Spy Away Home (The Never Say Spy Series Book 10)

by Diane Henders

  Realizing I’d been goggling open-mouthed, I dragged my gaze back up to his face. The raw desire in his eyes stole my breath all over again, but he stood as though carved from stone, his only movement the rapid beat of the pulse in his throat.

  His intensity sent a shiver through me, and I fluttered my eyelashes at him and clasped my hands to my chest. “For me?” I quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

  “All for you.” His voice was deep and hoarse. “Always.”

  The word jabbed sudden terror through me.

  No-no-no…

  Stop. It’s too late.

  I detached the terrified screamer and pushed her away to float in the corner of the room.

  “What do you want me to do now?” Kane growled.

  From the corner of the room I watched my naked body quiver with need as the rough bass notes vibrated along my nerve endings.

  “Come here,” I/she said.

  Kane pounced, landing on top of me with the fluid grace of a hunting jungle cat. His body hovered a fraction of an inch above mine, his weight balanced on elbows and knees. Heat rolled off his skin in searing waves and his erection jammed against my thigh.

  Still maintaining his plank position above me, he cupped my face in his palms. “Aydan,” he whispered, his lips almost on mine. “Are you sure?”

  I ignored the screaming from the corner of the room. “Yes.”

  When he hesitated, I reached up to kiss him. “John, I promise. And you know I keep my promises.”

  “Yes.” He lowered his forehead to rest on mine. “Aydan.” My name came out on a breath, and he gathered me close to him and kissed me as though his life depended on it.

  I watched/felt his hands move over my body, the sensations somehow both distant and intensely immediate. He kissed his way down my neck, moving lower and cupping my breasts. A feather-light stroke of his tongue made my nipple tighten almost painfully. The little nip he delivered immediately afterward made me cry out and arch up to him, begging for more.

  Kissing, licking, nibbling, he moved lower, then lower still, setting me afire with his heat. The distant me watched my body arch and writhe under his touch and listened to my moans and intakes of breath, slowly warming with arousal of its own.

  Kane bestowed a kiss and a flick of his tongue in a place that left me gasping, then raised his head to meet my gaze with dilated eyes.

  “Are you ready for me?” The breathless roughness in his voice left no doubt about how he was holding back.

  A surge of pure need overcame me. “God, yes!”

  He reached over to fumble in the bedside table for a condom. His gaze never left me while he rolled it on, his erection stretching it to its limits. Then he was pressing my legs apart and lowering himself to me.

  He filled me slowly, pushing deeper and deeper until my body spasmed around him and I cried out in ecstasy edged with a tiny shiver of pain.

  He gasped. Held still.

  “More. Please.” My voice was almost as hoarse as his.

  His breath hissed between his teeth as he moved slowly again, the muscles in his arms quivering with tension.

  A blaze of heat consumed me and I rocked my hips up to meet him, burying him to the hilt. A groan wrenched out of him and he dropped onto his elbows to pull me against his chest. His entire body was vibrating, iron muscles strained to their limits.

  “Aydan?” he gasped, and I understood the question.

  “Yes, fuck me,” I whispered. “Please fuck me now.”

  With a groan that was almost a sob he rocked into motion, gently at first but then with more force as my body responded to him.

  Watching/feeling my fingernails dig into his back and my legs lift to clamp around his hips, I surrendered to the rising wave. The heat blazed higher, every nerve electrified. His face was buried in my neck, his five o’clock shadow stimulating the sensitive flesh. His teeth closed on my skin in a jolt of sensation that wasn’t quite pain and I cried out, clutching him closer and moaning.

  He slowed and changed to a deeper stroke, sliding almost all the way out before driving home, and I whimpered approval and mindlessly matched his rhythm.

  The expanding ripples of pleasure rocked me higher and higher until I teetered on the pinnacle, breathlessly close to orgasm. Rising moans escaped me, my body tightening as the slow waves advanced. Almost…

  “Aydan…” Kane’s voice was the harsh rasp of a man holding himself barely in check. “Can’t… wait…”

  “Now!” I raked my nails across his back, jerking my hips up to meet him. “Now! Hard! Now!”

  A groan burst from his lips and he slammed into me.

  A tiny ascending, “Please?” drifted up from someone who might have been me. The word floated off into space as my orgasm claimed me, rocking my body with such force I couldn’t tell whether the spasms were my own or Kane’s powerful thrusts.

  A few moments later he went rigid with a raw-throated cry that seemed ripped from his very soul. Straining me against him, he buried his face in my neck, his breath hissing between his teeth.

  Locked together, we rode the final waves, my cries mingling with his harsh panting. Gradually the spasms eased and our muscles softened against each other, our bodies slippery with sweat.

  At last Kane drew a long breath and raised his head to sprinkle kisses on my lips and cheeks. Then he released me and rolled over, and we sprawled bonelessly hand in hand.

  Chapter 34

  Kane sat up and removed the condom before rolling back to gather me into his arms. Butterfly kisses brushed my collarbone, my neck, my lips.

  “That was…” he began, then shook his head and pressed another kiss to my lips. “That was mind-blowing.”

  “Mmhmm,” I mumbled, utterly spent.

  My conscience prodded me. I should say something else, something to make him feel loved and wanted. Distant screams echoed in my mind but I smothered them ruthlessly. He was happy. I was doing the right thing.

  I forced myself to utter more words. “I had an out-of-body experience.”

  He laughed, and the joy in it made me smile despite the cold emptiness inside my chest. “The first of many,” he promised, his arms tightening around me.

  My body twitched involuntarily with the need to escape, and Kane leaned up on one elbow to look down at me with concern. “Are you all right?” he asked anxiously. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  I laid a finger softly on his lips. “You didn’t hurt me. That was just the last of the head-banging orgasm.”

  “Oh.” His grin returned. “Good.” Another kiss. “You must be exhausted,” he added. “Here…” He tugged at the rumpled blankets and we synchronized a lift-and-squirm to pull them out from under us and over top.

  “Which side do you want?” Kane asked. “I usually sleep on the left but I can change…”

  “Right is fine,” I mumbled, fatigue dragging my eyelids down.

  “All right.” He tucked me close to his heart. “Good night, Aydan.” He kissed me lingeringly. “I love you,” he whispered against my lips.

  “I love you, too.”

  I kept my eyes closed, unable to look at him while I said it. As he settled on the pillow beside me, I made a silent promise to do better tomorrow.

  He was a good man and he loved me. Tomorrow would be easier. And the tomorrow after that, and the next and the next…

  My body went rigid at the thought, but I fought my muscles into submission.

  Get some sleep. Perfectly safe tonight. Just sleep…

  Trapped. I was trapped. My arms and legs were bound. A heavy weight crushed me. Something terrible was approaching. It was invisible but I sensed its darkness; the horrible thing that would consume me utterly. I fought its bonds, whimpering and struggling.

  I couldn’t escape. My whimpers turned to screams. The thing was upon me, its grip tightening, pinning me helplessly-

  “Aydan! Aydan, wake up! You’re dreaming, wake up!”

  Kane’s voice. Kane’s arms pinning
me, holding me against my will in a waking nightmare…

  The screams tore my throat, my body thrashing against his grip.

  “Aydan, you’re safe! Wake up!”

  At last I managed to tear free. A frantic roll off the bed landed me on my feet, my back pressed against the closet door, my fists clenched in a fighter’s stance. My breath rasped in my throat.

  “Aydan,” Kane said gently. “Wake up.” I could barely make out the dark shadow of his shape sitting up in bed. “It’s all right,” he went on in soothing tones. “It’s just me. John Kane. You’re here at my house and you’re safe. You had a bad dream, but you’re safe. Do you understand?”

  I understood.

  The weight of my promise crushed me.

  My arms dropped to my sides and I shuffled back to the bed. “I’m sorry, John. Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  “No, I’m fine. Come here.” He reached out his arms and I forced myself to sink into them. Holding me close, he kissed me before settling us back on the pillows. His hand stroked gently over my hair. “Go back to sleep, Aydan. You’re safe here.”

  “Thanks.” I pressed my face into the pillow.

  After a few minutes his stroking hand faltered, then fell away as his breathing slowed and deepened. Wide-eyed, I lay in his arms staring into the blackness.

  It was a long night. Twice more I woke screaming and struggling, and the second time I landed a vicious kick on Kane’s thigh before I knew what I was doing. He teased me with gentle humour over my near-miss of his family jewels and cuddled me close again, but after that I lay awake staring into the darkness and listening to his even breathing.

  Too dangerous to fall asleep. What if I grabbed my gun and shot him during a half-awake terror? God, I’d never forgive myself.

  By the time the darkness lightened to gray I was vibrating with tension and fatigue, my eyes burning from holding them open.

  Kane stirred and released me at last, easing his arm away as though trying not to wake me. I feigned deep sleep while he moved noiselessly around the room collecting clothes.

  The quiet click of the door closing behind him wrenched a silent sob of relief from me. Burying my face in the pillow, I flung out my arms and legs in the mercifully empty bed. The released tension left my muscles weak and trembling, and I fought ragged breathing that wanted to turn into tears.

  Stop. Suck it up.

  I shook myself and extracted my face from the pillow to check the bedside clock.

  Only five-thirty AM.

  Thank God he was an early riser.

  Limbs still splayed to occupy all the heavenly space and solitude, I gave in to sleep.

  It didn’t go well.

  Twice Kane rushed in at the sound of my screams to hold me while I fought the nightmare. Both times I managed to convince him not to stay, and at last I fell into a deeper sleep.

  A familiar insistent sound roused me, but I had barely dragged my eyelids open when it stopped. Letting out a breath of relief, I fell back into slumber.

  When it penetrated my sleep again I groaned and pulled the pillow over my head, but this time there was no reprieve.

  “Aydan.” Kane’s voice was soft from the doorway. “Aydan?”

  “Grmmgrfff.”

  Gentle hands pried the pillow away from my face. “Aydan.”

  “Wha’…?” I tried to retrieve the pillow but he held it out of reach.

  “I’m sorry to wake you, but Stemp is on the phone. He needs you to come in this morning.”

  My voice came out in a sleep-slurred growl. “Fuck’im. Suspended. Don’ hafta go in.” I grabbed the other pillow and flopped over to bury my face in it.

  The mattress dipped as Kane sat beside me. His hand made warm circles on my back. “I’m sorry, Aydan, but you really need to talk to him. I’ll bring you the phone.”

  “No.”

  Either he didn’t hear my muffled refusal, or he ignored it. The mattress sprang up again and a few seconds later I felt a gentle grip on my wrist. Kane pried my hand free of the pillow and pressed a hard cool object into it, and I let out a groan of resignation and flopped over to lie on my back.

  Eyes still closed, I brought the handset to my face and croaked, “What.”

  “Kelly. Your presence is required this morning.” Stemp’s dispassionate voice was offensively wide-awake. “Please be here by zero nine thirty to go over the autopsy results from your latest attacker. Also, Ms. Ritter is still expecting you at ten hundred for your peer review meeting.”

  I dragged my eyes open to squint at the bedside clock.

  Nine AM.

  I held back a spate of profanity and focused as hard as I could on the positive.

  Could’ve been worse. At least I’d gotten nearly three hours of sleep. I was already in Silverside so I didn’t have the fifteen-minute drive from my place. I did want to know what they’d found out about my attacker, and I really didn’t want to miss that interview with Ursula Ritter to put in my vote of support for Stemp. As annoyed as I was by his crisp voice, a morning call from Dermott would have been infinitely worse.

  “Kelly?” Stemp inquired, and I realized I hadn’t replied yet.

  “Uh. Sorry. Okay. See you at nine-thirty,” I mumbled.

  “I’ll collect you from the lobby,” he said, and hung up.

  “I’ll collect you from the lobby,” I mouthed, grimacing, before adding aloud, “You can stick that right up your lobby and rotate on it, you-” I broke off at the sight of Kane’s alarmed expression. “He already hung up,” I explained, and passed the handset back.

  “Oh.” Kane accepted the phone with visible relief. Then his gaze dipped to travel over the twisted sheets that revealed a good bit of skin I hadn’t bothered to cover. “Good morning,” he said, grinning. “Waking up next to you was great, but this is almost as good.”

  I grunted, then realized that probably wasn’t the response he was looking for.

  Do better. You made the commitment; now deliver.

  My old habits slid back into place with an almost-audible click and the familiar numbness descended like a curtain of mercy.

  “Sorry it has to be short-lived,” I added as I swung my legs wearily over the edge of the bed. “I’ve got exactly…” I paused to glance at the alarm clock. “…Twenty-five minutes to get my shit together and get to Sirius…” I trailed off and sank my head into my hands with a groan. “Shit, I’ll have to go wearing your clothes. I don’t have anything dry…”

  “No, it’s all right,” Kane countered. “I washed and dried your clothes this morning while you were sleeping. And I cleaned your Glock and the trank pistol and dried your holsters, too.”

  “Thanks!” I rose and linked my arms around his neck for a kiss. “I love you!” The words came out smoothly, and I even managed to smile and look him in the eyes.

  Kane chuckled and kissed me back. “But wait, there’s more. I have bread and peanut butter.”

  “I really, really love you,” I declared.

  Our kiss was longer this time.

  Kane ran his hands down my back, giving the bed a meaningful look. “It’s too bad you’re so rushed this morning.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed, silently thanking Stemp for the intervention before giving myself a mental slap to the head.

  I had promised myself I’d give Kane what he wanted, and that included the kind of passionate sex he expected from me. And anyway, I’d be crazy to avoid it. He was amazing in bed.

  But if he pinned me under him again I’d lose it completely and fight my way free screaming and scratching…

  I slammed the brakes on that thought. No. I could do this. I pressed my hips against him and gave a little shimmy. “Next time I get to ride on top, though.”

  “Is that so?” Kane grinned down at me.

  “Uh-huh. But not until I get back, unfortunately.” I pulled away. “Now, where are my clothes?”

  “In the bathroom.” Kane followed as I headed down the hall. “Hellhound phoned
earlier, too. He said he has some more information for you.”

  My heart soared, then stuttered to a halt, tumbling down my ribs to clatter into my stomach.

  Arnie.

  Oh, God.

  “I’ll call him when I get back,” I choked, and hurried into the bathroom to lock the door behind me.

  Fifteen minutes later I kissed Kane goodbye at the door and headed for his garage, the keys to his SUV clutched in my fist. The merciful numbness had spread. My hands were steady despite the fatigue that gripped me, and my emotions were completely frozen over.

  I let out a breath as I slid behind the steering wheel. Numbness was so much better. No danger of losing my temper, no fear of suddenly bursting into tears.

  No chance of joy, either, a small sad voice reminded me, but I dismissed it.

  I could fake joy.

  Chapter 35

  Stemp was waiting in the lobby when I arrived at Sirius. Appreciating my newfound composure, I greeted him civilly and even managed to banter with Leo while Stemp signed me in at the security booth.

  At the door to his office, Stemp stepped aside and gestured me ahead of him. Then he closed the door and took a seat behind his desk, waving me into the opposite chair.

  “So.” He pressed two fingers to the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. “Norman Perkins, thirty-one years old, multiple weapons and assault convictions. Carrying another photo of Arlene Widdenback with your particulars, but the only fingerprints on it were his own. Another crisp twenty-five hundred dollars cash in his wallet; nylon zip ties in his pocket. So far neither my analysts nor the Calgary police have been able to identify any connection between Mallard and Perkins. The autopsy showed Perkins died of massive internal bleeding from a torn abdominal aorta.”

  He opened his eyes again to transfix me with his unnerving reptilian stare. “The examiner also noted a deep facial wound and nine punctures consistent with tranquilizer darts. Potentially enough to kill him, if he hadn’t bled to death.” He eyed me unblinkingly. “What happened?”