The Calling

by Deborah A Hodge

  “You’ve got to explain. I’m totally lost here. Do you want me to stop being Sarah’s caregiver altogether?”

  “No, not really,” David mumbled.

  “Not really? That means that on some level you do. You have to help me here. I just don’t understand what’s going on.” Cate ran her hands through her hair, “If you’re not going to ask Kim to marry you, why should my relationship with Sarah change?”

  “Because Matthew’s going to ask you to marry him,” David answered reluctantly.

  “What!” Cate locked eyes on David, “How do you know that?”

  “He told me before I left on my trip.”

  “Well, he hasn’t mentioned it to me.”

  “He’s trying to get up the nerve. Plus he’s waiting for just the right time.”

  “Wow! I can’t believe it; Matthew and I‘ve only known each other for a couple of months.”

  “He knows a good thing when he sees it.”

  David’s tone surprised Cate. Searching for what it meant, she looked directly into his eyes. “Thank you.”

  As her eyes met his, David swallowed hard, cleared his throat and looked away. “Yep.”

  “I knew you two talked about things, and I even figured he confided in you about us, but I never had any idea that he would ask you about marrying me.”

  “He knows that we’ve been friends for a long time. He figured talking with me about you would be one way to get to know you better.”

  “Does he know—everything?”

  “Everything.”

  “Does he know that we were engaged?”

  “No, he doesn’t know that,” David answered.

  “But, you told him all about Justin.”

  “Yes, I told him about that before he hired you, but I didn’t tell him about you and me. I didn’t see why he needed to know about that,” David said.

  “How did you explain our friendship?”

  “I told him that we met in college, that I was youth minister at your father’s church and that we reconnected after your divorce and Jenny’s death.”

  “He never asked you if we’d been romantically involved.”

  “Not–uh–directly,” David answered.

  “Indirectly?”

  David shrugged, “Yes, indirectly.”

  “How?”

  “He asked me how I couldn’t be interested in a girl like you.”

  “What did you say?” I’m not sure I really want to know.

  David breathed a sigh before he answered. “I told him that my appointment as a missionary and your divorce were mutually exclusive.”

  Cate was shocked and hurt to hear him say those words. She lowered her head so he didn’t see the tears welling up in her eyes.

  “Cate, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he rose from his chair, sat down beside her on the couch and put his arm around her. His actions only made his words hurt worse. As her tears began to drop on the pages of her Bible, he continued, “Cate, you’re a wonderful, Christian woman, and I told Matthew so. He was thrilled to know the way was clear for him to pursue a relationship with you. When he told me the other day that he was going to ask you to marry him, I told him that he’d be a lucky man if you agreed to marry him-and I meant it.”

  Cate struggled to stop crying and to summon the courage to speak. David’s arm of compassion around her didn’t make it easy. Finally, she gained her composure and found the strength to say, “Thank you.”

  “Cate, you know I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. I didn’t mean to…”

  “It’s okay. I know my divorce disqualifies me as far as the IMB goes, but,” she sighed and bit her lip as she continued, “but, I had never heard you say it. I’m sorry I’m so touchy about it. You don’t have any reason to apologize; after all it’s the truth.”

  “Cate, don’t.”

  “Don’t what?” Her hands gripped her legs so hard her knuckles turned white, “Don’t say what we both know? My divorce disqualifies me in many important ways.”

  “Cate, the divorce wasn’t your fault.”

  “Wasn’t it?” Cate asked, sobs choking her throat.

  “He left you for another woman.”

  “That’s true, but we both know that I never should’ve married him.”

  “You thought you loved him and that he loved you.” David sought to reassure her.

  “Yes, I did, but I never bothered to really get to know him.” Cate decided to be more honest with him than she ever had been. “David, I married Justin because I was running away from God, and you.”

  “What!” David shrank back.

  “I’m sorry.” Cate said, in response to the shock on his face. “Remember, I told you that I didn’t want to be a preacher’s wife; that’s why I married Justin. I talked myself into believing that it was God’s will, but later I found out that Justin wasn’t even a Christian. I tried to make a go of the marriage. I had made a commitment to Justin before God, my family, and my friends. But, when I got things straightened out with God, Justin didn’t want any part of my Christianity or me. So, you see the failure of the marriage was my fault, as much as Justin’s.

  “Cate.”

  The way David said her name made her stop, and look directly at him. She saw compassion in his eyes. It was more than she could take; once again, the tears came, and no matter how hard she tried, she could not hold them back. She choked out words through her sobs.

  “Don’t you see the irony in what’s happened?”

  “Irony?”

  “Sure, I married Justin because I was rebelling against the idea of marrying a preacher-and now, I never can.”

  “Cate,” David uttered, again with compassion in his voice while taking her in his arms and holding her. Little did he know he only increased the irony and the sobs, because she had been talking about being unable to marry this preacher.

  Hearing Cate’s sobs, Sarah called from her room, “Daddy, Cate, what’s wrong?”

  Brought back to reality by Sarah’s question, David stopped hugging Cate, and she tried to stop crying.

  “Everything’s all right,” David reassured her, as he straightened in his seat and Cate dried her eyes.

  “Why is Cate crying?” Sarah’s eyes were wide, her voice concerned.

  “I’m all right. I’m not crying now,” Cate wiped her cheeks and brushed a lock of hair from her face.

  “But, why were you crying?”

  “Cate was just a little sad,” David answered.

  “Why were you sad Cate?”

  “I, I was thinking about some sad things.”

  “Sometimes people cry when they do that,” David explained.

  “Like you do sometimes when you remember mommy,” Sarah said.

  Now Cate looked at David with compassion, and he looked away, feeling embarrassed at what his daughter had said.

  “Yes, like Daddy does sometimes when he remembers your mommy,” Cate answered for him.

  “Oh,” Sarah said, “Cate, I’m sorry you were sad.”

  “It’s okay, Baby Girl.” She swept Sarah up in her arms and hugged her, “Did you have a good nap?”

  “Uh huh, but I’m thirsty. May I have some juice?”

  “Sure, you can. I’ll get it,” David went to the kitchen to get Sarah’s juice.

  Sarah, still concerned about Cate, offered, “I’ll get Cinderella and we can read it together. That always makes me happy. Maybe it’ll make you happy too.”

  “That’s a great idea.”

  Sarah climbed down from Cate’s lap and ran to get the book. She came back with a broad smile and the book as David returned with Sarah’s juice.

  “Daddy, Cate and I are going to read. That’ll cheer her up.”

  “That’s a fine idea. You two read, and I’ll cook dinner.”

  “I’d be glad to make dinner,” Cate said.

  “Nope, you just relax, and I’ll fix us a gourmet meal of beans and franks.”

  “Beans and franks,”
Cate laughed.

  “Beans and franks,” David wagged his finger, “are a delectable delight.”

  “Beans and franks are what you fix when you don’t know how to fix anything else.”

  “Oh, I know how to fix something else.”

  “Really, what else?” Cate demanded.

  “Macaroni and cheese, but I’m afraid you had that for lunch.”

  “Wow, you have an amazing culinary repertoire,” Cate grinned.

  “Yeah, I know. That’s why Mrs. Garcia cooks for us, when you aren’t here.”

  “Smart man,” Cate laughed again.

  “I try.”

  “Well, may I offer an alternative to beans and franks? Why don’t Sarah and I go to the kitchen, and while she reads, I’ll cook something?”

  “Sounds like a plan, but only if you let me help,” David said.

  Cate narrowed her eyes, “I don’t think so.”

  “I can help, if someone tells me what to do.”

  “We’ll see,” Cate and Sarah rose and headed toward the kitchen, followed by David.

  Once in the kitchen, Cate gathered the ingredients for dinner, while Sarah began to read Cinderella aloud. David took inventory of the proposed menu and gathered the necessary cooking utensils. Cate told him what to do and he did it, as she supervised Sarah’s reading, and took care of her part of the preparation. She stopped for a moment to watch David with the pots and pans and Sarah reading, this feels right, this is what I want.

  Finally, the dinner was finished, and they sat down to enjoy the fruits of their labor. David said grace, and they began to eat; as they began, there was a knock at the front door. When David answered the door, Cate heard Matthew’s voice, but couldn’t understand what he was saying. She did hear David’s answer.

  “Yes, she’s still here. We’re having dinner. Would you like to join us?”

  Cate started into the living room and met David and Matthew coming into the kitchen. Matthew reached out to greet her with a hug and a kiss and David continued to the kitchen where he took another table setting from the cabinet and placed it on the table.

  “Mr. Matthew!” Sarah said, with genuine affection.

  “Hello, Sarah; how are you?”

  “I’m very well,” Sarah answered, as David, Cate and Matthew smiled at her grown up answer.

  “Are you now?”

  “Uh-huh,”

  “Uh-huh, What are you suppose to say?” David corrected her, along with his parental stare.

  “Yes, sir,” Sarah said.

  “Well, it sure looks like you’re eating well.” Matthew smiled as he noticed what Cate had cooked.

  “Yes, sir,” Sarah looked toward her father for his acknowledgement of her manners this time, and continued, “Cate is a very good cook.”

  Matthew smiled at Cate, “I agree with you wholeheartedly.”

  “I second that,” David chimed in.

  Cate blushed as she accepted their generous compliments.

  “But, Mr. Matthew, you haven’t eaten anything,” Sarah said.

  “Right you are,” Matthew agreed, “but we can remedy that if your daddy will pass the mash potatoes and gravy.”

  “My oversight, here you go. Have some meatloaf too.”

  “My favorite,” Matthew said, with a grin.

  “Mine too,” David said, as he looked toward Cate, “And, it’s very good.”

  “Thank you,” Cate said, as she smiled. “Glad you like it.”

  “I like it too,” Sarah joined in.

  “Me too,” Matthew said, as he swallowed his first big bite.

  Cate shook her head, “It doesn’t take much to please you all.”

  Everyone smiled and continued to eat their ‘sumptuous’ meal. Conversation was minimal as both men ate as if they had not had a good home-cooked meal in a while. However, Cate knew that was not true. Cate cooked for Matthew regularly on weekends and Mrs. Garcia cooked for David every day.

  After dinner, they cleared the table, and Cate suggested the men retire to the living room, while she and Sarah took care of the dishes. Even though she was quite small, Sarah was a good helper and it was a time of sharing and joy for both of them. After they put away the final dish, she and Sarah went to the living room, where they found the men discussing David’s mission work. Cate was fascinated to hear the details of what David had been doing on his latest trip. She was impressed at how much Matthew understood and how knowledgeable he was about David’s work.

  She had always known that David and Matthew were alike, but until now, she hadn’t realized how much. Before her sat two men, two godly, Christian men, who loved God and had a heart for sharing the gospel. Both men were committed to missions, one as a church planter, and one as the headmaster of a mission school. Both men loved people-and I love both men. She admitted it. She loved them both. Though she loved one more deeply than she would ever love the other one, the one less loved was about to ask her to marry him. The one I deeply love-he’ll never ask me.

  As Mr. Matthew and her daddy talked, Sarah sat in Cate’s lap, holding her dolly and playing with Cate’s long hair. She had once told Cate how much she loved playing with her hair. “Cate, you have hair like my mommy’s, except mommy’s was light and yours is dark.” Cate didn’t mind Sarah’s twirling her hair through her fingers; she knew it was a source of comfort and security for the little girl.

  Finally, David and Matthew were finished with their conversation about missions and included them in their new topic of conversation.

  “How would you ladies like to watch a movie?”

  “A movie?” Sarah echoed.

  “A movie,” David repeated.

  “What movie Daddy?”

  “We’ll let Cate decide.”

  “No, you two guys decide.”

  “Lady’s choice, right, Matt?”

  “Right, as long as she chooses a guy movie,” Matthew agreed.

  “A guy movie, huh,” Cate said. “Sarah, what guy movie should I chose?”

  “Chicken Little,” Sarah answered. Cate, Matthew and David laughed. Sarah added, “Chicken Little is a guy, so it’s a guy movie.”

  “That’s exactly right, Baby Girl,” Cate said. Outvoted, Matthew and David watched Chicken Little.

  Toward the end of the movie, Sarah yawned and rubbed her eyes as she struggled to make it to the end of the movie without falling asleep. David asked if she was ready for bed and she said “no”. When the movie ended, he asked again. This time she answered “yes” to the question about bed, but “no” to David’s offer to tuck her in.

  “I want Cate to tuck me in Daddy.” Sarah looked at Cate, pleadingly with her big brown eyes.

  “Sure, I’ll tuck you in,” Cate swept her up with a hug and carried her to her bedroom.

  As Cate tucked her in, Sarah hugged her tightly and said, “I love you Cate.”

  “I love you too, Baby Girl. Sweet dreams, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Cate walked to the door, blew Sarah a kiss and turned out the light. As Cate walked back into the living room, David and Matthew, who had been talking in hushed tones, became very quiet. Cate wondered if she had interrupted a private conversation—about me? She wondered if Matthew was asking David if he should ask her to marry him that particular night. What will I say?

  “Well, Sarah’s all tucked in.”

  “Thanks,” David said.

  “Anytime,”

  “Are you about ready to go?” Matthew asked, as he looked at the clock on the wall.

  “Go where?” Cate responded, unaware of the time.

  “Go home.” Matthew pointed to the clock.

  “Oh, it is kind of late.” Cate said.

  “Well, I guess, I’ll see you two in church tomorrow,” David rose as Cate and Matthew prepared to leave.

  “Yep,” they answered.

  “Cate, thanks for taking such good care of Sarah,” David said, as he walked them to the door.

  “You’re welcome,” Cate replied, as Matthew put his arm aroun
d her and they left.

  They walked out into a clear, tropical night. The rain had stopped a couple of hours earlier and though the dampness lingered, it was a beautiful night. The moon and the stars had a brightness that they could only have in that part of the world. In the distance were the mountains that Cate had come to count on as a symbol of God’s strength and help. They stepped into the street, and Matthew took her hand as they walked down the narrow street toward her home.

  “I love the nights here,” Cate said.

  “Me too, especially since you’ve been here,” Matthew stopped, still holding her hand.

  “That’s sweet,” Cate looked into his eyes. “You’re sweet.”

  “So are you,” he leaned over and kissed her. “Cate, I love you.”

  “I love you too,” and for the first time, she really believed what she was saying.

  “You do?” Matthew asked, with a grin.

  “I do,” Cate smiled.

  “Cate, I’ve been thinking.”

  “That could be dangerous.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “Okay; what about?

  “I’d like to ask you something,” Matthew’s tone was solemn. Before he could say anything, a voice in the night called out.

  “Cate!”

  Cate recognized Kim’s voice, and the excited tone with which she had called her name.

  “Kim, what’s wrong?”

  “Your Dad called. He needs to speak to you right away.”

  “Is there something wrong?” Late night overseas phone calls-can’t be good.

  “I don’t know. He didn’t say. He said that he needed to speak to you as soon as he could. I called David’s, but he said that you had left. I was afraid that you two might not come directly home so I decided to try to find you.”

  “Thanks,” Cate hurried toward the house.

  Eleven

  She was nervous as she dialed the number. The phone rang twice before her dad answered.

  “Dad, what’s wrong?”

  “Catie, it’s your mom.” Cate heard the concern in his voice.

  Before he could finish, Cate blurted, “What’s wrong with mom?”

  “She has breast cancer, honey.”

  “Breast cancer,” Cate echoed, in shock.

  “Catie, she’s having surgery on Monday at eight a.m. I’m sorry for calling so late, but we decided that you should know.”