The Calling

by Deborah A Hodge

  Matthew had already returned to the driver’s side. As Cate got in, he asked, “Ready to go?”

  With tears streaming, Cate nodded and they drove away, leaving Kim wiping tears and waving goodbye.

  Cate dreaded the next stop most of all. She prayed earnestly that God would give her unwavering resolve to do what she had to. Knowing how difficult the next goodbyes would be, Matthew glanced at her a time or two as they drove to David’s house. He dreaded it for her.

  When they arrived, Matthew told her that he’d stay in the car and wait for her. She took a deep breath, grabbed the door handle and started to get out when Matthew reached over , “I’ll be praying for you.”

  “Thanks,” she sighed. As she stopped in front of the door and reached to knock, David opened the door.

  With deep sadness he asked, “Please come in.”

  Before she could say anything, David spoke again, “I was expecting you. I know why you’re here.”

  “You do, how?” She could see that he was upset.

  “Kim told me that you were leaving,” he avoided full eye contact.

  “Yes, I am,” Cate answered, as she lowered her head and choked back the tears.

  There was silence. Both worked hard to maintain control of their emotions. Finally, she found the ability to speak again. “I wanted to tell you and Sarah goodbye.”

  “Sarah’s napping. I can wake her up,” David said, “but, before I do, I’d like to ask you to stay.”

  He was making it difficult for her to be obedient to the Lord’s leadership in leaving, but she answered, “David I can’t.”

  “Cate, I don’t know what we are going to do without you.”

  Cate tried to take control of the subject so he would not ask her again to stay, “I asked Kim and Mrs. Garcia to help you take care of Sarah.”

  “I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about you. We’ll miss you.”

  Hearing those words Cate struggled again with her resolve to obey God and leave Ecuador.

  “I’ll miss you too,” she said, and then added, “both of you.”

  “Yeah…”

  Fearing she wouldn’t see him for a long time, she decided to try to apologize again for the past. She summoned the courage, took a breath and began. “David there’s something I’d like to say to you. There are lots of things in my life that I wish that I could change. One is the way that I treated you seven years ago. I’ll always be sorry for that. I–I wish I could change it.”

  He nodded, “I know, I wish I could change some things too.”

  “But, we can’t. Can we?” She wasn’t sure why she had asked that. Maybe, I’m still searching for a glimmer of hope that one day we’ll be together.

  “No, we can’t,” David answered.

  “But, it would be nice if we could.” She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.

  “It would be-very nice,” David said, as she began to cry.

  He shuffled his feet nervously unsure of what to do as Cate lowered her head and wiped tears.

  “I’ve got to tell Sarah I’m leaving, but I don’t know how to say goodbye to her, and I don’t know how to make her understand about my leaving.”

  “I know,” David swallowed hard and cleared his throat.

  Cate stood, shaking her head, “I just don’t know.”

  “Why don’t you let me tell her? Maybe, it will be easier coming from me?”

  Cate was grateful for his offer, but knew that it was something that she had to do. “I need to tell her, but I don’t know how to make her understand.”

  “I don’t think she’s going to understand no matter which one of us tells her, but it’ll be easier for you if I tell her.”

  “I can’t leave without at least seeing her,” Cate raised her head, with tears in her eyes.

  Hurting for Cate, himself and Sarah, David answered, “Okay…she’s in her room.”

  Cate walked slowly to Sarah’s room; she found the child sleeping peacefully. She walked softly to the bed, bent over, and kissed her gently on the forehead. As she did, her long brown hair brushed Sarah’s cheek, and roused her from her sleep. Catching Cate’s hair in her hand, she opened her eyes. Seeing Cate leaning over her, she caught her around the neck and pulled her closer for a hug.

  “Hey, Baby Girl,” Cate said, trying to hide her sadness.

  “Hello, Cate. I missed you at the music program this morning. Where were you?”

  “I–uh–I had something important to take care of.”

  “But, you didn’t hear me sing.” Sarah said, disappointment in her voice.

  “I’m sorry, Baby Girl. If my meeting hadn’t been very, very important, I wouldn’t have missed your singing.”

  “Would you like to hear me sing my song now?”

  “Sure,” Cate said.

  Sarah began to sing, and Cate’s eyes filled with tears.

  Seeing Cate with tears in her eyes, Sarah stopped singing, “What’s wrong?”

  Cate tried to answer, but the words wouldn’t come. David had followed her into Sarah’s room and seeing Cate’s distress, he said, “Sarah, honey, Cate’s going home.”

  “Home? To the Garcia’s’ house?” Sarah asked, with furrowed brow, and a confused expression.

  Cate was trying hard not to cry, but tears trickled down her face and she couldn’t answer.

  “No honey,” David said, “she’s going home to Kansas.”

  “Is your mother sicker?” Sarah tried to decipher what was going on.

  Cate shook her head ‘no’ and forced the words, “No, Baby Girl, I’m going home to stay.”

  “You’re not coming back?”

  “I don’t know honey, but probably not,” Cate answered, with lots of tears and a big sigh.

  “But, I don’t want you to go,” Sarah protested through tears.

  “I know,” Cate hugged her.

  Sarah sobbed, “Who’s going to take care of me?”

  “Kim and Mrs. Garcia will help daddy take care of you,” Cate answered, trying to comfort her.

  “But, I want you,” Sarah protested again tearfully.

  “I know, but I’ve got to go home,” Cate hugged her tighter. “Don’t cry. I’ll see you when you and daddy come home to Kansas again.”

  Taking Cate’s cue, David joined in, “Sarah, honey, Cate’s right, we’ll see her again.”

  “But, not for a long, long time,” Sarah protested, with her arms still tightly around Cate’s neck.

  Maybe not,” David said, trying to comfort her.

  Cate knew she had to try to bring an end to the grief they were all feeling and begin the drive to Quito. She took a deep breath and said, “Well, I’ve got to get going. Matthew’s driving me to Quito, and I don’t want it to be too late when he drives back home tonight.”

  “Where will you be staying in Quito?” David looked directly into her eyes for the first time.

  “I’m going to stay with the Pattersons until I fly home,” she answered, as she surveyed his eyes.

  “When are you flying home?”

  Cate saw the marked sadness in his eyes.

  “As soon as I can make arrangements, I guess,” Cate answered, as she rose with Sarah still in her arm. As they walked to the door, David put his arm around Cate’s shoulder and walked with them. When they reached the front door, Cate hugged Sarah tightly and whispered goodbye.

  “I love you, and I’ll miss you,” Sarah said, with tears streaming down her face.

  “I love you too. I’ll miss you too.”

  Cate hugged her tightly one more time and handed her to David. As he took her, his eyes met Cate’s eyes. For a moment, they shared another silent, sad gaze. Cate’s tears were flowing again. David’s face took on a tortured look, and he lowered his eyes. Sarah was crying deep sobs.

  Reluctantly, Cate turned and began to walk away. She took four steps, whirled around and walked briskly back to where David and Sarah were standing. With an arm around Sarah, she hugged David tightly. She qu
ickly turned, hurried to the car, and got in. As Matthew drove away she watched David and Sarah in the side mirror until they faded from sight.

  Twenty Seven

  The drive to Quito took two hours, but Cate didn’t notice. She was thinking about the goodbyes, and thankful that God gave her the strength to obey Him. Matthew was content to allow her to sit quietly and process what had happened. He was glad that she had asked him to drive her to Quito. That would allow him to spend more time with her before she left for Kansas.

  They arrived in Quito at seven o’clock. When they pulled up in front of Dr. Patterson’s apartment building, Cate breathed a very long sigh, looked at Matthew, and got out of the car. Dr. Patterson invited her in and offered to help Matthew with the bags while Mrs. Patterson showed her to her room.

  Matthew took the opportunity to share his feelings about Cate’s leaving. “Dr. Patterson, she doesn’t have to leave, and I can’t understand why she’s going.”

  “I’m sure she has her reasons,” Dr. Patterson said, as they entered the elevator.

  “But, I don’t get it.”

  “I’m sorry my boy,” Dr. Patterson replied, “but these things have a way of working out for the best—eventually.”

  “I’ve prepared dinner for all of us,” Mrs. Patterson said, as they returned.

  “Thank you, that was very kind of you,” Matthew replied.

  Knowing that Cate would not want to talk about why she was leaving everyone made small talk.

  After the meal, Matthew decided it was time to head back to Peguche. Cate walked him down. Once at the car, she hugged him, thanked him for driving her, and told him a last goodbye. He reluctantly got in his car and drove away.

  When Cate returned to the apartment, Dr. Patterson was waiting for her.

  “Cate, are you sure leaving is what you want?”

  “No, sir, but I do believe I need to go.”

  “But, Matthew said that you could stay, if you wanted.”

  “Dr. Patterson, I’m leaving because I think that’s what God wants me to do,” Cate said.

  “You can’t argue with that,” Mrs. Patterson said to her husband.

  “Indeed I can’t,” Dr. Patterson said.

  “My dear, we’ll be very happy for you stay with us as long as you wish,” Mrs. Patterson added.

  “Thank you, but I think I should leave as soon as I can make arrangements.”

  “Afraid you’ll lose your resolve, my dear?” Mrs. Patterson asked.

  “Yes,” Cate brushed a lock of hair from her face, her eyes were red and tired. “Dr. Patterson may I talk to you about something?”

  “Of course, my dear,”

  “I’ll give you two some privacy,” Mrs. Patterson excused herself.

  “You don’t have to,” Cate responded. “Please stay?”

  “If you’re sure,” Mrs. Patterson said.

  “I’m sure. I’m convinced that God wants me to leave Ecuador, but I don’t know why. I know He led me to Ecuador, and I can’t figure out why He’s leading me away.”

  Dr. Patterson sat back in his chair, his hands touching his lips, as he considered what he had heard, “You say that you are convinced that He led you here and that He’s leading you away.”

  “Yes, sir, as far as I know I am absolutely surrendered to God, and today when I met with Dr. Kennedy, I knew God was leading me to leave, and though I don’t know why He wants that, I am trying to be obedient.”

  “My dear, I applaud your obedience,” Mrs. Patterson said.

  “Cate, trusting and obeying God, when you do not understand is a very courageous thing. Many Christians couldn’t or wouldn’t do that,” Dr. Patterson said.

  Cate choked out a small laugh, “I don’t know how courageous it is, but I do know that I want to be totally surrendered and obedient to God. There was a time in my life when I wasn’t. I married the wrong man because I was afraid to say, ‘God I’ll do whatever you want me to do.’ I messed up my life and others’ too. But, I’m not afraid of surrender anymore.” She paused, changed her position in her chair, and continued. “Dr. Patterson, there’s something else that I need your advice about.”

  “I’ll do my best,” he said, in a fatherly tone.

  “This ordeal with Miss Janet has made me think a lot about what she said. I know that God has forgiven me for the rebellion that led to my marriage to Justin, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m divorced. I didn’t want the divorce, but that doesn’t change anything. I know many people feel the way Miss Janet does. They’re convinced that divorce disqualifies a person for lots of things. My dad told me that God in his forgiveness has made me fit to serve Him, but there are Christians who don’t believe that. I–I don’t know how…”

  “My dear, if we repent and confess them, God forgives all our sins, but He doesn’t remove all of the consequences. His forgiveness is eternal, but we often have to deal with the temporal consequences of our sin. Unfortunately, your divorce is one of those temporal consequences.”

  “Yes, sir,” Cate said, with a tone of dejection.

  “However, there are other things that you need to consider,” he added. He had Cate’s full attention.

  “Like what, sir?”

  “Cate, God’s forgiveness gives renewed fellowship, fullness of His presence, the opportunity to be back in the center of His will, and the opportunity for service, joy, meaning, and purpose. I’ve seen that purpose-in you.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “There’s something else. This concerns your marriage. If I understand correctly you thought your husband was a Christian when you married him, but he wasn’t. Is that correct?”

  “Yes, that’s right,”

  “And, he left you for another woman?”

  Cate sighed and her shoulders sagged, “Yes, sir.”

  “I’d like to remind you of two things. The Bible gives us guidance in both areas. First, you married a man who was not a Christian. In first Corinthians 7: 14 Paul tells us that one who is married to an unbeliever should seek to be the kind of godly example that He can use to win them to Himself. You sought to do that. Correct?”

  “Yes, sir. I tried, but…I failed.”

  “Cate, we never fail when we seek to follow God’s word. He can take our feeble efforts empowered by His Spirit, and work a miracle in hearts and lives that respond to Him. Your husband refused to respond, and he left you. In first Corinthians 7: 15, Paul tells us that if the unbelieving spouse leaves, the believer is not morally bound to the marriage vows. Secondly, in the gospels, Jesus tells us that adultery is biblical grounds for divorce.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Cate, you’re divorced, that’s true, but it’s also true that there were biblical grounds for your divorce. Therefore, according to God’s word-you’re free to remarry.”

  “So, you’re telling me that even though I’m divorced, that biblically I’m not disqualified from being remarried.”

  “Exactly my dear, and, there’s more. I want you to understand that regardless of what people like Janet say, God can use you. God has a habit of using those whom others think are unusable.”

  Shifting uncomfortably in her seat, Cate looked at the Pattersons and confessed, “Dr. Patterson, I appreciate what you’ve said, but there’s something no one here knows, and I’d like, no, I need to tell you both.’

  “Of course, my dear,”

  “When I married Justin, I was rebelling against becoming a preacher’s wife, David Barnes’ wife in fact. By the time, I realized my mistake, I was already married. After Jenny died, when David came to Kansas, I realized that I was still in love with him, but I was divorced and he was an IMB missionary, so there was no hope for us. So you see, even though God’s word says I can remarry,” she choked back a sob, “I can’t marry the man I love.”

  “Oh, my dear, I’m so sorry,” Mrs. Patterson said.

  “Does he love you?” Dr. Patterson asked.

  “I don’t know, but I came awfully clos
e today to telling him how I felt. I stopped because I knew God was telling me to leave Ecuador and I have no idea what God is going to do with me.”

  “Cate, I’m afraid I can’t tell you what God is going to do, or if you and David will ever work out, but I realize you think that you and David might be able to be together, if he wasn’t an IMB missionary.”

  “Dr. Patterson, I don’t know if that’s true or not. I don’t even know if he loves me-or wants me.”

  “I’m afraid I can’t solve your dilemma as far as David’s feelings go, but I can tell you that David’s calling to be a missionary doesn’t mean that he has to be an IMB missionary.”

  “He loves his ministry and all the people,” Cate’s eyes held a far away look, “I can’t see him not being an IMB missionary. If I ever remarry,” she sighed, “I don’t think it’ll be him.”

  “I’m sorry my dear. I hope I’ve helped-a little,” Dr. Patterson said.

  “You’ve helped more than you know,” Cate responded, as she saw how late it was. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize the time; I hope I haven’t kept you up too long.”

  “You haven’t at all,” Dr. Patterson said.

  “Friends always take precedence over bedtime,” Mrs. Patterson said.

  “We are honored that you confided in us and asked our counsel,” Dr. Patterson added.

  “You’re both very kind. If it’s all right, I’d like to turn in.”

  “Of course, my dear, you must be very tired,” Mrs. Patterson said.

  “Yes, I am,”

  “And, Cate please make our home yours for whatever time that you’re here,” Mrs. Patterson said.

  “Thank you very much. Goodnight to you both,” Cate rose and went to her bedroom, She spent time in prayer and meditation as she considered what might lay ahead for her, and fell asleep while doing so.

  The following day found Cate with the fixed resolve of being completely obedient to God and leaving her future in His hands. She spent time in Bible study and prayer, dressed, went in for breakfast, and called the airport to arrange her flight home.

  Discovering that a flight was leaving at six o’clock that night, she knew that she would have to hurry to get everything in place so she could leave.