Xenotech General Mayhem: A Novel of the Galactic Free Trade Association (Xenotech Support Book 4)

by Dave Schroeder

  “Taking over tracking and relay functions,” said my phone.

  The screen shimmered momentarily and responsibility for following and displaying Bavarian, Terrhi and Spike shifted. Rosalind would need her phone to control the drone. She pushed a guest chair over to the corner of her office below a ventilation hatch. Then she looked at me with an expression that demanded instant obedience.

  “Give me a boost,” she commanded.

  I stepped up on the guest chair and cupped my interlaced hands. Rosalind used my body as a ladder and ascended my torso until she stood on my shoulders. I braced my calves against the arms of the chair to stabilize myself, then looked up. I felt her weight shift and watched her arms move as she searched the pockets of her pantsuit for something to use to handle the screws holding the hatch to the ceiling.

  “Chill, toots, I got this,” said Chit.

  My little friend buzzed up to one corner of the hatch, then another and another. Soon the hatch was hanging by one final screw. Rosalind twisted the hatch cover out of the way and tossed the drone and connected cable up the shaft. A couple of minutes later, Rosalind’s body rose up the shaft, moving at high speed. I stepped down from the chair, rubbed my shoulders, and gave Poly a hug.

  “I hope she finds something useful,” I said, looking up the shaft. “How are the girls doing?”

  “Terrhi and Spike and Bavarian are about to go into an office,” she said. “It says Adolphus Kone on the door in gold letters.”

  “That’s an important clue about who they’re going to see,” I said.

  Poly ignored my intentionally dumb remark and watched the action on the screen. It looked like the girls and Spike were about to tug open Kone’s door. Bavarian must have put her amber balls into a pocket, since they weren’t in her hand anymore.

  “Can we see inside?” I asked my phone.

  “Scanning,” it said. “Confirming.”

  The view changed and we saw Bavarian and Terrhi entering a palatial office decorated like one of the more over-the-top rooms in Versailles. It was designed to intimidate, but I didn’t expect the decor’s effect to work on either of the girls. They’d both grown up with luxury.

  Given the angle of the security camera, we could clearly see the back of Adolphus Kone’s head. I was surprised to realize he wasn’t using any of the alien technologies that were so effective at reenergizing dormant hair follicles. His bald spot reflected light from recessed congruent bulbs in the twenty-foot ceiling.

  “Good morning, ladies,” said Kone in a patronizing, sing-song tone, as if the girls were still babies. “Please come in and have a seat.”

  He pointed at a morphurniture sofa to one side of his office that I knew could adapt to both Bavarian and Terrhi’s dimensions. A tall, wingback leather swivel chair was also part of the collection of seats arrayed nearby. The girls and Spike opted to remain standing, though they moved toward the sofa. Kone sat in the high, wingback chair and rotated to face Bavarian and Terrhi. His chair reminded me of Jean-Jacques’ office furnishings that were designed to help the little man feel bigger. Spike jumped on the back of the sofa and loomed like he was ready to pounce if necessary. Two could play the intimidation game.

  My phone switched surveillance cameras to follow the action, providing closeups as necessary.

  “Can it, you old creep, and skip the small talk,” said Bavarian. “Where’s The General?”

  “He couldn’t make this impromptu appointment,” said Kone. “He’s meeting with a head of state later this afternoon.”

  “Told you,” said Terrhi, nudging Bavarian with one of her sub-trunks.

  “Please don’t distract me,” whispered Bavarian. “This isn’t easy. I need to concentrate.”

  Terrhi nodded and gave Bavarian a bit more room.

  “I’m one of The General’s top lieutenants, fully empowered to negotiate on his behalf,” said Kone.

  “You’re just a lieutenant?” scoffed Bavarian. “I don’t talk to anyone below a full colonel.”

  Kone made an unpleasant little sound that might have been what he considered a laugh.

  “You’re talking to me, or nobody,” he said. “And tell that mongrel alien feline to get off the furniture.”

  Spike yawned again, showing off his long, sharp teeth, and ignored him. Kone didn’t press it. Terrhi muttered under her breath.

  “Spike is not a mongrel. He’s a pure-bred tri…”

  Bavarian elbowed Terrhi and the Dauushan girl didn’t finish her sentence. I was impressed by the quality of the surveillance microphones. They were picking up everything.

  “Here’s the deal,” Adolphus Kone pontificated. “Twenty-seven billion galcreds for Consolidated Donuts, payable in EUA and Chapultepec & Castle stock. We’ll announce the deal when the markets open on Monday.”

  “It’s worth thirty billion,” said Bavarian.

  She got up on the sofa near Spike so she could look Kone directly in the eye. The sofa formed a flat, stable base below her.

  “And Chapultepec & Castle stock will be worthless as soon as the news of their GalCon Systems industrial espionage stunt comes to light,” Bavarian continued. “GalCon Systems will file suit against C&C before you can make your announcement.”

  “How does Bavarian know about the industrial espionage?” I asked Poly.

  She looked back at me and raised one eyebrow.

  “Oh, right,” I said. “Terrhi.”

  “Uh huh,” said Poly. “Now shush, I’m enjoying this.”

  We returned our full attention to the screen.

  “You forget, child,” said Adolphus Kone unctuously. “EUA Corporation and its subsidiaries are privately held.”

  “Maybe so,” said Bavarian, “but the virtual tracking stocks on the galactic markets will take a nose dive.”

  “Do you think The General cares one iota what the galactic markets think?” barked Kone. “EUA will see Earth put in its rightful place commanding the galaxy, with alien species bowing down to us. The daily cash flow from Consolidated Donuts is essential to funding Terra’s ultimate victory.”

  The lawyer’s face contorted with the zealous intensity of a true believer. He stared at Terrhi and Spike like they were rats or cockroaches. His look made my skin crawl and I was twenty-two floors away.

  “He’s scaring me,” I told Poly. “We’ve got to find his boss and put a stop to EUA’s plans.”

  “He’s scaring me, too,” said Poly. “Let’s hope Rosalind locates The General!”

  Bavarian was back at it. She was jumping up and down, acting closer to nine than thirty-nine.

  “I don’t care about your insane motivations,” she shouted, jumping up and down on the sofa. “I’m not selling my company.”

  Spike was leaning forward next to the girl, growling and ready to attack if Kone tried anything. Terrhi moved in front of Bavarian, imposing her own body between Bavarian and Kone. The tension in the room was so thick it would take a lightsaber to cut it.

  Kone sat up straight and waved his right hand in a circular motion. Three gimbal-mounted sweetener rifles noiselessly descended from the tall ceiling and pointed at Bavarian, Terrhi, and Spike.

  “Perhaps you were under the misapprehension that you had a choice in the matter, Miss Kreem?” said Kone.

  The sweetener rifles began to whine and waves of color pulsed along their barrels to make it clear they were charged and ready.

  “Can you take over control of the rifles?” I asked my phone.

  “Negative,” it replied. “Rosalind has those passwords.”

  “Drat,” said Poly. “Do you think we can make it up there in time to be useful?”

  “Maybe,” I said. “If internal building security doesn’t stop us.”

  “Wait a second,” said Poly, putting her hand on my phone and rubbing its back cover. “Can you send a recording of what just happened to the Dauushan consulate? We could use a squad of Drop Marines about now.”

  “Negative,” said my phone. “The entire bu
ilding functions as a Faraday cage.”

  “Double drat,” I grumbled.

  Poly and I continued to watch things happening in Adolphus Kone’s office. It turned out we didn’t need to worry about Bavarian Kreem. The girl removed the three amber balls from a pocket on her pinafore and deftly tossed them at the sweetener rifles. The balls expanded, filling the rifle barrels with a quick-hardening goo that rendered them inoperative.

  Bavarian and Terrhi walked toward Kone’s office door. Spike followed them, but paused to lean on Kone where he was sitting in his high, wingback chair. The big cat put his paws on the lawyer’s shoulders and licked Kone’s face with his raspy tongue. Then Spike planted the tips of his three incisors along Kone’s collar bones and leaned into him. The trisabertooth didn’t break the skin, but his message got through unambiguously.

  Poly and I were pleased to see that the girls and cat were not detained as they made their way out of the building.

  “That was exciting,” I said, giving Poly a release-of-nervous-tension hug.

  “I’ll say,” she said, hugging me back enthusiastically. “Remind me never to cross Bavarian Kreem.”

  “I’m right there with you,” I said, shaking my head from side to side in admiration of the young girl’s moxie. “What a performance.”

  Then our attention was diverted by thumps from overhead, in the ventilation shaft. Rosalind’s feet appeared and then the rest of her was gently lowered to stand on the chair.

  “What was a performance?” asked Rosalind, while replacing the ventilation shaft cover.

  “Bavarian Kreem,” said Poly. “We’ll show you the video later.”

  Chit buzzed off Rosalind’s neck and landed on my shoulder.

  “You’re not gonna believe it, bucko,” she said.

  “Believe what?” I asked.

  “We checked out the sixty-sixth floor,” said Chit.

  “And there’s nothing there,” said Rosalind. “The General is gone.”

  Chapter 32

  “If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.”

  — Linji Yixuan

  To my surprise, we didn’t have any problems exiting EUA’s headquarters. I guess their security people were used to seeing Rosalind escort interrogation subjects out of the building. Rosalind kept a sweetener discretely pointed on us to support the illusion that we were her prisoners.

  I was glad I was wearing my pupa silk shirt, though. Rosalind seemed to be working out her frustration over not finding The General on the sixty-sixth floor by poking me frequently with the tip of her sweetener. She kept it up even after we moved into the park.

  “Hey,” I protested. “Cut it out. How would you feel if I poked you?”

  “Promises, promises,” said Rosalind with a grim smile.

  Poly turned around and glared at Rosalind, then at me. I realized what I’d said and felt my face turn red.

  “I didn’t mean it that way,” I protested.

  “She did,” said Poly.

  “EUA’s surveillance continues a hundred yards into the park,” said Rosalind. “I had to keep up the subterfuge.”

  “I think you just like poking him,” teased Poly. At least I hoped it was teasing.

  “Skip the territorial displays for now, ladies,” said Chit from her perch on my shoulder. “And watch out for escaping squirrels. They’ll run you over!”

  We caught up to the girls in the middle of Centennial Olympic Park. They were standing together in the center of a wide, paved path, talking animatedly and giving Spike time to have some fun. He was busy chasing the park’s well-fed squirrels. These bushy-tailed tree-dwellers hadn’t yet learned how fast Dauushan trisabertooth cats could move, unlike the more experienced ones back in the Ad Astra courtyard.

  Bavarian and Terrhi waved as we approached, but didn’t pause their conversation. From twenty feet away, it came across as two high-pitched birds chirping at each other, accompanied by excited hand and trunk gestures. The two girls were really hitting it off.

  I wondered what would happen when Bavarian met Max? He’d probably want to start his own company. I promised myself I’d back whatever great idea he came up with, though he’d probably also go to Bavarian and Queen Sherrhi so he’d have leverage to get the best deal on funding.

  Poly and I had to step apart quickly as a pair of angrily chittering squirrels ran between us, hoping to increase the distance between them and Spike. One of them nearly collided with Rosalind, but she gracefully stepped out of the way.

  “Be careful, you big galoot,” she said to the boisterous feline. I hadn’t heard the term galoot since I’d first met Rosalind when she was playing the part of a nineteen forties’ femme fatale to seduce me—not that seducing me was much of a challenge at the time. After that, I had my guard up.

  Spike strolled over so I could scritch him behind his ears. Poly and Rosalind also rubbed his back and sides until the big cat’s purring was as loud as the hum of a giant congruent electric generator from one of my mom’s old power plants. The trisabertooth rolled over and enjoyed having six hands scratch his belly. All six of his paws waved joyfully at the ends of his powerful arms and his head arched back. It was an invitation, so I rubbed him under his chin and was rewarded with even louder purring.

  The park’s squirrels took advantage of Spike’s distraction to climb distant trees. Finally, the big cat got back on his feet and nudged us over to where Bavarian and Terrhi were standing.

  “Hi Spike,” said Bavarian, after Spike rubbed his big head against her pinafore. Then the girl turned to Terrhi. “I like your cat,” she said.

  Terrhi beamed. “Who’s a big boy,” she said, using nine sub-trunks to rub her pet in more places simultaneously than a mere three humans could manage earlier.

  Spike seemed to be in cat heaven from all the attention.

  “Could I buy a trisabertooth of my own?” asked Bavarian. “They look like they’re super pets!”

  “I’m sorry,” said Terrhi with a serious expression at odds with the one on Spike’s face. “That’s not possible. Trisabertooth cats like Spike are very rare and have been the ceremonial guardians of members of the Dauushan royal family for countless generations.”

  Poly covered her mouth, but not before a few giggles escaped. My mouth fell open in unspoken amazement. I hadn’t realized Spike was a rare ceremonial guard cat. Rosalind looked puzzled and Bavarian’s face was sad, a mask of disappointment.

  “Tell her,” said Poly to Terrhi. “Don’t be mean to your new friend.”

  “O-kay,” said Terrhi, smiling more broadly than Spike had been. “Can you help me out, please, Aunt Poly?”

  “Sure,” said my partner. “Trisabertooth cats aren’t rare. Mom took me back country on one of her trips to Dauush. There are tens of thousands of them in the wild across the Dauushan empire. I saw quite a few myself. There’s some question about their degree of sentience, so you can’t buy them, but if a cat or a kitten decides it likes you, that’s all it takes.”

  “Sorry for teasing,” said Terrhi, tentatively extending a sub-trunk to Bavarian like an olive branch.

  The blonde girl grabbed the offered sub-trunk and pulled it to bring the Dauushan girl closer. Bavarian grabbed Terrhi’s head and gave it a bear hug.

  “Ohhhh, you!” she said.

  Her free hand gave Terrhi a noogie, making the Dauushan girl squirm. I was pleased to see the tough cookie I’d watched get the better of Adolphus Kone in EUA’s headquarters could also behave like a typical nine-year-old girl.

  “How did Spike choose you?” Bavarian asked Terrhi.

  “We were at one of my mom’s back country chalets on a working vacation,” Terrhi answered. “I was really little—only three or four.”

  “About the size of a Saint Bernard,” inserted Poly for the benefit of the other humans.

  “I liked to play behind the chalet, near the woods,” Terrhi continued. “The guards were busy talking about my aunt Lüzhi and weren’t paying much attention to me when I not
iced a trio of big eyes staring at me from the edge of the forest.”

  “Spike?” asked Bavarian.

  “Shush,” said Poly. “Let Terrhi tell it.”

  Bavarian zipped her lip and nodded contritely.

  “I thought it might be a trabbit or a traccoon,” said Terrhi, “so I broke off some crunchsticks from a patch by the house and carried them over near the forest.”

  “Crunchsticks?” asked Rosalind quietly.

  “Dauushan celery,” Poly replied. “It’s pink.”

  “Doesn’t that go without saying on Dauush?” I asked.

  “Pretty much,” said Poly.

  “Then what happened?” asked Bavarian.

  “Nothing,” said Terrhi.

  “Why?” Bavarian asked.

  “Because trisabertooth cats hate crunchsticks!” said Chit. She was riding on my shoulder so it sounded like she was shouting.

  “How do you know?” I asked my little friend.

  “I get around, bucko, I get around.”

  Terrhi acknowledged Chit’s comment. “She’s right, Uncle Jack. Trisabertooth cats do hate crunchsticks.”

  “How did you get Spike to come out of the forest?” asked Bavarian.

  I could hear the wheels spinning in the little girl’s brain. Once she knew the secret, she’d be on the next starship to Dauush.

  “I wouldn’t have, without help from our cook,” said Terrhi. “I put the crunchstick stalks down on a bare patch of ground near the forest. Then I moved back to wait and see if the owner of the eyes would come out to eat them. Nothing happened, so after a while I got hungry and unwrapped my lunch.”

  “What did cook pack for you?” I asked.

  “A sandwich like the one you ate on the shuttle heading back to Atlanta from the Charalindhri,” said Terrhi.

  “A sub?” I asked.

  “That’s just weird,” replied Terrhi. “Why is it called that?”

  “It’s short for submarine,” said Rosalind.