Kellie's Diary (Book 5)

by Thomas Jenner

  Sarah made me walk around for a little while, so I'm back now. I guess I looked pretty bad, since she just said out of the blue that I needed to go outside for a bit. She and Jonathan walked with me around the whole campsite. I don't know everyone here very well, so I'm just sticking with Sarah and Jonathan until I feel more comfortable with them.

  There's about a dozen people in the group with a few running cars. Sarah says we're about 20 miles outside Las Vegas. I lost track of where I was after that day. If we were driving I wasn't able to see where I was anyway.

  So, where did I leave off... oh yeah. I didn't remember too much about the rest of that night, just bits and pieces that I wish I didn't remember.

  The next morning I woke up with a major headache, I was kind of sore and I was in Victor's bed. He wasn't there, thank god. I got my regular clothes back on and ran to the living room to find Lydia. She was asleep on the couch with a blanket over her, and the TV was still on. Greg was standing by the front door, and he just looked at me without saying anything.

  I sat on the couch next to Lydia. I didn't want to wake her up, she actually looked like she was okay. I kept thinking about the night before, and I started watching the cartoons to try and take my mind off of it.

  Victor and Richard came back in the front door. Victor gave me this weird smile, and I felt really awkward. He thanked me for the "great time he had." He said that he was going to have his doctor check out Lydia and see how the bite was doing, and if there was anything we needed to worry about. I told him that I knew she was going to be fine, that she hadn't gotten sick at all and it had been a few days. He kept saying he just wanted to be sure.

  He said that I didn't need to wear my old clothes anymore since they were so dirty, and that he'd get me new clothes. I said that it was okay, he didn't have to do anything else for me. He got in my face and reminded me about showing him respect, except that irritated look on his face was more pissed this time. So I just shut up.

  Later on, the doctor showed up for Lydia. Victor put me in his room and told me to change into something else, so I picked something that I thought would cover me up enough. There were only a few outfits in there, and I sure as hell wasn't wearing that green dress again. I came out and Victor looked happy enough, I guess. He said he was going to take me on a tour of the town while the doctor did his checkup. He told Greg to keep a good eye on Lydia, and to not let the doctor "get too friendly" with her.

  Victor walked me outside, while Richard was behind us. Victor had an arm around me, which made me feel really weird, but then when I saw some of the guys in town staring at me funny... I don't know, it almost felt safer that I was with him. The whole thing was so god damn confusing to me.

  The town was about a block in size, maybe a little bigger. It was bigger than the old RV park. There were a few more houses toward the back areas, and there were some tents around the streets. It was pretty gross. In truth, Victor's home was probably the nicest, but that's saying something. His home was still dirty, but it didn't have weird smells, and at least the trash was picked up. The rest of the place had crap all over the ground and stuff looked like it was falling apart, a bunch of the windows of the buildings were busted, stuff like that.

  This place was full of army guys. I think they were army guys, they had these dark uniforms and they were all carrying rifles and shotguns. They were outside almost every building, and they were around the tents and vehicles. They might as well have been an army... they were Victor's army.

  He wasn't pointing out very many things, he was mostly just walking around. He'd say hi to a few people, but that was it. Sometimes I'd hear screaming, but I could never figure out where it was coming from. It kind of felt like it was surrounding me. I only saw a few girls around. A couple looked around my age, a few were older, and they all looked terrified when we walked by them. I didn't ask about it. I wanted to, but I was starting to be afraid of asking, because I didn't want him to get pissed at me and decide to hurt Lydia.

  Some big guy came up to us and he started talking with Victor about something. I don't know, random bullshit, I don't remember. Then the guy started looking at me with a really creepy smile, and asked Victor if he could "borrow" me. Victor told him no, but then he started arguing, saying something about wanting to "break me in." Victor pointed his gun at him and said if he ever argued with him again about "his property," he'd kill him, that no one was allowed to touch me. The guy looked scared, so he took off. As if I wasn't freaked out enough, he was calling me "PROPERTY." Like I was just a thing.

  As we were coming back, there was a group of maybe a dozen girls getting onto an old school bus. It was painted black, and it had this big gun mounted to the top. A few of the army guys got onto the bus with them, then they drove away out of town. I asked where the bus was going, and all Victor said was that they were "going to work" and that they'd be back in a few days. I hate that bus... maybe I'll tell you about that later.

  We got back to his house after a while, and the doctor was packing up his things. Victor asked how it went, and the doc said he was going to run some tests on her blood, but it would be a while before he knew anything. Lydia was sitting on the couch and she had a bandaid on her arm, she looked kind of upset. I asked her if she was okay, and she nodded and didn't say anything. I could hear the TV on again, so I think she was distracted.

  Victor had me sit in the kitchen and he brought me water. I was kind of hungry, so I asked if we were going to eat soon. You know, it was hard to know what kinds of questions would make him mad, because he slammed one of the cabinets closed and yelled at me. He said I had no right to ask for anything while in his house, and that he would give me things when he felt I needed them. I blurted out that I was sorry, and he calmed down a little. He sat next to me and stared at me for a few minutes. I just drank my water and didn't say anything anymore. I had to be careful, because every time he got mad at me, he'd look over at Lydia, and I had to listen to him.

  Later that night, someone dropped off a cardboard box. Victor brought it to his room, then showed it to me. It was a box of girl's clothes. He made me try them all on to make sure they fit. All of them were either too short or too small, but he didn't care. He kept telling me how good I looked in all of them.

  Then... well, the night before pretty much repeated itself. He had me drink some nasty shit, then I woke up feeling like crap.

  Chapter 5

  I keep feeling like I'm repeating myself on this shit, Barbie. But the same things pretty much kept happening every day with Victor. He'd make me dress up, then get me drunk. Then after a couple weeks, he had me trying something else.

  You remember how Dad used to smoke? Well, Victor was always puffing on something, and I thought it was a cigarette the whole time, until one day he made me try it. I've smelled cigarettes before, and that wasn't a cigarette.

  No, I didn't want to do it! But every time he told me to do something, I kept thinking about Lydia! I had to protect her, and this was the only way I could keep her alive! As long as I kept him happy, he and his jerk goons left Lydia alone. I didn't have any choice, Barbie! What the fuck would YOU have done?!

  ...I'm sorry. I want to forget all this stuff happened, but I can't. As soon as I stop writing, Sarah asks me to do something like eat, or go for a walk, then I have to write again. I swear, she's going to make my hand fall off.

  Anyway, yeah, so Victor made me try it, he said it was called "weed." It tasted like dirt, and I started coughing it up. Then he slapped me in the face. It was the first time he'd ever hit me. He called me a stupid bitch, and started yelling about how expensive the stuff was. I tried to get away from him, but he pulled me back by my hair and made me breathe it in again, and covered my mouth and nose so I couldn't cough it up. I felt like I was choking, and it burned inside my chest. After a few seconds he let go, and I was able to breathe again. Kind of, I was coughing a lot. I felt really light-headed, and I fell backward on the bed, trying to see straight. I remember he leaned over m
e and touched where he slapped me. He said that I needed to understand that "nothing around here comes for free."

  He got me to do it a few more times. After a while my mouth got dry and I couldn't see very well. I kind of remember him giving me another drink, but I'm not sure if I was just seeing things, or if he handed me water... I have no freaking idea what happened.

  Then I saw him again. You know... Bagman. Just like a quick flash. Victor had a big mirror in his room, and from the bed I could see this shadow forming in the reflection. I swear on everything it looked like Bagman. He was staring at us, not doing anything. Maybe he didn't know what to do either.

  So what? Sarah's heard me mention Bagman before, not like I care what she thinks about it anyway. She wants me to talk, that's what she's going to get. Though I don't think she has any idea who he really is and the kinds of things he does. It's not that important, anyway. I saw him a lot during that time, but nothing ever happened.

  So that next morning I didn't remember almost anything. Same thing as usual. Victor was in the kitchen talking to that doctor again. From the sound of it, the doctor wasn't done with his tests yet and that he'd be able to figure something out if he had more time. Lydia was in there eating, and Victor was laughing and talking with her. She was still being quiet, but she was also being more friendly with him. I was nervous, but I figured that if he was being nice to her, that meant he was happy with me.

  Victor made the doctor leave as soon as he saw me. He had me sit next to him and he told me how much he enjoyed my company. I didn't say much back to him. But he told me that he changed his mind, that I could use whatever I wanted in the house, same with Lydia. I could even walk around the neighborhood if I wanted to. Honestly, the first thought was that I'd finally have the chance to get us the hell out of there. But I figured as long as I had some freedom in his house, at least I could kind of deal with the situation better.

  I usually didn't do much during the day. He had some books lying around the house but none of them really interested me. They were mostly about war, anyway. I would have been writing to you if I knew where you were at the time. Victor took our bags from us the first day we were there. I do know things got worse at night, since he made me smoke that stuff a lot more often. It was really nasty, worse than the alcohol, and I saw Bagman a lot more.

  I think it was a few days later that I finally decided to go outside and walk around the town. I wanted to see if there was any way for us to get out somehow. I told Lydia to stay in the house with Greg, since I didn't want anyone else seeing her. She had a better chance staying inside, and Victor had been keeping his word about leaving her alone.

  I didn't realize how lucky I had it staying in that house. As soon as I walked outside, all these older guys, even Victor's army, were all staring at me. I tried looking away from them, but I felt like I had to watch them so they wouldn't get too close to me. But whenever I looked back, they started smiling. One of them started walking toward me, but one of the army guys pulled him back and I overheard him say "Victor said hands off of that one," or something like that.

  Most of them were around the edges of the town's barricade, and every possible opening was guarded. The main doors were secured and had around 6 guys standing there. There were platforms across the top of the barricade, and a lot of soldiers were on the top guarding the perimeter. Once in a while I'd hear one of them shoot into the field – zombies, probably. I wanted to check some of the areas behind the homes and tents, but there were too many of those guys around, and I didn't want to be stuck with one of them.

  I think I was walking around for about an hour, and in that time I saw a few girls getting pulled into the homes. One of them had to have been about 13, and she was being dragged by her hair across the ground by this huge guy into one of the street tents. As I walked by I heard her crying. All the other girls sat in corners between homes, or up against walls. They were all frightened and kept looking away from the streets and me.

  What the hell could I have done!? He was a lot bigger than me, and if I ran in there, he may have hurt me too! Not to mention the army guys might have stopped me, which meant that Victor would be pissed at me. No matter what I thought of, it kept coming back to the fact that I had to keep Lydia safe. There was absolutely nothing I could do. And I still feel like a horrible person for it.

  I couldn't take it anymore so I went back to Victor's. He was already there and asked how my walk was. I just said it was okay. He told me how lucky I was that I was with him. I actually agreed with him.

  Chapter 6

  So I spent most of yesterday feeling like crap. I had a bad craving, and it started getting to my head. I don't remember all of it. Sarah brought me down to the nearby river to clean up. The water was kind of cold, and it helped me calm down a little. I saw a few rabbits running around the edge of the river. Truthfully it made me hungry, but Sarah said we were holding off on guns for the time being since we're so close to Vegas and there were still a lot of zombies there. She said there was enough food that we didn't have to shoot anything for a while. They had just come from Vegas before they found me, and they said it was pretty bad still, so the group wasn't going to risk it so close to a big city.

  I ended up sleeping a lot of yesterday, and I do feel a little better now. Not great, but good enough to walk around without feeling too dizzy.

  Okay, so I don't know how long it had been, since most days blended together, more of the same shit. The doctor still hadn't finished doing his tests on Lydia. I reminded Victor a few times that the zombie didn't touch her skin, and the fact that she was still alive after all that time proved that. Most people turn within a few hours to a few days. He didn't seem to care and he kept going on about how he was "going to find the truth." I had no idea what he was talking about.

  Anyway, Victor was really hard to predict. Sometimes he'd drink too much and he'd be really rough on me, other days he would be really nice and... almost sweet. I'll never understand that asshole. I kept doing more and more of what he wanted, and nothing seemed to change. At least nobody was hurting Lydia. That's all I cared about.

  On the days that I felt he was getting weird, I started drinking earlier in the day. I never got used to the taste, but it didn't burn as much after a while. If he swung at me, it didn't hurt as bad. I found where he kept his weed stash, and I started smoking it before he came in. He knew I was using it, but he didn't seem to care. In fact he said I could use it anytime I wanted it. By the time it was night I was already fucked up, so when he had me smoke and drink with him, it just made it worse. It helped me to not remember most of it the next morning, but I usually felt like shit when I woke up. The better I could deal with him, the better he treated Lydia. Most mornings, by the time I woke up he was already out of bed.

  One morning he was gone, but I heard a bunch of noise outside the house. I looked outside the window and I saw him beating the hell out of some guy just outside the house. It was one of the army guys. His face was practically caved in, he didn't even look like a person anymore. There was a rifle on the ground next to them, and the butt of it was splattered in blood.

  No way in hell was I going to tell Lydia what I saw.

  Victor and Richard walked in after a few minutes. Victor's hands were covered in blood, and Richard had a bruise on his jaw. I just kept quiet so Lydia wouldn't freak out. She never dealt with blood very well, not even with zombies. I wasn't going to show it, but I was absolutely terrified of Victor. If he was able to do that to a grown man...

  Anyway, Victor took me aside and told me that we would be going out for the day. I asked him if Lydia was going too, and he said that she would be staying with Greg and it would be just me, him, Richard and a few other people. I didn't want to leave Lydia behind, but I didn't have a choice. I wasn't going to end up like that guy outside, and neither was Lydia. He said he had some important friend to visit and that I needed to look the best I could.

  He picked my clothes for me that time... a short black dress
. He handed me a dark pencil and told me it was for my eyes. The last time I used makeup was in some kids set I had back when I was... probably 7. I told him I wasn't sure how to use it, and he actually did it for me. I never thought a guy could know how to do makeup, but by then I was getting used to being surprised by him.

  I looked in the mirror, and I didn't believe I was looking at myself. I looked like I'd grown up by about 5 years. In a weird way I kind of liked how my eyes looked, but it scared me. It didn't really look like me. I think back, and I realize that I hadn't really looked at myself in a long time. For a second I thought I saw Bagman again, but he disappeared as soon as I noticed it.

  Victor gave me a pair of boots with really high heels, instead of me wearing normal shoes. They went up to my knees, and I had a hard time walking around in them. Victor told me I didn't have to worry about it, and he kept saying how good I looked.

  I told Lydia that I'd be back later, and to be good. Victor told Greg not to let anyone in the house for any reason, not even the doctor, until we got back. It made me feel a little better, since Greg and Richard always did exactly what Victor said, and they were always nice to Lydia. I was still nervous about leaving her, but Victor had enough power over them that I think they were scared to not listen to him.

  We went out to his covered jeep, and there was another car that came with us. I sat in back with Victor the whole trip. As we left, I tried looking around to see if I could figure out where we were, and there was almost nothing around the town. Where we were barricaded was surrounded by more areas of town that were spread out more, but they were abandoned. It only took a few minutes for us to get outside the town limits, and we were driving through desert and mountains. Once in a while there'd be a zombie, and one of the guys in the other car shot it down. I would have rather taken my chances out in the middle of nowhere than sit in that jeep.

  I didn't say anything the whole trip, but Victor was shooting the shit with his guys about... something, I wasn't really paying attention. We were driving for maybe a couple hours before we ended up at this... compound, I guess. It was a pretty big building with a bunch of trucks parked around it. We got out and Victor kept his arm around me as we walked in.