When You're Gone

by Marguerite O'Callaghan

  She thinks it will be a good fit for Lydia.

  Before she realises what’s happening, Lydia is being dragged into Yukio’s bedroom to try it on.

  It fits her perfectly and Lydia thinks it’s probably way better than the leather skirt and corset she had planned to wear, although it’s definitely shorter than anything she would ordinarily go out in.

  There’s lots of flesh on display and Lydia wonders if this is how Kate usually feels before she’s about to do a catwalk show.

  Yukio, delighted with the transformation, claps her hands in excitement, jumps up and down a little and pours two shots of tequila, handing one to Lydia.

  ‘You are honestly going to be the most beautiful girl at the club tonight. I can’t believe you’re not a model too, Lydia.’

  Yukio circles her, lightly touching Lydia’s shoulder, admiring her slender figure and adjusting the ropes so they fall the way they should.

  Lydia blushes and turns her face away, pretending to read the titles of a few books on the shelves behind her.

  She doesn’t know what to do when someone says she’s beautiful or looks at her like that. Kate is the one who likes attention for her looks. Not Lydia.

  She mumbles something about needing to check her phone and hurries out of the room, not wanting Yukio to see how red-faced she is.

  By the time they get into the large taxi, two hours later, Lydia is well and truly drunk and can’t stop giggling at the fact she’s wearing a bundle of ropes.

  The others laugh along with her and recall the various awful outfits they’ve worn over the years.

  Naomi remembers the time she bought cheap body paint online and sweated it all off in a club after half an hour of dancing, so it looked like she’d arrived naked, with a bottle of ketchup thrown over her.

  Cara gleefully reminds Ian and Eustace about the time they were handcuffed together, back to back, at Haven, and lost the key for the cuffs, so ended up falling on to the street as they tried and failed, to hail a taxi home.

  They are all howling with laughter at this stage and Lydia can actually feel a tear running down her cheek as she imagines the two men in fetish clothing, handcuffed together on the streets of London.

  In fact, her whole face hurts from laughing and it feels like this is the most fun she’s ever had in her whole life.

  A few minutes later, they arrive at Haven and enter the club with ease.

  The doormen seem to know everyone and barely look at the tickets that Yukio flashes to them.

  As they walk down the long corridor between the outer and inner doors, Lydia asks Yukio how much she owes her for the ticket and reaches to get some money from her purse.

  Yukio squeezes her arm gently, gives her a wink and says the tickets were free.

  ‘Always free for me, honey! Anyway, I’m performing tonight. Did I not mention that?!’

  Before Lydia can respond and ask Yukio what her performance is going to be, they push through the next set of doors and are suddenly immersed in the heart of the club.

  It’s almost eleven thirty. The place is packed and very warm, with latex, glitter and flesh everywhere.

  The loud music vibrates through Lydia’s body, giving her a rush of excitement and she realises she isn’t half as nervous as she thought she would be.

  Dee offers to show her around while Yukio goes backstage to get ready and as they make their way through the crowd, Dee smiles and waves at people all over the place.

  She’s obviously a regular here and extremely popular.

  Around them, every single person is wearing some kind of fetish or fantasy outfit. Some girls are wearing lingerie with holes cut out around the nipples and others have extravagant fastenings. There’s a lot of latex, uniforms and leather, as well as people with masks or hoods that look quite scary to Lydia. Some people are just wearing body paint or jewelry and no clothes at all.

  Lydia spots a man on all-fours wearing a muzzle, being led around on a leash by a short-haired muscular woman, in leather trousers and waistcoat.

  Lydia can’t help but giggle at the absurdity of it, when she notices the woman in leather is smiling back and motioning for her to come over.

  Lydia stops laughing and stares in shock as the woman starts winking and licking her lips in an overtly sexual way, beckoning Lydia to her.

  Lydia’s heart starts to race, she grabs Dee’s arm and turns to walk away.

  In her head, Lydia had imagined everyone would be really serious about the whole fetish thing, but people here are laughing, chatting and drinking, just like they would in any other club and the DJ is playing pop and chart music, not the heavy metal or strange ambient stuff she had imagined.

  Haven seems vibrant, warm and fun and it’s starting to make sense that Kate would like it here.

  As they continue to walk around, Lydia notices two modelesque black girls dancing in a large gold cage next to the main floor.

  One of them waves at her as if she knows her and Lydia finds herself looking over her shoulder to see who the girl’s waving at, before realising it’s her. She wonders if the girl thinks she’s Kate and makes a mental note to find her later.

  Dee has been handed two drinks from somewhere and passes one to Lydia. It smells like whisky and coke and she gulps it down a little too quickly, realising she’s actually really thirsty.

  She tells Dee she’s going to get some water and explore a little, and she will come and find her in a while.

  40

  Simon hasn’t been charged with anything and is home again.

  He’s been given his laptop, camera and phone back, too and he checks his email to see a response from Lauren Cunningham, telling him that she lands at Heathrow in the early-morning and needs to talk to him as soon as possible.

  Lauren says she had no idea that Kate was missing. She’s been at an off-grid yoga retreat for the past month and only just now read about Kate.

  She needs to tell him something important that might help.

  Simon responds to the email with his number and address, telling Lauren he can meet her as soon as possible.

  He re-reads the final sentence of her email over and over:

  ‘I think I know something about Kate that will help police, but I need to talk to you about it first. It’s BIG.’

  What the hell did she mean? What did Lauren know, and why did she need to speak to him about it?

  As far as Simon was aware, Lauren and Kate hadn’t hung out in years and were never really friends, anyway.

  41

  Lydia is feeling light-headed and a little bit euphoric.

  She gets a glass of water from a very attractive and scantily clad young man at the bar, then climbs the metal staircase to the balcony and VIP area above.

  She wants to take it all in and get a good view of the main room.

  From the balcony, she can see the dance floor and her new group of friends, laughing and dancing together.

  She catches Ian’s eye and he smiles and points her out to the others, who all wave encouragingly.

  Lydia smiles and waves back at them, feeling a warm rush of excitement and confidence. She’s already thinking she might come back to Haven sometime, soon.

  Then, she has a more sobering thought.

  This is where Kate was, only a few weeks ago. She could have stood on this exact spot, could have felt the way Lydia is feeling, now.

  Lydia feels her heart start to sink and a cold sweat breaks out on her lower back.

  This was becoming a daily thing for her and she knows she needs to breathe and stay grounded.

  She tells herself that she’s safe and once she’s pulled herself together, she can go and talk to some people and see if anyone knows Kate.

  On the other side of the balcony, Lydia spots her reflection in a large mirror.

  She doesn’t want to stare or appear vain, but she thinks she looks kind of cool in her rope dress and is relieved that she fits in with
the rest of the club.

  A few seconds later, she glances casually back towards the mirror and her eyes open in shock.

  It’s not there. Instead, there’s a group of people sitting on a sofa and a couple making-out next to them, against the wall.

  Lydia feels disoriented and scared. She wonders if the anti-anxiety medication she’s taking could be causing this.

  Did she just hallucinate a mirror and her own reflection in it?

  She thinks back to that morning a few days ago when she could have sworn she heard Kate whispering her name as she sat on the sofa.

  Her mind wanders to Simon, then to Ida.

  Life is so confusing right now and Lydia feels like her identity and sanity are slipping away.

  She decides that another drink might help to calm her, and looks behind to see where the nearest bar is.

  Lydia jumps in shock when she notices the short-haired woman from downstairs sitting just a few feet away.

  She woman seems to have left her muzzled companion somewhere and is now smiling seductively at Lydia as she leans against a mirrored pillar and sips her drink.

  Lydia makes a move to walk past her and towards the bar area, but the woman slides off her stool and puts her arm out to block Lydia’s path.

  ‘You can’t just look the way you do, stare at me with those eyes and then expect to walk away again. Not tonight, baby.’

  She looks Lydia up and down again.

  ‘That dress. Those legs. You look incredible.’

  Lydia is literally speechless. She is certain this woman is coming on to her in a very obvious way and she starts to feel even more dizzy.

  Her admirer, noticing how unsteady she is, guides her gently towards a chair and after a minute or two, Lydia’s breathing returns to normal and she starts to feel better.

  She wonders where this woman is from and what her name is, but she’s too shy and nervous to ask.

  Lydia thinks she looks like a short-haired Thandie Newton and the thought of Thandie cutting off her hair and doing weights at the gym makes Lydia smile.

  Her new friend notices, smiles back and brushes a strand of hair from Lydia’s face, before leaning in and kissing her gently on the cheek.

  The electricity from the kiss is palpable and it seems to run down Lydia’s neck and spine, filling her entire body with a sensation unlike anything she’s ever felt before.

  She didn’t think she could feel something like this for a woman and Lydia has no idea what to do next.

  She finds the courage to look into the stranger’s dark magnetic eyes for a second before she’s kissed again. This time on the lips.

  It’s soft, tender, slow and Lydia can feel her face burn red with desire. She doesn’t want it to end, but the woman pulls away.

  ‘I haven’t seen you around here in ages. I thought maybe you were something I dreamed up.’

  Lydia can’t believe what she’s hearing. This woman can’t be talking about her. She’s never seen her before tonight.

  Then, it occurs to Lydia. She must think she’s Kate!

  ‘I... I’ve never spoken to you before.’

  ‘Correct. But we have seen each other, haven’t we? I’ve seen you in some very… eh... interesting positions, if memory serves me.’

  She’s smiling now and her hands are all over Lydia.

  She moves in to kiss her again, but Lydia pushes her away.

  ‘Interesting positions? What does that mean?’

  Lydia feels like she’s going to pass out.

  ‘I need. I need a drink. You think I’m my sister! We’re twins. I’ve never been here before tonight but she has. And now she’s missing. She’s an actual missing person and the police are looking for her. Did you know that?’

  Suddenly, Dee appears out of nowhere and asks Lydia if ‘Belle’ is bothering her.

  The women obviously know each other but don’t seem to be on friendly terms.

  Lydia shakes her head, turns back to Belle and asks her to tell her what she knows about Kate.

  Belle seems genuinely sad to hear that Kate is missing and ashamed that she had come on to Lydia so strongly when she was obviously in a vulnerable place.

  She tells her that she recognised Kate from the club, had seen her a few times, once in the play room with a group of people and another couple of times dancing downstairs. But she couldn’t remember who she was with, if anyone.

  ‘All I remember is that she was beautiful and she smiled at me a couple of times. I really hope she’s okay and you hear from her soon. I’m so sorry. About everything.’

  With that, Belle backs away from them, smiles meekly at Lydia and goes back downstairs.

  Lydia is in a state of shock.

  She asks Dee why Belle said she saw Kate in the play room and what she did in there.

  ‘Sweetie, it’s really not that weird. I promise. It’s basically spanking and a lot of people posing.

  Some people do it for a release, others for a bit of fun and some for the voyeuristic element. Let me show you.’

  With that, Dee leads Lydia to the other side of balcony and towards the large fluorescent letters that spell out ‘Play Room’ above the double doors.

  Lydia would ordinarily run a mile before going into a place like this, but she has to be brave for her sister and she isn’t going to learn anything if she runs away now.

  The room they enter is huge with high ceilings, massive pillars and black walls.

  It smells of leather and perfume and looks more like a theatre than part of a night club, with dim lights apart from a few spotlights on the ceiling that point towards the centre of the room.

  At the centre, there are various restraining devices and lots of people being tied up, flogged or humiliated in some way or another.

  The only sounds in the room are coming from these people and there is no music.

  The sounds of whips, moans and the occasional command from one of the ‘dominants’ fills the remaining sound space and gives Lydia chills.

  It’s all like some sort of perverted stage production to her.

  Dee goes towards the circle of people in the middle of the room and Lydia follows slowly behind.

  She leans against a pillar and watches as a scrawny young woman is told to remove her clothes.

  The man who is speaking to her, does so with a firm, but low voice.

  He walks around the girl in a wide circle as she undresses, and tells her to hurry up.

  In seconds, her skirt and bra are on the floor with her shoes and he kicks them aside, telling her to take her underwear off too.

  The girl nods and quickly does as he says. He lets her stand there, briefly and reminds her to stay looking at the ground until he says so.

  She nods again. He motions to another man to join him and they proceed to tie the girl up, occasionally saying something degrading to her in a low voice.

  Lydia watches as they fasten her arms behind her back. The rope almost goes to her elbows.

  Her head hangs down and her mousey hair covers her face.

  Lydia notices the bruises on the girl’s buttocks and backs of her thighs and feels a rush of empathy.

  She doesn’t understand how anyone would agree to this sort of thing, or how it could possibly be pleasurable?

  Dee, sensing Lydia’s discomfort, whispers to her.

  ‘This is pretty hardcore stuff. I really don’t think your sis was into anything like this, honey.’

  Lydia nods in response but she has already thought about the strange images she found on her sister’s phone and how much this place reminds her of them.

  One of the men in the centre of the room has now pulled the naked girl’s hair back and is whispering something in her ear.

  She nods quickly in response.

  The other man is pacing back and forth behind them and takes some sort of long paddle from his belt, smacks it gently against the pillar behind her, and smiles.

&n
bsp; The man that’s pulling the girl’s hair tells her to get on the floor, so that she’s kneeling in front of him.

  Lydia asks if the girl has given permission for this, and Dee nods.

  The men start to flog the girl and she cries out.

  Lydia wonders if she is crying in pain, pleasure, or a mixture of both.

  One of the men has a paddle. The other has some sort of leather handle with lots of strings coming from it and stands a couple of metres from her, precisely hitting her bare back and bottom with the long leather strings.

  On a balcony above them, Tony Briggs is watching Lydia closely.

  One of the barmen, a friend of Yukio’s, had let him know she was here, and he can’t believe how identical to Kate she is and even more stunning in real life than she is in the magazines.

  Tony jokes to his friend that if he ever goes through with a sex change he wants to look exactly like one of the Stone twins.

  Lydia has no idea that Tony, or anyone is watching her.

  She is transfixed with what’s going on in the room.

  Dee, suddenly realising that things are maybe a bit too intense for a newbie, says they have to go or they’ll miss Yukio’s performance.

  Lydia breathes a huge sigh of relief as they re-enter the club’s main room.

  She hears a familiar Rihanna song and instantly feels more at home.

  She’s had adrenaline pumping through her veins for way too long and needs to chill out and rehydrate.

  They rejoin the group downstairs and Lydia leans against the bar, waiting for Yukio to come on.

  The MC shouts out the name of the next act, but it’s not Yukio.

  Instead, two people in full latex run on stage doing some sort of strange dance while covering one another in a jelly-like substance.