She swallowed slowly, her gaze trained on his face. “You’ll be back at work by then. I wouldn’t expect you to be there.”
“I’ll be there.”
Her lips lifted in a quivering smile, and when tears began to glitter in her eyes, he squeezed her hand once more.
“It’ll be nice to share it. Of course you should be there,” she said.
…
A week later, Ruby pulled into the hospital grounds, parked her car, and stepped out, ready for her first ultrasound.
The rhythm of her life with Christo had fallen into a predictable pattern. He’d gone back to work after a self-imposed honeymoon, and she’d surprised herself by looking forward to him coming home at nights so that they could take a swim together or maybe walk in the garden in the evenings. They’d talked about cribs and strollers, hobbies and sports, and although Ruby had been touched by his level of input and interest, a niggling emptiness had begun to grow inside her, too. This was what she’d signed up for when she’d agreed to the marriage, but she hadn’t counted on the feelings for Christo that were building below the surface—the way she looked forward to their talks, the way she’d missed being in his arms since their wedding night. Keeping her body from him was supposed to help her have emotional distance. It wasn’t working.
On her way to the market, she’d stopped for gas and found a message from the hospital on her phone. They’d rescheduled her ultrasound scan and needed her this afternoon, so she’d hurried straight here, hoping her midwife would be there to meet her.
Christo had been asking all sorts of questions about the scan in the last few days, and he’d be disappointed when he came out of his all-day meeting to find the message that she was on her way. And she was disappointed too.
Taking a path that looked as though it led to the main entrance, she placed a hand above her eyes, and the shape of a man in the distance caught her attention. Drawing closer, her heart thudded. Tall frame, sharp business suit, cellphone clasped in his hand…
“Christo!” She couldn’t hide her joy that he was here. “What happened to your meeting?”
He pulled his signature Ray-Bans from his face and gave her an easy smile. “It’s still going. I told them I had a more important place to be.”
Ruby focused on the relaxed set of his features, and a sense of warm relief played through her. It would be such a special moment—the first time she saw her baby—and she’d only ever imagined it with her mother beside her, and when that wasn’t to be, alone. Having Christo share it with her would make it even more special. Something they could talk about in years to come.
“We’d better go.” His palm found the familiar place on her back, and instinctively she relaxed. “We don’t want to be late. Are you comfortable enough? I Googled baby scanning and it said you needed to drink a ridiculous amount of water before they could screen you.”
“I’m fine.” Ruby smiled. “That’s only for the optional early scan. What with everything that was going on those first few weeks, I didn’t schedule one.”
They walked through the automatic doors and headed to the elevator.
As the doors slid open and then closed behind them, Ruby was caught by a potent memory of Christo’s lips on her neck, and of her fingers tangled in his hair the night of the ball. An unbidden bolt of desire coursed through her as he leaned against the elevator wall and watched her while the car began to move. His whole body had become so familiar to her since that day, and she was missing it. Missing the exquisite sensations as he caressed her naked skin, missing the way he moaned her name when she caressed his, missing the powerful and frightening connection when he looked into her eyes as their bodies joined. But they’d become closer in other ways, in the soft security of day-to-day life, in the predictable comfort of a new, uncharted type of relationship. Now it felt dangerous to mix the two.
“I’ve arranged for us to meet with one of the country’s top obstetricians today,” he said. “She’ll give us all the information we need.”
Ruby stood straighter. “I have my midwife, Christo. I’m very happy with her care and I won’t be changing.”
He slung a hand in his trouser pocket. “The midwife won’t be required anymore. Dr Glazer comes highly recommended and will provide the best care for you and our child. I’m not taking any chances.”
A tightness began behind her breastbone, and she had to steady her breathing. She’d seen that ruthless, take-no-prisoners look on his face many times before, but she’d foolishly believed they were working together now—that since the marriage they’d work at respecting each other’s needs. Christo obviously didn’t see their relationship like that at all.
She clasped her hands together. “So you organized all this today? With total disregard for my wishes? You’ve made the decision about my medical care for me?”
“For you and the baby.”
She let out a tight breath. She’d allowed herself to be maneuvered and manipulated by Christo out of necessity these past weeks, but this was going against her express wishes. He still didn’t trust her or her judgments. He was removing himself, running away from communication and compromise as he’d done before, and it caused her blood to chill.
She lifted her chin. “If you’re concerned, I’d expect you’d at least consult me before making decisions about my welfare.”
Christo leaned against the wall of the elevator. “I want to be fully involved in this baby’s life, Ruby. And if that means making a call on what’s best, then I’ll do it. Whenever I need to.”
She placed a steadying hand to where a pulse drummed in her throat. “What about my choices? When, in any of our negotiations, have you considered what I want?”
He lifted a strong shoulder. “You won’t need to choose. I’ll always give you the best.”
Her jaw ached with the effort to suppress her anger at his cool dismissal of her. This arrogant sense of entitlement, his idea that he would always do what was right and that she never would, burned inside her. “You honestly think the best thing for our relationship is to make decisions without consulting me?”
“Our relationship? You mean our arrangement.”
Heat rushed to Ruby’s cheeks at his correction.
“Honesty is what will get us through in this arrangement, Ruby, and I’m being honest about what I require. We’re a realistic couple and we’ll be a realistic family,” he said as the elevator announced they’d arrived at the ground floor. “We can be honest.”
A realistic family. The words sounded again in her mind, sending a chill down the back of her neck. This was all so practical and convenient for Christo, and for her and her baby. But families were so much more than practical arrangements, convenient connections between people. It was fine that Christo saw the two of them as being a realistic couple, but what about her baby? If he couldn’t love her, couldn’t respect her wishes, couldn’t communicate with her, then how could he ever really love her child? Ruby took a steadying breath as reality, cold as a metal blade, sliced through her.
She blinked and shook herself as they walked toward the reception desk. With the best intentions in the world, she’d committed to a life with Christo and she had to make the best of it. Find a balance between her physical need for him, the undertow of desire for something so much more, and the cold truth that he would never trust her. She’d stand her ground about her midwife. Not here, not now, but Christo would know there were some things that were not negotiable.
Half an hour later, Ruby was lying on her back in a dimly lit room as Christo stood in the shadows. His cell had rung while they were waiting, and the radiography receptionist had looked over her glasses at him with a frown. He’d thrown her his charming smile as he flicked it off, and she’d blushed pink.
“Come closer,” the sonographer was saying to him. “You won’t have a good view of your son or daughter from there.”
He came closer and took a seat by the bed. Ruby watched him fixate on the blank ultrasound screen.
“Is th
is your first scan, Mrs. Mantazis?”
“Yes.” Ruby turned back while the woman switched on a monitor. Her palms dampened as anticipation grew. She couldn’t wait to see her baby—the little life she’d fallen so deeply in love with already.
“We’ll be measuring different parts of the baby today to determine your due date and to check that all growth is normal.” She lifted Ruby’s blouse and smeared some clear gel on her belly.
As the sonographer took a seat and picked up her equipment, Ruby stole a look at Christo. He was staring intently at the screen, his hands clasped beside her on the bed.
The woman smiled as she held the instrument above Ruby’s belly. “Let’s take a look.”
…
The screen in front of him flickered, and Christo shifted his gaze to the wide-eyed look on Ruby’s face. Her glossy lips were parted, and her graceful neck twisted to get a better look at the screen beside her. Everyday he caught her with a different expression, and, as her body changed with the pregnancy, her movements became slower, her smile softer.
There was something else about her that had changed. From the closed and grieving woman he’d seen that first day in the swimming pool to the open and tender one he saw now, something had shifted.
Then he realized what it was. For the very first time since he’d seen her again, it truly hit him—Ruby was going to be a mother. And he was going to witness the beauty of it unfolding. Each day they’d cope with the challenges ahead, learn, and make mistakes together. Knowing how hard she’d fought for this baby already, that she did have the capacity to stand up for someone she loved, caused a rock of emotion to block his throat. He swallowed it away. This situation was as it should be, just as they’d agreed. These feelings for Ruby were part of the natural evolution of their arrangement, nothing more.
“Are you comfortable?” he asked as the other woman swiveled to type something into a computer. He shifted a pillow under Ruby’s head so she could see the screen better.
She nodded, a slight frown marring the skin of her forehead. “That’s fine.”
He moved closer. “You don’t look fine,” he said, touching her arm. “What is it?”
She bit down on her bottom lip and lowered her voice. “I’ve been so excited about having this scan that I haven’t prepared myself for if the news isn’t good.”
“Of course the news will be good.” He took her hand in his. For the first time a seed of worry burrowed into his own mind, but he shook it away. As each day went by, he’d imagined the moment when he’d meet this child for the first time. The day this little boy or girl would call him Daddy. He wouldn’t entertain the idea that anything could be wrong.
Ruby’s skin was cool, so he placed his other hand on top to generate some warmth. “Dr. Glazer will give us the results as soon as this is over.”
She turned luminous eyes to him, and something kicked deep in his chest. “Christo, I need you to listen to me.” She took a breath and seemed to search for the right words. He squeezed her hand and leaned closer. Did she have bad news already? His chest hollowed.
If he lost this baby he’d lose Ruby…and he couldn’t let that happen again. The thought came from nowhere and struck him hard in the chest.
He breathed deep, focused on the hand beneath his, and pushed the feeling aside. This baby needed him to be strong, not weak as he had been when he’d felt this way about Ruby before.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” he said.
A small frown creased her brow. “You have to trust my judgments and respect my wishes. We can’t work together for this child if one of us is making all the decisions.” She rolled a little closer on the pillow. “Christo, if this is going to work, you need to trust me and the things I want for myself and the baby.”
He leaned back in the chair, caught by the challenge in her stare, and swallowed. Suddenly the feelings of a moment ago were brought into sharp focus as what she was asking hit home.
Trusting Ruby meant letting go of the bands he’d so carefully crafted around his heart. The bands that had started to slip in the last few moments. It would mean believing she’d fight for him if he needed her to again. And although he’d witnessed her capacity to fight for someone she truly loved, she’d done nothing to make him believe she would ever do it for him.
He paused a moment and leaned closer, the strength and determination that had rewarded him in life so far coating his words. “I’ll give you the best of everything, Ruby. The best home, the best medical care. I’ve promised you that. The best. That’s all I have.”
Suddenly the room was filled with a woosh-woosh sound and Ruby’s eyes widened. “Is that the heart beat?” she asked, twisting back to the screen.
“Yes, it is,” the woman said as she pushed a button, and one part of the screen was magnified. “There’s your baby’s heart,” she added, pointing. “And it’s beating beautifully.”
Christo swallowed. His attention was glued to that tiny square of information. A heart beat there. The heart of the little boy or little girl who he’d see grow up. This was the heart of the child he would protect as fiercely if it carried the same blood as him. Under his touch was the mother who was nurturing that child. The woman he would share parenthood with. The perfection of the moment caused breath to seize in his chest.
“Does everything look okay?” Ruby asked the sonographer.
“Looking great so far,” the woman said as another image illuminated on the screen. “There’s a thigh bone. Looks like this will be a tall one by these measurements. Might have your height, Mr. Mantazis.”
Ruby’s gaze moved to Christo’s, and the lines deepening on her forehead showed concern for the woman’s question—her natural assumption that he was the biological father. “If it’s lucky it’ll have its mother’s looks,” he said, smiling at Ruby.
“Would you like to know whether you’re having a boy or a girl?” the sonographer asked them both. “I can tell you if you’d like.”
Ruby’s sparkling eyes shot to his. “Are you happy to wait for the surprise?”
“Of course.” Christo returned her smile. “A few months ago I wouldn’t have believed I’d have to make a decision like that. Waiting a little longer is fine.”
As the sonographer continued the scan, answering the questions they asked and reassuring them that everything looked fine, Christo couldn’t suppress the tangle of emotion inside him.
Yes, he had a secure future for his mother, a wife to share his bed, and the birth of a baby to look forward to. But now there was something more. A growing realization that Ruby was affecting him, slipping through the cracks in his defenses, and sliding into the secret places of his heart. And when Ruby started to reach his heart, that’s when she would pull everything out from under him.
To protect the things that he’d fought so hard to come by, he needed to stay on guard.
…
“Goodnight, Stella,” Ruby said as her mother-in-law kissed her on both cheeks.
“Sleep well, Ruby-mou.” The older woman stroked Ruby’s face with work-roughened hands. “And goodnight, my little one,” she said as she blew a kiss at Ruby’s stomach. “You were beautiful on the television today.” Ruby smiled at the memory of Stella, transfixed by the DVD of the scan they’d brought back from the hospital. It felt good to have shared this special time, but uneasiness built inside her.
Christo looked up from the folder of papers he was reading at the kitchen table and smiled at his mother as she walked past. “Kali nichta, Mama. Will you be ready to welcome the new household staff when they arrive at nine tomorrow?”
“Tsk, tsk.” Christo’s mother shook her head. “I told you it isn’t necessary. I have been the housekeeper here for forty years. How you think I will spend my days now?”
“Relaxing, Mother. That’s what you should be doing now.”
“Hmppff. Teaching them how to do things properly. That’s what I’ll be doing.”
Christo chuckled as his mother bustled from
the room. He looked so relaxed in a cotton T-shirt and jeans. Everything about him looked comfortable, from the slightly messy hair to the cover of dark stubble at his chin.
“You look tired,” he said to Ruby. He picked up the folder and stood. “I’ve had some reports done on where’s best to make early school enrollments, but I can take you through it tomorrow.”
From where she stood in the kitchen Ruby couldn’t conceal her shock. “You want to complete an enrollment before the birth? For a place in five years time?”
He moved to the breakfast bar. “Of course. Waiting lists for the top schools can be decades long.”
She swung around to face him. “But we don’t even know if it’s a girl or a boy yet.”
“No matter. St. Bartholomew’s is the best boys’ school, and St. Augustine’s the best girls’. Some well-placed donations now will secure a spot in either.”
Ruby switched off the electric kettle and drew a cup toward her with shaking fingers. “You’re doing it again, Christo. Making decisions without me. Not even asking my opinion, just as you didn’t ask about my midwife. How can we ever progress to a relationship resembling anything normal if all you do is shut me down?” Every time he did this he was removing himself from her, running away from any chance at a real connection instead of standing with her and communicating. It was what he’d always done, and the frustration of it rolled in her stomach. “I went to a co-ed school,” she said, “And you went to a state school. We’ll consider those.”
“If they’re the best options when our child is ready, we can change. And what could be more normal than two parents discussing their child’s schooling?” He pushed the folder toward her. “I can see you’re too tired to discuss this now. Tomorrow will do.”
She leaned against the counter, frustration at his dismissal of her again causing the edge of her tone to harden. “You not trying to dictate every little thing without discussion would be more normal. If you tried to show the tiniest amount of trust in my opinions, in my desires.” She blew out a breath. “In me.”
He was right. She did feel tired, but not the sleepiness she’d experienced in the early part of her pregnancy. This was an all encompassing tired, a bone-weary fatigue that slowed every thought and left her feeling empty. And it was getting worse day by day. Every hour she spent with Christo in this house, the feeling increased. It was sucking the life from her.
Contract for Marriage Page 14
