“I just … I mean … you’re right, but … I just don’t know,” Raina sighed, shaking her head.
Brenna’s lower hand moved a bit lower, past the edge of the towel, and caressed the back of her left thigh.
“I know you’re still wondering how much of what you’re feeling is because you’re a vampire, and how much is because of what you really feel about us.”
Raina could not even muster a verbal reply, merely nodding in acknowledgement, still keeping her eyes closed. Brenna lightly scratched her nails up and down the tender flesh of Raina’s thigh. Her other hand softly, yet firmly squeezed Raina’s breast through the damp cotton of the bath towel that covered her, eliciting a shuddering sigh from her.
“Does it really matter, either way? Chances are that it’s a little bit of both. But is there any point in denying either one?”
She hesitated, Raina could feel it in her touch and in the sound of her breath, and Brenna finally dared to cross that other line. She slid her hand up, slowly enough to silently ask for Raina’s permission. When she began to slip under the edge of the towel without a sound of protest nor the slightest act of resistance, she took that as a sign of acceptance. The line was crossed, not brazenly or forcefully, but in an investigative manner, testing the waters carefully instead of diving in head-first.
When her fingertips touched Raina at last, touching her as she had never dared, it was like an electric shock passed between them, causing them both to gasp aloud. For an instant, just a second, it was good. Raina let out a shuddering sigh and moved her hips slightly in encouragement. And then, very aware of her own reaction over the next few seconds, she soon realized that this was not good at all … simply because it was too good.
Still holding her towel in place, Raina spun about and practically slapped Brenna’s hand away in her sudden urgency for personal space. Brenna misunderstood this movement, however, and before Raina could even speak, she found her lips once again pressed to her own, firmly and passionately. The kiss was unexpected but was, at least for another moment, briefly welcomed. There was no holding back now, at least not on Brenna’s part, and she had Raina backed up enough that she found herself sitting upon the edge of the sink countertop as she kissed her fully, caressing her cheeks and running her fingers through her hair.
Raina reached out with her left hand to gently push her away, but was surprised to find her palm pressing against bare flesh rather than silk, as Brenna’s robe was opened. Even more alarming, as Brenna took hold of that hand and moved it slightly aside in another misunderstanding gesture, Raina learned that she was wearing nothing at all beneath that black silk robe. The warm softness of Brenna in her hand was nearly distracting enough to erase her mind completely. But with the last bit of her remaining willpower, she managed to give Brenna a firm shove away, even finding it necessary to push her away with a foot against her hip, as well. The break was not as violent as it had been in the hospital restroom, but she was insistent enough in the gesture that Brenna stumbled back a couple of steps.
Brenna stood in place, her lips slightly parted with her surprise but her eyelids quite heavy with lust. That expression of desire melted away, leaving behind an expression of utter confusion. Her robe, now open, concealed almost nothing. Her breasts moved with the rise and fall of her apparent breathlessness, and her perfectly smooth, bare stomach rippled slightly between breaths to reveal the gently sculpted muscles of her abdomen. She looked half-ready to pounce upon Raina, but equally shocked that she had even pushed her away in the first place. And, she could now admit to herself, Raina was almost equally tempted to launch herself at Brenna and throw both caution and inhibition to the wind entirely. She wanted to know. She wanted to experience this, finally. She, too, was tired of playing games, tired of denying what she may or may not have felt all along but most certainly felt now, without a doubt.
But she’d had to stop. She wasn’t ready for this just yet. This was too much, too fast. She wanted to be sure. She knew that once she committed herself to that decision, there was no going back. Nothing between them would ever be the same. Already, too many things had changed. She wasn’t entirely sure if she ever wanted the nature of their relationship to change, but even if she was, Raina was certain that this wasn’t a good time to do so.
After a few seconds of silence between them, Brenna finally threw her hands apart, sighing, “For the love of God, Raina…”
“I’m sorry,” Raina murmured, slipping off of the countertop and readjusting the towel so that it clung to her more securely.
“Why? Why not now?” she demanded, though softly. “If not now … when?”
“When we’re alone,” Raina answered.
“Look around! We are alone! It’s just you and me here.”
“The guys are in the other room.”
“So what? They’re not going to care. They’re not gonna stop us.” Brenna smiled a bit. “Hey, if you want, we could always ask ‘em to join in…?”
“No way.”
“Not even William? C’mon, I saw the way you were looking at him…”
“Forget it. I don’t do orgies, and I don’t do strangers.”
“Well … I’m no stranger, am I?”
“Stranger than me,” Raina conceded with a smirk.
Brenna sighed. “Would it be too much to ask for just a simple yes or no?”
She licked her lips nervously and still tasted Brenna’s kiss. She forced herself to meet her eyes. With a sigh of her own, she finally said, “Yes. I want to. I really do. But…”
“Raina … my sweet,” Brenna pleaded, drawing close to her once more, “we’re about to become a part of the House of Fallamhain. We’re going to be royalty. So wherever we go, we’re always going to have at least one of these guys hanging around, sitting on the other side of a door. That, and the paparazzi are going to be snapping pics and video of us whenever they can. So, really … this is about as private as it’s ever going to get for us from here on out.”
“I know,” Raina acknowledged with a slow nod, “I know. You’re probably right.”
“Hell, for all either of us knows, this might be our last chance ever. I mean, what if the Countess…”
“Don’t,” Raina interrupted, placing a finger over Brenna’s full, soft lips to silence her. “Please. I don’t even want to think of her right now.”
Brenna firmly took Raina’s hand aside. “What about the Grand Duchess, then?”
“What about her?”
“Weren’t you listening to me at all a minute ago? From what that William guy was telling me, the Grand Duchess apparently has some weird kinks. And considering that she’s not too fond of me, I’m honestly afraid of what she’s got in mind for me,” she told her. For a moment, Brenna gently caressed Raina’s face, her fingers again trailing back to trace over the line of her ear, admiring her new features. “My sweet … this is as good as it’s gonna get. This is it. This … right here, right now … this is our moment.”
Raina blinked at her with surprise. “Our moment?”
“Yeah.” Brenna’s hand trailed slowly down the side of Raina’s neck and over her shoulder. “You know I’ve wanted this for so long, Raina. And right now … just knowing you finally can admit that you want to … oh, Raina, you have no idea how much I want you right now. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling.” Brenna moved closer, their bodies lightly touching. Her eyes grew heavy once more, and she leaned in to kiss her again. “God, I love you so much.”
She saw it coming, and as much as she wished to just let go, to just stop worrying, she had to turn her face aside. Instead of meeting her kiss, Raina pulled Brenna into a firm embrace. With that kind of pretext to intimacy, she felt that committing to the moment in those terms would be akin to accepting doom, to resigning to the idea that death was imminent. Whether she was only trying to pressure her into lovemaking, or if she truly did fear that the Grand Duchess would kill her, Raina did not want to surrender to either idea. She did not want t
o give in to the idea of losing Brenna, nor did she want for their first time together – and Raina’s first time with another female – to be shared in less than ideal circumstances simply because of Brenna’s impatience. True, the near future was absolutely uncertain for them, but she was of the belief that some things absolutely should be done right or not at all.
“I love you, Raina,” Brenna said again. “I love you more than anyone I’ve ever loved before.”
She hesitated for a moment, but only because of her words’ significance. “I love you too.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah … seriously. I really do love you,” Raina confirmed, giving her a slightly firmer hug.
“But just as a friend…?”
“More than that.”
“But less than I love you…?”
“No. Not less. The same.”
“Say it.”
“Say what?”
Brenna pushed away just enough to meet Raina’s gaze, the beauty of her emerald green eyes still quite stunning, even when not contrasted with makeup. “I want to hear you say it.”
“I love you,” she said again. “Not more than this or less than that. I just love you.”
“Tell me you want me,” Brenna said in a low, soft, very intimate tone, nuzzling her cheek against Raina’s. “Tell me. If you really do want me, then I want to hear you say it.”
“I want you,” Raina said in a whisper. “I want you, Brenna. And if things were just a little different … we wouldn’t be talking about it right now. We’d just be doing it.”
Brenna cracked a smile. “Doing it?”
“Y’know … getting it on. Making love. Fucking. Whatever.”
“Ah,” she responded with a nod, apparently liking that last term better. “Well, then … let’s just stop talking about it, shall we?”
And with that, Brenna took half a step back and shrugged out of her robe. She stood before Raina naked like never before, not even adorned with the subtle graces of makeup, glitter, high heels, or perfume, as she otherwise would have been in her dancing routine. This was Brenna at her utmost true self, her barest of bareness, with nothing to hide except the thoughts that swirled behind those enchanting green eyes of hers … and even those thoughts, at least then, were quite easy to read.
Raina studied her gaze for a moment, feeling her anticipation weighing heavily upon her. Within herself, she felt as excited, as full of yearning as Brenna looked to be, a strange sensation that was not unlike a second entity or consciousness had developed at some point within her. The feeling was duly noted, but she did not allow herself to be distracted by it. Feeling a shy smile curve her lips, she let her head fall forward slightly and closed her eyes for a moment, moistening her lips once again.
Her heart still fluttered with excitement, and for an instant, there was a feeling within her – that secondary consciousness, again – that she sensed that unmistakable anticipation of sex, that feeling she’d known before in being with a man when she seemed to cross an official line, to tip over the edge of some emotional cliff. It was that deciding moment, that instant where “will it happen” turned into “this is going to happen now” … except that she had no intentions of letting it happen, not right now.
But it was happening. This was already under way. This was how it started. And she knew that she wanted to, but she also knew that she still wasn’t ready. She had already made up her mind about that, at least for now, but some part of her felt convinced that this was it, that she was going to give in. She knew that she would not, nor did she intend to, and yet she felt that she was going to do so, anyhow … because that, she realized, was precisely what Brenna was feeling.
Raina’s eyes flew open with surprise and her smile evaporated as the revelation struck her. This was not her, not entirely. She was feeling what Brenna felt, somehow … empathically, perhaps … and these emotions were swirling about her consciousness, thinly disguised as her own. It was almost too wild a concept for her to even believe, but she could not deny the genuine origin of the things that she felt. In fact, her initial suspicion was confirmed all the more as she felt surprise and disappointment at her own visual reaction, for Brenna saw the change in Raina’s mood. That feeling of “this is going to happen, now” suddenly became “this probably isn’t going to happen, after all” … and Raina was then further shocked to realize that, in fact, she was not merely picking up on vague emotions but actually detailed sentiments that were practically telepathic thoughts.
“Oh, my God,” Raina finally gasped.
Brenna moved closer, but Raina immediately retreated half a step. “What’s wrong?”
“This … t-t-this is crazy,” she stammered, putting a palm to her own forehead. “I don’t believe it.”
“What? What’s wrong?” Brenna asked, and Raina immediately could not only see but feel her sudden and growing concern replacing her lust. “Raina … please…”
“I can … I can feel you … in me,” Raina finally said.
Brenna hesitated for a moment, but then chuckled, shrugging. “What’re you talking about? I’ve hardly even touched you yet.”
“No, I mean … I can, like … I can sense your, um … your feelings.”
“My what?”
“I think … I can read your thoughts. I mean, literally,” Raina elaborated. “I can actually sense what you’re feeling, but I’m feeling it inside of me like … like they’re my own feelings.”
“Say what?”
Raina closed her eyes for a moment, turning her head away to the right. Almost inexplicably, she felt something within her shift to the left as she did so, some sort of warmth that seemed to drift over to the left of her face. She turned her whole body to the right, and the same feeling spread down the rest of her, as though Brenna were some kind of a subtle source of heat. It was very much like the sort of warmth she could feel if Brenna were standing so close that their bodies were almost touching, as they had been a moment ago, but they were presently too far apart for that kind of sensation to even be possible. Not only could she sense Brenna’s emotions, but she could faintly detect her proximity, as well – her aura, perhaps. Either she had not fully been aware of this until that moment, or she was still developing as a High Court vampire, her Change still continuing on even after her most obvious new features appeared to have completely taken form. This was yet another newfound power … or perhaps yet another curse.
“This is nuts,” Raina said under her breath. “This is just insane.”
Gradually, over the next few seconds as she stood there in amazement of what she presumed to be a trait made possible by her being a High Court vampire, Raina felt a creeping sadness within her, a sorrow tinged with fear. It tightened her chest, made her stomach clench, and as it swelled, it even threatened to wring tears from her eyes.
“Raina…”
At last, she opened her eyes and turned to face the source of that warmth. Tears shimmered in Brenna’s eyes, ready to fall. Immediately, she felt horrible for having allowed herself to be so distracted from a moment so important, even by something so unbelievable.
“Please,” Brenna said, emotion tightening her voice slightly, “don’t do this to me again.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Don’t push me away … not again,” she pleaded softly. She blinked, and tears fell, shimmering brightly, even in the relatively dim lighting of the bathroom’s low-wattage bulbs. “Don’t leave me hanging like this a third time in a row.”
“I didn’t … I didn’t mean to…”
“If you really want me, then stop turning away from me. Please,” she begged, moving closely to her yet again. “I want to believe you. I want to believe that you really meant what you just said a minute ago. But when you keep doing this to me…”
“Doing what? I wasn’t doing anything to you!” Raina protested. “I wasn’t trying to lead you on!”
“What, like you didn’t lead me on earlier, at the hospital?” Brenna pressed.
“Or what about back at your place, y’know … the other day, before your Change? You keep letting me think that it’s all good, that you want me the same way that I want you … but you keep pushing me away! Literally! Every time I throw my heart at your feet, you turn away or change the subject. Every time I’ve tried to kiss you, you’ve shoved me back, like I’m attacking you or something. And then you turn around and spring something like you did on the side of the road, earlier…”
“Brenna…”
“I’m not going to rape you, for fuck’s sakes!” she cried, squeezing more tears from her eyes. “I thought you’d have figured it out by now without needing me to spell it out for you, but I’m not like that! I’m not trying to force myself on you, Raina. I swear, I’m not!”
“I know that. I know…”
“Yeah, you know, but you’re making me feel like a total monster every time you do this to me. You make it seem like you’re giving in just to make me leave you alone, because you’re tired of me hitting on you all the time,” Brenna explained, her tears choking her voice even more, now. “You think that you are the one that’s confused about the way you feel since your Change? Well, how the hell do you think I feel about it? If you don’t know how you really feel, then how the hell am I supposed to know how you feel? How the fuck should I know whether you really mean what you say anymore?”
Raina looked away, shaking her head sadly. Her silence was as adequate an answer as a verbal one. Brenna spun away from her with a sigh and stepped over to the shower, jerking the glass door open angrily. She cranked open the water valve with a yank of its handle, and stepped into the shower. Raina hurried over and stopped her from slamming the door shut by placing a hand upon its inside edge.
“Brenna, I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be sorry. Just quit fucking with my head,” she quipped. Brenna glanced at Raina’s hand upon the door, then raised an eyebrow. “Do you mind?”
The Darkest Colors Page 33
