Every time he spoke about their future, every time he touched her, something inside her died. While she had so much to look forward to—the house, her baby, the security Christo offered—a crack had formed in her heart, and it was getting wider by the day.
He moved to where she stood in the kitchen. Did the frown that reached his forehead indicate she’d reached some part of him?
“I do think you want what’s best for this child,” he said. “How could I not, when you’ve clearly decided to put him first by staying on in this house? But there are certain things I feel strongly about, and education is one of them.”
She put down the cup of herbal tea she was drinking. Part of her wanted to leave and go upstairs now, pretend everything was fine. The part that ached for a real connection with Christo—attempting to find if any part of him could ever trust her—won over.
“It was good having you there today,” she said as she looked into his face. “It meant a lot that you wanted to see my baby. But can you imagine what it feels like to have my wishes trampled on, my decisions marginalized? Like I did when you removed my midwife today?” She tilted her chin. “I’ll be calling first thing tomorrow to reinstate her.”
He paused for a second, ignoring her declaration, and his gaze became more intense. “Now that we’re married, I was hoping you’d start to think of it as our baby. We’ll share all aspects of parenting. I won’t shy away from diaper changing or getting up for night feedings. And the specialist was the best option. Surely you can see that?”
Ruby pressed her lips together. She hadn’t reached him at all. They might be able to share the parenting of this baby, but they could never be a real family. She saw that now. Christo might be able to buy her agreement to share this house, he might even be enthusiastic about raising a child, but if they weren’t a real family, a really loving family, how could they truly share anything? What sort of a lesson would it be for a child to see that its parents didn’t truly love each other, couldn’t even trust each other? She’d been so naïve to think Christo could believe in her. The dread that had been a whisper at her scan today was beginning to grow into a leaden weight within her.
“You’re a beautiful mother,” he said suddenly, and she looked up into his endless ebony eyes before he took a step closer. “Seeing your face as you watched that ultrasound screen was unforgettable. We’re doing fine. You shouldn’t worry so much.”
She twisted away and busied herself folding a dish towel. Her body ached for his touch, but this new sense of understanding tore at her will. He placed a hand at her neck and pulled her close. “And I like what pregnancy does to your body.” His hand traveled to the rise of her breast and he cupped her through the delicate fabric of her blouse. Ruby placed her hand on his arm and looked up into his face, searching for a clue that she was wrong, that he could have feelings for her. A sign that he could love her as more than just the woman he’d live with and the mother of his child.
All she found was desire for her body, for the undeniable physical connection they’d always had, and she closed her heart to the warnings whispering in her ears. He dipped his face closer and she found her lips searching for his. This was all he’d ever offered her, all she’d said she wanted, and for now it had to be enough. Closing her eyes, she let her body do what it did when Christo called for it.
When she didn’t find the warm comfort of his kiss, she opened her eyes to find his gaze fixed on her face. “I’ve tried to respect your request that you call the shots on our physical relationship, Ruby, but your signals aren’t always clear. Is this what you want tonight?”
“Yes. In the summer house,” she whispered. It was everything she wanted, but not in the house, not where it could mean too much. “Meet me in the summer house.”
“No.” His hand slid further to her waist, her hip, and then moved to the very center of her.
She lifted her lashes, her heart pumping hard. When she made love to him this raging river of doubt would leave her mind, everything would, except the essence of Christo and she was ready to make it happen again.
“No more secret sex, no more love making in the shadows, Ruby. Tonight I’ll make love to you in my bed.” And in one swift move one hand was around her back and one under her knees as he lifted her into his arms. “The benefits of being a retired gym trainer,” he whispered in her ear, “means you can whisk a beautiful woman up the stairs at a moment’s notice.”
Ruby’s heart sprinted as he climbed the stairs. “We said no bedrooms, Christo.” Panic that this had all suddenly changed raced through her. His bed? All night? That would mean so much more than an hour or two of passion in the summer house or a stolen moment on the couch.
He paused on the stairs and hugged her closer so that his breath warmed her ear when he whispered. “Your bedroom. I believe that was the rule.” Then he kissed her, long and slow on the mouth, and her whole body melted. “Lucky I have my own bed to take you to.”
The solid wall of his chest molded her body to his as he continued to climb. Fighting the urge to resist again, she dipped her chin to rest her head on his shoulder, the beat of her heart keeping time with his. When they reached the bedroom door, he kicked it aside with one foot and took her to his bed.
Carefully he lay her on the cover and, ignoring every warning in her ears and every trip of her heart, Ruby’s body responded the way it always did. Her head tilted back, ready for the string of kisses he’d place there. Her back arched so she could be closer to every part of him, and her fingers moved across the crisp cotton of his shirt, aching to connect with the skin that hid beneath.
“Look at me, Ruby.” His voice was seductive, smooth. When she tilted her face down, he claimed her mouth in a hot and unrelenting kiss. His warm tongue swept across her lips. The movement was so swift it took her breath away, and she reveled in the taste of him. “The summer house is beautiful,” he said as he laid a reverent kiss at her throat. “The couch, sexy.” He laid another kiss beneath her hair. “But there’s so much more room for making love on this bed.” He caressed the skin where her shoulder dipped. “And there’s something very sexy about making love to my wife in my bedroom.” His voice rumbled in her ear as his lips followed the line of her chin. His hand slid down her body. “I want each time we make love to be more memorable than the last.”
Ruby bit her lip as he knelt at the end of the bed and began to slowly unbutton the white cotton blouse she wore. His fingers stilled at her breasts, then moved achingly slow until the last button fell open at her navel. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. Nothing made sense anymore. The feelings that blossomed inside when he touched her like this shouldn’t be part of a practical arrangement. They couldn’t be healthy in a relationship without love or trust. But she didn’t have the will to stop him now.
“Come closer,” he said, looking up at her. When she hesitated, he said it again, and this time she shut out all logic and wriggled her bottom so she was sitting at the very edge of the bed. Carefully, he tugged at her skirt until it slid over her hips and down her thighs. As the skirt reached below her knee, he gently lifted her legs and eased it free.
Her calf muscle cradled in his broad palms, he lifted her ankle to his lips and kissed a circle around it. A rich sigh escaped her as his feathering strokes trailed whisper-soft across her skin. Then his mouth moved higher until he laid a single kiss behind the back of her knee. “Perfect.” His breath trailed against the inside of her thigh and was hot against the lace of her panties as he moved his mouth higher.
His fingers followed the same trail, not in a straight line but in carefully crafted circles that reached higher and higher until they stopped at the juncture of her thighs. Christo inched forward until his breath caused ripples of heat to radiate across her stomach. Ruby hauled in a breath.
His kisses lowered again until his lips were at the top of her panties, and her heart beat out of her chest. With one finger he drew the top down, and then with both hands he eased her panties down he
r legs. Ruby had never felt more open or more free, and as Christo drew his face closer, she knew she had never felt more connected to another soul.
When he laid a reverent kiss at her very center, she tangled both hands in his hair and let out a whimper as his tiny kisses moved backward and forward in a feathering trail. Tears threatened at the softness and intimacy of his touch in this impossible, beautiful moment. His tongue began to caress her. Starting with light and delicate strokes, he built to a firmer rhythm. When she became wetter and the moan in her throat became deeper, he slid one finger into her and then two. Ruby arched her back, trying to get nearer to his touch, and Christo responded, his fingers moving more quickly, his mouth causing her whole center to numb and her mind to spin.
She closed her eyes when an enormous wave built and curled her toes, tensing every muscle, knowing that soon she would reach its crest. She let herself go, tumbling, tumbling, and, as she cried out, Christo’s movements became slower and slower until he stopped, then placed one more sacred kiss right at the very heart of her.
When her world stopped spinning and the warm waves began to subside Ruby opened her eyes and through crystal tears looked down at Christo. His face was bright, smile open and broad. No hint in him of the battle raging through her own heart, none of the confusion chilling the warmth his touch had left on her body.
In his face she saw that, for Christo, nothing had changed between them in the last few weeks. Making love to her so tenderly, so exquisitely, was for nothing more than his convenience.
And that’s all their marriage would ever be.
Chapter Eleven
In the dim light of the room, it took Ruby a moment to register where she was. Then she remembered. The warm, strong arms holding her close, the fingers splayed across her swelling belly, the soft, sleeping breath at her neck: the essence of Christo burned into her every pore.
She was in Christo’s bed, her body spent from making love to him half the night, and her heart now ached from the realization she’d come to. This precious, fragile knowledge had begun as a whisper, a glimmer that grew brighter the more she tried to ignore it. She was sick of pushing it away, squashing it, denying the overwhelming and heartbreaking reality. She was falling in love with Christo.
She focused hard on the wallpaper in front of her, at a spot illuminated by moonlight from the window, as a hot tear trailed unchecked down her cheek.
This was the way it would always be for her. Playing house by day and making powerful, unforgettable love by night with a man who would keep her at arm’s length, who would never trust her. This man was generous and caring, deeply passionate and driven, but he’d always said he could never have a real relationship with her. Christo would remove himself from her, emotionally and maybe even physically, when the going got tough.
Another tear fell on her lashes as the ache expanded in her chest. Since she’d come back to Auckland, she’d been so focused on securing one thing—a family home for her baby—that she’d ignored something far more important. Spending her life and sharing her baby with Christo wasn’t enough. Not when she felt like this. Now she wanted so much more than what he’d already given her.
She needed him to love her, too. A sob began at the back of her throat, and a sharp pain built behind her breastbone as she tried to stem the tide of tears that threatened to spill.
She let her fingers trail down to where Christo’s hand lay and gently covered it with her own. It wasn’t a house and financial security this baby needed. Not just a father figure to provide it with a well-rounded upbringing. What her baby needed was a family where the father and mother loved each other. Trusted each other. A family where her little girl or boy not only believed that it was deeply loved by both parents, but that it was part of a loving family. Gently, so gently, she squeezed Christo’s hand and when she felt his warm, smooth wedding band—the heartbreaking symbol of their sham marriage—a part of her heart crumbled.
It didn’t matter if she loved Christo. If he didn’t love her, then they could never be the family that she wanted for her baby. There was absolutely no doubt that Christo would do his best to provide for her child, but Christo was used to getting what he wanted and having others behave the way he wanted. He’d brought her and her baby into his life for convenience, not for love. In the last two days, she’d seen that he didn’t have faith in her ability to make the right decisions. He didn’t feel they could discuss what was best for her baby.
But he could have a real family, when he met a woman whom he truly loved. A woman he could trust. Her lip trembled at the beautiful image of him as a loving husband. Maybe he would adopt, or investigate other avenues. If Christo wanted to be a father, he’d find a way. When he fell deeply in love with someone, he’d create the most beautiful family. His generosity, his fierce belief in protecting those he truly loved, convinced her of that.
She lifted her hand and swiped at another tear. Of course she could stay in this house, being cared for, having every material thing she wanted, having a gorgeous man make love to her every night, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted to be with someone who loved his family in every way possible.
She needed to be with someone who loved her.
Easing herself from Christo’s grasp, she heard him sigh as he rolled over. His broad back now faced her, and her heart broke a little bit more. She would always be grateful for what he’d done for her, but for her own sanity and for the long-term emotional security of her child, she needed to leave. And she needed to do it now, before anyone else got hurt.
Cheeks damp, heart leaden, she pulled on a light cotton robe and quietly let herself out the door. With a few phone calls she’d be out of this house for good. She’d be out of Christo Mantazis’s life, and on the path to starting her own anew.
…
“Ruby?”
An hour later Ruby looked up from where she sat, exhausted, at the kitchen table. Lists of what she needed to do next were fanned in a random pile. And the sight in front of her caused blood to stall in her veins. Christo stood in the doorway, nothing but sky blue boxer shorts and an open cotton robe covering the tanned expanse of his body. His hair was sleep-mussed, and he was rubbing a hand across his stubbled chin.
“Are you feeling all right?” In a second he was at her side, and her senses were filled with the musky scent of warm body and lovemaking. He frowned. “The baby?”
Focusing on the darkened shadow of his chin, she shook her head, struggling to keep her voice steady. “It’s fine. Everything’s okay with the baby.”
He pulled up a chair to sit down, and she wished the night wasn’t so hot so that he’d pull the robe across the chest she’d snuggled into only hours before. She squeezed her eyes shut against the image.
“Then why are you up at 2 a.m.?”
She pulled in a steadying breath, her heart beating roughly in her throat. “I’m moving out.” She opened her eyes and looked into his face. “I’m ending our marriage.”
His jaw set firm, and he placed an arm on the table in front of him. “You want a divorce after a month?” His black eyes flashed. “After what you just did to me upstairs?”
The memory of his touch still branded her body; his whispered words of desire still sang in her ears. “Yes.” She swallowed hard past the sadness blocking her throat. “We can do it discreetly. Explain to everyone, to Stella, that things didn’t work out. It’s better that it happens sooner rather than later.”
For a moment, the only sound was the ticking of the old carriage clock on the mantelpiece, and then Christo spoke, his voice flat but calm.
“And how did things not work out?”
She raised her chin, and his gaze hooked her as an answer died on her lips. A great, gnawing ache deep in her chest threatened to stop any more words passing her lips.
“You have a share of the house as you wanted. Security for your baby as you wanted. I haven’t reneged on my side of the deal.”
You made incredible love to me, Ruby thought. E
very time more special, more exquisite than the last. And I thought I was strong enough to accept it as another part of our practical arrangement, but I’m not. I need so much more.
“You haven’t reneged on anything, Christo.” She spoke on a sigh. “This would be so much easier if you had. You’ve done exactly as you said you would. But I’ve realized I want more than you can offer me.”
He dragged his chair closer, a look of cast-iron determination shadowing his features. “More than the return of your family home? More than a secure future for your child?” His voice grew tight. “More than all your expenses paid and a generous allowance so you don’t have to work? More than a built-in grandmother who’ll love your child like one of her own?”
“Yes,” she whispered. She held the confusion in his gaze, her heart sprinting as the reality of all she was walking away from was spelled out to her. “I’m sorry, Christo. I know I agreed to those things in the beginning, but I’ve realized I need more. I want a real relationship with a man who loves me and loves my baby. Someone who will be emotionally present in the good times and the bad. It breaks my heart, but you aren’t that person.” She placed her hand on her belly. “I need to do this now before someone gets hurt.”
He pulled back in his seat as if he was suddenly fully awake. “This makes no sense.”
“I’m moving out tomorrow, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t contact me for a while so I can readjust.” The chasm in her chest grew wider, and the tears blocking her throat grew hotter. “I’m so very grateful for everything you’ve done. Truly.”
His eyes were fixed firmly on her face, his voice hollow. “Where will you go? Back to New York?”
Contract for Marriage Page 15
