Losing Game: A Winning Ace Novel (Book 2)

by Tracie Delaney

  “I said I fucking can’t!”

  “Are you giving up?”

  “Yes! Fuck, yes!”

  Tally blanched, but Liam didn’t even flinch. For Cash to give up meant he was utterly exhausted, and that brought its own challenges. He hated how weak he’d become, how much his body had been affected during what, in reality, was a fairly short time in a coma. But this wasn’t the movies. People didn’t wake from a coma one day and compete in a triathlon the next. This was real life. And it was shit.

  She tentatively touched his shoulder. “Want to rest for a bit, ace?”

  He pulled away, and her hand fell to her side. “Don’t fucking call me that.”

  She glanced at Liam and tilted her head towards the door. Taking her cue, he left.

  She knelt in front of Cash, her hands on his thighs, and fixed him with a hard stare. “You’ll always be my ace. I know you’re frustrated, and you can yell and scream at me all you like. But you and I both know all that will do is make you feel like shit in the long run.”

  He rammed his knuckles into his eyes and rubbed hard. When he faced her again, his eyes were bloodshot. “I can’t do this.”

  “Yes, you can. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. You have to do this, Cash. For you and for me. For our future.” She grabbed his face and forced him to meet her gaze. “I believe in you.”

  He jerked his head back. “Then you’re a fucking fool. What are you still doing here anyway, huh? I mean, you hardly signed up for this. I’ll never play again. You know that, right? And what does that leave me with?”

  Her hands fell to her sides. “Me,” she said quietly.

  Silence hung over them both until the lack of sound became almost painful. Cash let out a deep sigh.

  “Sorry,” he muttered.

  His apologies were never expressive, but Tally knew he felt them deeply all the same.

  She sat cross-legged on the floor in front of him. “The only person who is saying you’ll never play again is you, Cash. I haven’t heard Liam say that, or any of your doctors. I can’t believe you’d give up this easily.”

  “Easy?” He glared at her, fury sparking deep in his eyes—eyes that used to look at her with such love and affection. “You think this is fucking easy?”

  “There you go again,” she said, throwing her hands in the air. “Hearing what you want to hear. I didn’t say this was easy. I said you’re giving up too easily. Where’s all that determination gone? Where have you gone, Cash?”

  He launched himself out of the chair. “I guess I disappeared when a car smashed my fucking head in and left me with this useless fucking thing,” he yelled, waving his right hand in the air, his left hand balled into a fist.

  Tally scrambled to her feet and stood directly in front of him.“Let me get this right. You’re saying the accident turned you into a quitter? With everything you’ve had to overcome in your life, you’re going to let this beat you?”

  Cash pressed his lips together in a hard line as though if he didn’t clamp them shut, he’d say something he didn’t want to. Or something he’d regret.

  “Fine,” he finally said. “Go and fucking get him.”

  Tally stood on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  46

  On the way home from the physio, Tally pulled over into a lay-by. Cash was staring out of the window, his hands limp in his lap but curled into fists as they so often were these days. She killed the engine and sat in silence. Eventually he seemed to realise they weren’t home yet, and he turned to her with a deep frown.

  “Why have you stopped?”

  “I thought we could go for a walk.”

  He shook his head. “I want to go home.”

  Tally removed the keys from the ignition and jumped out of the car. “Two choices, Cash. Either come for a walk with me, or stay here. Up to you.”

  She closed the car door and, after looking both ways, jogged across the road. Please follow. Please follow. As she disappeared into the trees, the slam of the car door reached her, and she breathed a deep sigh. Cash caught up with her, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets and his shoulders hunched—his way of telling her he was there under duress.

  She kept to a reasonable pace so he wouldn’t put undue pressure on his healed leg and headed for the centre of the woods. The atmosphere around them crackled, the sound echoed by twigs breaking underfoot. As the trees parted, a large lake came into view, lilies floating on top of water still as a millpond.

  “I forgot I’d told you about this place,” Cash said, momentarily breaking the tension between them.

  Tally smiled. “I’ve been meaning to come for ages, but…”

  She left the sentence hanging and went to sit on a bench that allowed for a perfect view of the surroundings. Cash sat beside her, his legs splayed in a relaxed fashion even as his hands remained clenched.

  “Talk to me,” Tally said. “I need to know what you’re thinking.”

  “Why?” he said in a petulant tone. “What’s the point?”

  “Because I want to know what’s going on in your head,” she said, tapping his temple in an attempt to keep the atmosphere light.

  Cash jerked out of her reach. “I’m not sure you do, Natalia.”

  A jolt of pain made her rub her chest. “I do, Cash. How can I help you if I don’t know how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking?”

  He shifted around, his gaze hard and cold. “You can’t help. No one can.”

  She briefly closed her eyes. “How do you know if you don’t give me a chance?”

  “Oh, sorry,” he said, his tone bleeding sarcasm. “I missed the part where you qualified as a miracle worker, because that’s the only way you can help me to fix this.”

  He waved his damaged hand in her face, and she flinched, both from his words and the proximity of his hand.

  “Why are you being so hurtful?” she whispered.

  Cash launched himself to his feet and began to pace at the edge of the lake. Tally could see him taking several deep breaths, and he kept flexing his fingers before curling them into fists once more. She sat nibbling on her nails without a clue about what her next move should be. The doctors had warned about the effect of head injuries on personalities, and she’d done her own research, but the reality of living with someone with a brain injury was very different from reading about it.

  “I’m going back to the car,” he announced and stomped off into the woods. Tally waited for a few moments before climbing to her feet and following him. When she reached the road, Cash was standing by the passenger door, his arms folded across his chest, a deep frown on his face. “You took your time.”

  She ignored him and unlocked the car, but as she went to start the engine, his hand closed over hers.

  “You want to know what I’m thinking?”

  “Yes.”

  He laughed, but the sound had a hard edge. “Well, brace yourself, because you may not like what you’re about to hear.”

  Tally sat on her trembling hands because she didn’t want Cash to see how much his words hurt, how easily he could affect her.

  “Okay,” she said in a low voice.

  “I’m living in a world of what ifs, and it’s driving me crazy. What if we’d taken the car back to the hotel? What if I hadn’t bought those stupid flowers? What if we’d stayed in the Maldives or never gone on holiday in the first place?” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “What if I’d never met you?”

  Tally gasped as agony tore through her chest. “You don’t mean that.”

  He threw his hands in the air. “Yes, I fucking do. Ever since I met you, my life has been one disaster after another. I may have been living a shallow existence before you lied your way into my event, but at least I had my career, my friends. Now what do I have, huh? Nothing.”

  Tally resisted the urge to shrink away from him. Instead, she straightened her spine. “You still have your friends, and your career. It’s just on hold. And I did
not lie my way into that event. I had an invitation.”

  “That’s true, but let’s face it, you haven’t exactly been averse to lying to me, have you?”

  She shook her head. “Oh, come on, Cash. This is the best you have, dragging up the past?”

  “You said you wanted to know what’s in my head.”

  “I do, but—”

  “I cannot forget how you lied to me about Kinga’s role in the photographs. I am still furious that you kept it from me and yet you saw fit to tell Emmalee, like she was more worthy or something.”

  “Jesus, Cash.” Tally dragged a hand through her hair. “That was months ago, and we sorted it out.”

  “No, we didn’t. I just buried it because my mother had a go at me, but every time I think back to that time…”

  Tally stared out of the window as she found it difficult to breathe, an uncomfortable tingling sensation spreading from her chest to her fingers. She sat in silence as she braced for his next onslaught, but it never came. When she turned around, Cash had his head against the back of the seat, his eyes closed.

  Tally started the car and drove home, the heavy atmosphere between them making her want to cry. But she had to ride this out. Cash’s behaviour wasn’t unusual. Painful, yes, but normal with injuries of his type. As she pulled into the driveway, Brad and Jamie were waiting outside.

  “Damn,” she muttered. “Forgot they were coming over.”

  Cash gave her a withering look. “Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Cut me off from my friends.”

  He almost threw himself out of the car in his haste to get away from her. Tally watched as Cash greeted Brad and Jamie. He shook their hands and smiled brightly, the sort of smile he used to regularly have for her but now rarely did.

  She waited until they’d gone inside before trailing after them, but as she heard laughter coming from the living room, she couldn’t face the falseness of it all. She wandered into the kitchen and poured herself a large glass of wine.

  “Aren’t you joining us?”

  Her head snapped up to find Brad lounging by the kitchen door. Tally held up her wine glass.

  “Want one?”

  He shook his head. “Your man’s poured me a whiskey.”

  Tally grimaced. “Not sure he’s my man anymore.”

  Brad crossed the kitchen and pulled her into his arms. “You’re getting the brunt of it because he loves you the most.”

  Tears sprang from her eyes as she clung to him. “Lucky me.”

  Brad released her so he could grab a tissue and wipe her face. “How did he get on today?”

  She shrugged. “Okay, I guess. We had another tantrum when it all became too much. Liam reckons he’s making progress, just not fast enough for Cash.” She took a large gulp of wine. “I’m sorry we were late, but I completely forgot you were coming. I stopped on the way home from physio because I wanted Cash to get some fresh air.” She laughed, the sound hollow even to her ears. “He said some pretty awful things.”

  Brad put his arm around her. “Come on. I’m not having you hiding in here.”

  As they walked into the living room, Cash’s gaze flickered to where Brad’s arm lay across her shoulders, but whereas once Cash would have bristled at another man touching her, he didn’t react at all.

  After an hour or so, Cash put his whiskey tumbler down and yawned. “Sorry, guys. Hope you don’t mind, but I’m heading off to bed. It’s surprising how doing fuck all makes you this tired.”

  “We’ll try not to leave it so long next time,” Brad said as he and Cash clapped each other on the back.

  Cash waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. I get you’re busy.” His tone was light, but Tally could discern the underlying hurt. Brad and Jamie had moved on with their lives. Not that they’d had a choice, but she knew it still stung.

  “Natalia,” Cash said, cocking his head in a signal for her to follow him.

  “We’ll get off,” Brad said, but Tally shook her head.

  “If you hang on, I’ll see you out,” she said. “Give me five minutes.”

  She followed Cash upstairs. Once they reached their bedroom, he closed the door and sat on the end of the bed. “I’m sorry about before,” he said in a sullen tone that didn’t exactly scream an apology.

  Tally shook her head. “Forget it,” she said even though it would take a while before she could, if ever.

  He shrugged and began getting undressed. Tally averted her gaze. They didn’t exactly have sex very often these days, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t still attracted to him. Quite the opposite in fact.

  “Won’t be long. I’ll just see the guys out.”

  He shrugged again. “No rush.”

  As Tally entered the living room, she gave a wan smile to Brad and Jamie, who were hovering as though they didn’t know quite how to behave.

  “God, honey, I’m sorry,” Brad said, giving her a hug for the second time that night.

  “Me too,” Jamie added, an expression of sorrow and regret prevalent on his craggy features.

  “We’ll try to visit more often.”

  She shook her head. “I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. He’s difficult to be around.” She sipped her drink and met Brad’s gaze over the rim of her glass. “Maybe he always will be.”

  A flash of pain crossed Brad’s face. “And you? What about you?”

  She shrugged. “What about me? I’m not leaving him if that’s what you mean. I love him, and he loves me, even though he doesn’t exactly show it right now. I’ve read up about this, Brad. I know what I’m in for. Frontal-lobe injuries change personalities, make people frustrated, prone to extreme angry outbursts. But I’ve also read stories of miracles, where, over time, people almost become the same person they were before the head injury. Cash has the strength of mind to be one of those people. I know it. At the moment, he’s depressed. He needs time to come to terms with the work ahead of him. Then he’ll be fine.”

  “Do you think he’ll ever play again?”

  She didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

  Brad nodded. “I’m sorry we had to move on, but if he does ever return to tennis, please make sure he calls us. We’ll both be back in a shot if the schedules line up.”

  “First on my list,” she said with a smile she wasn’t feeling.

  After she’d seen them out, Tally locked up and trudged upstairs to bed. Cash was lying on his back, his left arm thrown over his head, his too-long hair unkempt. The strain of the last few weeks showed on his face, even in sleep. And yet, to Tally, he’d never looked more beautiful, because he was alive.

  She’d thought the worst was over when he regained consciousness. Little had she known that the worst was yet to come.

  She quickly undressed and climbed into bed beside him. She snuggled against his side, and his arm automatically closed around her. Even though the movement was involuntary, instinctive, she savoured the intimacy.

  “Don’t give up, babe,” she said. “Because I won’t.”

  47

  A month later, Tally awoke with a start, heart pounding and drenched in sweat. She’d had yet another nightmare, although the familiar sense of dread was already fading. A shadow lingered in her mind, almost within reach, but as she grasped to remember, it faded, leaving her with an overwhelming sense of loss.

  She reached for Cash. His side of the bed was empty. She glanced at the clock and groaned. Too early. Throwing on a dressing gown, she tiptoed onto the landing, her ears straining. The house was silent, and as she crept downstairs, a flickering light came from the living room.

  She peered round the door. Cash was sitting on the edge of the sofa, his forearms resting on his knees. The Shanghai Masters tennis tournament was on TV. Cash was focused on the game and didn’t notice her until she sat beside him. She stroked his arm.

  “Who’s playing?”

  He shot her a glare, the agony on his face tearing through Tally. “Not me,” he bit out.

  She picked up his
hand, the damaged one, and kissed it. “It will be. Soon.”

  He snatched his hand away. “What makes you psychic?”

  Tally held back a sharp retort. Arguing didn’t help when he got like this. “It’s not even three months since the accident. You’re being far too hard on yourself.”

  His mouth twisted into a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Shocker.”

  She tried to lean against his shoulder, but he shuffled along the sofa, out of reach. The rebuff was like a knife to her gut, and her eyes welled with tears.

  “Oh, for God’s sake,” he said with a huff. “Don’t start, Natalia. I can’t deal with your shit as well as my own.”

  “Cash––”

  “For fuck’s sake!” He launched to his feet and scraped a hand through his hair. “Go back to bed, and leave me alone.”

  “No. That’s not what you need.”

  “Don’t you fucking dare tell me what I need. Right now, I need you to leave me the hell alone.”

  He slammed his undamaged fist into the wall. Tally flinched, and even though she tried not to, she began to cry. Who said words couldn’t hurt? Cash’s sure packed a punch. She walked over to him and reached out her hand. “Please don’t push me away. I love you.”

  He stared at her with hard, flinty eyes, nothing like the man she’d fallen in love with. Right at that moment, he looked as though he hated her. “You never know when to leave it alone, do you?”

  “I’m trying to help you.”

  “I don’t want your fucking help!”

  He moved so quickly Tally barely caught sight of the vase until it went sailing past her head. It smashed against the wall behind her, and she instinctively sank to the floor, covering her head with her hands as shards of ceramic scattered across the carpet. She couldn’t speak as her heart nearly punched through her chest. She waited for him to fall at her side, to beg her forgiveness for scaring her. He did neither.

  She slowly lifted her head. “What are you doing?” she whispered.

  His breath came in short pants, and his nostrils flared as he glowered at her. “Well, you seem incapable of listening to anything I say. Maybe that will get the message home.”