She heard him coming after her, but Lou Ann stopped him. “Just wait, Payton. She’ll calm down. Don’t go after her now. Give her some time.”
“No! Lou Ann, let go of me.”
There was crashing in the bushes behind her, and then a firm hand grabbed her. Payton pulled her to a stop and turned her to him, pressing her face against the solid strength of his chest. His heart was pounding against his body, not from running, Lizzie thought with anger, but from the excitement of touching Lou Ann’s body.
She pushed away from him and Payton let her go. Lizzie squeezed her hands into fists, digging her nails into the soft flesh of her palms. She forced herself to focus on the pain in her hands and the anger burning her lungs so she wouldn’t cry. She refused to cry in front of him. Not now. Not ever again.
“W-what… what are you doing with her!” She hated herself for stammering. It only made her look stupid and childish. It fueled her anger.
“Lizzie, it’s not…”
“Oh, don’t even tell me it’s not what it looks like.” She noticed Lou Ann had come up behind Payton. She was standing about ten feet away from them, and a smug smile perched on her lips. Lizzie turned her anger on her.
“What are you grinning at?”
“You. Thought you were so smart making your way up in the ranks, using your boyfriend to put me in my place. Well, paybacks a bitch ain’t it?”
Lizzie saw red. She went after Lou Ann determined to stop at nothing short of blood, but she felt Payton pull her away. “That’s enough, Lou Ann! I think you’ve done enough damage. Go home.”
Lou Ann snorted in disgust. “Like you own me or something. Whatever, I’m out of here.”
Payton waited until she’d moved out of sight and turned back to Lizzie. “Liz, I swear, I never meant for that to happen.”
She wasn’t buying it. “Right. Well, meant to or not, it did. I thought there was something… forget it, it just sounds stupid saying it now.” She folded her arms across her, using her limbs as a shield to keep the hurt from digging its way deeper into her. “I can’t believe you did this.” She flung her arms out in frustration. “Lou Ann? What could you possibly see in Lou Ann?”
A muscle worked in Payton’s jaw. “I didn’t mean… it just… Jesus, Liz, it just happened.”
“Great, so every time you’re at a fraternity party in college, I’m going to have to worry about it just happening again?”
That same muscle twitched. Lizzie edged closer to him. “No.”
“How can you stand here and say that so seriously? What proof can you give me?” She was pushing him and the anger coming out felt good. She edged closer still, and nudged him with her finger. “What proof!”
Payton snapped, pushing her hand away. “None! You’re right, I’ll probably screw every girl I meet and laugh at you while I do it. Is that what you wanted to hear?” When she took a step away, he grabbed her and pulled her closer. “Well, Liz, is it?”
“No!”
“Well, now that I’m started, why stop now? You know, maybe you’re right, maybe it didn’t just happen.” His eyes were dark with anger, and Lizzie winced at the grip he had on her hand. “Maybe I was sick to death of hearing you say ‘I love you, Payton’, all the time and I just wanted… out. Maybe I’m just like my dad- can’t make a commitment to one woman and keep my pants on around others.” He released her and she shrunk away, covering her ears, desperate to not hear anymore damning words.
“Don’t!” Her lips were chattering. “Don’t say something you can’t take back, Payton.”
“Like what? That I was just using you?” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “That you were just something fun to occupy my time until I could find bigger and better fish to fry.”
She turned away. “No. No I don’t believe this.”
He grunted and turned her back around. “Well believe it. Maybe I could see that hopelessly devoted, infatuated puppy dog stare from a mile away, and I cashed in on it. There, are you happy?” He pulled her up close and forced her to look him in the eye. “It was fun while it lasted sweetheart, but the game’s getting old and I’m ready to move on.”
She looked up at him, trying to read him, praying he wasn’t telling the truth, but all she could see were a pair of green eyes full of anger and hatred. A tear slipped down from her eyes. “Why are you doing this? Who are you?”
Payton’s laugh was low and cruel. “It’s me, baby. Don’t you recognize me?”
“No.” She turned to leave, anxious to get away from him so she couldn’t hear anything more damning that what he’d said already. It was suddenly all too clear to her. She’d been a pawn, a cheap joke, used and discarded. Payton hadn’t been anymore interested in loving Lizzie than Brett had. Instead she’d just been a fun diversion for him. She should have known to never trust a jock but she’d been stupid enough to go and fall in love with one. She was nothing but a nerd with a crush on some dumb jock.
Always had been, always would be.
Lizzie could hear all those I love you’s she’d given to him being thrown back in her face and she wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
Payton called after her, and in the darkest recesses of her mind she thought she detected the smallest fraction of agony. “Good, just walk away! That’s what I wanted anyway. It’s over, Lizzie. You make me sick!” She heard something crash in the bushes, but she didn’t turn around. She couldn’t care less what it was.
The rest of their senior year went by relatively quickly, much to Payton’s surprise. He knew in his gut that he was a world class heel, and wished to all the heavens above he could find a way to apologize to Lizzie. As it was she wasn’t speaking to him, and he knew that if she never did again he’d deserve every second of her abuse.
It made him sick thinking about all the words he’d used to hurt her. Stupid words. Words that he could never take back. At the time he’d been so angry and he felt so humiliated for getting caught with Lou Ann that he’d just retaliated out of self preservation. Lizzie hadn’t deserved even a second of his abuse, but there was nothing he could do now.
He didn’t see Lizzie at all anymore, except on occasion when he would catch sight of her walking down the hallways at school with her friends. During those times he would find himself following her with his gaze, hoping that he could catch a glimpse of her beautiful eyes or a little hint of the smile he had loved for so long.
He never did, though.
It was as if that moment had left her, and him, too, both hollow shells of who they originally were, and in their place walked half-dead people. He heard through Colin and Jade and the rest of their friends that she hardly ever smiled like she used to. Oh, she smiled, they told him, but it wasn’t the sincere, warm one he loved so much, but rather a façade that she’d put up to throw people off the trail of her pain. Still, he had hope that on down the line she would forget him and her pain and return to normal.
“Why did you do it?” They would ask him. “What did you do to break her heart?”
Apparently she hadn’t felt the itch to destroy him in quite the fashion that he had devastated her. He was certain that Grace had to know what had happened, but she wasn’t going to say a word, he soon discovered, and even more surprising was that Lou Ann hadn’t told anyone either. So it was left for him to bare the memory alone, to kill him slowly, in a brutal, agonizing torture.
He was too proud, he also discovered, to let their friends in on the secret. Payton didn’t want to tell them that he, the crowned king of Dixie, the son of an adulterer might as well be one himself. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, now he was forced to acknowledge that he’d probably just thrown away the best thing that would ever happen to him.
Payton’s scandal hadn’t even hit the gossip channels, and somehow the pain that he and his mother were enduring hadn’t hung in there for too long, though he would never understand exactly how that miracle had occurred. Probably because Lou Ann’s mother was the head gossip queen and her daughter
had convinced her not to talk.
Payton thought about his father. His father had merely laughed in his mother’s face and left town with his mistress that very same night, and even now, months later he hadn’t offered a single word of regret, nor a single dime of support.
Payton looked down at the graduation program in his hand and wished the ceremony would go a little faster so he could get out of this town. He, along with almost three-fourths of the rest of their class were headed to the University of Georgia in the fall. He itched, physically itched, with the need to be free of all the terrors that haunted him daily in this place. At least there he could lose himself in the buzz of some thirty thousand plus college students that didn’t know a thing about him except that he was there to play ball.
He glanced up a few rows ahead of him to where Lizzie was sitting, her pretty dark hair down and loose about her shoulders with that silly cap and tassel strategically in place. Then he glanced over his shoulder and out into the crowd to where his mother sat. He noted with a dull ache in his chest that his father still hadn’t shown, and the space beside his wonderful mother still sat empty, leaving her utterly alone in a sea of people.
His life, he knew, would never again be the same. How could it be, he wondered, that one person could have such a hold on your life that losing them was like losing your soul.
Part II: The New Life
Chapter Twenty-Four
Grace gripped the leather on the steering wheel and took a deep breath. Man, she hated being the go-between. Here she was, two weeks before her best friends wedding, sitting in front of Lizzie’s house trying to decide if she really wanted to put herself in the middle of what was certain to be an utter disaster, but she couldn’t think of good a way out.
Of course, there was the obvious… just stay out of it. But, heck, that wasn’t any fun. Plus, she could still hear Payton’s pitiful voice on the other end of the phone. Grace, please, I’m begging you to help me. Talk to her for me. She’ll listen to you. She’d tried to explain that she really didn’t think Lizzie would even listen to her on this issue, but Payton could be very convincing when he wanted to be. She eyed her brand spanking new purse on the passenger seat and smiled.
Grace’s stomach flipped and she nibbled her lower lip in confusion. She hated what Payton had done to Lizzie. No one deserved to be treated that way. But on the other hand, she’d seen the way they were with each other, how perfect they had been together. If Payton truly had grown up, and if he truly did love her the way Grace suspected he did, then didn’t he deserve a chance to prove it to Lizzie?
And the only way he was going to get that chance was if someone, someone such as herself, could put them together and let him talk to her. Heaven knew Lizzie wasn’t going to be seeking him out on her own. She’d wear garlic around her neck and carry wooden stakes twenty-four hours a day if she thought that would keep Payton away from her forever.
Grace sighed. It looked like she didn’t have much choice. She pushed her way from the car and steeled herself, preparing for the battle of wits that was about to begin. If Lizzie even suspected foul play going on, Payton wouldn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell at winning her.
Lizzie spotted her through the window and held up a hand. She was on the phone, most likely with Josh, and she wanted her to wait on the porch. Grace took a seat on the big, white swing and watched as several cars slowly made their way past the house. That was a way of life here in Edenville. She couldn’t even count anymore the number of times they’d sat on this porch watching cars and talking about boys as they were growing up. Of course now the cars went faster, and the radios were louder, but it was still the same and it comforted Grace.
Just then Lizzie came out. Grace watched as her best friend, still as tall and slender as the day they’d met, stomped across the front porch to where she sat.
“Wow, what’s got your panties all in a wad?”
Lizzie fixed her emerald eyes on her and huffed. “It’s Josh. He wants me to cut my hair for the wedding, and die it blonde.” She paused and pulled a strand of the dark, curling hair away from her face. “Can you see me as a blonde?”
Grace made a face. “No. Why does he care anyway?”
“He says … how can I put this delicately…. my face doesn’t look quite as radiant when it’s long. Oh, and his mother prefers blondes over brunettes.” She huffed again. “I’ve never had short hair in my life, and dear God don’t get me started on how much I could care less what color hair his mother prefers.”
“Amen.” Grace leaned forward. “What’d you tell Josh?”
Grace noted the tension that crept through Lizzie. “I told him I’d think about it.”
“You’d think about it! Are you crazy, you should have told him to stick it!”
Lizzie rubbed her forehead. “Yeah, well, Josh is pretty adamant about his likes and dislikes. You have to break it to him gently if you plan to do something differently.”
Grace shook her head. “Has he always been like this?”
“Pretty much.”
Grace couldn’t understand what her friend saw in Josh. Something about the guy gave Grace the creeps. She shrugged and decided to switch topics. It wasn’t any of her business, just as she reminded herself that it wasn’t any of her business if Payton got a chance to explain himself to Lizzie. Man, how did she always get herself into these messes?
Grace moved over and patted the seat next to her, but Lizzie didn’t even notice. “So, how’re you doing? You know, after the letter and all.”
There was a groan, and a hand held up as if to block the thought. “Oh, don’t even get me started on that.”
“Why not?” If looks could kill, she’d be dead. “Err, I mean… what the hell was he thinking?” It was laced with sarcasm, but Lizzie was apparently too worked up to notice.
“Exactly, Carrot! Those were my thoughts exactly!” She bounced to emphasize her frustration.
“Okay, Liz. I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s a love letter. It’s not like the guy just told you he’d run over Skipper Jr.”
Lizzie’s gasp of horror nearly made her laugh. “The creep wouldn’t dare do something like that. I’d rip his no good head off.”
“I’m sure you would, Bean, I’m sure you would. Now sit down here and tell me how you see this letter as the end of the world.”
“You’re kidding me right?”
“He told you he loved you. What’s the big deal? I think it’s kind of sweet if you ask me.”
“Well,” Lizzie paused to sniff dramatically, “nobody asked you, and the big deal is that he did it two weeks before my wedding!”
“And?”
“And it’s to another man!”
“I think you need a drink.” Just once, Grace thought as she poured both of them a glass of wine, she’d like to be the woman two men wanted at one time. She couldn’t remember ever having one guy, not even her father, who really loved her. It must be nice to have so many men fighting over you.
She tried to change the subject when she returned with the wine, but Lizzie wouldn’t let her. “Don’t try to change the subject on me, Gracie, I see that look in your eye.”
“What?”
“This is such a rotten thing he did, and I can’t believe you aren’t as furious about this as I am.” Probably because she’d always thought Payton and her were the best thing since friend chicken, and had always hoped this day would come.
“Honestly, Bean, if you’re that mad about it then go tell him off, and stop pacing in front of me like an old wet hen.”
Big mistake, she could see, as Lizzie turned on her with a feral gleam in her eye. “I’m not talking to the Cretan, and if he thinks this is going to bring me falling to my knees in front of him he’s wrong. Wrong!”
Ah, Grace’s brain finally grasped hold of the true meaning of the situation. A little bright light clicked on in her head, and she understood, finally, what the big deal was. Lizzie was torn. Torn between marrying the man she ha
d said yes to, and finally, hopefully, getting the man she and every other soul in town knew was meant for her. So there was hope for Payton after all. She smiled.
“Then just forget about it.” She reached out and took her friends hand. “Look, Lizzie, if it bothers you that much then just throw the stupid thing away. You don’t ever have to see Payton again if that’s what you want.”
But that was just the problem, Grace could see from the look in her eyes that she really, really did want to see him again. This letter had thrown her so far off her axis she didn’t know which side was up right now. She couldn’t decide whether the old Payton, the one with the cheating heart and nasty attitude, or the new Payton with the sweet words and charm was the Payton she wanted to remember.
Grace suspected that more than anything Lizzie wanted her friend to knock her over the head with a horseshoe and tell her to grow up and go figure it out, but that wasn’t Grace’s job. Her job was to get Lizzie somewhere that Payton could do the convincing, and now Grace knew that’s just what she intended to do.
Lizzie caught her friend’s eye. “What he did to me was terrible.”
“You’re right. It was terrible.” Her smile was rueful. “He doesn’t deserve the hot boiled peanut hulls you discard in the trash. But he wrote that letter and whether you want it or not, you got it. So deal with it.”
Lizzie gave in with a sigh. “You’re right, Carrot, you always are. I’m just tired I guess.” She plopped down next to her friend on the swing. “Now, tell me why it is that you’re sitting on my mama’s swing.”
“There’s gonna be a barn party tonight.” She checked her watch. “In about two hours, actually. I came over to tell you to get ready.”
“I don’t know. We’ve still got tons to do for the wedding and I just don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go.”
Grace quietly studied her friend with an amused smirk on her face before she rolled her eyes and laughed. “Give it up, Bean. Your daddy has had the blue prints mapped out for that thing since a week after you told him you were engaged. I’ll bet he won’t even let you touch a thing to help him set it all up.”
The Heart Will Lead You Home Page 23
