Silversword

by Phyllis A. Whitney

  “What if he’s begun to think that you might be good for Noelle after all?”

  “He makes me uncomfortable. I can’t imagine him coming over to my side. Do you know anything about him—where he came from?”

  “It’s no great secret. Tom killed a man a long time ago. He got off on self-defense. Your grandmother rescued him when he was in pretty bad shape, and he’s devoted to her. Of course, he always knew that Noelle wasn’t for him. But who knows what fantasies a solitary man like Tom can turn around in his head?”

  I didn’t really want to talk about Tom, though these facts didn’t surprise me. “It’s my mother I worry about—the way she’s trapped.”

  “Maybe you have to learn how to give her up.”

  I started to object, and he went on quickly.

  “I don’t mean entirely. Stay and help if you can. But it’s time for you to put your own life first, don’t you think?”

  That was what Helena Reed had suggested in Honolulu. So they had discussed me.

  “You might even find it interesting to face up to your present,” he added.

  “Noelle is my present,” I protested. But was she? For all my involvement, was I using Noelle to escape figuring out my own life?

  He reached for another picture on a ledge behind him and held it out. “This is Kate—David’s wife.”

  For an instant I didn’t want to look at the photograph. But of course I took it from him. Kate’s was an arresting face, with individuality and strength. She would have known how to handle her life—a difficult ghost to compete with.

  “She belongs to another time,” Dr. Reed said quietly. “We all have to let her go. Just as you may have to let other lives you’ve lived go. In these past days you’ve been good for David. I appreciate that. Helena and I are grateful.”

  He stood up, and I rose with him. “Thank you,” I said. “You’ve given me a lot to think about. I’m grateful too.”

  When we reached the kitchen, Noelle was finishing her ice cream happily, while Peter talked with enthusiasm about his last whale sighting. He was a bright, attractive boy, and as friendly as David had said. Noelle seemed to know a good deal about whales and was responding. The crater appeared to have been forgotten.

  I was pleased when Peter included me in the discussion and I could tell him about a time when I’d seen whales off the Big Sur coast of California. Everything was happening on the surface—and that was best for all of us right now.

  David was sitting with his mother at the far end of the table, and he’d risen when his father and I came in. “We’d better start back—it’s a long drive. Noelle’s feeling better now.”

  I’d have liked to get better acquainted with David’s son, but that would have to wait. If I listened to Dr. Reed, it was possible that I wouldn’t be leaving right away after all. The idea had quickened a new excitement in me that wasn’t altogether concerned with my mother.

  Noelle was tired, so when we went out to the car, we let her lie down in the back seat. For most of the trip we were quiet. David gave his attention to driving, and I had a lot to think about.

  What would happen to Noelle now, or what direction she might take, I couldn’t begin to guess. I didn’t know whether we’d done her good or harm. But one thing I was sure of. The moment I got back to Manaolana I would return the plane tickets to my grandmother.

  Of course, I should have known that the unexpected was usually what happened, and that it would delay any plan about the tickets.

  When we reached the house, David came inside with Noelle and me. In the living room Joanna sat talking with two visitors. My Grandmother Elizabeth Kirby and my former husband, Scott Sherman, were with her, drinking tea and waiting for my return.

  I was shocked speechless, but Noelle was not. She came to life excitedly, and her behavior startled us all.

  16

  Noelle went directly to Grandmother Elizabeth. “I know what you want!” she cried. “But you can’t make me. I won’t go up to the crater. Let Keith go with anybody he pleases—but not with me!”

  For once, Elizabeth Kirby looked completely stunned. I glanced at Scott, who had risen when we came in. His slight smile removed him from the scene, kept him safely separate and uninvolved.

  “Hello, Caroline,” he said.

  Marla, who had just appeared in the hall doorway, set down the plate of cakes she carried, and hurried to put an arm about Noelle. As if Joanna willed what was happening to go away, she closed her eyes, and I understood what my grandmother must be feeling.

  Wild accusations continued to pour out of Noelle as she pushed Marla away. Whatever we might have accomplished with her today had been wiped out at the sight of her mother-in-law.

  David stood back, looking concerned, and I went to him quickly. “It will be all right. We’ll handle it somehow. Thank you for all you’ve done for us today.”

  There was nothing he could do here, and he understood. “Phone me tonight. I’ll be home all evening.” I nodded and he went out.

  Noelle was out of hand now, in spite of Marla’s effort to restrain her. “You want me to go up there with Keith and never come back! You know what might happen up there, don’t you? You want to take Linny and Keith away from Maui. But I won’t help you—you can’t make me go on that ride to the crater today!”

  Marla swung Noelle around so that her sister was forced to look at her. “Listen to me! Of course you needn’t go. I won’t let anyone make you. You never need to go up to the crater again, if you don’t want to I promise.”

  Before her sister’s assurances Noelle’s rage melted away. She looked around the room until she found me, bewildered now, questioning.

  “But we did go again, didn’t we?” I said. “We were there this afternoon—in the helicopter, and you remembered what happened.”

  Marla gasped and threw me an angry look, but Noelle went on, speaking directly to Elizabeth now.

  “Yes—I have remembered. Keith wanted me to fall. He tried to frighten my horse so she’d stumble in that dangerous place. Only I was the one who made Keith fall.” She broke off, turning to me again. “But that couldn’t have happened today. We did go up there this afternoon, didn’t we? And I began to remember.”

  “That’s right,” I told her gently. “You remember a lot of what happened. You saw the silverswords and everything began to come back to you. But all this was a long time ago. The next step you need to make is into now. It’s a big step, but you’re on the way to making it.”

  Marla wouldn’t stand for that. She took possession of her sister in her own way. “You don’t have to think about any of this, Noelle darling. You know it hurts your head. You’ve had a long trip, and you’re tired. Besides, Linny has been asking for you, so let’s go look for her.”

  Marla had won again, and I felt angry and helpless. Noelle fell docilely under her sister’s spell, and went out of the room as though the rest of us had ceased to exist.

  Elizabeth had recovered from her first shock. “She’s quite mad, isn’t she?” she asked Joanna, and then turned her attention to me. “Well, Caroline, you might at least greet me.”

  I had time now to consider Elizabeth and Scott, and I realized that I felt nothing toward either of them except indignation.

  I kissed Elizabeth’s cheek dutifully, and she seemed satisfied that the amenities had been served. I was far more concerned about Joanna, who seemed to have crumpled into her chair, but first I had to answer Elizabeth.

  “My mother isn’t in the least mad,” I said. “She’s confused about time, and she’s cut something off in the past that she can’t bear to remember. It’s surfacing now, and I think you can see what it must have been. So perhaps, since you’ve come to Maui, this is the time for you to help. To start with, you can tell us what Noelle was talking about. What happened that day before they set off for the crater? You’ve always hidden something, haven’t you?”

  Scott sat down beside Elizabeth and put an arm around her stiff shoulders. “You don�
��t have to take any of this, Grandmother.”

  Grandmother! He’d never called her that when we were married. I paid no attention but went on with my direct appeal: “Tell us what happened!”

  Elizabeth didn’t exactly wilt. If anything, she sat more poker-stiff than before, but her face seemed to fall into new lines, and her lips trembled before she tightened them.

  “There’s nothing to tell. Noelle’s charges haven’t much to do with the truth. I suppose I shouldn’t have urged her to go on that trip when she didn’t want to. But Keith had his heart set on it, and I didn’t want him to go off alone with Marla. She was an impossible young woman in those days. And much prettier than she is now. Of course, there was that Hawaiian girl too, but she wasn’t deceitful like Marla. Your father couldn’t help the appeal he had for women, but I never dreamed what would happen. My son was killed—your father, Caroline—and you can hardly take Noelle’s word for anything. If you went up to that dreadful place today, I hope you cried for your father, Caroline.”

  I answered her as quietly as I could. “I can only cry for the father I remember, and he wasn’t real. I can’t cry for the man who injured so many people.”

  Scott said, “Stop it, Caroline! We didn’t come here to stir up a past nobody can affect. We wanted to see how you were getting along. We want to take you home with us, darling.”

  The endearment set my teeth on edge. I remembered all the “dears” and “darlings” which, with Scott, were always a prelude to something cruel he meant to say. He was smiling at me with total confidence, as though there were no question that I’d come to my senses and would now be ready to return to San Francisco, and to him. I could see his arrogant good looks clearly now, and I saw something in his smile that I’d never recognized before. It had always seemed to express the very essence of his charm and what seemed to be his caring. It also displayed his excellent teeth, and I realized suddenly that what it really expressed was an absorption in himself. More than anything else, Scott Sherman admired being admired.

  Suddenly I realized that neither of these two people had the power to affect my life in any way that I didn’t wish.

  “I’m sorry this has been upsetting for you,” I said. “But of course I’m not going home with you. I’m staying right here with Grandma Joanna.”

  I went to sit on the arm of Joanna’s chair and rested my hand on her shoulder, whether she wanted me here or not. She seemed to grow a little taller in her chair, and she reached up to cover my hand with her own strong one, once more in control.

  “I’m sorry too, Elizabeth,” Joanna said. “I never expected anything like this to happen. Caroline, please pass those cakes to our guests.”

  This sociability startled me, until I caught the gleam in Joanna’s eyes. She’d always been a battler in the past, and now that she’d recovered from her first shock, she meant to enjoy a bit of dueling with Elizabeth Kirby.

  Elizabeth, however, forestalled any cake passing and stood up. “Marla has shown me my room, and I’d like to go up to it now. Of course we won’t impose on you for longer than tonight, Joanna Tomorrow we will talk, Caroline. When you’re not so upset.” She had recovered fully, but Joanna had no intention of letting her off.

  “Oh, you can’t possibly leave until Sunday, Elizabeth,” she told her. “We’ve planned a lovely entertainment here tomorrow night in Caroline’s honor, and you must both stay. It will be old-style Hawaiian—not fire juggling and grass skirts.”

  “Of course we’ll stay,” Scott agreed cheerfully. “Grandmother will feel better in the morning, when she’s rested. Besides, I want to have some time with Caroline myself.”

  He escorted Elizabeth from the room, without waiting for my response. He was simply not capable of understanding other people’s feelings and wishes. He never would understand, because he didn’t care. He knew how to put on a nattering performance that would please Elizabeth, but he didn’t even understand her.

  So where had I been during those years with him? Years of putting my head in the sand!

  When they’d gone I spoke firmly to Joanna. “I am going to stay, you know. You can just turn back those tickets.”

  “Caro honey,” she said, “nothing would make me happier.”

  There was no way, however, to escape Scott when he returned to the room.

  “Come for a walk, Caroline,” he said. “I want to enjoy a Maui evening outdoors. It was cold in San Francisco when we left.”

  Now was as good a time as any to have this out with him. When we left the house, I turned deliberately toward the stables. Tom would be there, and he wouldn’t be any more welcoming toward Scott than he’d been to me—and that was exactly right for the moment.

  Scott slipped his arm companionably through mine. The sun was low in the sky, and birds were singing their settling-down-for-the-night songs. Flower scents seemed to have intensified, and gold was tinting the blue. Up on the mountain clouds hid the crater, and it seemed hard to believe that I’d been up there in that red cinder world only a few hours ago.

  “I’ve missed you, Caroline,” Scott said tenderly. “You’ll never know how much. I know you have a lot to forgive, but perhaps by now your perspective is better. Can I hope for that?”

  “My perspective is certainly better. But whether you’ll like it or not, I don’t know.”

  “Oh, come on! You can’t tell me you’ve forgotten everything we had together in the beginning, darling.”

  “What came later wiped that out. I’m not going back, Scott.”

  He stopped me on the path and swung me about to face him. “You don’t mean that. You don’t mean that you’re willing to give up everything Elizabeth has planned for you?”

  “She can’t plan my life anymore! She knows that!”

  “But I don’t think you understand. She means to change her will if you don’t come home. If you stay in Maui there won’t be anything left for you.”

  “There’s nothing she owns that I want. I don’t want her hotel, or anything else she might leave me. When I think of that shrine she kept in my father’s memory, I feel ill.”

  “But if this isn’t left to you, she’ll allow the hotel to be sold. She’ll leave everything to her pet charities. And she has a lot to leave, Caroline.”

  I began to catch a glimpse of light. “You mean if we remarried—which is what she wants—then …”

  “That’s not what I’m talking about, darling. I want you back even if there isn’t a penny involved.”

  “I don’t think you really need to worry, Scott. Grandmother Elizabeth has always rewarded the faithful.”

  “You’ve become so hard, Caroline. You’re not the same girl I knew in San Francisco.”

  I walked more quickly, wanting to reach the stable. “That’s true. And I don’t ever want to be that woman again. This is what you need to understand.”

  In a moment he would lose his pose of affectionate patience with me, and there was no point in allowing that. He didn’t matter to me anymore, and the full realization left me giddy with relief. He and my grandmother had brought me a gift they’d never intended.

  “Come along,” I said cheerfully. “There’s someone I want you to meet—another old retainer.”

  I could sense his anger rising, but that didn’t matter either. He had lost the power to hurt me, though I hadn’t been absolutely sure of that until this moment.

  Lights burned in the tack room and office adjoining the stalls, and the door was open. Tom stood by a window looking morosely up at the mountain bathed in golden light. Noelle sat perched on a corner of his desk eating an apple, and she smiled as we came in. The familiar stable smells, the sound of horses—tails swishing flies, a hoof stamping, a snorting neigh—all this carried me back to the times when my mother had brought me here as a little girl. Another lifetime ago, but I could remember.

  “I’ve run away from Marla,” Noelle said happily. “Tom lets me come here whenever I need to escape. Who is this, Caroline?” She waved her apple
at Scott.

  He answered her stiffly. “I’m Scott Sherman. I’m your daughter’s husband.”

  “Former husband,” I corrected.

  For an instant Noelle’s look wavered uncertainly, and then she turned to me. “Is this man saying that you are my daughter?”

  “I’ve been trying to make you understand that,” I said. “It’s time you accepted me.”

  Tom looked around and I saw something in his face, in the set of his shoulders, that I’d missed before. When he spoke to Noelle his tone was gentle, yet somehow hopeless.

  “Maybe it is time, Noelle. Maybe you’d better listen. What happened was all a long time ago. You needn’t be afraid anymore.”

  I watched Noelle, and I could tell by her vague look that our words had done no good. But at least Tom seemed to have given up his opposition. Perhaps this was why he had kept Marla from going with us this morning; perhaps he was willing now to let whatever happened take its course.

  “Thanks, Tom,” I said.

  He shrugged and turned back to the window.

  I tried again with Noelle. “You went with David and me up to the crater today, and you started to remember everything. You must go on remembering until it all comes clear.”

  “I don’t know if I want that,” Noelle said. “There’s something that may hurt me—I can’t let it come close!”

  Tom had heard enough, and he walked toward the stable door. Scott, completely at sea, stepped out of the way to let him pass.

  I had a sudden idea and called after him. “Wait, Tom. I’ve been wanting to go for a ride. The sun hasn’t set yet, and I won’t stay out long. Could you saddle a horse for me? I’m sure Noelle can show Scott the way back to the house. I need to get away for a little while.”

  “I can see why you would,” Tom said dryly. “Wait outside and I’ll bring out a horse.”

  “Have a good ride, Caroline,” Noelle said. “But don’t go up to the crater.” Then she held out the bowl of apples to Scott. “Have one, and then I’ll take you back to the house.”