me?” I asked suspiciously, still not looking at him.

  “Yes, I do. You’re beautiful,” he replied softly.

  I slid back up a little more and gazed at him with curiosity. It was fascinating how much life could change in twenty-four hours –how circumstances could draw two people together in the strangest ways. We’re often so wrapped up in our own little minds that we fail to see the very things happening around us, quite literally.

  “So I imagine you’ve seen quite a bit.” I turned my head to the side in embarrassment. Private moments where I had relieved sexual frustration had not been so private.

  “Violet, why have I never seen you with anyone? My father wonders the same thing, but for different reasons.” He paid no attention to the red hues splashing across my neck and face.

  “I haven’t been with anyone in a long time; it’s complicated. Being alone is easier.” I started to subconsciously chew on my bottom lip, although I wasn’t as nervous as I felt I should be.

  His hands felt for one of my feet and he started to run his thumb along the instep and sole, causing my head to dip back.

  “Why have I never heard you talk about anyone or seen you with anyone, either, Shepard?” I was genuinely interested now that the conversation had begun.

  He inhaled and exhaled deeply. I wondered if anyone had ever asked him this. “I’ve never been with anyone.” He stopped rubbing to see how I would respond to that.

  I immediately felt sadness because I knew it was true. The expression on his face held a thousand emotions, each one unfulfilled.

  “Why?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

  “Girls don’t pay attention to me. They even mock me because they assume I’m gay. Also, I watch my father treat women like pieces of garbage, and they let him do it. It doesn’t matter because the one’s I am physically attracted to are emotionally or mentally empty. Being alone is easier for me, too.”

  I slipped my foot out of his hands and placed it flat against his chest where I could feel his heart pulsing heavily. His hand held it in place while I absorbed what he had just said.

  “Don’t take this
the wrong way, but have you ever considered going to seminary and becoming a priest?” I felt somewhat serious asking, despite our current situation.

  He pulled my foot a little closer and gently bit down on my big toe.

  “Priests don’t get to do that.” The devious look came back into his eyes.

  “Okay, point taken!” I squirmed under the ticklish sensation.

  “You know, Violet, when I would watch you sometimes and you would have your hands between your legs, I wondered what it would be like to have my hands there, making you feel that way – causing your chest to rise, gasping for air. I could tell you were close when your nipples would slightly darken and harden. Your body would tighten and still, and then your hands would float to the side. You would get this look of complete peace for a few minutes; it was quite spectacular.”

  He picked up my foot and started to massage it in the same way he had the other. Not saying another word, he appeared content in this moment of raw intimacy. I leaned back and closed my eyes, losing myself in the surrounding warmth.

  “Shepard…”

  “Yes, Violet.”

  “I am not empty...”

  “Violet, you have never been an option.”

  “Am I now?” I was almost afraid to ask, but I had nothing to lose. Our friendship had taken a direction I never anticipated. From his answer, he must have felt the same.

  “I don’t know,” he said, looking at me as if he were torn inside.

  If we crossed this bridge, there was no going back; however, it was useless. My reckless nature was seeping forth, unable to be restrained by sensibility and caution. Before me was a soul just as hungry for the touch of another human being, yet stubborn enough to never be satisfied with anyone ever. His beautiful eyes and innocent face defied the stirrings I could see beneath the surface. I knew those well because I had them, too.

  “Do you want to know?”

  “Know what?”

  “What it’s really like?”

  He gently placed my foot back into the water, and then slowly trailed his fingers up my legs to the middle of my thighs before pausing.