by P C Hatter
“I’ll go see Douglas Hopper right now. Should I be discreet?”
Duke growled at my sarcasm but didn’t say a word.
I had to stop by my apartment to get cleaned up first, but I was back out on the street to see Hopper in no time. His offices were on the third floor of a building off Fifth Avenue. The offices were plain but nice. The switchboard operator was even nicer, but since she was chewing her cud, it broke the spell and made you forget about her chorus girl body.
The secretary noticed me and asked, “May I help you?”
“I’m here to see Mr. Hopper, he sent for me.”
The owl’s eyes blinked. “Are you in a hurry? You see, the doctor is with him at the moment.”
“He’s all right, isn’t he?”
“Mr. Hopper was very upset this morning, and I didn’t want to take any chances, so I called the Doctor. Ever since his heart attack, it was a mild one, I’ve been worried. I thought it was the excitement of the Legion Parade, but one of the females in the offices said it was a phone call that did it. Every time he picks up a phone now, I get restless and worry about someone upsetting him.”
The doctor came out of the office, and the old goat nodded to the owl. “He’s fine. I left a prescription to be filled.”
While the secretary dealt with the doctor, I slipped into Hopper’s office. “How are you feeling?”
Hopper looked up and smiled. “I’m fine. Last night did a number on me.” The rabbit glanced at the door. “I had to tell a fib.”
“Understood. Duke said you wanted to see me?”
“Yes. Duke said you were interested in the case. Tell me, are you one of my supporters?”
“Politics aren’t my thing. Are you going to be able to handle it with a bum ticker?”
“I’ll certainly try. I never suspected a thing until Miles called. The public will need to be told, but I’ll do my best to carry on.”
I lit up another cigarette. “Getting back to Miles. Did he say anything about what he had on you?”
“No. He just said that whatever happened, there were documents, and when they came to light, they’d ruin me.”
“And you have no idea what these documents are?”
“Not a clue. I have all the family papers. But I suppose that if it came to light that I had a brother in an institution that would be enough.”
“Why the hatred?”
The rabbit shrugged. “Jealousy perhaps? I was never a rebellious child and as an adult I’ve been successful in business. Perhaps he wanted my money? That’s the only thing I can think of that makes sense.”
“So, you want me to find those papers.”
“If they exist, yes.”
I took another drag on my cigarette and let it out slowly. “Listen, Douglas. You don’t know me, so I’ll tell you. I’m not the type of guy who likes fakes. If I find something that puts you in a snare, what do you want me to do about it?”
Hoppers reaction was unexpected. He thought first and reacted second. With hands laced together, he said in a crisp clear voice, “Than you must make it public.”
“Good, that’s what I like to hear.”
The rabbit pulled out a drawer and removed an envelope. He handed it to me. “There’s a thousand dollars in there. Retainer?”
“Payment in full.” I looked at the cash and stuffed it into my pocket. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything. Do you need a receipt?”
“No. You seem like an honorable tiger. If you need any more information from me, please feel free to call.”
“Likewise.” I gave him my card, and we said our goodbyes.
When I breezed into the office with a smile, Velvet was at the filing cabinet. She raised an eyebrow and gave me the once over. Satisfied with what she saw, she asked, “What has you so happy.”
“A client.” I handed over the envelope. “Douglas Hopper wants me to make sure he’s free of his brother. Seems he hinted at documents.”
“Do you think there is any? You have to find them.”
“If they exist, I will find them.” I put my hands on Velvet’s shoulders and kissed her nose. “Calm down. Right now, I need you to get me all the information you can on the guy Miles shot. Eddie Muffin is his name. Home, work, everything.”
Velvet fingered the cash in the envelope. “How soon?”
“Can you get it by tonight? If not, tomorrow’s fine.”
She nodded, gathered her things along with the deposit, and was out the door.
When she was gone, I picked up the phone and called Mary Swimson. The guy at the other end recognized my voice and told me she hadn’t come home yet and hung up.
I typed out a brief report of the case, and after I was finished, called Mary again. This time she was home and happy. “You left me all by my lonesome. What if something happened to me?”
“Perish the thought. Are you busy today?”
“Other than collecting… some… donations and taking them over to Alexander Rhinefield you mean?”
“How about I go with you on the delivery?”
“All right. Why don’t we meet at the Violin Club about seven?”
“Sure thing. I’ll save a table and we’ll eat there.”
We hung up, and I smoked another cigarette before calling Ellis Calen. He was about to go out on a story but was able to give me a few minutes.
“Ellis, do you remember the Swimson family? Park Avenue society?”
“A little.”
“Mary Swimson and her father don’t get along. Do you know why, and did it ever make the papers?”
“Only some of it. Seems Mary got engaged, but they broke it off some time later. What didn’t make the paper was that he was a down-and-out artist and communist. Very vocal about it too. Until he met Mary and decided he could give up his beliefs for money. Mary’s father threatened to disinherit her, but when that didn’t work, he agreed to give his blessing if he enlisted in the army. Seems the mink was a conscientious objector during the war, but he agreed to go through with it. The guy went AWOL during a battle and was killed. Mary blamed her father, and that’s that. Personally, I think she slipped the noose. The guy was a louse.”
“Interesting female.”
“And pretty. Does this tie in with the Hopper thing?”
“No. This is personal. Call you later?”
Ellis’ voice sounded cheerier. “Anytime.”
I hung up and left for lunch. Something still bothered me, but I couldn’t figure it out. My brain just couldn’t make the connection, so I thought a distraction was in order. There was a new movie showing at the theater, and I thought I’d give it a try. It was so bad I fell asleep. When I woke up, I had to hustle to make my dinner engagement with Mary.
We ordered dinner, drinks, and I tried to get some answers while keeping up a pleasant conversation. The fear was still there, and it took me a bit to ease her nerves after I asked her where she thought the money collected went.
I asked, “What’s wrong with knowing where everything goes. Everybody shares right?”
“I never thought about.”
“Where does Rhinefield work?”
“Isn’t he a clerk at a department store?”
I nodded in agreement. “Ever been to his house?”
“Yes. It’s a beautiful place out in Yonkers.”
“And on a clerk’s salary? Nice.”
Mary froze, and her fur puffed out. She was so scared she could barely finish her meal. I tried easing her fear, but nothing worked. I finally gave up and asked what time we had to be in Brookland.
“There’s a meeting at nine.”
“Let’s get going then.”
The check was paid, but we still had to call the garage to have Mary’s car brought over. Even during the drive, Mary stayed scared, her hands clenched the wheel. Still not able to draw her back into a conversation, I gave up and turned on the radio.
Always there was the fear. The antelope that leapt off the bridge, Mary, and the others in Brooklyn. Why were t
hey all so dead set on being a communist if they had to live in fear? I could see were communism would work in a small community where everyone knew each other, and everyone was held accountable for their actions. But an entire country would be impossible. How would you deal with those who refused to do their share? Those who did have pride in their work would be drained to desiccated husks by those that didn’t.
The street was the same as before. One of the wolves stood outside the vacant store façade and smoked a cigarette. Even though I’d been there before I still had to show the card and have it matched up. I gave the doe at the desk one of my mean toothy grins, showing my fangs, and she almost fainted.
Alexander Rhinefield was nearly tripping over himself in his welcome. “It’s such an honor to see you again, comrade. There is news?” When I raised an eyebrow, he backpedaled with his reasoning. “Just curious. We are all very concerned.”
To that, I nodded.
Mary went off to help one of the students, and Rhinefield leaned in closer to me. Mrs. Swimson is a very good worker. Which is amazing considering she represents all that we hate.”
Instead of answering, I lit a cigarette.
“Are you staying for the meeting?”
“Yes.”
The Doberman lowered his voice and shifted closer. “Comrade, not to be too inquisitive, but is it possible that… that the person is here?”
There were so many questions I wanted to ask but couldn’t, so I kept up with the charade. “Possible.”
For a minute, I thought the Doberman was going to faint. “Impossible. We screen everyone thoroughly. Every member. And those filthy warmongers, what they did was so cold-blooded. If we were in power, the culprit would be found before the sun went down.”
“Don’t worry.”
It took a few seconds for my words to sink in and Rhinefield grinned from ear to ear. “Now that you are here, comrade, I know that all will be well. You will find the person who did this and deal out a punishment that will fit. I’m so happy that the higher echelon has sent such a male as yourself.”
Finally, something that made sense. Murder. Three people were dead. The female was still missing. Of the males, one was identified and the other not. Rhinefield and everyone else in this loony bin thought I was a thug from the secret police.
If Douglas knew that Eddie Muffin, my supposed predecessor, was secret police, he would be ecstatic that his brother shot him.
The fact that everyone in the group was afraid of me, made sense now. Even the silly tests made sense. Moscow couldn’t be bothered with such a small-time setup unless there was something seriously wrong. Now that I knew the rules of the game, I just had to watch out for the real agent. I needed to either avoid him or find him before he found me.
While I was thinking, Rhinefield stepped away to welcome a new party who’d come in the door. There were three in all, a rhino, a pigmy rhino and a boar by the name of General Pavlov. The only reason I knew his name was because I occasionally read the newspapers. Attached to the Russian Embassy in Washington, the two rhinos must have been his aids.
For the next hour, people filed through the door until the meeting started. I sat down next to Mary, and she gave me a smile. Fear still tinged her face, so I held her hand, hoping her anxiety would go away. First Rhinefield spoke, then the aides, until the general stood up.
I had to sit through a bunch of propaganda of how worthless and evil my country was and how much better was the U.S.S.R. Of course, the general left out the part where people had to spend hours in line, hoping to get their weekly loaf of bread. Religion was illegal over there. And I knew that if a person so much as said boo against the government, they and their family would quickly disappear from existence. Communists didn’t like anyone who could think for themselves.
The general’s plan to take over the government sounded like Nazi Germany all over again, and these schmucks were lapping it up with a spoon and asking for more.
I had to stop listening before I went ballistic. Thinking about how I was going to make a mess of their plans helped. I was so into my own thoughts, I didn’t realize how tightly she was holding my hand. When I looked over, the little mink had tears running down her face. Seeing her that way, I wanted to gut the general in the worse way.
When the meeting ended, people snatched up booklets and printed sheets to pass out. While the seats were stacked, I lost track of Mary. I spotted her coming from the restroom, and she looked a little better.
Just for the hell of it, I walked over to the platform where the general stood. He said something in what I assumed to be Russian.
I wasn’t anywhere near as nice. “You know better. English.”
The smug smile left the boars face, and he stammered. “Yes, of course. I didn’t expect you here. Do you have a report for me?”
Taking another cigarette out, I lit it. “In good time.”
Even the general had to play nice around the secret police.
“Still, I should have something to give the committee.”
“Tell them things are looking up.”
That had the general smiling. “So, the courier did have the documents. Do you know where they are now?”
I didn’t say a word but concentrated on my cigarette.
The general got that uncomfortable look about him again. He probably thought I was going to have him roasted for taking me for granted.
I blew the smoke out of my lungs and walked back to Mary. “Are you going home?”
“Yes, and you?”
“Why not?”
One of the males wanted to talk to Mary, and she excused herself. I stood around memorizing faces. I must have looked at the doe from the desk too long because her eyelashes did that fluttering motion when a dame tries flirting. My guess was, she thought I was on the make.
The doe was plain looking with dull fur and wore clothes better suited for a potato sack. I offered her a cigarette. From the coughing she did after her first puff, it must have been her first.
“You been with the group long, Mrs.?”
“Helen Drear, and yes. Years, in fact.”
“You seem to be capable. And pretty.”
Helen giggled and gave me a look I wasn’t expecting. Mary was finishing up her conversation, so I said, “Good night Helen. I’ll be seeing you,” and gave her a smile.
“I meant to ask you. If there was anything important you needed to know. Where can I reach you?”
Thinking I might be able to get some good information out of her, I wrote my address on a matchbook and gave it to her. “Good night.”
“Good night.”
Mary was ahead of me, and the feathers of her coat shimmered in the light. Once in the car and on our way back, Mary turned into an avid conversationalist. There was no way of getting a word in edgewise.
About a block from my place, I told her to drop me off on the corner. She pulled to the curb and stopped. “I hope you enjoyed the meeting.”
“It stunk.”
Her mouth opened in surprise and I kissed her. “You know what you should do, Mary? Do something better with your life, and stop dabbling in nasty politics.” The second kiss had her arms around my neck. “Aren’t you interested in my name?”
“A little.”
“Kaiser Wrench. You might want to remember it.”
“After last night, I don’t think I could forget.”
I moved to get out of the car. “Will I be seeing you again?”
“Do you want to? You know where I live.”
I gave her a smile and stepped out onto the pavement. She pulled away from the curb, and I whistled on the way to my apartment.
Halfway to my apartment building, a sedan across the street roared to life, and the tires screeched. The snout of a rifle hung out the back window. I dived for cover as the bullets went flying and popped back up to plug a few of my own slugs into the cars back end. The rear window shattered, and I heard someone scream just before the car turned the corner.
“Damn it, they got wise.”
Twenty seconds later, a police car pulled up and two hounds jumped out and drew their guns. “Drop the gun.”
I dropped the gun and put my hands on my head as the hound pointed his flashlight in my face. “I’m a private detective, and my license is in my wallet.”
The cop stepped close with his gun still on me and dug into my coat for my wallet. Once he looked at it, he passed it to his partner. The Deerhound wasn’t impressed, but the Dachshund was. His tail was wagging a mile a minute. “You’re Kaiser Wrench?”
“Mine if I pick up my gun?”
“Yes, sir. Of course, sir.”
“I picked up my .45 and holstered it.”
The Deerhound asked, “What happened?”
“Good question. I was on my way home when someone tried to plug me full a holes.”
“Maybe you should come with us.”
“Do you mind having somebody look for a black sedan Buick with no back window and bullet holes in the back? Plus, I think I hit one of them.”
The Dachshund was on the radio in the next second. Duke must have gotten on the horn and said something because the Deerhounds tail dropped, and he let me go home.
Back in my apartment, I realized my tryst with the mink came with consequences. Mary must have looked at my wallet and passed the word to somebody at the meeting. I was lucky not to lose my hide.
CHAPTER 6
It took me a quart of beer and a lot of pacing to calm down. I called Velvet at her home and asked if she’d found anything.
“Not much. His landlady said he was quiet and never had any visitors. She said, and I quote, dumber than a box of rocks.”
“And work?”
“I didn’t talk to the drivers, they were out on deliveries. His manager seemed to share his landlady’s opinion on his intelligence, but he did say Muffin was a good worker.”
If Muffin were secret police, he certainly didn’t want anyone to know anything about him.
“When do the drivers leave the plant?”
“Eight in the morning. I take it I’ll be getting into the office early tomorrow?”
“I’ll pick you up out front of the office at seven. Goodnight.”
