Vestige of Courage

by Sara Blackard

  Chase attempted to ignore the burn of jealousy that raged in his gut. Tried to tamp down the disappointment that he wasn’t the one comforting her. He got out of the truck, shaking his hands and rolling his shoulders to ease the tension as he walked around to stand next to Zeke.

  “Beatrice, honey, look at me.” Zeke moved his hands to cup her face.

  All jealousy fled as Chase saw the gaunt look on her face as she lifted her eyes to Zeke’s.

  “Good, that’s good.” Zeke spoke with a low voice. “Now I want you to breathe in nice and slow with me. Breathe in, one … two … three … four. Now breathe out, one … two … three … four. Good. Let’s do it again.”

  Chase marveled at Zeke’s calm, how he knew exactly what to do. Chase leaned on the truck and breathed with Beatrice, willing her to mimic Zeke’s actions. A tear tracked down her cheek as she shuddered out another breath, breaking Chase’s heart.

  “Sorry.” Her voice shuddered and his entire being balked at the apology.

  “You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.” Zeke’s words mirrored Chase’s thoughts.

  “I’m weak, a ninny.” Her breathing increased with each word as another tear raced to her chin.

  “Beatrice, take another deep breath for me,” Zeke commanded like the retired Army sergeant he was. She followed his orders, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “Good. Why don’t you sit up in the seat, get a little more comfortable.”

  She nodded and moved gingerly into the seat so her knees pointed out the doorway, her feet propped on the edge of the frame. Zeke remained crouched where he was and placed his arms on either side of her legs. She peeked up at Chase, cringed, and quickly turned her eyes back on Zeke.

  His heart dropped. Was she as disappointed in him as he was? Had he hurt her somehow with his inability to deal with the situation? Her cheeks flushed pink as she took another deep breath, her hands clenching together in her lap.

  “Do you think you can keep breathing while I tell you something?” Zeke took her hands and smoothed her clenched knuckles with his thumbs. She nodded, breathing slowly in. “I went through the exact same thing as you after my first battle in the Army.”

  Her eyes widened as she shook her head. “I’m not a soldier.”

  “You’re wrong, Beatrice.” Zeke placed one hand on her cheek. “You are a fierce, little warrior who has just been through a major battle. If you’re anything like me, you’re wondering how you function now, how you move forward from the trials you’re going through, from the doubts racing in your head.”

  Her eyes widened as she clasped Zeke’s hand that held hers. “I don’t know what to do next.”

  “Do you want to know what Hunter told me when I felt the same as you, when I was hunkered in the corner of our barracks as terror raced through my body?” As Zeke talked, Beatrice—gaze glued to him—swallowed and nodded slowly. “‘The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.’ You don’t have to do this alone. Chase is with you. I’m helping you. Most importantly though, God is with you. He brought you here, Beatrice. He knows you can handle anything this time and place has to throw at you.”

  Chase turned his face away and blinked his stinging eyes before turning his attention back on her. He cleared his throat, pushing the grief and feeling of helplessness away. She needed to be his focus. He could deal with his own emotions later. She took a thready breath and unclenched her hands. She took another breath more solid than the last, relaxing the tension from her shoulders.

  “I’m better now. Thank you.” She straightened her spine and wiped the lingering moisture from her face.

  “Good.” Zeke stood looking around. “Listen, I’m going to go grab us all a drink. Why don’t you and Chase go take a walk on the path back by the river.”

  Any lingering resentment dissipated the instant Zeke clapped his hand on Chase’s shoulder and walked toward the Dairy Queen. Beatrice glanced at Chase and then lowered her gaze to where she fiddled with the hem of her shirt. Her cheeks turned a bright red.

  “I’m sorry I overreacted.” Her voice emerged soft.

  Chase took her hand and pulled her from the truck. “You didn’t overreact. I’m the one who didn’t think this trip through. I should’ve had Zeke meet us in New Castle, ease you into everything instead of having your first trip be so much. I’m sorry I screwed that up, and I’m just sorry I couldn’t help when it became too much for you.” He rubbed his neck and huffed.

  “You helped, Chase. A lot.” She looked at him with wide eyes. “I wasn’t thinking clearly, was about to figure out a way to get out of that truck. Then you started quoting that psalm and my brain slowed down enough for me to think things through. Or maybe it just gave me something bigger than myself to focus on, a reminder that I wasn’t alone.”

  He couldn’t think of a word to say, which was unlike him, so he just walked. He led her through the trees at the back of the parking lot and stopped at the river. Bending down, he picked up a couple of rocks, handed one to her with a smile, then chucked his as far as he could. She grinned and threw hers an impressive distance across the width. He closed his mouth with a snap as she chuckled at him. He continued to stoop and grab two more rocks over and over again, tossing his tension, doubt, and embarrassment into the Colorado River. He prayed the action helped Beatrice hurl any lingering emotions away as well.

  Beatrice sat next to Chase in his office back at the ranch, staring at a small television that was attached to a flat surface with letters and numbers written in small squares. The embarrassment of the trip into town had faded with each little thing he did. Every rock chucked into the river decreased the tension that squeezed her lungs. They hadn’t stayed long in town, leaving as soon as Zeke had given them their drinks and the large envelope with her identification papers neatly organized within. It had been sweet when Zeke had written his phone number on the envelope, telling her to call him if she needed to talk through things. She’d have to get Chase to show her how the phone worked before she could do that.

  As soon as they’d gotten home, Chase had told her to saddle up the horses while he grabbed some stuff from the house. Did he know how much that simple act of giving her something she could do buoyed her? He’d then taken them out to have a picnic of jerky and fruit and to shoot guns into a hillside. After unloading rounds and rounds of ammunition, she’d finally felt as if she’d found her way back to herself.

  Now, here she sat in front of something new, determined to confront it with courage, though her heart had picked up its beat. She guessed that could also be because of the close proximity that Chase sat, their arms bumping each time either of them moved. Her childhood infatuation with River Daniels paled to the intense way her body reacted around Chase.

  He glanced at her and flashed those killer dimples, causing her face to warm. “Okay, Bea, I wanted to show you something to see if you want to take it on or not.”

  “Alright,” she said, the hesitancy in her voice unavoidable.

  “So, this is a computer. It is the gateway to the world.” He winked, causing her to chuckle. “At first, you won’t need most of what this thing can do, but in time, I’ll teach you how all the programs function. If I say something that throws you or talk too fast, let me know.”

  She nodded.

  He plunged ahead. “Right now I have everything closed, so what you are seeing is called the desktop.”

  Beatrice stared at the gorgeous picture of a sheer rock face on the device. “What’s that a picture of?”

  “Oh, that’s a picture of El Capitan in Yosemite. It’s in California. I climbed it a couple of years ago.”

  “You climbed that?” Her estimation of him rose even more.

  “Yeah.” He shrugged. “So, the part with the picture is called a screen. This part on the table is the keyboard. Do you see this square at the bottom of the keyboard?” She nodded. “This is the mousepad. When I move my finger on it, the little arrow on the screen moves around. If you push down on t
he mousepad, you chose what the arrow is pointing at.”

  “That’s amazing!” She smiled, leaning closer to watch the arrow.

  “You ain’t seen nothing yet.” He grinned, as he moved the arrow to the bottom of the screen, causing pictures to pop up. “If you move the arrow to the bottom of the screen, some of the programs on the computer will appear. You are going to forget all the others for now and just focus on the blue compass here next to the square face.”

  “Blue compass next to square face. Okay.” She grabbed a pad of yellow paper that was on the table.

  He handed her a tube about the size of a pencil. She put it down on the paper, frustrated when nothing wrote. She lifted it to her face and twisted it in all directions, trying to figure out how it worked. She pushed the end that was skinnier than the rest. A metal tip clicked out. When she ran her finger cautiously along the metal, a line of blue appeared on her skin. She laughed at herself as she shared a happy glance with Chase, whose smile stretched across his face. She pulled the paper closer and wrote a quick note of the directions so far.

  “So the compass is called Safari,” he continued. “I’ve set it to Google when you open Safari by clicking the arrow on it. You can type anything in this section with the magnifying glass and find information. And I mean anything. I have blocks set up for nefarious websites, but sometimes they sneak through.” He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. “If you happen to end up on a page with things you don’t want to see, just click on this red dot in the left upper corner and the window will close.”

  Her head spun so she grabbed onto the one thing she understood. “What kind of stuff will I find?”

  He cleared his throat again, his ears turning red. “Um … well … pictures of people without their clothes on.”

  Her eyes widened as she swallowed the bitter taste that filled her mouth. “Why?”

  “Well, I guess it would be similar to brothels of your time. Except with computers, that kind of sin can come right into your home.” He leaned back in his chair, his hand rubbing his neck as he explained. “The devil has used the advancements in technology to his advantage, that’s for sure. You shouldn’t have to worry about it with the security I have on here, but just in case you stumble onto something ...,” his voice trailed off at the end. He placed his hands back on the letters. “So the little line is flashing next to the magnifying glass, and now all we have to do is type in the words you’re looking for and hit return. Let’s see … fighter jets.”

  Chase pushed on the letters quickly. Words appeared next to the magnifying glass. She gasped as the screen changed. Rows of pictures appeared at the top. The pictures were of some kind of invention. He moved the arrow over one and clicked. A loud noise like a raging fire came from nowhere and the picture started moving on the screen like the TV. The contraption looked like it was moving in the sky. Beatrice’s heart rate increased as a trail of white followed behind the thing.

  “Jet streams,” she whispered, leaning forward to get closer to the screen.

  “What did you say?”

  “Jet streams. Hunter talked about white lines in the sky that followed planes.” She touched the screen where the plane was, then looked at him. “The lack of them in the sky was one of the things that convinced Hunter he wasn’t here anymore. So this is a plane?”

  “It’s a type of plane. This is a fighter jet used by the military. They’re loud, fast, and usually only hold one or two people. There are also passenger planes that hold more. Those are what most people travel in.”

  “So anything I want to know or see, I just type it in next to that magnifying glass and it will pull up? I could see Paris and the pyramids?”

  “Yep, pretty much.”

  She sighed and sat back, a small smile on her face. “I’ve always wanted to see the world. I planned on joining a Wild West show.”

  “Really?” He turned his chair toward her.

  “Yeah.” Her smile faded. “That’s all changed now. I don’t even want to leave the mountains. How would I ever be able to travel around the world when I can’t even make it to the closest town?”

  Chase cleared his throat. “What we are going to do—if you want—is try and find Hope Isaac.”

  “The little girl Hunter worried about?”

  “That’s the one.” He nodded. “Hunter wrote in his letter that he wanted us to check up on her if we could. We don’t have much to go on, but it’s a place to start. The question is, do you want to help me track down Hope?”

  “Absolutely.” She smiled.

  Chase leaned forward and moved the mouse to a sideways ‘v’ in the top left corner. The screen changed back to all the pictures. He typed “Hope Isaac” next to the magnifying glass that was now at the top of the page. Beatrice watched what he did intently, vigorously taking notes. This was something that would give her a purpose, keep her mind off of all her insufficiencies. Besides, with the way she broke down today, she needed all the hope she could find.

  Chapter 13

  June 21, 1884

  Chase, your nephew and namesake has definitely taken after you. He runs all out, headlong into life, most of the time shouting like a banshee. Today, I had the scare of my life. I was hauling water up from the lake in the washing pot for laundry when I heard this loud “Yeehaw!” Barreling out of the barn on Firestorm riding bareback was your five-year-old nephew. The pot slipped out of my hands and landed right on my foot. By the time I shoved it off, hobbled to the barn, and grabbed up a horse, the brat was halfway across the meadow of our homestead. I swear he would’ve ridden all the way to Denver if I hadn’t have stopped him.

  Chase sat on the back porch swing, savoring his second cup of coffee and allowing the brilliant colors the sunrise displayed to ground him. Yesterday had been a roller coaster of emotions he wasn’t sure he’d processed completely. Once he and Beatrice returned from the disastrous trip to town, he’d tried everything he could think of to make her day great. He was pretty sure he succeeded if her joyful grin was an accurate gauge of emotions. They’d stayed up late into the night searching the internet. He smiled wide at how determined she had been to understand how to work the computer.

  He couldn't believe she had planned on joining a Wild West show back in her time. Intrigue had warred with hope when he realized his YouTube channel was like a modern-day Wild West show. He had wanted to tell her about it—show her all he’d done.

  Then she’d said she didn't want to leave the mountains, and his hope had flickered. A dark spot of dread had seeped where hope waned. He couldn’t tell her and pile more guilt on her shoulders. He didn’t want her thinking she was the reason he wasn’t doing them anymore. What if she never got over her fear? What if she chose to remain here forever? He’d always thought he’d go back to traveling the world, but since he’d found her, he couldn’t imagine their lives not being intertwined.

  The evening had been long. Too many times to count Chase had wanted to turn in his chair and kiss her. Not the frantic, pubescent kisses of his high school and college days, but a slow lingering kiss that would expose his heart as captured by her. He took a big gulp of his hot coffee. Lord, what in the world am I going to do?

  The screen slid open and out stepped the wood nymph who dominated his thoughts, mesmerizing him with her expressive green eyes. How could someone look so amazing in a pair of jeans and a too-large, ratty sweatshirt? Her hair was braided down her back, making his fingers itch to untie the leather strap she’d secured at the end and run his fingers through her silky hair one plait at a time.

  Beatrice sat on the swing next to him, staring at the sky with her small hands wrapped around her steaming coffee mug. The smell of her minty shampoo was strong, luring him in to take a deeper breath. His thoughts stalled as he scrutinized her profile. Something was different. Something in the way her jaw was set and she held herself. His hands turned slick with sweat as nervous energy shot through his body.

  She sighed and turned her alert gaze on him. “
I want you to take me back to town.”

  “Do you think that’s wise?” He wasn’t sure he was ready to watch her in turmoil without breaking into a crying mess himself.

  She held his gaze and leaned into him. “Chase, I can’t let this fear rule me. I’ve always been one to push it down, get into action. Why should that change just because I’m floundering, not knowing what to do? I don’t want to be so scared I never leave this ranch. Besides, I know what to expect now, so I’m stepping out in faith that I won’t melt down again.”

  “I get wanting to control your fear.” How many times had he wrestled with his own anxiety to do the crazy stunts he did for his show? “What if instead of going to Glenwood again, we take a bit of a slower pace today to get your feet wet, then jump onto the interstate and go to Glenwood tomorrow?”

  She bit her bottom lip. “What do you have in mind?”

  “Well, there’s a clothing store in Rifle that I think you would like. What if we go clothes shopping, grab lunch at a restaurant I want to take you to, and wander the town?” He held his breath as she looked back to the sky that held just a tinge of pink and tapped her mouth with her knuckle.

  “All right, I guess that’s a smart compromise.” Her shoulders slumped as she exhaled.

  “It’s not that I don’t think you could handle the drive to Glenwood.” He hated feeling like he was letting her down again. “The fact is, there is a great store in Rifle, and I think you’ll get a kick out of the restaurant. If you’d really rather go back to Glenwood, we can do that today rather than tomorrow.”

  “No, no. I think you’re probably right. It’s probably better to take things slow at first.” She pulled her braid over her shoulder and started fiddling with it. “Part of me wants to blaze forward despite the boulder sitting in my stomach. Part of me is so relieved I want to cry.” She turned to him. “I’m sick of crying and being confused, Chase. I’m sick of not having the courage to head straight into my problems, of not acting.”