Just Be You (A Standalone Novella): And, I'll Just Be Me

by Vicki Green

  After open mic, I stayed around and had a couple of beers when Cian walked up to me. “You were great last night dancing. You’ve really picked them all up so quickly.”

  I beam up at him. “Thanks.”

  “Walk you home?” I nod and we leave, his arm around my shoulder as we walk to my apartment. We arrive at my front door and I turn around facing him. “Well…” he begins, running his fingers through my hair.

  “Thanks for walking me home.” I smile, loving the feeling of what he’s doing. Cian is good looking, still not over that he wants to be with me, and over time, he’s helped with my confidence. I’ve also made some friends, due to him and his popularity at the bar. When I walk in there now, I know everyone and everyone always talks to me. It’s not huge but something I’ve never had before – something I’ve always wanted. You know that scene in Saturday Night Fever when John Travolta walks in and everyone says “Hi”, pats him on the back and wants to be around him? Well, it’s not exactly to that extreme but it’s getting there.

  “You’re most welcome.” We stare into each other’s eyes, his seeming to ask a question. Before I know what’s happening, he leans down, his eyes moving to my mouth. His lips cover mine, gentle at first then he kisses me harder, rougher. My arms encircle his neck as our mouths move together then his tongue enters my mouth. His hand moves across from my shoulder, down my side, until he’s cupping my breast, kneading, squeezing. It feels so good that I don’t want to stop. Should we go inside? We’re both panting heavily as he tweaks my nipple through the fabric then his hand moves again. Down. Down. Down. A sound vibrates through me from deep in my throat until it’s muffled by his mouth as he cups me through my jeans, his fingers running up at down as he does. I swear I’m soaked! “I need to go. Another time,” he says against my lips. What? He takes a step back. I stand there trying to catch my breath as he winks at me and starts down the stairs. “Soon.” I watch until the top of his head disappears and lean against my door. What just happened? Why would he get us both hot and bothered and then just leave? I end up taking a cool shower and climb into bed, having to take matters in my own hands. Well, with a vibrator.

  The next Thursday night, West showed up at open mic and played his guitar. Cian and I sat next to each other, holding hands. I’m wearing a light blue sundress, wanting to dress up a little more than usual. More than once, I caught West looking at our entwined hands, never once making eye contact with me. Is he jealous? No! That’s just insane. We’re best friends. On the last break of the shows, I excused myself to go to the restroom. Sitting in the stall, I’m feeling giddy, really happy for the first time I can remember. I have friends. Not just a few but a lot. A wonderful, good looking man, who definitely makes me feel beautiful and wanted, and the best, best friend ever. The only confusing thing in my life is my feelings between Cian and West. Yes, West is my best friend, but over time, I’ve begun to feel more for him. Cian is great, treats me good, except for that one time against the wall but he profusely apologized for that. I have to admit, if only to myself, that Cian doesn’t give me those sparks or butterflies, like I’ve read in romance books. It could be because they are fiction yet I feel them every time West is around so I know they really do exist. I wish I felt that way about Cian. I don’t think West feels that way about me, and I won’t do anything to ruin our friendship.

  “Do you think she is really that stupid that she doesn’t know? I mean come on… how much of an idiot can she be?”

  My ears perk up to a conversation outside my stall.

  “I don’t know, honey. But he goes out with a different woman every fucking night and I’m sure they aren’t just talking.”

  I hear their footsteps as they’re leaving the bathroom. “Such a shame. I really like Piper. I thought she was smarter than that. Maybe she just isn’t doing it for Cian, otherwise, why would he go out on her? Then again, I think most people like her because she’s with Cian, ya know?”

  Tears blur my vision as I hear the door shut. How could Cian do this to me? To anyone? I guess I am naïve or just plain stupid, like they said. Finishing up quickly, I walk over to the sink, wash my hands and blot my tear streaked face. Standing there looking at my flushed skin in the mirror, I purse my lips so they won’t continue to tremble. God! I’m such an idiot! Thinking people actually liked me. For me! And Cian? Again I’m the victim of people taking advantage of me. When will I ever learn? Maybe I can’t learn! I’m so done! Now, I’m angry and hurt.

  Walking out of the bathroom, I’m unsure what to do. I don’t want to make a scene and embarrassment doesn’t cover how I’m feeling. Used. Betrayed. Unwanted. Everything I’ve felt over a lifetime. I notice Cian over by the chairs we were sitting in, his fingers weaving through a busty blonde’s hair as he talks. Seriously? He’s doing that in front of everyone, knowing that they all think he’s with me? Now, I’m beyond any embarrassment and full of anger. Keeping an eye on him, I walk along the opposite side of the bar, trying to get out of here and home before he notices. My heart is racing as I get closer to the front door, not sure if I want to run or confront him at this point. I hate confrontation and really, I’m a little worried about how he’ll react. Remembering that night here when I told him West was going home with me for Thanksgiving, and his reaction, even though I told him West and I were just friends. My hands move up to my throat, still feeling his hand there from that night. He really scared me.

  I make it outside without crying again, my anger overshadowing so quickly. Luckily, no one is outside so I start to walk to the cross walk when someone grabs my arm. A hand covers my mouth, their strength pulls my arm behind me, twisting it until it becomes painful. “Just where do you think you’re going?” Cian’s angry voice sends chills down my spine as he brings me around the corner of the building into the dark and pushes me against the building. My eyes widen when the sliver of moonlight shines enough that I can see the glaring anger in his. “Walking out on me?” I try to shake my head but his hand presses harder over my mouth.

  Suddenly, pain radiates through me as he releases my mouth and hits my face with his fist, his ring slicing through the skin across my cheek. “Answer me!” I feel lightheaded as I sway, trying to stay upright. He hits me again. Face. Side. I’m doubled over when he wretches me upright, wincing with pain as he covers my mouth again, pushing me hard against the brick building. “I never said I was a one woman kind of man.” I feel all the strength leave me as I try to push against his chest, his other hand pulling up my dress to my waist. “Guess I’ll just have to take what I want since you won’t give it to me.”

  Gasping behind his hand, having trouble breathing, he rips my panties from me, and I hear him pulling down his zipper. Oh, God! “I’m tired of waiting. Most women just it to give me when I want it.” He releases my mouth but places his hand around my throat, like he did before, squeezing so tightly I can’t get any air. “You’ll learn the hard way what it’s like to displease me,” he growls. I feel the tip of his hardened cock against me and starting hitting his chest, his arms, then try pulling his hand from around my throat. Dots begin to appear in my eyes as he strengthens his hold.

  Is this how I’ll learn not to ever trust a man again? Is my life going to be over before it’s really begun? I close my eyes as his tip enters me right before everything goes dark.

  Chapter Seven

  I watch Cian making a fool of himself, ogling that blonde haired woman in front of everyone. He’s an embarrassment not only to himself but he’s letting everyone around know that he’s an asshole and that Piper is being taken advantage of. Pisses me the fuck off. I knew I didn’t like him but this just proves what a prick he is. I catch Piper out of the corner of my eye, making her way around the bar, and I can tell she’s been crying. She knows. Looking back into the eyes of those listening to me sing and play the guitar, I try to concentrate yet I want to go after her. I continue until I finish the song,
even though I had said I had a couple more, I quickly put my guitar into its case and excuse myself. I need to go to her. Looking around as I jog toward the door, I notice Cian is missing. Maybe he took that other woman somewhere. Such a scum bag. When I get outside, holding the handle of my guitar case tightly, I start to walk to the cross walk when I hear muffled noises coming from around the corner. What the fuck?

  As soon as I round the corner, anger swells inside me instantly. What I’m seeing makes me sick. Cian has Piper pinned against the wall, strangling her with his hand around her throat. I see her body go limp as his cock begins to enter her half naked body. Motherfucker! I move quickly, grabbing the bottom of my guitar case, lifting it up and swinging it into the side of his face – hard. I move to catch Piper as she begins to fall to the ground but Cian surprises me by jumping to his feet and tackling me. We both go down, my guitar case crashing against the wall. Straddling me, he begins hitting me over and over, making my eyes go in and out of focus. My head turns as the impact of his fist hits, his ring cutting through the skin on my forehead. I see Piper lying on the ground a few feet away. Lifeless.

  Adrenaline flows through me. Anger envelopes me as I grab his wrists, pushing him back as I stand. I begin hitting him with renewed strength, wanting to kill the evil bastard.

  “Oh, my God!”

  “What’s going on?”

  Voices start penetrating behind me as I continue my onslaught. Suddenly, I’m being pulled away from him and as I struggle to get free, I watch him fall to the ground in a bloody heap. “Hang on, man. Cops are on their way.” Johnny’s voice rings in my ear but I turn to Piper, only one thing on my mind.

  Sirens begin to grow louder as he releases me and I slide down on my knees next to Piper. Pushing some hair behind her ear, I lean down, checking for a pulse in her neck. “Piper,” I whisper. No movement. Her face is battered, blood streaming down one side. “God. Piper?” Everything is a flurry after that. Cops trying to pry me away from her. Paramedics gathered around her. I’m struggling in the hold of two police officers, wanting to be closer to know what’s happening. They keep asking me questions but all I can do is watch. They lift her still body onto a gurney, an IV bag placed on her stomach over a sheet. I watch in horror as they take her away. My eyes meet Johnny’s. Fear. Anguish.

  “Carl. Let him go with her and question him at the hospital. I can vouch for him,” Johnny says as I watch the paramedics place her inside the ambulance.

  My arms are released and I start to walk toward the vehicle. Stopping, I look at Johnny. “Thanks.” He nods and pats my back as I go to the ambulance and climb inside.

  As we ride to the hospital, one of the paramedics tends to my cut and all I can think about is Piper, lying there still unmoving. She wanted to be popular, have some true friends, while I wanted the opposite, to be alone and do what I long to do – play my guitar and sing. Doesn’t she realize she has me as a true friend? Am I not enough? Why do people want more of something they don’t have, not realizing they have so much more than others? I’d give anything to have a happy home, parents who show their love for me. She has so much more than she realizes.

  The hospital wait is agonizing. I answered all the police officer’s questions as I wait for news on Piper. Between that and some witnesses I hadn’t known were there, the point when I found Piper and Cian, they let me go with no charges and told me they were taking Cian in. They said they would need a statement from Piper as soon as she was able to give one. An hour and a half is what it took before someone came out to tell me I could see her. They think I’m her boyfriend. Said she’d been asking for me even before she regained full consciousness. That must mean something, right?

  The nurse told me she didn’t need to stay overnight as long as I could stay with her. She has a slight concussion, along with five stitches in her cheek, bruised ribs and a bruised windpipe. She told me she’d give me a list of instructions and pain pills. That son of a bitch! Anger hits me hard all over again until we walk into her room. Seeing her lying there, a bandage covering her right cheek, black and blue bruising already forming around it, and a handprint around her throat changed my anger into concern instantly. I was told as soon as she wakes up, sleeping from the pain pill they gave her, I could take her home.

  Home. Which home should I take her to? I want to take her to mine, but I’m not sure I’d have everything she needs there. I’ll take her to her apartment, but I won’t leave her side. Guilt hits me hard as I sit next to her bed, holding her lifeless hand as I think about how I could have saved her from this. From him. I should have told her about him. Warned her. Would she have listened to me? She was pretty smitten with him, and I could tell she loved her newfound popularity. I cringe. Popularity. It’s not always what people think it is. Not as great as she’s been thinking it is. At least not for me.

  “Uh…” She moans and suddenly her eyes flutter open. “West?”

  Stroking her forehead, I smooth back her hair. “Shhh. I’ve got you.”

  Her brows lower in confusion as she looks around the room. As she looks back at me, her eyes fill with tears. “I’m sorry.” Her voice is hoarse from the strain.

  “Don’t talk.” I smile. “I’m gonna take you home and take care of you. Just do me a favor and save your voice, okay?” She nods.

  It takes another hour for me to get her signed out. Getting out of the cab I’d called, I carry her sleeping body up to her apartment and unlock the door. Gently, I undress her, careful of her injuries. After finding a clean t-shirt to put on her, I place her into her bed and pull up the covers. Grabbing a chair from the corner of her room, I pull it up next to her bed and watch her.

  Epilogue

  The following days were filled with tender care, loving gifts of flowers, grocery store runs and tending to my every need. I’ve come to realize, the hard way of course, that being popular isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, and that everything I ever wanted or needed was in West’s friendship all this time. Not only that but those feelings I’ve had for him, the ones that go beyond friendship? I was nervous because I wasn’t sure he felt the same way. After all he’d told me he’s gone through, I thought friendship was all he wanted. Turns out, I was wrong about that too.

  In those few days, my throat finally healed enough that he told me I could talk. Such a mother hen. I found he was right as it hurt too much to use my voice. He’s never left my side this entire time. Cooking me soup, giving me my pain pills and water, every four hours like clockwork. When I expressed my concern about him missing work, he’d tell me not to use my voice but would smile and tell me not to worry about him. I don’t know how I got so lucky.

  Tonight, I finally took a shower and put on some clean clothes. My ribs are still tender and I had to be careful of the stitches in my cheek but it felt so good. I had to stink of body odor by now. I smile thinking about how this entire time he’d tell me how beautiful I am. I’m sitting on the couch, pillows from my bed tucked behind me, courtesy of West. He told me to get comfortable while he finished cooking dinner. I could get used to this. Bringing over two plates, he sets them down on my coffee table – the smell of hamburgers and fries making my stomach growl. He picks up a plate and sets it on my lap then retrieves his own. Starving for anything other than soup, I pick up my burger, ready to take an enormous bite, when it hits me. Not for the first time. Remorse. Regret. I look over at him as I set my burger back on my plate.

  “West?” He looks over at me, chewing his food, his brows raise in question. “Um. Thanks again for taking care of me but mostly, thanks for pulling Cian off me. I’ll never be able to repay you for that.” He stops chewing, staring into my eyes. I look down, still ashamed for how I was acting but let out a breath and look back into his eyes just as he swallows. “I hope you know just how much your friendship means to me.”

  He takes our plates and sets them back on the coffee tabl
e then turns to me, sliding his fingers into my hair. “Quit apologizing.” His eyes search mine. “Don’t you know how much I value our friendship?” I nod slightly, loving the feel of his hand against my face, the way his fingers rub my scalp through my hair. “Don’t you realize that I want more?”

  “More?” I whisper.

  His mouth turns up into that smile I love so much. “Yes. More. So much more.” My heart starts beating so hard as he leans toward me. His lips are warm and tender against mine as they cover my mouth. I raise my hand and cover the side of his face, relishing the light stubble there. He moves back but in inch, looking at my lips, wet from his, then he looks up into my eyes. “Just do me a favor?”

  I smile. “Anything.”

  His brow raises but then lowers as he smiles. “How about you just be you, and I’ll just be me.” My heart begins racing as I nod quickly. “Deal?” He leans toward me again. The anticipation of his lips causes those butterflies to take root in my stomach as tingles flow through me from his touch.

  “Deal.”

  His mouth covers mine and for once in my life, I’m glad and relieved to just be me. I think he’s glad too.

  Acknowledgements

  I feel like sometimes I’m thanking the same people, however, my books and their covers would not look and sound as pretty without my amazing Editor, Kathy Krick making my words, grammar, and punctuation correct as well as her insightful comments and suggestions – my cover designer, Kari Ayasha, who always makes my covers look so beautiful that they complete my stories and a visual as I write them, and my formatter, Mari Rohweder, who loves to try things out on my headers and backgrounds, making them even more special.