The Dark Crown

by S C Gowland

  ‘To be better than this.’ he pointed at the body, shaking his head. ‘You shouldn’t even be here.’ he spat.

  She knew he regretted the words as soon as he said them; a look of uncertainty softened his hard face.

  She felt anger rising within her again, hot and satisfying.

  ‘I knew it.’ she said shaking her head. ‘You don’t want us here, either of us.’

  ‘No.’ he said straight faced. ‘I don’t. Neither of you are ready. Despite what Kubrean may think and Nova might dictate. I don’t think you should be here.’

  ‘They are in charge and they are right.’ she said, although she felt a quiver of doubt douse her anger.

  ‘They’re wrong.’ he said shaking his head. ‘The decision should have been mine.’

  ‘But it wasn’t, was it.’ she smiled. ‘They don’t doubt us.’ she raised her chin.

  ‘I don’t doubt you either, but you still shouldn’t be here.’

  ‘They are our masters.’ she said, point scoring more than anything but it still felt good to say it.

  ‘They aren’t your father…’ he said quietly.

  She clicked her tongue, pushing the hot anger down in her stomach. ‘Don't speak to me like that. I'm not the little girl you left behind all those years ago.’ she spat. The words tumbled out of her mouth before her head realised what she was saying. She clenched her jaw, anger vibrating around her body.

  Kaoldan stood, his mouth half open, but saying nothing.

  ‘You just don't understand.’ she shouted shaking her head, blonde hair whipping at the back of her neck. She was now in full flow and not caring any who heard it. She was now fully aware of what she was saying, but somehow, she just couldn't stop herself.

  ‘Living in the past.’ she shouted, ‘You still think that we are these sweet little defenceless girls, that you abandoned. We are not.’ she said defiantly, pointing to her sister. ‘We’ve changed. We have grown, YOU have not. You're still living in the past. We are not!’ without waiting for a response, she set her jaw, signalled to her sister. They climbed onto their Pantheras and rode away.

  ***

  The town of Celst was quite the most depressing place Romina had ever visited. Even from the top of the hill, grey fields roll down to the small fishing village; grotty sparse and thoroughly uninspiring.

  The closer they had got the worse it became, the less vegetation or signs of life there were. The mere presence of the place seeming to kill off anything living close to it. Even the roads in this part of the world were depressing. She considered that even on her most optimistic days Romina could not have said that it was a road at all. It was merely a flat stony pathway that led to a high-staked wooden wall, with oily torches hanging from either side of the main entrance. Creepy and atmospheric.

  It had hardly got any better on the inside. Its inhabitants shuffled around like lost sheep, not one person making eye contact. Normally dogs could never resist at least stealing a cheeky bark at the Pantheras or Dref, who padded alongside oblivious, before thinking better of it and scrambling away. They couldn’t even be bothered to do that, just watching from a distance.

  The whole place reeked of depression. It almost felt like it penetrated her armour wriggled and inside her bones. She looked around for something, anything, a sign of life or colour, but everything was grey and miserable.

  Dull shutters on the front of windows clattered away, the only animated inhabitants in the whole place. They made their way down what can only be described as the shabbiest of main streets, all townsfolk keeping their distance going about their business quietly and solemnly.

  ‘We need somewhere to replenish our supplies and someone to scout out a ship we can hire.‘ said Kubrean.

  Romina turned to glance at the Grey Walker who was talking to Kaoldan as he always did.

  Kaoldan glanced at Romina, but she avoided his stare by pretending to tease Dref who sat, tongue lolling. If they had hardly spoken before they had left Thura, since the encounter with the soldiers in the forest communication had broken down completely. They hadn't spoken for weeks.

  She was embarrassed by her actions. Worst of all she realised, she didn't know why she had reacted the way she did.

  Why had she killed that man?

  Why hadn't she noticed that he was unable to speak?

  Questions, upon questions. All without answers.

  She felt regret. She felt guilt. She felt embarrassed. She had tried to speak to her sister about it, but the words had never come.

  She carried it around like a fisherman carrying a bad smell, uncertain of how to get rid of it. Glancing at their surroundings. Depression seemed to be the business of this place and she was perfectly suited to it.

  ‘I’ll make enquiries about transport.’ said Kaoldan nodding towards Kubrean. He glanced again at his daughter, hesitated, as if he wanted to say something, but no words came. He looked towards Zalen, the blonde haired Walker nodded, and the pair disappeared off down a side street heading towards the harbour.

  ‘I think,’ came a deep voice to her right, ‘that I may have found a tavern.’ said Kryst with an air of satisfaction. ‘They do food. They can probably replenish all the supplies we need and if I can work my magic, it won’t be too expensive either.’

  ‘Music to my ears.’ said Nova, a smile growing on his face.

  He and his wife had not ridden Panthera's instead they've made the journey on dark horses. They kept pace with the rest of the Walkers and their Pantheras and been joined for much of the journey by the new stranger, Aralorne.

  Ever since their encounter in the woods in the Palace of Thura, Romina had kept her distance. They had spoken briefly and civilly at mealtimes, but other than that they had had no conversations whatsoever.

  She was wary of the white-haired man. In truth he rarely did anything other than keep to himself and when he did speak, it was only to Nova and Tokel. She reflected that she had said more to someone she did not trust than she had to her father over recent weeks. That couldn’t be a good thing could it?

  All in all, the group were fractured, mistrusting and above all, tired and grumpy, which did not make the best of travelling companions. However, the prospect of a good meal and some rest, that didn't involve a tent camping under the stars lifted her spirits. Maybe this place wasn't so bad after all?

  ***

  She was wrong.

  It was this bad after all, content completely in keeping with its surroundings.

  The soup had been thin, the bread hard and the meat that was presented grisly. Yet despite this, she had eaten more than her fair share and the local beer had helped to make the whole experience slightly more pleasurable.

  She sat back on the wooden seat in front of a large table. Thick. stout. Practical furniture for a thick, practical and uninspiring kind of tavern she mused, nursing her cup. The beer within it smelling dark and nutty. She had had more than her fair share of this as well, and in truth this had helped to make the rest of the meal more palatable.

  Her head felt slightly numb in places and she had a small grin that appeared and disappeared on her face.

  She also felt slightly giddy if the truth be told. She had never really been one for drinking, but after that journey. Having a drink felt good. Felt she had earned it. She was safe. The surroundings, though uninspiring were civilised. Why should she not let her hair down?

  She jerked her head to the left, vision flickering.

  Tokel sat beside her.

  Romina grinned.

  ‘Are adventures always so dull and dreary?’ she announced, the words proving difficult to get out of her mouth.

  ‘It feels like they've been travelling for ever.’ she said with a nod. It was a rather odd sensation having her mouth say words so clumsily that her brain said so well.

  She blinked, slowly exercising her tongue as Tokel turned to face her.

  The old woman smiled.

  She was the very epitome of a grandparent; dark-skinned, weather
ed face, white hair tied back loosely in a ponytail, gleaming blue eyes.

  Romina and Zahara had known Tokel and Nova all their lives. Even though they were not related she very much thought of them as her unofficial aunt and uncle. They had always been close, never gone far away, unlike others. They were a reassurance, always had been and still were now.

  ‘It is not always so difficult.’ said Tokel.

  Romina sniffed and leaned in.

  ‘This place is a bit shit, isn’t it…?’

  ‘Everywhere has its charms, even here.’ she frowned at Romina. ‘ Though it does help when your surroundings are slightly more inspiring than this, I grant you.’

  Romina blinked and looked around the tavern; pale painted walls or what were once white painted walls, supported by a dark timber frame with several layers of dust and dirt added for good measure.

  ‘Nope definitely shit.’ whispered Romina rather loudly.

  The owner, stood behind the bar not twelve strides away, eyed her suspiciously.

  Romina raised her cup to him, grinning

  He frowned and looked away.

  ‘He’s shit too.’ she declared.

  ‘Anyway, how are you, my dear?’ Tokel said brightly, attempting to change the mood.

  Romina pulled a serious face and thought about it.

  ‘Comfused.’ she announced and nodded slowly, agreeing with herself. Her tongue filling thick, her lips numb.

  ‘So many phings to consider. I am this, but I am not that.’ her head nodded from side to side. ‘How I’m supposed to know what I am?’ she said, her face creased with seriousness. ‘I don't even know what to make of that.’ she pointed with her cup -sloshing part of the content over the table - towards Aralorne sat quietly at the end of the table, finishing whatever food had been placed in front him.

  She blew out a deep sigh.

  ‘And as for him,’ she scowled, slightly slurring her words, ‘He just doesn't understand. I'm beginning to think, he never understood. It is also confusing.’

  Then, on instinct she leaning forward seat creaking, grasping the older woman's hand, much to her own surprise.

  ‘I am very glad you are here.’ she announced.

  ‘I understand.’ Tokel nodded with a wry smile.

  ‘You understand me don't you.’ nodded Romina, the world wobbling as she did so.

  ‘Yes, yes.’ said Tokel patting her hand, looking at Romina and then her sister. ‘I do, I understand you both. I understand how difficult this is. I also understand how unsettling this is.’ she said waving to their surroundings, causing Romina to snort a laugh.

  ‘Vanguard was a good place. Life was simpler.’ said Romina retreating back into her seat, shoulders hunched.

  ‘But it is not the world in its entirety. You are only now beginning to see what the world looks like. Unfortunately, it is neither as safe as Vanguard nor as civilised as Vanguard.’

  ‘Or as tall as Prava.’ added Romina smacking her numb lips together. ‘It's a big tree, you know.’ she added, just to confirm, measuring the height of her hands.

  ‘I know, I know.’ said Tokel.

  Romina squinted, Tokel’s face had changed now expressionless, her eyes glistening.

  ‘He missed you.’ she said suddenly, looking down then back at Romina. She leaned forwards taking Romina’s hands in her own. So soft and warm.

  ‘He missed you far more than you realise. He very rarely speaks of it. I don't think her name or your brother's name has been uttered by him since the incident.’ she said eyes wet. ‘He still grieves. I'm not sure he really knows how to handle it or accept the loss despite the time that has passed.’ said Tokel.

  Romina felt that familiar hotness rising up inside her.

  ‘Well, he should.’ Romina spat. ‘He’s an adult after all. And a father as well.’ she nodded. ‘He should have this all worked out.’ she said, taking another noisy slurp from her cup, the malty contents dousing her temper.

  ‘Don't judge him too harshly.’ said Tokel looking at Romina. ‘Seriously, the loss of your mother and your brother affected him far more than you realise. He had never really had to deal with loss before that day.’

  Romina snorted.

  ‘No.’ said Tokel, face serious. ‘Don’t be like that.’ Her grip of Romina’s hand grew tighter; felt like iron.

  ‘It affected all of us.’ she said, looking down at the floor, eyes fluttering, she paused, blinked again. ‘It affected more of us than you probably realise.’ said the old lady sweetly.

  Romina opened her mouth about to speak, but Tokel raised a finger and the words stopped in her throat.

  Tokel took a deep breath. Romina realised, just to add to her confusion, that her ears felt very hot.

  ‘Doing the roles that we all do brings with it certain dangers. This is just to be expected, but to lose both of them in such a way and so suddenly, without explanation and in such a short period only added to the devastation he felt.’ said the old lady patting Romina's hand.

  Romina stared at the embrace of fingers and then at Tokel. But she stayed silent.

  ‘He had never really lost anybody before, his life had been free of it. Given his own family was something alien to him. He never knew his mother and father.’ explained Tokel.

  ‘He never knew what family was. This was his family. Walkers.’ said Tokel spreading her hands. ‘Walkers are his family. He had never known anything like it. Because how can you miss what you have never had?’

  ‘Then he met your mother and as love always does, it changed everything. He had a new family. Then your brother arrived and then you two. Everything changed again.’ she pursed her lips.

  ‘He went from a pauper to a king then it was snatched away. Life never gives you reason. Life never explains why. It is brutal and merciless, believe me.’ Tokel’s voice grew louder.

  Romina felt a knot in her throat, she swallowed down another mouthful of beer, it made no difference.

  ‘Grief is a difficult thing.’ said Tokel. ‘It affects people in different ways. Your father's first priority was to keep you safe; it was a period of confusion; many Walkers had been lost. Getting you both far away was something your father, Kubrean, Nova, and myself all agreed with. It was the right decision then and now, although it may not seem so to you.’ Tokel sniffed, let out a weary breath and continued.

  ‘It was the best thing. Providing you with shelter, safety and security. It provided you with the right environment to grow, to develop and become the woman you are now. Don't think that taking such a decision was easy for him. I understand your resentment, but don't judge him too harshly; he wasn't the only one who made the decision. Your father is more than capable of taking care of himself, in most ways.’ said Tokel with a relaxed smile.

  ‘He can fight anything or anybody and win. Fighting loss and grief is an entirely different challenge and not necessarily something a stubborn man can do better than a woman.’ said Tokel raising her eyebrows.

  ‘I lost too.’ said Romina, her voice sounding small. She felt a prickling behind her eyes as they glazed over. With difficulty she swallowed, looking up at the ceiling.

  ‘In fact,’ she considered, ‘I think I lost more. We. Lost more.’ she shifted, sitting up straight in her seat; jaw, mouth and throat suddenly hot and free.

  ‘We lost a brother and mother and father.’ she said. ‘It did happen quickly. I know why we were sent to Vanguard. It was the right thing to do at that time.’

  She stared intently at Tokel; her face etched with concern.

  ‘That time has passed.’ said Romina, voice becoming more shrill.

  ‘Why did he stay? Why now does he stay so distant? We saw more of you than we did of him.’ said Romina, jaw ridged.

  Tokel said nothing. Did nothing.

  ‘Why did he not care enough to visit? Did he not want to know what had happened to us? I don't think he really realises the danger.’ she stabbed at the table with her finger, it should have hurt but she didn’t feel it. �
��He lives in the past; he doesn't see us for what we are now. He treats us like children. We are not,’ she banged her fist on the table, ‘children anymore.’ The anger fluttered replaced by a tightness in her throat, her chest felt heavy and her head now surprisingly clear.

  ‘I don't know him anymore.’ she whispered, sinking back into her seat.

  ‘I don't disagree with you’ said Tokel a note of resignation in her voice.

  ‘You have changed for the better. Both of you. I fear he has not changed. He is still very much the person you last loved all those years ago.’

  Romina scrunched her face up on hearing the word love.

  She didn’t love him. How could she love this stranger? This stranger who claimed to be a family man, but who did nothing to show it.

  And yet, he had come, fought through the encounter after they had left Prava. Had made sure that they were safe. Now kept an eye on them, albeit it from afar. He hadn’t wanted them to join the group, had apparently gone facing down far more senior Walkers to try to get them removed from this group. Was that a form of love? She wrinkled her nose, pulling her feet into her chest, now perched on her chair.

  And the encounter in the Palace grounds in Thura. They had both intervened when they had seen their father in trouble. She hadn’t really thought about why. Was that also a sign of love, but from daughters to a father. She wrapped her arms tighter around her knees.

  ‘He still believes he is the father of two young girls. And that is how he views things now, but don't worry, my dear.’ said Tokel with a squeeze of her hand. ‘We will change him. After all, women are better than men.’

  ‘Men and women are equal; I think you’ll find.’ announced a voice to Romina's right.

  She turned. Nova was taking a seat at her side.

  ‘I think. In fact,’ he continued oblivious to the discussion he had just blundered into, ‘I can confirm that men and women are equal.’ he said with a smile, helping himself to a piece of meat from the central platter, he winced slightly as he swallowed it.

  ‘As you wish, my dear,’ said Tokel, winking at Romina. ‘As you wish…’