It was that stupid promotion he had been given, Vice President of Marketing Management. Big freaking deal. Just because he had some big title in front of his name and a new salary along with it didn’t mean he had to shut out the people in his life who were supposed to be the most important, did it? Payton punched the gas a little harder and watched the needle climb a little higher on the speedometer.
His father wasn’t the only person bothering him. Lizzie was doing her fair share of annoying him as well. He knew he was more angry about the game than he was frustrated with her, but there was something about her that was grating on him. Why did she have to go and tell him something so stupid, anyway?
I love you, Payton. Oh, God, I’ve loved you for years.
It was one thing for him to ignore all those damn looks she shot him. The ones where her eyes were practically swimming with love for him. God, those looks were downright impossible to ignore. But it was entirely another for her to profess her love to him.
Yeah, sure, he’d made some stupid comments about them being soul mates or something, but he hadn’t directly admitted that they, Payton and Lizzie, were soul mates for Christ sake, and besides, it had been in the heat of lovemaking. What did she expect him to do with her proclamation of love?
“Dammit!” Payton smacked the steering wheel with his hand and shook his head in frustration.
If he’d been honest with himself he knew he would have to admit that somewhere deep inside of him he had loved her almost as long as she had loved him. He cared too much, and that was what scared him most of all. He was the freaking home town hero, worshipped by all, young and old. He had more women hanging around ready to thrill him than any other person he knew. He wasn’t the kind of guy that was supposed to find himself falling for science loving cute dweebs like Lizzie. He was supposed to go on to college, find gorgeous big-breasted trophy type women and have them fall in love with him. He could kick himself for what he felt was happening.
He was eighteen. She was seventeen. Too young. They were too young to have found each other. They had years before they should have met somewhere and realized they were the ones for each other. And yet, it had happened now. It scared the hell out of him.
How was he supposed to keep himself from doing something really stupid one night at a post-game party in college while Lizzie wasn’t there? He could picture it now, she’d be off studying in the library on a Saturday night and he’d be drunk at a party screwing some blonde bimbo because he was the quarterback and she was a groupie.
It was almost too much for him to think about. But at the same time, something fought against this feeling. Some demon inside him whispered that he was being robbed of all the fun he was supposed to have. He shouldn’t have to worry about being faithful now. He was too young, he had too much ahead of him, and inside his anger burned brighter.
He gave himself a hard time about the game, and Lizzie, and his father’s absence all the way to the drive of his house, but he still didn’t feel any better as he put the truck into park and got out. He rounded the curve of the house and headed up the sidewalk. When he saw his mother sitting on the porch steps he stopped short.
“Mom?” He ran the rest of the way and crouched down in front of her. She had tears streaming down her face, but she just sat there staring straight out into the darkness. Chills ran down his spine.
“Mom,” he repeated. “What’s the matter?”
She shook her head softly. “I- I didn’t mean to… I-I came home e-early from the g-game. I just c-couldn’t ta-take anymore.” She flicked her eyes to him. “I’m sorry about the game Payton.” He hugged her fiercely. Was she upset because she thought he’d be mad that she left early?
“Mom, I don’t care that you left early. Who wouldn’t after a game like that?” He leaned back, thinking that would make her smile, but she started shaking and crying even harder so he knew that wasn’t what was wrong. He waited.
“I-I came in. I thought I heard a noise… but then it was gone. I went back to the bedroom to change….” She broke off, her body shaking so hard now he hugged her again to calm her down. “I didn’t m-mean to see….”
“See what, mom?” She didn’t answer and he knew she wouldn’t. As if he was on autopilot he felt himself rise and move through the house. He heard a noise from the back of the house toward his parent’s room. The hallway was dark but he knew the layout by heart. He pushed his parent’s door open without a sound, and watched as his day turned from bad to worse. There in his parent’s bed, his father, who was supposed to be away on business, lay underneath a blond bombshell of a woman who was riding him like her life depended on it.
Payton bent over, threw up right there on the threshold, turned and walked away. He could hear his father calling him but he kept on walking. His father chased him down the driveway as he drove away, but Payton never looked back.
He was there, lying on the banks of Granny’s pond when she found him. He didn’t know how she found him, only that she had and that he needed her more right then than he needed anyone in the world. She didn’t say anything. She must have known something was wrong because she just watched him with that guarded expression she gave him when she was waiting for him to show her what he needed. Lizzie sat beside him and wrapped the blanket she brought with her around both of their shoulders.
He felt numb. Worse, he felt like the white fuzz that existed on empty television channels. Little pricks of icy, throbbing pain stabbed him over and over again everywhere on his body. He couldn’t make the feeling go away, and he was afraid that as much as he wanted her to, Lizzie wouldn’t be able to dispel the feeling either.
He stared unseeing up at the cloudy night sky, wishing that he could see the stars so he could distract his mind by pointing out constellations to Lizzie. She lay back on the ground next to him and pushed her way into the crook of his arm. He felt sick, but at the same time he wanted her close to him, so he pulled her into his body and gently kissed the top of her head.
“Want to talk about it?” She asked after a few minutes of silence.
“No.” He looked up at the night sky again.
“Payton…I don’t know what’s happened, but I can tell something is wrong. Don’t you want to tell me?” She watched the pain rip through his eyes and wash over his face, but all he did was clench his jaw muscles and hug her tighter. “Please?”
He faced her then with a fierceness replacing the pain. “No, Lizzie!” She looked at him, her jaw trembling a little from the fear she felt right then, but she took a deep breath and lay back down on the ground. She could hear him swearing under his breath and then he rolled to lean up on one elbow so he could look down at her.
He brushed the back of one knuckle down the soft skin of her face and gently kissed her lips. “Look, I’m sorry, Lizzie. Really. I’m still just a little bummed about losing that game.”
“Oh, Payton.” She threw her arms around his waist and hugged him fiercely. He didn’t want it, would have done anything to stop the feeling right then, but still he felt his body stiffen with desire. He held up a hand tentatively over her shoulder, tried to convince his body what his brain already knew- that going ahead with his desire was a really bad idea at that moment- then let his hand settle over her warm skin and pushed her softly back down to the ground.
His eyes were dark and turbulent with the troubles that raged in his mind mixed with the craving he had to sate himself in her body. It was a primal lust that he felt surging through his veins, and the smile he gave her should have been a clanging warning bell in her ears.
Lizzie could tell something wasn’t right, wasn’t the way it should have been, wasn’t the way it had been when they’d made love in the past, but she looped her arms around his neck and readied herself for their kiss, trusting that this man, the man that had always protected her in the past would never think of hurting her now.
His lips settled over hers a little harder than they had in the past, with an urgency and hunger that Lizzie
had never experienced before. Oh, she had felt the raging need pulsing through this man before, but nothing as desperate and urgent as it was right then. The lips that had always been soft and warm before felt a little cold and stiff, but she loved him deeply so she overlooked the change and focused on the exhilaration of being in her lover’s arms.
He shifted and ran his mouth down her neck and over the material covering her breasts, hearing a little gasp of exhilaration pass through her lips. Swiftly he jerked her shirt up, almost ripping the fabric, and gripped her tender skin harshly. He felt the peaks of her nipples harden and he smiled down at her with a wicked sort of gleam in his eyes just before he ripped the silky cloth that covered her breasts. He laughed, a low savage sort of growl, as she yelped then caught herself and offered herself up to him.
“Yes, oh yes,” he whispered. “Give yourself to me.” He stroked his hand down her flat belly, and tried to shake loose the demons that had overcome him. He knew that this was not what she deserved, not what he needed to do to her, but something gripped his heart and mind and he couldn’t shake it off. He stroked his hand down her again and heard her let out a whimper of desperate need. He smiled, a wicked feral smile, and ripped the buttons of her pants out of their holes. Swiftly, before she gave her assent, he stroked down underneath her panty line and found her ready for him.
Payton ripped her pants off of her and gave her body a once over, approving her long fluid legs and strong body. Then, he rapidly unzipped his pants and spread her legs. In one blatant, masculine thrust he pushed inside of her, heard her release a moan of pleasure as he pulled almost completely out then slammed into her again.
Never had he used, or rather misused, her body in this fashion before, and never had he seen her eyes glitter like they were just then. He couldn’t tell if she liked the way he was loving her or if she were merely holding on for the ride. Either way, as much as he wanted to, he really didn’t care. All he could picture right then, as much as he wanted to focus on her and all the ways he loved her, he could only picture his father and that wicked hoar of a woman riding him.
He rolled her over so that she was on top of him and pushed her up into a sitting position. Never before had they done this- she had always preferred to be on bottom with his weight heavy on top of her. Now, though, he didn’t give her a choice, and he held her up when she would have protested and tried to shift him back to the top. He pushed himself hard into her and thrust his hips into hers. His hands came up to grip her waist and drive her down onto him with a heavy thrust watching her heavy breasts bounce with each successive move. He heard her groan, a deep guttural sound that made him even harder than he already was. He pushed her hard, looking at her face, wishing he could memorize every glorious line as she gave in to the moment and closed her eyes, looping her hands up into her hair so her breasts lifted and puckered even tighter in the cooling night air.
Then that wicked woman’s figure popped back in his head, and he rammed her down onto him even harder, making her whimper with either raging desire or pain. Payton was too far gone now to care. Too wrapped up in his own misery to even think about what he was doing to her. He was lost to the torture in his brain, and as much as he loved her and desperately needed her, he suddenly realized he was lost to her.
There, sitting on the banks of Granny’s pond with Lizzie bouncing on top of him, a tragic thought came to him. How many times had he been called his father’s little shadow? All he could picture from that moment on was what he would do to her if he stayed with her, if she stayed with him, and they went on with their lives together. One day their son would come home from a game, and find her crying on the front steps with him riding some bimbo in their bedroom. One day, he, just like his father, would break his love’s heart, and rip their family to shreds. Payton pushed it from his mind. He refused to let himself think about it. Just because his father couldn’t keep himself on a leash, didn’t mean he’d turn out the same way.
He focused back in on her beautiful body and wanted to cry at the sight of her sliding up and down him, her body glistening from the sweat they had worked up. He slid his hands up her body and over the generous peaks, feeling their firm weight in his hands, for what he knew would be the last time. He could tell she was about to slide over the peak so he leaned up, flicking his tongue over a pebbled nipple, hearing her release a moan into the night air. She convulsed and crumpled on top of him, and as much as he hated himself for it, he felt his traitorous body stiffen and he too slid over the edge into glorious oblivion.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Lizzie, are you listening to me?”
Lizzie snapped back to attention and let her eyes focus on Grace across the lunch table. She forced herself to smile. “Sorry, I was up late last night. You were saying?”
“Yeah, so, I was at the mall in Clarkston and I found this purse that is to die for…” Grace’s voice faded into oblivion again as Lizzie focused over her friend’s shoulder to the lunch line. She wanted to scream.
Lou Ann was standing next to Payton in line and not only was she laughing hysterically at whatever he was saying, but she was doing it in a way that her not so little breasts just happened to brush against his arm. Lizzie wished that she had laser beam eye power right then.
And now Lou Ann was lightly punching him on the arm. Payton must have missed flirting 101 classes because it looked to her that he hadn’t even picked up that Lou Ann was hitting on him big time. And unfortunately for Lizzie, she’d been doing that more and more lately.
Lizzie frowned down into her lunch sack, and tried unsuccessfully to focus on Grace’ story. Instead she kept seeing all the different times she’d seen Lou Ann hitting on her man the past few weeks. It wasn’t anything obvious, or it hadn’t been at first, but now Lizzie was beginning to wonder exactly what was going on.
She’d worked up the nerve to say something to Payton about it a week ago, but he’d brushed it off. Still, something didn’t feel right to her. She should trust him, she knew she should. After all, if he was dumb enough to fall for a girl like Lou Ann then hell, she guessed Lou Ann deserved him. But still…
“Lizzie, are you feeling alright?”
Lizzie’s head snapped up. Payton was sitting beside Grace and they were staring at her quizzically. She started to smile, but then she noticed Lou Ann hovering next to Payton. She thought she might lose her lunch.
“I think I might be getting sick. I think I’m going to go home and get some sleep.”
Payton looked concerned. “Do you want me to walk you home?”
Lizzie mustered a smile. “No. No, I’ll make it just fine.”
She grabbed her stuff and started to leave. “I’ll call you later, Bean,” Grace called after her. She turned to respond and saw Lou Ann slip her hand over Payton’s shoulder. Lizzie gripped her backpack tighter and hurried from the lunchroom.
She walked right past Granny on her way home without even noticing she was there. Lizzie was lost in thought. About a month ago her father sat her down after dinner one night and told her the news about Payton’s father. She could still feel the shock that had hit her. Why hadn’t Payton told her?
She’d been with him that night, could still remember how harsh he’d been when they’d made love, and she supposed now she understood his reasoning. But still, she couldn’t imagine them being as close as they were and him not feeling the need to tell her about his parents.
And there was more. She constantly told him she loved him, and yet he’d never returned the phrase. Before, she could see the emotions in his eyes even if he never said them to her, but now she wasn’t even sure she could see that. She wasn’t sure what she could see anymore.
Lizzie dropped her backpack on the chair in her room and pulled out an old t-shirt and blue jeans. It was a nice day, the winter weather they’d had for the past few months was now turning to spring, and she thought a walk to the pond might help her feelings. She tied the laces to her shoes and pulled her hair into a ponytail. She
left her mom a note on her bed and slipped out the back door and headed for the pond.
She decided to push thoughts of Payton from her mind and forced herself to look at the green buds that were starting to push their way out onto the trees around her as she walked. As she neared the pond she thought she heard voices, muffled, but voices all the same. She paused, but she didn’t hear anything else so she continued.
It was as she was about to push her way through the thick pile of bushes that had grown up around the perimeter of the pond that she heard the voices again. Familiar voices. Voices that made her heart stand still. And then she saw them.
Lou Ann and Payton at the edge of the pond standing there skipping rocks. That was something that Lizzie and he had done forever and it made her heart hurt. But then she felt it break as she watched Lou Ann turn and lean in to him, and slowly plant a kiss on his lips. She noticed immediately that he didn’t react. He stood there for a moment, letting her kiss him, as if trying to decide what to do. And then in the next instant he was kissing her, all hot and heavy, and Lizzie knew all too well what those lips must be doing to Lou Ann right about then.
Lizzie stood there and watched. She felt disgusted by the scene and disgusted with herself for watching, but she couldn’t have moved if she tried. She watched as he took her shirt off and just as quickly her bra. His hands claimed their prize and she heard a muffled moan as his fingers pinched and pulled and then his lips suckled on Lou Ann’s body. The image burned into Lizzie’s memory.
When Payton’s hand slid down her body and she heard another woman cry out his name Lizzie’s stunned stance ended. She turned and began to move away, but she must have made some unearthly guttural, mourning sound because she heard Payton say, “Oh, God! Lizzie!”
The Heart Will Lead You Home Page 22
