by JL Brooks
My death stare refocused on Connor. The only thing interrupting it was the squeals from Reese as she hugged my neck and planted kisses on my head.
“Thank you, thank you!”
I smiled weakly and replied, “Remember what I said – I mean it.”
Giving me another hug, she said, “I will,” before bouncing off into the crowd. I chuckled as I downed the shot in front of me.
“What’s so funny, Violet?” Connor asked while leaning in uncomfortably close.
I could smell his cologne. He must have just gotten out of the shower as his hair was damp and combed back. Despite being fully dressed in a gray thermal shirt and dark wash denim, you could tell that he was extremely muscular. If not for those damn eyes and gleaming wicked smile, I would not have known it was him. I placed the glass down gingerly on the marble bar top before looking back.
“Nothing happens by chance, does it?”
His fingers tightened around the shot glass before slugging it back. I could see the muscles flex in his jaw. Something about me being here did not sit right with him. The way he was looking at me made me nervous and suddenly claustrophobic. I turned and motioned for Frankie to come over. His face looked regretful as he saw his gesture of kindness blowing up.
“What do I owe you?” I kept my head slightly lowered to keep from losing it.
“Nothing, doll, but I should ask you the same.”
I leaned up and reached over the bar to rub my hand down his cheek. “Thank you…good bye, Frankie.”
Frankie took my hand and gently kissed the knuckles. Connor stood next to me, silently witnessing the exchange. I turned without even addressing his presence and headed straight for the exit. I was nearly in a full sprint as my hands pushed on the heavy doors, cold air blasting in my face. It wasn’t enough to feel sober, but gave me a bit of respite. I felt like I was going to vomit as the icy cold filled my lungs in between panicked breaths. I stood next to my car with my hands on my knees, trying to calm down, as my tears were unable to remain captive any longer.
I fumbled with my key fob as I heard heavy footsteps approach me. I was still visible to the security guards who were standing under the space heater in case I needed help. They seemed unconcerned with whoever it was, which meant it had to be Connor. His hand reached out to keep my door shut.
“Let me drive you. Don’t do this, Violet.” His voice cracked as the words came out.
“Since when do you get to be fucking concerned with my well-being?” I started seething as the liquor numbed any restraint left in my thought process, my tongue included. Everything started rushing back: walking in on him and Taylor, the fear that gripped me when something told me to leave, how long it took to heal from my broken heart, the baby...
“We need to talk, V, now. This is bullshit! What the hell are you doing here?”
He was livid. Thirteen years apart could not rescind the fact I still I had not forgiven him. My hate seeped forward and came out of my mouth like poison.
“It seems you’re still no stranger here. There are plenty of girls who I’m sure would be willing to hop in your car tonight.” I tried to pull my door handle, but it was still held firmly in place by his hand.
“You are not getting behind the wheel. Something is fucked up with you and I won’t let you get hurt.”
Although I could tell there was genuine concern in his inflection, the vile taste still lingered on my tongue, longing for release. I stopped fighting against the handle, hanging my head in defeat. “You are a little late for that, don’t you think?”
Chapter 15 - Reconciliation
“If we’re going to go through this, we might as well be warm. I am not letting you drive, so you can either freeze or come with me.”
Connor kept his voice level towards me as I leaned against the car, which was now covered with a thin layer of frost. I had drank too much to think about getting behind the wheel, but the thought of being alone with him fared much worse in my mind.
“Call me a cab then.”
I didn’t want to look at him; I couldn’t. Just knowing he was right in front of me was ripping my insides to pieces. When you lose that much of your heart, you choose not to invest very much in future prospects so that when it doesn’t work out, you cut your losses and move on. But this...I didn’t need this. I couldn’t handle this – not now. At any other time, the steel resilience I possessed would be of good use, but it too was left behind when I boarded that plane. The cold caused him to sweat, making me acutely aware of his scent.
“No, Violet. Please, let’s go talk and drink, whatever – just somewhere else. We will get your car tomorrow.”
The wellbeing of my crappy rental was the least of my concern, knowing that in less than twelve hours, I would be meeting with the lawyers to settle my grandmother’s estate, walking away from the only piece of physical evidence that anchored me through the years. The possibility of spending the night with him was on the table now? Whatever concoctions I had been fed began to dull the impulses in my brain. Questions started to filter through that I wasn’t prepared to face.
Why was he here? Why did he care? Why was he so hell bent on getting me away?
“Fine,” I said flatly.
I heard him release an audible exhale and turn towards a row of cars in the distance, walking slowly to ensure I was following not far behind. We stopped in front of a raised black Jeep. I knew it would have no issues tearing through whatever weather came upon us tonight. He held the door open as I stepped onto the rail leading into the seat. Holding it until I was securely inside, I felt like a child, which was pissing me off. He went around the back and jumped into his side, looking at me with a smile, but I just turned to stare out the window.
Between the anger and the sadness, I did not know which fought more to hold tears back. We rode in silence for a half hour or so towards the mountains into Manitou Springs. Connor pulled off into a parking lot just off Ruxton Ave near the arcade and fountain. I could see a small alleyway leading out to the main strip. Across the street was the familiar stream that ran behind the businesses, now much quieter from being frozen in spots.
When we stopped, I let out a shallow breath, wondering what was in store. Connor turned the key to shut off the engine, still not saying anything as he hopped out and circled around the front to open my door. He held out his hand to assist me down. I looked at him tentatively before lacing my fingers through his. Once my feet were firmly on the ground, his grip on my hand did not break. He guided me with a gentle tug to follow in his footsteps.
We walked along the avenue to a small inconspicuous tavern; it was relatively quiet with just a few patrons watching television. Dark wood paneling covered the walls, illuminated by lantern sconces. In the back was a brick fireplace with a roaring fire and a few small sofas in front of it. The logs popped and sizzled as the heat radiated outward, enveloping you in a blanket of comfort.
I slid off my shoes, curled my feet up under my legs and rested my head on the arm. Staring into the glowing embers, Connor sat next to me, watching me for a while. Running his hands through his sandy blond waves, and then rubbing his face, he appeared to be processing as much as I was, yet a great deal more anxious. I returned the gaze intensely, as if he were under one of my microscopes and I was studying every detail.
I had never seen him with more than a buzz cut, which was why it took a moment to place him. I must have made him nervous, or his restlessness won out when he slapped his hands on his knees, stood up and headed to the bar. The dreamy slumber of alcohol and high altitude started to warm my body. I closed my eyes for what seemed just a second before the bottle and glasses chimed down on the table next to me.
“Oh no, sleeping beauty – not yet. Night’s just getting started – get up.”
Giving him a scowl at my sabotaged catnap, I slowly pushed back up into a sitting position, then crossed my legs on the couch as Connor handed me a shot. I held it and asked quietly, “What are we celebrating?”
/> He moved his small glass towards mine and clinked. “I don’t know, yet.”
“Salut,” I responded, then tilted the glass to my lips.
The desire to vomit crept over me like a wave before passing.
“Tequila? Really? I hate this shit!” Making a retching noise, I set my glass down on a table.
Connor immediately poured another shot. “Since you are such a pussy, you want some salt and lemon?”
I motioned for him to hand me the glass. Not waiting for him, I slugged it back and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “Go fuck yourself.” My response drew a loud laugh from him, so much that everyone turned around to see what was so hysterical. “Where is the bathroom, Connor?” I was not amused.
“If you need to puke, I can hold your hair back.”
The laughter continued as he relished in his quips.
“No, Connor, I want to crawl out of the window and run.”
I watched for his reaction and sure enough, the laughter stopped. I slid my feet into my shoes and walked down the hallway I assumed lead to the ladies’ room. I anticipated him knocking on the door after a few minutes, or sending in the bar maid, yet after ten minutes, I was still alone in my thoughts. I held the wall as I headed back towards the couch.
“Hug the porcelain goddess, Vy?” I narrowed my eyes and poured another shot from the rippled glass bottle. “That’s more like it darling, relax, have a seat, let’s talk.”
He scooted over on the couch making me room to reclaim my spot.
I waited and drank two more back before sitting down. If I was drunk, it would be harder to lie. “Son of a bitch!” I closed my eyes and murmured my revelation to myself. “What if I don’t want to talk, Connor?”
I saw him look at me with heavy eyes, glazed with longing. He took in a deep lungful of air, exhaling loudly, yet did not speak. I saw my opportunity to take the upper hand. I quickly straddled him and pressed deeply into his lap. My hand found the back of his head and threaded my fingers through his hair before making a fist. With a swift jerk backwards I clenched my thighs tightly over his and watched his reaction. The deep purr that emitted from his throat was all the proof I needed. I felt his hands move from my ankles up the length of my leg to my hips. I could sense him growing harder beneath me as he pulled me closer. Leaning into his ear I gently kissed the side of his neck.
“Take me to my room, Connor.” I smiled as I tried to lose myself in his emerald green eyes. I kept seeing double and it took all of my strength to keep my poker face on. His lips curled into a smile, succumbing to lust.
“Good boy,” I whispered.
I could feel the eagerness radiate from every bone in his body. Little did he know that I was almost certain I would pass out within the hour. I had to hold steady to his elbow as we left to walk back to the parking lot. I waited for more insults, but they never came. Stopping next to the passenger side door of his Jeep, I watched his eyes take on a myriad of emotion from desire to guilt to adoration and then decimation. He moved his face in closer to me, stopping centimeters from my lips.
“You’d better hold onto something, sweetheart. We’re about to go for a ride.”
I smiled and said the only thing that came to mind. “Giddy up.”
Chapter 16 - Savages
At first, it was steady, and then the pace quickened. The drum inside my head echoed the deep draws of air flowing in and out of my lungs. It reminded me of when you dip your head back in the bathtub to hear your heart beat, holding your breath to slow down the pulse, feeling the weight in your chest as the autonomic system fights for equilibrium, alerting your brain to danger. The adrenaline came next as I began to feel the pain coursing through my body. A soft whine erupted from deep within my throat as I rolled off the edge of the bed, feeling the cold floor beneath my feet.
With outstretched arms and walking carefully forward, the metal handle of the bathroom door came into my grasp. My hand smacked against the wall in search of the light switch that once flipped, bathed the room in a horrific fluorescent glow. Guarding against the harsh light, I shut my eyes tightly while turning around to sit on the toilet. The porcelain seat felt cold against my bottom when it made contact. Desperate to relieve the pressure built up in my bladder, I grabbed the sides of the lid, raising my toes on end as the slow stream left my body.
“Aaaagghhhhh…” The noise sounded primal in response to the agonizing burn I felt pissing. My chest constricted with choked sobs. Upon feeling adequately finished, I turned to reach my arm into the bathtub, forcing the water full blast from the faucet. It seemed like forever before the tepid water began to gain the desired warmth. I pulled the lever on the faucet to route the water to the shower head and noticed the blood covering my chest. Red finger marks and bruises covered my wrist, arms and hips in a sporadic pattern. I gingerly grasped the side of the tub to push myself up and step over into the steaming shower.
The water felt deeply cathartic as it flowed down upon my head and across my back. Coherent thoughts washed down the drain along with blood and the lavender scented soap I used to lather it away. My moment of peace was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and swinging shut. I remained frozen as I heard the lid of the toilet bang loudly against the tank. The desire to see who was on the other side of the curtain was overrun by sheer panic; I wasn’t alone.
After a few moments, I witnessed fingers curl around the edge of the thin fabric separating me from the intruder, the world moving in slow motion as it pulled away. I pressed my back further into the tile as I dropped into the fetal position. All I could think of was to brace for the sensation of a knife entering my body or some other gruesome act straight out of a movie. Everything about this situation was wrong, and I was still too intoxicated to grasp any sense of reality. I allowed my eyes to open slightly under the arms shielding my body. All I could see was a man with muscular calves stepping into the tub without a word.
“Please don’t hurt me.” My plea sounded pathetic.
I should have been fighting for my life, but I still couldn’t move. He shifted closer to hover over me, gently running a hand down the side of my cheek. I finally allowed myself to look up and see his face. I should have kept my eyes closed. I couldn’t take back what I was seeing; this wasn’t possible, and how could this be happening? Easy…this wasn’t happening. This wasn’t real. I would wake up soon – I was just really drunk. I was swearing to God I would stop as soon as he let me out of this dream. I told myself anything I could to stop the fear that was racing in my veins. He opened his mouth to speak; perfect white teeth formed a dangerous smile.
“Don’t be afraid.”
Perhaps it was his tone, or reconciling myself to the situation at hand, this was all my doing. It was no accident I found myself in this position. I slowly slid my back up the tile before facing the man next to me.
“Why are you here?” My hair hid my face as I kept my head lowered. I watched as his hand reached towards me, placing it under my chin firmly to meet his stare.
“You asked for this,” he said between gritted teeth with certainty.
I closed my eyes tightly, searching for something to hold onto. My back slammed against the shower wall with force, causing my head to smack against the tile. I felt his mouth press urgently into mine, his tongue probing between my lips. Strong hands held my wrist above my head, the fight within me failing to surface.
“Connor…” His name evoked a shudder as it quietly escaped my mouth. Suddenly, I was starting to remember…
Chapter 17 - Morning
I poured soap on the sponge that was sitting on the rail of the marble tiled shower wall. Timid fingers raised it above the wounds on his shoulder and gently squeezed the warm water and suds across the openings on his skin, making him wince. I grazed my fingers around the tender areas, careful not to disturb the clots that stopped the bleeding. My hands slowly dragged the soft sponge down his muscular biceps to his wrist, repeating the motions on the other side before coming up arou
nd his neck, then over his chest and torso.
I knew this body long ago and I was familiar with the curves and bends of every part, but now I was a stranger to the stories forever encrypted along his appendages. Scars and ink carved images into the otherwise perfect skin. Memories surfaced in flashes, tangles of past and present. His eyes were closed, one arm braced against the wall, the other gently massaging my waist.
“Why is this familiar? I whispered as I witnessed a smile creep across his lips.
Placing myself into a semi-embrace, moving up and down his back, he pulled me closer to him with a throaty growl, growing erect against my stomach. His hand traveled towards my breast and gently circled the nipple with light fingertips. My forehead was now leaned into the crook of his neck, my lips so deliciously close to the gash created just hours before. I turned my head and gently kissed around the damage I had caused.
With his chest, he pushed me against the wall, placing his hands on either side of my head. I studied the stubble of facial hair casting a shadow across his jaw with my fingers. The pad of my thumb slowly traced the fullness of his ruby lips. The piercing green eyes framed in lush brown lashes never wavered from my gaze. My concentration was broken when I started to feel a hand slide down my sides and in between my legs. Pain went shooting through my core as a slick finger parted my center. As I exhaled deeply through the sensation, he leaned into whisper, “Are you okay?”
I pouted my lips coyly. “What if I said no?”
His hand immediately stopped moving. I could see concern flash across his face. Letting the tension carry out, I couldn’t help but grin widely.
“Don’t make me bite you again,” I teased. Despite the discomfort, pleasure rippled through my abdomen. I felt myself growing warm, tightening around the fingers that were gently exploring my flower.
“If you come half as hard as you did earlier, I will gladly take another scar on your behalf.”
My face became somber as I glanced over at his shoulder. “I’m really sorry,” I whispered. I watched his face become serious as my hand reached down for his hardened member, causing him to draw in a swift breath. His pupils began to dilate as he stared at me with great intensity.
