She could only guess what Brenna thought of it all. Surely, she approved. The way that Brenna had practically pinned her to the side of that SUV as she reciprocated her affection was enough to tell her beyond a shadow of a doubt that if their lips ever met again in a less public setting, an occasion of full-on sex would be shared between them in short order. What was more horrifying: the very idea of making love to another woman, or the fact that she was even considering this now when she had when she had been wholeheartedly heterosexual just a couple of nights ago? How much of it was the nature of her race? How much was possibly due to her being on the edge of bloodlust and not yet realizing it? And how much of it was simply the unleashing of true emotions, perhaps the underlying tendencies that she had denied for so long? How much of it was truly genetic and how much of it was simply her need to find an excuse to justify her newfound impulsiveness? Raina could not even begin to answer her own questions. The questions, alone, were unnerving enough, but the potential answers were so mortifying that she didn’t even want to know them. Not now, at least. Perhaps later, yes, but right now, no.
Raina looked to the sword that she had propped up against the door of the cabinet under the sink. Wrapping her body in the towel once again and tucking it into place, she found herself practically glaring at the weapon as she dried her hair as best she could with another thick terrycloth towel. That sword represented so much, so many things both amazing and terrible.
The man … or rather, the vampire that had once wielded that sword had been both a good person and a monster. Duke Sebastian Fallamhain had seemed so kind, so intelligent, so polite and well-spoken, and so very devoted to serve the Grand Duchess, not just as her bloodspawn but as a true lover. In that respect, she had very much liked and respected him. And for that much, the fact that Countess Wilhelmina had butchered him in the way that she had was simply tragic. However, considering the nature of this irreversible curse that he had bestowed upon Raina, stealing away the lonely but stable and safe life that she had lived before, she also saw his death as a necessary justice. How many other women had he victimized, either sexually or violently or both? How many others had he forced his own blood and/or seed upon? And what had made her so special, so appealing to him that he had chosen to either bless or curse her with his own blood? Mad as it was to think as much, she almost wished that she could have simply dragged him out of his body bag in the morgue, shaken him to life, and demanded an explanation from him. Dead men told no tales, nor did they ever attempt to offer any justifications for their actions.
That sword of his, an instrument of death that had surely claimed a life or two in its time, represented both a great honor and a form of damnation for Raina. She did not want it, nor the responsibilities that her possession of it implied, but she could not give it back, for doing so would not undo that which had been done. Begrudgingly, Raina was coming to accept that there was but one thing that she could do: accept the fact that the sword, and all of its associated responsibilities, was her burden to bear … and her weapon to wield.
In hindsight, perhaps she should have kept Countess Wilhelmina’s sword, maybe even used it against her. Though that High Court vamp was clearly capable of defending herself, having her own sword turned upon her at that moment would have surely taken her by surprise. With the Countess’s murderous killing spree at an end, perhaps Raina would have been able to more swiftly find her way back to a somewhat normal life again. That was, of course, considering that life as a High Court vampire could only be so “normal,” but it would be a plus to not have someone thirsting to kill her simply for existing. And that, in itself, was also assuming that the Countess even wished to harm her, in the first place.
With a towel wrapped about her head and the sword unsheathed so she could again examine it, the opening of the bathroom door startled Raina. Without the slightest forethought, her movement so swift and automatic that it was more natural than a reflex, she was not even aware that she had swung the sword until she felt and heard the blade sink itself into something solid. It was only by the grace of modesty that Brenna had only opened the door partly to peer inside, sparing her from decapitation by mere inches. Brenna stared with impossibly wide eyes at the finely honed edge of steel that practically hovered above her head, the blade having wedged itself about four inches deep into the side of the thinly-constructed wooden bathroom door.
“Oh my God,” Raina gasped as she let go of the sword and covered her mouth, horrified by what she had done. The sword bobbed up and down slightly as it remained caught within the wood and foam of the cheaply-constructed door.
Brenna’s eyes finally turned to Raina. With strange calmness, she said, “Okay, then. I’ll remember to knock next time.”
“Oh, jeez, I’m so sorry…”
“Forget it. I’m just glad you missed me,” she replied. After a moment, looking to the damage done to the door, Brenna added, “There goes part of my rental deposit.”
“I’ll have it fixed for you.”
Brenna waved it off, opening the door just enough to step into the bathroom. She had to duck under the tip of the sword to enter, looking up at the polished length of steel with obvious dread. Raina felt like a complete fool, and her face burned with humiliation as Brenna pulled the sword free of the door with a jerk. Fortunately, the damage did not affect the door’s ability to close. It could possibly even be hidden with just a bit of putty.
Handing the weapon back to her with obvious care, Brenna was actually smiling. “Don’t sweat it, my sweet. At least you missed. I mean, I’ve heard stories about vampires being able to re-grow limbs n’ shit, but I don’t think I could re-grow a head.”
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know how I even did that,” Raina admitted, hurriedly re-sheathing the weapon as though she were afraid her sword literally had a will of its own. “It was like…”
“A reflex?” Brenna said for her. Raina blinked at her with surprise. “It’s normal. I was jumpy as hell right after my Change. It never goes away, really … not entirely. It sort of feels like you’re jacked up on caffeine or totally tweaked out on something twenty-four-seven. I’ve heard that it’s because we’re just naturally pumping a bunch of adrenaline all of the time. Y’know, like you’re permanently locked in that whole ‘fight or flight’ thing. That’s part of what gives us our natural strength and speed, and what helps keep our metabolism in high gear. It kinda makes some vamps moody as hell, too. You’ll probably get used to it after awhile, though. Give it a bit of time and you’ll learn to control it.”
“God, I hope so,” Raina sighed, setting the sword down upon the countertop next to the sink. “I don’t want to wind up killing someone by accident.”
“As opposed to killing someone on purpose?” Brenna suggested with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.
She shrugged. “Maybe a certain crazy German chick with a British accent … I mean, if it turns out that she was lying about not wanting to kill me.”
“Are you for real?”
“Well, I don’t think I could just stand there like an idiot and let her cut my head off…”
“No, I mean … you actually think she might’ve been telling the truth?” Brenna asked incredulously. “She’s a fucking nutcase! She’s passing herself off as some kind of a German Countess, but she sounded every bit as British as that William guy does! And then she met you as soon as the hospital discharged you and tried laying out some kind of wacky-ass conspiracy theory bullshit? How can you believe anything that loony-tunes bitch had to say?”
Raina simply shrugged, looking beyond Brenna to the visible damage in the door. “I don’t know what the hell to think about anything, anymore.”
“That makes two of us. I’m confused about a lot of things right now, myself … and not just this High Court vampire drama.”
“Look … about what happened … y’know, on the side of the road…”
“Not right now,” Brenna interrupted, gesturing for her to be silent. “Listen, I … I know you�
�re probably not going to like this, but I want you to know right now so that it doesn’t freak you out later.”
And so Brenna told her what she had learned from William about their proposed first meeting with the Grand Duchess. Brenna kept it simple and to the point. After their public first-ever meeting and Raina’s Communion of Blood, the Grand Duchess wanted to inspect them both in about the same manner as a prospective buyer would look over a thoroughbred horse or a collector’s car, and chances were that she might want to take one or both of them, as Brenna phrased it, for a “test drive.”
Raina had never stopped to consider the possibility that the Grand Duchess’s bedroom interests might be just as exotic (if not downright depraved) as Brenna’s. To deal with the strangeness and relative newness of getting intimate with another female like Brenna was one thing; doing the same thing with an absolute stranger in a position of power like the Grand Duchess was more than simply frightening. She had no idea whatsoever what Duvessa’s intentions might include. With anyone else, it might not have been quite as much of a threatening prospect. However, considering the fact that this was a High Court vampire to whom she would be entrusting herself – and considering the strangeness of her own sudden shameful and scary urges, as a fresh High Court bloodspawn – she feared that more than her dignity was at stake.
It was bad enough that she was not keen on the idea of getting naked before a stranger. Brenna, of course, had no qualms about her own need to do so, but then again, by the nature of her regular job, she was accustomed to strangers’ eyes upon her nude form, what with guys hooting, hollering, and throwing money at her while she went about on an elevated stage. Brenna tried to reassure her that it was probably best to just regard it in the same way that she would have handled a the experience of a pelvic exam – briefly humiliating and uncomfortable, but necessary and (hopefully) quickly ended. The obvious difference was, of course, that (to her knowledge) there weren’t any gynecologists with fangs and a predisposition to thirst for blood and/or forcible sex.
Satisfied that Raina did not appear to be too distraught over the news, Brenna grabbed a fresh towel from the nearby rack and unfurled it to hang it upon the sliding shower door’s outer chrome bar. She turned to Raina with a smirk.
“Did you leave any warm water for me?”
“I’m sorry,” Raina sighed, looking aside guiltily. “I wasn’t trying to use it all up.”
“It’s okay. I know.”
Raina blinked at her. “What?”
“You, ah … y’know … needed some time to yourself,” she said with a wink.
“What do you mean by that?” Raina asked, although she had an idea.
Brenna rolled her eyes. “C’mon, don’t be so modest. You had to make sure all your parts were in working order.”
“Wait, are you trying to say…”
“Raina, my sweet,” she said, drawing close to her and gently taking hold of her shoulders, “don’t be embarrassed. You know that I’ve been through a lot of what you’re going through right now, too. You feel like an alien in your own skin, and you’re probably ashamed of the way you’re starting to feel about some things. And one of those things, I know, is that you’re probably horny as all hell right now, and you don’t know why. It’s part of the deal, being a vampire. You’ve got this irresistible itch that you’ve gotta scratch before it drives you completely insane, but you’re too ashamed of how you feel to even think of taking care of it the way you know you really want to. So … y’know … you find alternatives. And I know you’re no stranger to having yourself a little bit of alone time now and then anyway, my sweet, so really … seriously … it’s okay. I understand.”
Raina opened her mouth to speak, but caught herself. Instead, she again chose to look away. She was a terrible liar, and trying to counter what she was saying would only serve to incriminate her more. While Brenna’s assumption of what she’d been doing in the shower was not accurate, she was correctly guessing what was troubling Raina the most about her Change. Between their roadside kiss, the way she felt so absurdly attracted to William (and Robert, and even Loki), her nervous breakdown during the ride over, and the violent way she had reacted to Brenna’s mistaken kiss in the hospital … her emotions were all over the place. Thankfully, at least for the moment, Brenna sidestepped the issue.
“Anyway, William has Loki over at your place right now,” she said as she began to tug at the loosely-knotted belt of her silk robe loose. “He says he needs you to tell him over the phone what you want him to bring back for you to wear. It’s no rush, though. He said to take your time and we can just call him when you’re available. He’s just sitting in his car right now.”
Brenna halted in her actions, discreetly holding her robe shut, noticing Raina’s blank but obvious stare as she seemed to be waiting for her to bare herself. She waited for a couple of seconds before Raina finally even became aware of what she was doing and suddenly looked away.
“What’s the matter? Afraid of seeing something that’ll make you go blind?” Brenna teased her softly.
Raina hesitated, then shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe.”
“C’mon, you’ve seen me naked lots of times before.”
She closed her eyes for a moment, but doing so only gave her the opportunity to remember quite clearly those times she had seen her before. Raina quickly opened her eyes again. Back then, seeing Brenna on stage and doing her thing, she had done her best to nervously laugh it off and try not to feel too embarrassed. Now, given the way things were going and how her perspective on things was radically shifting … visualizing Brenna nude was just … very different. She had to get her mind off of such things for now. Maybe later, she would have time to get her head together. Perhaps she would have a chance to just sit down for awhile, alone, and try to figure out if her personality had truly changed or if it was simply a matter of perspective … perhaps even a temporary influence.
“No, I … I was just spacing out. I was thinking about what you just said, that’s all. Y’know, about Loki,” she said dismissively, turning her back on her and taking hold of her sheathed sword with both hands. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to pick out an outfit over the phone.”
“Bullshit. You’re just changing the subject.”
“Well … maybe I am. So what?”
“So … I’m changing it back.” In the mirror, Raina saw her approaching slowly from behind. “You don’t have to be coy with me anymore, my sweet. I’m ready to stop playing games, if you are.”
Brenna’s hands slipped around Raina’s waist as she embraced her from behind. She closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of Brenna’s closeness and the softness of her cheek upon her bare shoulder. Brenna’s fingers gently swept damp strands of Raina’s hair aside, revealing one of her pointy, elongated, elfish ears, and a moment later, there was the moist softness of her lips pressing briefly against the edge of that ear.
“I’m not being coy,” Raina murmured. “This just isn’t a very good time for me right now.”
“Not a good time for what?” Brenna whispered into her ear.
“Y’know … this.”
“This? What’s this?”
“This conversation.”
“If you’re not comfortable with talking, then we can always do this without words…”
Brenna’s right hand crept up and gently made a tug at the end of the towel Raina had tucked into place around herself, trying to dislodge it. Raina quickly grabbed her hand and moved it away, using her other hand to hold the towel up and tuck it back in.
“Please … stop. You know what I’m trying to say.”
Her voice was silky, breathy, and velvety. “Sorry, but I guess I don’t. Tell me.”
“This is still … just … too weird for me,” Raina finally said. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing right now, or why I’m even doing it. I don’t know why I feel so differently now than I did before. And I don’t want to make any more foolish decisions that I might wind up regretting.
”
Brenna laid gentle, feathery kisses upon Raina’s neck and shoulder before and after she spoke. “What are you afraid of regretting, my sweet?”
“You know … going too far.”
“How far is too far?”
“I … I don’t know.”
“Is this too far?” she asked, still kissing along her shoulder and neck.
Raina’s knees were growing weak. Again, she knew there was no point in lying when her body language would surely betray her true feelings, anyhow.
“No.”
“This doesn’t bother you?”
“No.”
“And this?” she asked softly, running a hand down her spine and over her left hip to grab her left buttock. She gave her a firm squeeze.
Raina squeezed her eyes shut a bit more tightly, and it was not with disagreement. Again, she gently confessed, “No.”
“Do you want me to stop touching you?”
“No. But…”
Brenna impatiently waited for her to say more. “What?”
“I … I-I don’t know…”
“What don’t you know?”
“I’m not sure … if I could stop you.”
Brenna did something she’d never even dared to do before, as it was something that surely would have otherwise made Raina afraid of her. Ever so gently, very carefully, Brenna opened her mouth and lightly scratched her fangs along the surface of Raina’s skin. It was not enough to draw blood, but enough to let her feel the sharpness of those tiny twin stilettos. It was almost as though Brenna was asking for permission to feed upon her. Perhaps that was exactly what she wanted. But, knowing Brenna, and knowing how she had always felt about Raina, there was a better assumption to be made … one that was physically safer, but emotionally more dangerous. Brenna’s whispered words confirmed this suspicion.
“We can find out, you know. Right here, right now,” she told her, nuzzling her face into the crook of her neck. “Nobody will say a thing about it. They’ve already drawn their own conclusions about us, anyway. Nobody’s going to mind. We’re all vampires here. We all have our needs … and it isn’t always blood.”
The Darkest Colors Page 32
