Shattered Souls (To Love and Serve Book 1)

by Alison Mello

  I run around to the back of the store. There’s another entrance, and I want to try and get at him from a different angle. I draw my weapon and carefully round the back corner of the building. I need to be sure there isn’t someone there waiting for him. I hit the entrance and quietly slip inside. With my gun drawn, I make my way into the front part of the mini mart. When I peek my head out to ensure it’s safe, he’s practically facing me. I hurry to my left to hide down an aisle where I find more patrons lying on the floor, one quietly crying, the other mumbling prayer. I hold my finger to my mouth telling them to remain quiet.

  I have no visual on the suspect or my partner from this angle. I take another deep breath and try to get into a better position. As I round the corner, something falls from the shelf alerting him. A single shot rings out, and I jump out to see Romano on the floor bleeding out. He turns his gun on me and we both fire. I take a shot to the shoulder, but not before he drops to the floor dead from a gunshot wound to the head.

  Four more cops come running into the store. “Call a bus, Romano’s bad,” I call out, wincing in pain.

  Maguire comes running over. “You’re not in too good a shape yourself.”

  “I’m fine.” I start to make my way over to my partner, but before I can get there I hear Officer Lewis pronounce him dead.

  “NO!” I shout out.

  I jump up in bed dripping in sweat. “Fuck,” I groan to myself as I close my eyes and try to gain some sense of control. Using the back of my hand, I wipe the sweat from my face and then glance over at the clock to see it’s only three-thirty am. I drop back on my bed and stare up at my apartment ceiling trying to analyze where that nightmare came from. I haven’t had one in a while, and it’s been nice. I have an appointment with the good doctor tomorrow and I have to think about whether I want to discuss this or not. Every time I bring up a nightmare she mentions sleeping pills, and I’m not taking sleeping pills. I tried them once and I felt like I was in a fog the entire next day.

  I roll over in bed and notice the green light on my phone is lit indicating I have a text message. It’s D canceling the gym this morning because he’s sick. “Damn pussy.” I grumble to myself as I climb out of bed. I might as well start my day. Just because he’s not going to the gym doesn’t mean I won’t go.

  I pull up to the station at the same time as my partner. “Hey, Maguire,” I call over to Chloe. We never refer to each other by first name when we’re around the squad.

  “Dude, you look like crap.” She looks me up and down.

  I chuckle and shake my head. “Yeah, thanks.”

  We head into the station to go through our morning of listening to the captain give us shit about crime in the city and hand out our assignments for the day. When he’s finally done, Maguire and I hit our usual coffee spot. As usual, we are greeted with smiles as we approach the counter. The manager is here this morning, she hands us our coffee and tells us it’s on the house today. We thank her and start off on our patrol. The second we get in the car Maguire starts in on me. “What’s up?”

  “What do you mean?”

  She looks at me with her one eyebrow raised, really, look. “Come on, man. I know we haven’t been partners that long, but I thought we were past this.”

  “You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s silly.” She pulls into the lot the captain has stationed us at to keep an eye on traffic. She turns to me, but says nothing as she sips her coffee. She’s going to think I’m such a pussy. Here I am, one of the biggest, toughest cops in our precinct and I’m worried about a nightmare. “My nightmares came back last night.”

  “That’s weird, because I heard Lexi fight through one last night, too. Was it the same nightmare as always?”

  “Trust me, they're not always the same.” Shit, what am I doing? I’ve never told her about my history. She has no idea what happened to me as a child and the nightmares that haunt me periodically. She gives me a questioning look. “What are you up to tonight?” I totally change the subject. I need to be on my game and discussing my past pisses me off.

  She shakes her head. “Nothing really. Heard you and Lexi are going out tomorrow.”

  We stop our conversation to listen to the squawking that comes over the radio, but it’s nothing for us. “Yeah. I was going to see if you and Lucas want to come out with us on Saturday?”

  She shrugs. “I don’t see why not. I’ll run it by him and let you guys know.”

  These damn patrols can be so freaking boring. Sometimes there’s nothing to do other than shoot the shit while we wait for something to happen. After an hour of absolute silence, a car comes flying past us. Maguire puts on the sirens and takes off after the vehicle. It takes a minute for the person to pull the vehicle over, but when he finally stops, Maguire begins running the plates while I cautiously approach the vehicle. People think this is the easiest part of our job, but they are so wrong. There are more cop injuries and fatalities over random traffic stops than you could ever imagine. “Roll down your window and put your hands where I can see them,” I call out. The window slowly rolls down and two shaking hands slide up onto the base of the window. I approach to see a teenager sitting in the driver's seat with his mother passed out in the seat next to him.

  “Is she okay?” I ask him. I’m not even sure this kid is old enough to drive. Kids these days tend to look older than they are, but I need to make sure this woman isn’t hurt before dealing with that.

  “I don’t know. I got home and she was a mess. I made her get in the car. She started shaking and then passed out. I’m on my way to the hospital.” I call into my radio that I need an ambulance.

  Maguire comes running over. “What’s wrong?” I use my chin to point into the car.

  “Step out of the car,” I tell the kid. When he does I tell him to place his hands on the roof. “Am I going to find anything on you I shouldn’t?”

  “No, sir.” He’s shaking like a leaf, and I can tell from his voice he meant no harm.

  “How old are you?”

  “Sixteen.”

  “He’s clean,” I tell Maguire.

  “Turn around,” she says to him. “Do you have your license?”

  He shakes his head. “My permit. I’m taking driving lessons.”

  Her brows shoot up. “You do realize you’re in a lot of trouble.”

  He dips his head looking to the ground, and when he looks back up a tear runs down his cheek. “I didn’t know what to do. She’s always a mess.” Holy shit, suddenly I’m back in time. This kid is dealing with the same shit I did, a fucked up mother who cares more about herself than what she’s putting her son through. “I just wanted to get her help. The last time I called an ambulance we got into a huge fight and she…” his words trail off “…because we don’t have good insurance, and they wanted to bill my mom.”

  “What’s your name, kid?” I ask him, feeling bad for this kid. He reminds me so much of me as a child.

  “Julian,” he croaks out. “What’s going to happen to me?”

  I’m about to answer him when the ambulance pulls up. They take his mother out of the front passenger's seat of the car and begin working on her. They are throwing tons of questions at Julian and he has no answers. That’s when I realize he should be in school right now, but I wait to address that. They load his mother into the back of the ambulance and take her away. She’s high on something and they need to get her to the hospital so they can figure out what it is and try to get her some help.

  Poor Julian looks defeated as he leans against his mother’s car. The tow truck pulls up and tows it away. It’ll go to the impound until his mother gets out of the hospital and can pay the storage fee to pick it up. “Why aren’t you in school?”

  He shrugs. “I wasn’t feeling well this morning. Mom never cares when I skip so I stayed in bed. I got up to take something and there was nothing in the house, so I walked to the store up the street. I bumped into a few friends we hung out for a bit, but I picked up some cold medicine, and when I got
home I found her stumbling around.”

  I look at Maguire and then back to him. “We have to bring you in, you were driving illegally. You’re going to have to go into court.” His eyes go wide. “I’ll be there, too.” I hand the kid a card with my info on it. “If you promise to stay in school and volunteer at the D.A.R.E program with me, I will speak on your behalf. Maybe we can get you community service, and hopefully save you from losing your license.”

  He narrows his eyes at me. “Why? What’s in it for you?”

  I shake my head. “Nothing. Kids like you are why I became a cop.” I put my hand on his shoulder and guide him over to the patrol car and shut the door once he’s settled in the back.

  Maguire meets me at the front of the car. “Why do I have the feeling this has something to do with the shitty past you won’t talk about?”

  “Because it does.” I walk around to my side of the car. We both get in, but ride back to the precinct in silence.

  I’m sitting on the couch waiting for Keegan to get here. We haven’t seen each other since last weekend, but we talk almost every night. Last time he picked me up I wasn’t quite ready, and that’s not like me. Of course, being a cop he is quite punctual. It seems it’s not much different than being military, we’re taught similar values, and I like that. The plan is to go for dinner and then come back here to watch a movie.

  I look up at the clock, it’s five minutes to five and there’s the knock on the door. When I open it, a smile spreads across my face. There’s my man wearing a fitted green shirt that shows off his magnificent chest. It makes his eyes a wonderful shade of green. They have these amazing gold speckles in them. His hair is a thick dark blond and gelled into place. “Come on in.” I step to the side squeezing my legs together to stop the ache below. I think I’m going to fucking explode just looking at him. My mouth is watering and all I can imagine is running my tongue over his muscular bumps.

  He closes the door and steps to me, pinning me to the wall. “Hey, sexy.”

  My brows shoot up and my eyes scan his body. “I should be saying that to you.” I part my lips just as his seal mine. Our tongues meet and I roll my hips, my hands glide up his back to his neck but before they make it to his hair he grabs them and pins them over my head.

  He breaks our kiss. “This body of yours makes me crazy. I lose control the second I’m with you.”

  “Fuck dinner. Take me to my room and then we’ll order out.” A smile spreads across my face.

  He chuckles and shakes his head. “We have reservations.” I close my eyes and groan in frustration when he backs away slightly, leaving the smallest gap between us. I don’t like it. I love feeling his strong muscular body crushing mine. “Don’t you stress, sexy, this right here…” his words trail as his hand glides over my pussy “…is my dessert.” He licks across the seam of my lips and pulls me from the wall.

  I mumble, “Fucking tease.”

  “Oh, sexy, I’m not a tease, but I can teach you the difference if you would like.” My eyes go wide not realizing how loud I said it. He’s already made me take a lesson in patience, I can only imagine what he would do if he were going to show me how much he can really tease me. I quickly shake my head. He chuckles and tugs me out the door so we’re not late.

  He finds a spot outside the restaurant and because I know he’s trying to be sweet I stay in the car until he opens the door for me. When I climb out he thanks me for allowing him to spoil me. His smile his infectious. He’s this big bad cop with a soft heart and I love it. We walk into the restaurant hand-in-hand. The hostess, dressed in a crisp white button down shirt, black tie, and black knee length pencil skirt, greets us.

  “Good evening,” she says with a huge smile.

  “Good evening. I have a reservation. Keegan Ward for two.”

  She steps out from behind her podium. Her eyes slowly scan his body making her point of checking him out obvious. She’s practically drooling over my man, and it makes me want to claw her eyes out. Bitch doesn’t even care that I’m right here. Um, hello, he’s holding my fucking hand, you douche. I step closer wrapping my arms around him and give her a look that clearly says, he’s mine so back the fuck off.

  She straightens herself, looking Keegan in the eyes, and says, “Right this way, Mr. Ward,” completely ignoring me.

  We get to the table, she places a menu down in front of each of us, and says, “Jimmy is your waiter tonight. He will be right over.”

  He thanks her and she walks away leaving us to wait. “Did I misread that, or was that a silent cat fight back there?”

  “Oh that was a silent cat fight. I hate bitches that eye a guy up and down when he’s clearly on a date.” I confess looking past him to her snobby ass. I don’t care how long I’ve known him, he’s mine, and she can’t fucking have him.

  He chuckles. “Look at me.” My eyes finally make their way back to his. “Lexi, I haven’t dated anyone besides you in a long time, and I have no desire to date anyone else. I just hope you feel the same way.”

  A small smile plays across my face. “Does this mean you want to go steady?” I joke with him.

  He laughs. “Yes, because if I catch another man putting his hands on my girl, I’ll break them.” I giggle. This should be interesting. We both have a jealous side. The bitch hadn’t even touched him and I wanted to rip her apart.

  “Well, I’m glad we’re on the same page.” I pick up my menu and begin trying to figure out what I’m going to eat. I decide on a Chicken Caesar salad because I’ve already put on some weight since I’ve gotten home, and I don’t want to go too crazy.

  Once I’ve decided I put my menu down. “Do you run?”

  He shrugs. “Sometimes, but I mostly go to the gym. I work out with my boy D. Why? Do you need a workout partner?”

  I shrug. “I need to do something, besides sit on my ass. I’ve already put on five pounds since I’ve been home and it’s bothering me.”

  The waiter finally comes over to our table. We give him both our drink and food order. He apologizes for the wait and tells us he’ll get order right out.

  “Come work out with us. I’ll text to let you know the times we meet. It varies sometimes based on work.”

  “Speaking of work, I almost forgot to tell you. I have an interview at Mass General.” My face lights up with excitement.

  “That’s great,” he exclaims sounding truly happy for me. “Do you know what your schedule will be like?”

  “Well a friend of mine works there and is putting in a good word for me. The ER nurses are on self-scheduling which is really cool. I’ll work three twelve hour days and then I’ll have to work every third weekend.”

  “Nice. What about holidays? Our holiday scheduling sucks, but I’m finally getting to a point where I have some seniority so I can ask for some time off and will get it.”

  “Ours is set. Everyone is assigned a holiday that way we always know who is working when. I’ll probably have to work some of the more popular holidays at first like Christmas but would get Thanksgiving off.” I shrug. “Something like that.”

  “That’s cool. Did you always want to be an ER nurse?” He sips the water the waiter left us with.

  I shake my head. “I knew I wanted to be a nurse, but hadn’t decided to be an ER nurse until I was in the hospital recovering. The crazy hustle and bustle of dealing with trauma in the field isn’t much different than being an ER nurse. It’s less dramatic, and way easier to deal with because you have the things you need, but it’s busy, and you always have to expect the unexpected.”

  “Yeah it’s the same for us. Chloe and I had what we thought was going to be a routine traffic stop the other day, and it turned out to be a sixteen year old kid rushing his druggie mother to the hospital.” He stares into his glass of water. “The kid doesn’t even have a license yet, but chose to chance it in order to save her.”

  “What happened?” I’m so glad I never had to deal with that stuff. My parents struggled to give me a good life, but th
ey were at least supportive and there for me. The thought makes me feel shitty for not visiting them yet. I wanted to be in a better mental state before seeing them, but I need to at least call them.

  He sighs. “We had to arrest him for driving illegally. His mother’s car is in the impound and we called her an ambulance to get her to the hospital.” His eyes meet mine and if I’m not mistaken, they look moist like he’s holding back some tears. “I brought him to the hospital later to check on her and the doctor told him she’s going to be fine. They are trying to get her some help.”

  “That poor kid.”

  He nods. “I promised to help him in court. I’m going to try and get him community service. He is going to help me with the D.A.R.E. program.”

  “That’s sweet of you.”

  “Thanks, he’s with his grandmother until his mom is released from the hospital. She’s promised to bring him to his court hearing.”

  He starts to say more but our food arrives. Starving, we quietly eat our dinner only commenting on how good the food is from time to time. He appears to be lost in his own thoughts. I’m willing to bet he’s thinking back to his own childhood. It makes me wonder how good we’ll be together, since we are both so broken from our experiences. We’ll either help each other or tear each other up more, and the latter is what I fear.

  Keegan pays the bill and we head back to my place. The ride is quiet but he’s seemed to pull himself together because when we get there he’s back to himself. As soon as we’re upstairs, I offer him a drink, and as usual he chooses water. I love that he’s very cautious about drinking and driving. Of course I would have no problem with him spending the night, but we won’t go there because I have yet to figure out what I need to do to get him to realize I’m ready for this. I know he realizes I have issues, and we’ve discussed them slightly, but shit I need this. I need to feel him and be connected with him. “Here.” I hand him his bottle of water. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to get into something more comfortable.” I run to my room, slip on some capri leggings and a t-shirt that is loose and low cut in the front. I usually wear it to the gym with a sports bra but I skip the bra. I walk back out to the living room barefoot and much more comfortable.