by JL Brooks
“Make it up to me then.”
My hand slowly started squeezing, rocking back and forth, methodically in the water that was growing cooler. I wanted him. I honestly could not remember much of last night. Fragments fought to the surface, trying to give me a complete picture, but the alcohol refused to allow the pieces to connect. Based off the evidence of our mutual body damage, this was a continuation from earlier in the evening. His lips found mine, pulling me from my internal monologue. Kiss, taste, lick, suck…
“Come over here,” he said softly.
He held my hips and moved behind me so his back was against the wall, pulling me flush against him. His hand glided up along my spine to my neck, fingers wrapping around the hair at the nape. His other arm motioned for me to bend forward where he then gave me the command, “Wait.”
Entering me incredibly slowly, he felt my body tense in pain. I cringed as I felt the burning sensation tear through me. Once inside, he allowed my body to adjust and relax before moving again. His arms gently pulled me up against his chest to a standing position, and then he reached out with one hand and grabbed the removable showerhead from its stand, pointing the water towards the floor as his other hand adjusted the pressure and setting.
Stopping at a medium spray, which concentrated from just the center, his hand guided the shower across my breast and stomach, while remaining deep within me. I could feel his hips flex ever so slightly, exercising great restraint. The water was trailing up and down my thighs, then over my stomach again. My head fell back against his shoulders, savoring the warmth. Just as my eyes closed, my body reflexively jerked as the stream of water focused between my legs, instantly spreading fire through my veins. I could not back away, nor move forward. His free arm wrapped tightly around my waist, immobilizing me.
As I tried bucking away in an attempt to escape the sensations, it only pushed him deeper inside. “Shh…,” he whispered into my ear as I struggled against the tortuous pleasure.
Violent tremors of ecstasy raged through my body, unleashing cries of protest. Colors burst across my field of vision behind closed eyes. The arm around my waist tightened once again, holding me in place while the water continued to dance over my center in an erotic assault. The heartbeat pounding against my back matched the one in my chest. A shooting pain seared along the soft area above my collarbone as his teeth dug deep into the flesh.
Holding me against him like a rag doll, he turned me to face the tile that felt cool against my cheek. Flexing my hips with his hands, I forcefully bent at the waist and braced myself with my forearms. The slapping noise of flesh and falling water echoed through the cavernous bathroom. Feeling my knees start to give, Connor knew he had to come quickly because I couldn’t take anymore. A few urgent thrusts later, he pulled me up to his chest again and came deeply inside, groaning my name as his body shook.
I slacked against him, catching my breath, holding onto his arms to steady my balance as they loosened their grip. His lips kissed the side of my neck gently as I leaned heavily on his rapidly rising chest. Gathering my bearings a few moments later, I knelt down to pick up the shower head that was banging against the tile by the drain, spraying water recklessly around. Setting it back up into its stand, I turned around to rinse off. I stepped to the side, allowing the water to run over his chest and down his front.
Wanting to say something, I was met with silence from my inner critic. All I could do was stare, which he returned with equal attention. He cracked a smile that allowed my guard to come down slightly. Leaning in for a gentle kiss, he paused before touching my lips. I felt his breath across my mouth, rapid and shallow. Licking in anticipation, he pulled away, leaving me confused. Reaching around me to turn off the water, I continued to give a perplexed look.
The glass door opened just below the shelf holding fluffy white towels. Pulling one down, he opened it up, holding it by each end. As he turned towards me, I lifted my arms for him to wind it around my torso. After securing the ends, his hands cupped the sides of my face, placing a sweet kiss on my lips. A mischievous light danced in his eyes. Turning to grab another towel from the shelf, I slipped past him out into the room. It was still dark; the clock read five twenty two in the morning. Not bothering to get clothes on, I peeled back the covers from the bed and crawled in. He turned out the light and made his way to the other side. Lying next to me, his hands reached across to feel for where I was. Finding the top of my arm, he stroked gently.
“Get some more sleep, sweetheart,” he said lovingly.
Taking his hand to kiss his palm, I wrapped his arm into my chest. Without another word, I fell back into darkness.
Chapter 18 - The Bridge
Sleep came quickly as the past resurrected from my subconscious. Suddenly, I was swept away to another time and place. I replayed this memory of being seventeen years old frequently, but now it held the vivid qualities only lucid dreaming could impart. I felt like a ghost as I witnessed myself walking from the parking lot down the narrow gravel path, and I could see the railroad bridge not too far in the distance. The sun was shining brightly and there was a sumptuous breeze sweeping away the sweat on my tanned neck.
Flip-flops were never a good idea for adventures like this, but Connor assured me that I would be fine. His fingers entwined in mine as we pushed the branched overgrowth out of the way. Boisterous voices and laughter became louder as we approached the river. The Rio Grande found a place to meander and take a break from carving deep paths in the Colorado Mountains. The drop into the rapids below was about twenty feet, perhaps a little more. Without hesitation, several people removed their shoes and tore off to the spot on the bridge above a calmer area.
“How do you know you won’t hit anything?” There was obvious trepidation in my voice.
A gentle hand started rubbing the small of my back. “Come on, it’s okay.”
That boyish smile was all the convincing necessary for me to leap to my death in the name of a summer afternoon. For someone who nearly died falling down a mountain less than a year before, he was incredibly brave to be jumping off bridges into freezing rivers. Connor was fearless, which was one of his more endearing qualities.
This day was one I had been waiting months for. I finally convinced my dad to let me come back and visit, just for a little bit. I was dying to see Connor. I could care less about everything else. There had been months of letters and promises seventeen-year-olds who separated under dramatic circumstances make in lonely moments. For one day, we could forget all the hell we had gone through and just be kids. I held a metal rail as I walked across the steel ties on the bridge. The water rushed below me threateningly.
“I am not going jump off this fucking bridge, no way,” I thought to myself…
Sensing my fear, warm fingers once again found mine.
“Violet, come here,” he said softly while guiding me near to the edge. “Don’t be afraid, you can do this.”
His green eyes were full of light as he briefly looked into mine, then he turned around with a smile and did a back flip somersault into the air before crashing below. A moment passed before he surfaced about ten feet from where he landed. He must have gone deep with that momentum.
“Get your ass down here. Don’t make me come up there and push you.”
I stuck my tongue out while giving him the finger. His smile was contagious, but I knew he would make good on his threat. If I did not jump, he would pick me up and throw me off. I refused to close my eyes. I grabbed my nose to pinch it shut and jumped with a scream. Feeling like forever was passing, in hindsight, I should have waited to hold my breath. The icy water pulled any air from my lungs upon impact. Waiting to hit bottom, it never came. My legs fought the current to the surface, swimming towards the light and breaking free just moments later.
“Wow!” My heart pounded in my chest, as I breathed heavily; I wanted to go again.
We spent the next few hours climbing and jumping. My blue lips and chattering teeth warned him he needed to get me
warm soon. Opening the door to his truck, he cranked the heat and lit a Marlboro Red.
“Did you have fun?” he laughed, knowing the answer.
“No, it was awful – why would you bring me here?” I returned the laugh.
It was wonderful. I had not been so happy in who knows how long. He reached to the bottom of his soaking wet t-shirt, pulling it up across his shoulders and over his shaved head. I stared wistfully at the bridge. Part of me knew I would never have this chance again. The sun was starting to set, casting brilliant shades of orange and magenta across the sky. The air was growing chilly, but I didn’t care.
“One more time, okay?” Before he had a chance to respond, my hand reached for the door handle to jump out of the truck and run down the trail back to the bridge.
Because it was darker, I walked more cautiously across the steel trusses. I could still see well enough to navigate safely across to the other side. He stood on the bank wearing a dry sweatshirt, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth as his hands pressed against his hips waiting.
“Shit, we ain’t got all night – we gotta get going.” I could hear the teasing in his voice.
Ignoring him, my fingers grasped the metal beams on the side as my toes curled around the edge. I closed my eyes to hear the sound of the rushing currents, smelling the crisp air fill my lungs. Electricity started to buzz through my body in anticipation of the five second fall. My peace was broken by the blare of a horn that was quickly approaching. The wheels of the train sliding on the track caused the bridge to vibrate. Only mere feet separated me from what was coming. My brain started to scream as my body was bathed in the light from the engine.
“Let go!” I could hear him screaming over the deafening roar.
I was frozen in place for moment, blinded by the beam shining on me. One more loud blast from the locomotive shook me from my spot. I quickly grabbed both knees, bracing to hit the cold water, and then felt like my skin was being ripped as I slipped beneath the surface. Rising back up, panic overcame me while I looked for the shoreline in the darkness. My legs were tired from treading water for so long. Fear gave me strength to keep swimming against the current towards the sound of his voice yelling for me.
“Violet, Violet!”
The train still passing overhead was making it hard to hear from where he was shouting. I kept pushing sideways to where I could see brush growing along the banks. Grabbing onto some low-lying branches, I pulled myself up out of the water. Exhausted, I laid on my back trying to recover my breath. Quickly hearing footsteps approach in the gravel, I turned my head to see him running towards me.
“You are fucking crazy, you know that?” There was no longer the teasing tone in his voice; it was replaced with one of fury and concern.
“You brought me out here. Don’t yell at me!” I coughed hard, spitting out water I had swallowed.
I pushed up on one elbow, turning around on my stomach to stand up. He reached his hands around my waist to help me.
“Get off me, you pervert,” I said, trying to ease the tension in the air.
Ignoring my humor, he placed his arms around me for stability as I walked. I made it two steps before realizing I was not wearing shoes and the rocks were tearing into the soles of my feet.
“Owie…”
He stopped, then squatted slightly and growled, “Get on.”
Grabbing his shoulders, I gently swung my legs around his waist to where he could hold them. My face was placed opportunely close to his ear, making it irresistible. I leaned in to take a small nibble out of the lobe. My tongue danced along the outer curves, darting in and out of the canal. I was not trying to be sexy, which he noticed quickly as he tried to carry me and swat my face away from him at the same time. When the truck came into view and we were on pavement, I felt his hands quickly drop my legs.
“You can walk, pervert.” The corners of his mouth carved huge dimples in his cheeks.
All I could do was shake my head; I was freezing and needed to warm up quickly. He held the door of the cab open for me to crawl in. As one foot stepped up, a swift hand smacked hard across my bottom. The sting of the wet fabric intensified the pain.
Turning around quickly, I received two words and a chuckle, “Giddy up.”
He opened the door on the driver’s side and I noticed he had taken off the gray sweatshirt. Bundling it in his hands, he threw it at me while sliding into the seat. Without hesitation, I pulled it over my head, smelling the distinct scent of motor oil and nicotine. He must keep this shirt in his truck, but for some reason it was comforting.
He roared off into the direction of his parents’ house, which was not far away. They were kind enough to let me stay with them again, knowing how much I cared about their son. I was always in awe of how beautiful the house was. It was a massive Spanish Mission style home with terracotta tiles on the roof and an open courtyard with a mosaic fountain in the center. Wooden beams crossed the ceiling with a stone fireplace covering an entire wall. A cowhide rug lay in front with cozy leather sofas circling around it. It was decorated in a southwest theme so common to this area, but tastefully so.
His golden retriever, Penny, danced happily in the kitchen as he assessed the fridge for something to eat. She was aware that with him there, she would get people food. He ripped a piece of cheese from the stick and made her sit for it. With a gentle bite, she took the piece from his fingers before scampering off.
“I need to shower,” I said while heading off to the spare bedroom where my things were.
I pulled some dry underwear and a bra out of my duffel bag along with some warmer clothes. Inside the sumptuous bathroom, I eyed the stone walled shower lustfully. It had several jets that poured from the ceiling and a steam function I planned on soaking the room in. I felt spoiled coming here; it had been so long. It was very different from the humble apartment my dad and I lived in just outside of Cincinnati. I did not need these luxuries, but they certainly were nice.
The water felt divine against my blue tinged skin. Probably near hypothermia status while I was lying on the bank of the river, I knew I was an idiot for going out again. Replaying the last jump in my head, I was thankful for the warmth covering my body now. The jets of water danced gently on my back and head as I closed my eyes beneath them. I didn’t hear the door open; I just felt the cloud of steam leave the shower, which caused me to open my eyes.
“Can I join you?” he asked shyly.
“Well, you are already in here, so I guess it’s fine.” I rolled my eyes sarcastically, feigning disgust.
He grabbed the bar of soap that was next to me and started to lather up while staring me up and down.
“Nothing you ain’t seen before.” I tried to shield my breasts, feeling suddenly self-conscious.
He licked his lips and smirked. “I don’t mind seeing it right now.”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I ignored his stare and asked, “So, is this what being married is like?” while squeezing some shampoo into my hand.
“What, taking showers together? I hope so.”
I huffed out again in exaggeration at his response. “No, silly, couples bantering with each other all the time.” I looked at him for a serious response, which I didn’t get. With a pause, he looked at the wall for a moment.
“I don’t know, we will find out when we get married, though.”
I couldn’t contain my smile. He had asked me a few months ago in one of his letters from rehab. I thought it was because he was lonely and I was the only person who would write him.
“And when will this wedding take place, hmm?”
This was something he must have put thought into, and I was right. He shrugged his shoulders. “When we finish school, probably, and I get a good job. I will need to build a house for us, too, somewhere. What?”
The smile on my face must have looked crazy at what he was telling me. “Well, you need to make sure it’s a little log cabin in the woods. That’s all I want.”
His brow furrowed in
deep thought. “A little log cabin – that’s all you want? I could build us anything; you’re allowed to dream big.”
I looked at the ground. It wasn’t humility that caused me to wish for something so humble. “Connor, you should know by now I don’t need that. My dreams include traveling the world; I just always want a place to come back to, that’s all.”
It sounded logical enough. “You know you have to stay out of trouble,” I reminded him.
Without missing a beat, he replied, “So do you.”
The shower grew solemn for a few moments as the reality set in. Less than a year ago, we both were sent away at the same time. He went to a rehab center due to a failed drug test and I was sent to my father’s after a near overdose. I could remember so clearly the day it happened, just as if it was yesterday. I could still taste the metallic odor from the crystals as they melted in the Pyrex pipe, the acid smoke filling my lungs. I remember us being up for three days straight, sitting in my bedroom, listening to music, drawing, or having sex. The image of me walking out of the bedroom flashed in my mind. I hit the ground and started to seize. He stood over me, screaming my name, just like tonight at the river. I shook my head and braced the wall.
“I’m sorry I went back.” The sobs escaped my throat as I turned my back to him. He quickly grabbed me as I started to sink to the floor. He held me tightly and rocked me as I cried. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” I kept wailing repeatedly.
“Shh…,” he whispered in my ear, “it’s going to be fine, it’s okay, and you’re okay.”
I calmed down after a few minutes, but he never moved from his crouched position behind me. He lovingly stroked my hair and shoulders. Kissing my cheeks, he motioned for me to stand up. His thumbs wiped under my red, swollen eyes.
“I have somewhere to take you. We need to get dressed.”
