by Carla Hanna
Alan changed the subject, “Hey, did you guys read on today’s school page that over fifty girls from our class admitted that they are getting their tits done after graduation?”
Beth responded. “Weak. There’s no way I’d change my body to be sexy for a man. Not a chance.”
Alan said, “Beth, you don’t need to. You’re hot. You’ve got good tits already and you have a great, cut body. I can see your abs through your swimsuit and your ass is perfect. You’re ‘ripped perfect.’ And look at Marie’s body. ‘Smooth perfect.’”
Mitch glared at Alan and then smiled at Beth, “You’re perfect just the way you are.”
I ignored Alan. Manuel held my hand as we walked toward the table, but his arm was stiff. Beth said something to Manuel in German. He answered her in German and kissed my cheek.
Manuel spoke slowly to Alan, “Don’t talk about Marie and Beth disrespectfully. Got it?”
“Fine, asshole.” Alan explained, “I’m not saying anything they don’t know already. Everyone voted on my Facebook page. Beth was voted nicest ass, second best tits, and best athlete and Marie best tits. Sorry, Marie, you didn’t make the nice ass list but got hottest actress. That bitch I took to prom got hottest future centerfold.”
Manuel addressed Alan, “Another comment from you about our girls and the four of us are out of here.”
Alan glared at Manuel and asked Mitch, “So are you guys going to do that triathlon on Saturday before graduation?”
Manuel answered, “I’m not. I want to be with Marie.”
Beth responded. “Oh, okay, then we don’t need your mom’s car, Mitch. We can take yours.”
“Or yours, Beth,” Alan interrupted.
We all scowled at Alan. Beth didn’t own a car.
He took out an envelope out of his backpack and handed it to Beth. “Happy graduation. I bought you a car, a Subaru Outback, so you can put your bikes on top and take your dog with you. It’s parked in front. I put your name on the title and threw on a bike rack.”
Beth’s jaw dropped. She slowly opened the envelope. She put the keys in her hand and read the title. She seemed conflicted. I didn’t understand her reaction.
Beth spoke slowly, “Alan, this is too much. I can’t accept it. What are you going to beg me for in return? I won’t let you see my body, ever…never, ever.”
Alan grinned. “No strings attached this time, no threats to get your mom fired, nothing but appreciation for you. Please take the car so you can stop getting naked with Manny all the time and go run with your dog on those trails north of Malibu instead of running with him.” Alan’s eyes narrowed at Manuel. Manuel’s anger filled the air.
I interrupted, “Oh, Beth, I forgot to ask if you decided on your scholarship. Manuel told me you got four great scholarships but were still trying to get out of L.A.”
Her face fell, “Yeah. I didn’t get the scholarships to either Stanford or Berkeley. I would have if I won State but I didn’t swim my best time. They both have girls who swim faster than me. One was injured at Stanford so I really wanted the spot but she’s three seconds faster in the 800 Free, which is a lot. Of course they are one of the top programs in the nation. UCLA is about twentieth, but the scholarship was awesome. I get to be an academic there, too. The program would set me up for a great medical school. The other scholarships were from schools in the top ten, but would be just swimming. I don’t want that. Swimming is a means to an end. I want the academics.”
I agreed. “Maybe you’ll fall in love with UCLA.”
“Marie, not likely. I hate living in L.A. There’s no place to run, bike, swim. The ocean is polluted, freezing, full of critters and jellies. Every path is crowded. It’s not safe. I can’t have Manny protecting me for the rest of my life. After we did the awesome Boulder tri series, I did the Malibu triathlon in September last year. Five thousand people on Zuma Beach. Thank God Mitch was my gear guy or we would have missed the start because there was absolutely nowhere to park. Ya know, you run fast, too. I hate running on pavement, stopping at the traffic lights all the time. I hate running around some track. It would be so cool to run with my dog off leash. Ya know the Stanford Hill; it’s heaven and right there! And biking here sucks. Okay, you’ve got the PCH at dawn. That’s it. Within an hour from Berkeley you’ve got wine country. From Stanford? You’ve got Los Altos or Atherton and Woodside. It’s heaven.”
Alan interrupted, “Now you have a car. You can drive to open spaces. Will you take your gift, Beth, please?”
Beth sighed. “Thanks, Alan. I love it. You’ve got the power again so be happy. You rich kids get so very happy when you’re in control.”
“You poor baby,” Alan sneered. “It’s my little thank you for putting up with me being an ass.”
“You guys seem mad at each other. Are you guys kidding?” I asked.
Beth answered, “No. Alan can have anything he wants but love and power, just like you. Every guy at this table loves you Marie, but it’s never been enough for you. You need to own Manny, don’t ya?”
Manuel bellowed, “Alright! Enough you guys!”
Mitch whispered something to Beth and they excused themselves. Alan and Manuel glared at each other and then Alan got up to get himself another beer.
I asked, “What’s going on with you and Alan and Beth?”
“You. Beth and I’ve been arguing about everything. She doesn’t like that I act like a puppy around you. And Franz angered her when he told her she was a product. Alan’s mad that I got my girl. He’s liked you for a very long time but not as long as I’ve loved you.” Manuel leaned forward in his chair and held my hand. “I’m still in shock that you love me. Ya know that I’m yours forever.”
“And I’m yours forever, too. It’s not puppy love.”
~ CONFESSIONS ~
I wanted to get the discussion with Kate off my chest. Manuel and I found a large chaise on the other side of Alan’s pool and cuddled together. I wanted to get right to the point. His closeness made me tingle again.
“Kate talked with me yesterday about her side of the break-up. She asked me to promise that I don’t tell anyone, but she knows that I’ll tell you. If I tell you, will you try to keep it between the two of you?”
“Do you think less of me now that she talked to you? What did she tell you bad about me?”
“No, Manuel, no. I don’t think any less of you. I do think less of her, though. But she knew that I would, that you would, that we would think less of her, too.”
Manuel moved me over so that we were facing each other. He demanded, “Lia, what…did…she say?”
“It wasn’t like that. She told me what she did. How she hurt you. That she’s sorry. She knew you were in love with me, and it made her crazy.”
Once I brought myself into this, it changed how I had imagined how I would tell Manuel that the pregnancy was a ruse. Now that we were having the conversation, I didn’t want Manuel to explain himself to me. What he did in his relationship with my former best friend was not my business. I felt awkward.
Manuel remembered, “I’ve always been in love with you. She knew that. I tried to deny it when she confronted me. She saw us in the stands at the homecoming game together. She said she saw me close my eyes and smell your hair. That’s why I got the tattoo. She wanted me to prove to her that I was in love with her, not you.”
His shoulders slouched. He closed his eyes for a moment before he continued. “I loved her, so it was easy to repress my feelings for you until she brought it up. The problem was that after she forced me to explain my feelings for you, I knew it was absolutely true that I was in love with you. I couldn’t ignore how I burned for you when I thought of you. I felt weak, dishonest.”
“You don’t need to explain yourself, Manuel. I know you’re a good man. This is none of my business.”
“No, Lia. You should know, so you don’t think I’m the prick that I’m sure she told you I am.”
“I know you’re not…” I started.
He put his hand up and continued. “When she changed her mind about doing it, I was hoping that releasing the tension I felt would make me love her more and reduce my feelings for you. It didn’t work. I couldn’t get that memory of you getting out of your red bikini out of my mind. I wanted to be with you, not her. Then it hit me that I loved you each time I saw your picture, and I started seeing your picture everywhere. It started to be painful to know I was in love with you.”
He paused and kissed my forehead. “I know this sounds strange, but I’m so grateful that Kate made me realize how much I loved you. It’s so much easier with you. She always had to be seen at parties in her millions of new clothes and shoes, crap like that. She hated my apartment and me reading books and stuff. She had so many rules and never told the truth like you do. Life just wouldn’t have been complete if I didn’t get the chance to be your boyfriend.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I feel the same way. I even told her that after she told me the rest.”
He worried, “There’s more?”
“Yes. Kate said she deliberately put magazines and tabloids in front of you that had pictures of me in them so that she could gauge your reactions. She said that she was absolutely sure you were in love with me by your response.”
“So that’s why she had all that stuff in her room.” He explained, “But I have a lot of self-control. I could have handled my feelings for you. That night, she yelled at me, gave me an ultimatum. She told me that it was her or you. I loved her. You were about to go on some worldwide ‘Muse’ premiere tour with either Matthew or Grant. You were an actress, you would always be kissing some hot guy in some movie. I chose Kate.”
He took both of my hands in his and lifted them to his lips, kissed them and put them on both of his cheeks. “Later she told me I couldn’t speak to you anymore. I told her I couldn’t do that. That would have been much too painful. I broke up with her. I felt terrible that I didn’t love her enough and felt worse that I dreamt of you.”
He stopped. He took my hands from his face. The pain of the break-up was surfacing. I didn’t want him to remember. I wanted to get to the point, to save him from the guilt he felt. I also felt Alan watching us from across the pool. I felt uncomfortable with the setting and the confession that was none of my business. I needed to get this conversation moving.
“Then she got pregnant and everything got confusing. Sure we were engaged but it felt so messed up. She dumped me the night we all went out to see Jefferson’s Muse because she knew. I couldn’t watch you on screen. It absolutely burned me to the core to see you kiss Matthew. It was so wrong that I wanted you. I didn’t deserve either of you.”
“Manuel, don’t beat yourself up about feelings you didn’t even act upon. You were trying to do the right thing for yourself, Kate, and the baby in a bad situation.”
“I do feel guilty, Lia. I was going to marry her, have a baby, and there I was thinking about you.” He sighed. “I put her through hell. She knew, and that’s why she got an abortion. I’m not as good as you think I am. I guess that’s what she wanted to tell you, that I’m a complete prick.”
I interrupted and put my hand on his shoulder. “Shh… You’re a good guy with faults. We all have faults, and I love you. But that is not exactly what she told me.”
“Manuel, listen.” I waited until his eyes met mine to tell him. “She wasn’t pregnant. She made it up to trap you. She lied and didn’t know how to get out of the lie since you committed to her and wanted the baby that didn’t exist. She was going to pretend a miscarriage but said the abortion thing to hurt you. She broke it off because she was in the lie too deeply and couldn’t live with it anymore.”
“What?” He stared at me.
“Kate knew you were in love with me and made the pregnancy up to make you love her more than you loved me, to commit to her.”
“Why?” He stared at me.
“To keep you, but then she felt bad, had to get out of the lie since you knew something was off. Remember, your immediate response was that she cheated on you. You were convinced for days. You did the math to figure out when she ovulated. You and I talked about how nothing added up to you. You knew it wasn’t yours because you were right. There was no baby.”
Manuel jumped off the chaise and yelled, “That bitch!”
By the time I had realized that he was gone, he was getting his phone out of his backpack on the other side of the pool. I walked back towards the table where Alan was sitting, watching Manuel. Everyone was watching Manuel.
He was yelling into the phone, “You bitch. We need to talk right now… No, I’ll meet you… No, if you don’t I’ll tell everyone here at Alan’s… Fine… No, now!... Yes, fifteen minutes. Where?”
He hung up the phone. “Lia Marie, I’m too drunk to drive. You have to take me. Let’s go.”
“But I don’t want to go! Can I drop you off? Ugh, I shouldn’t be there.”
“Please. Drive me; wait with me. I’ll talk to the bitch alone but be there. I need you.”
I gulped. “Okay, let’s go.”
Everyone wanted to know what was going on. Manuel said something to Beth in German. We left.
~ THE GUARDIAN & (DARK) ANGEL ~
It was Thursday afternoon, and I was done with high school! I couldn’t wait to see Manuel and relax. He waited for me at my place. I felt a lot better since I talked with Dad and read CSY6’s emails. I was also glad Manuel knew the truth about Kate. After he had a very emotional discussion with her, he asked me to drop him off at his apartment. He wanted to talk to his parents. He felt played—betrayed. He did not forgive her.
“Hey, Manuel!” I said as I came in from the garage.
“Hi, high school graduate!” Manuel hugged me.
“Yeah. It’s cool. My finals today were really easy.”
The housecleaners were finishing up the floors, so Manuel took my hand and led me to my bedroom. He spun me around. He was happy. He put his arm around me, sliding his hand from the middle of my back to my shoulder. I shuddered from a tingle that zipped down my spine and warmed my pelvis. The feeling was getting uncomfortably intense.
I ignored my feelings. So this was the feeling of desire he felt for years—wanting me so badly but trying so hard to be good. This is how he felt about me while he was dating Kate. Poor guy. I had no idea how intense the feeling could be and how much control I had to exert over myself.
I asked, “So what do you want to do for the rest of the day?”
“I thought we might drive to Malibu. I know you love that sushi restaurant, and thought I’d experience it with my new perspective.” Manuel laughed. “Before we go, though, I want to give you your graduation present.”
I could tell he was very excited to give it to me. But I was so preoccupied these last few weeks that I didn’t have a present for him. I didn’t even think about it. I hesitated.
He asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Manuel, I don’t have anything for you. I didn’t even think about it. I’m so sorry.”
“Lia, I don’t care. As a matter of fact, I kind of like it better this way because now I won’t get two things and you just one. I kind of share in your gift.” He beamed. He was even more delighted.
We heard the housecleaners close the front door. We had the house to ourselves. The thought made my heart leap. I tried to settle myself when he took my hand to lead me to his backpack leaning against my bed, but his touch re-ignited the fire and I was burning for him. We both sat on the bed.
“I saw this and thought it perfectly captured our relationship. It’s really corny. But the guardian angel thing is just between us, so…” He handed me a large jewelry box tied with a ribbon. I smiled at him. He smiled warmly back at me, eager for me to open it, hoping I would like it.
The box contained two pendants on their own chains, one chain more delicate than the other. Each pendant was a half of a heart. Together they made a whole. Both halves were engraved. The pendant on my dainty necklace read, “Guardian” and the o
ne on the thick necklace said, “Angel.”
“I love it! I love you. Thank you!”
Manuel was overjoyed that I liked his gift. “Let me put it on you!”
He already had my necklace out of the box and was unclasping it. He sat in front of me, smoldered me with his deep brown eyes, and put the chain around my neck. Once more a shock of electricity overwhelmed my body. My groin throbbed and my lungs felt tight as if my heart was ready to explode. He admired the pendant.
“I love you,” he breathed.
And that was it. Finally my mind and my body were in complete agreement. I wanted him. I chose him. I had to have him. I just could not take another second of being aroused or it was going to become painful. I tackled him, kissing his lips with passion I had no idea that I had. I pulled at his tee shirt, desperate to get it off of his body. With the other hand, I pulled off my sun dress and then unzipped his shorts. He started helping me. Within a few seconds, we had our clothes off and were completely linked in a passionate embrace. I was on top of him on the bed and tossed off the comforter. I slowed my kisses and opened my eyes. Shortly afterwards, he opened his eyes too. I looked at him devilishly, feeling overwhelmed with love and appreciation for him and absolute desire.
I continued to kiss him while he got ready. When we started again I felt his entire body relax. He kissed me and felt the contours of my body, intensifying the pleasure I was feeling, multiplying it until I felt like I was going to burst. Then a feeling beyond intensity overpowered me. Electricity pulsated from where we were together to every part of my body, my toes, my head and neck, my fingertips. I gasped in the delight of the pleasure and open my eyes. I was too dizzy to see. I couldn’t focus. It felt like I had lost my eyesight and my head spun.
Manuel looked absolutely triumphant. I giggled and rested my head on his chest. I stayed still while I let the love flow through me.
After he could feel that I calmed down, he whispered, “Thank you for my tattoos. I’m so happy I could give you all of me.”
