Shattered Love

by Stacey Marie Brown

  Therapy, both physical and mental, closed for a week, so I only went twice during the vacation. And after the new year, one of my Monday sessions was temporarily moved to Tuesday, Hunter’s day, but he never showed up.

  Not that I was watching the door or anything.

  “Hello? Need a little help here.” Stevie groaned and tapped my leg with her heels. I whipped around, heat pinking my cheeks, hoping she wouldn’t notice my attention on every person who entered or moved near the entrance.

  “Sorry.” I pushed her leg toward the ground. Today was lower abs and back strengthening exercises.

  “Hoping for Tall, Dark, and Sexy to walk in?”

  “No,” I responded. Too quickly.

  “Uh-huh. Sure.” A knowing smile crept over her face. “Hey, I don’t blame you. The boy’s ass is definitely in my top favorites. I miss staring at it too.”

  “All I hear is talking,” Justin called over.

  Stevie rolled her eyes and kicked her legs up for me to thrust down. We did it a few more times before she let them flop on the mat, wiping the tiny bit of sweat off her forehead. “Whooo…think I’ve had enough for today. Your turn, Whiskey.”

  “Wow. Five whole leg lifts.”

  “Look who’s getting sassy.” Stevie’s eyebrow rose as she brushed her blonde hair off her face. Today it was dyed black underneath. She rolled to her feet, tightening her ponytail. “I am training you well, young apprentice. I approve of this new attitude.”

  “You’re the only one.” I sat down on the mat, dreading this exercise. My injury extended into my lower back and my muscles along my spine always ached.

  “Aww. Are school and the parents still struggling with the new-and-improved Jayme?”

  “Struggling is a good way of putting it.” I lay back, kicking up my legs. I could already notice the strain in my back. “My parents have decided to ignore the tattoo. If they don’t acknowledge it, it’s not there. Mom keeps trying to urge me back into my cheerleading or trying out for volleyball, anything to get me involved again.”

  “They’ll come around.” She lazily pushed at my legs, but it was enough for my jaw to clench down. Straining. “It’s an adjustment period for all of you.”

  “Their secret hope is if they keep me away from Hunter, I will simply forget and move on. Like he’s a shiny, new toy.”

  “He would be fun to play with.” She winked, shoving my legs down faster this time. I grunted. “Actually, both of you would be.”

  I rolled my eyes. “They have turned insanely protective lately. Like if they let me out the door, I will run to Hunter and turn to a life of crime. Mom calls me every five minutes. If I walk in the door a minute after what I said, she freaks out.”

  Stevie snorted. “My mom basically threatened the doctor so he would say I needed another month in physical therapy to keep me at home with her.”

  “I know they mean well, but I feel smothered.”

  “What it sounds like to me is you need another night out.” Stevie propped her elbows on the souls of my feet, staring down at me, her eyebrows wiggling.

  I groaned.

  “It’s not a party this time.” She held up three fingers in a Girl Scout pledge. “I promise.”

  “Were you even in the Girl Scouts?”

  “Uh, for an hour. Then I was kicked out.”

  I lifted my eyebrows.

  “Long story, but you’re getting off the point. You are coming with me next Friday.”

  “If my parents let me.”

  “They can’t say no because you’re with me. Not Hunter. They want you to be social again. Well, it’s what we will do. I know of the perfect event.”

  “They want me socializing under their terms.” I folded my legs, placing them back on the ground.

  “They don’t need to know what we’re doing.” She curled down next to me on the mat.

  “What are we doing?”

  A mischievous smile grew over her face. “You’ll see.”

  “Stevie!” Justin’s voice soared over to us. “Get over here. Squat and weights time.” He stood with his hands on his hips, his huge chest and legs making him look like a linebacker, ready to plow us down instead of train our fragile bodies.

  Stevie’s mouth twisted in a frown, but she clambered back to her feet, heading for Justin.

  “Oh, and dress warm,” she said over her shoulder.

  “Dress warm? You don’t like the outdoors. What are we doing?”

  “Jaymerson, I see the mouth moving but not the legs.” Justin wiggled his fingers like scissors. “Give me another five sets of ten and then grab the band and do ten more.”

  Stevie smiled and winked. I knew whatever she had planned might entail me ending up in jail again.

  And I couldn’t wait.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  School started again, but Hunter was rarely there, or at least not in fifth period. When I did see him in the hall, he was usually on the phone or texting, his brows furrowed. Many times I saw him, Megan, and Jones take off in the middle of the day. Dark circles ringed his eyes, and he was constantly rubbing his face and sighing.

  What is he involved in? Is he in trouble? My instinct was to go to him, to see if he needed help, needed me. But I took all those emotions and shoved them down deep. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it.

  Before getting to know him better, I was sure he was dealing drugs or something else illegal. There were countless times he called Colton or Colton cancelled on me because of Hunter. A perpetual need to be bailed out of trouble. He told me he didn’t take drugs, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t selling them. Something was definitely going on with him. Everyone had a dark side. I just didn’t know how deep his went.

  Did it scare me? Yes. Did it cause me to not want to be in his life? Not at all. I missed him. Not to fill the gap Colton left or because we had been through this horrible ordeal together, but him. He made me feel alive in a way I’d never experienced.

  I had been happy with Colton. Content in our little world. I had loved him, but you couldn’t base a relationship off one amazing night. All you did was spend the rest of the time trying to re-create it, hoping you’d have the same connection again.

  I couldn’t tell the difference before between loving Colton as a boyfriend and loving him as a friend. Hunter was different. He inflicted a deep passion that was almost consuming. Seeing him spurred my heart and locked my breath in my throat. When he did show up to class, I could sense him behind me. His presence tingled my skin till it was so sensitive I could hardly move.

  But some things weren’t meant to be. I had learned life wasn’t fair. It was how you handled the mess and moved on. Sometimes you needed to let it rain on you, let the pieces fall where they wanted.

  I went back to spending my lunch breaks between the library and the science lab. Mr. Fredrick, my science teacher, became accustomed to having me there with him. He even started letting me do research for him on a theory he was trying to prove.

  Even though I was back to a routine, my outlook was different this time. I tried to listen to my inner voice and do what I wanted to do. Somedays I would cut a class and sit out at the bleachers. Other days I would be in the library, looking at art books or learning more for Mr. Fredrick. I pushed all the bullshit of school drama in the background and instantly felt lighter.

  I was thrilled when Friday came. Stevie had been texting me all day with cryptic hints like:

  Dark clothes.

  Gloves. Black.

  Comfy shoes. Black.

  Flashlight.

  Finally I texted her back. Either we are becoming cat burglars or you are taking me to some beatnik poetry night without electricity.

  My phone buzzed. Beatnik poetry is only fun when everyone is nude. Trust me. Knowing Stevie, she was probably speaking from experience.

  I got another text. Oh, and you’re staying at my place tonight. Since I can’t be with you tomorrow, we’ll have a little pre-birthday slumber party.

>   Saturday was my birthday, but with one friend—who had to go to her cousin’s wedding—it didn’t seem all that exciting. I would be eighteen. A ping hit my heart with the realization I had caught up to Colton. As I continued to celebrate birthdays, he would forever be eighteen. Frozen in time.

  Colton’s memorial was going to be held in early spring, when the ground thawed, and it was a better time to have a commemorative celebration. It felt as hollow to me now as it did when it was first planned.

  I had been thinking about him a lot. Last year around this time we had gotten back together. I had the memory of him taking my hand in the hallway for the first time since our breakup, confirming to everyone I was his girl. I remembered thinking he was it. We were in it for the long haul. How lucky I was.

  Life had its own ideas, taking turns and dives you never dreamed of happening. Less than a year later, Colton was dead, I came out of a coma and learned to walk again, lost all my friends, was off the squad, had gotten into fights, been in jail, acquired a tattoo, and was now fighting feelings for his twin brother.

  I put my face in my palms.

  Jesus, you are a walking soap opera, Jaymerson.

  When Stevie picked me up, Mom was still hounding me with questions.

  “You’re staying at Stevie’s tonight?” She folded her arms with apprehension, watching me put on my coat.

  “Yes.”

  “Her mother’s going to be there?”

  “Yes, Mom.”

  “You have your cell phone on you?”

  “Don’t I always?” I zipped up my grey, puffy winter coat, grabbing a beanie and slipping it on my head. “Mom, relax. Why is this different from any other night I go out?”

  She frowned, letting her shoulders drop. “I’m sorry. I’m being nutty, huh?”

  “Kinda.” I squeezed her arm.

  “Oh god.” She leaned her head into her hand. “I’m turning into my mother.”

  I snorted. “Grandma Penny? She’s not a worrywart. She’d be telling me to go out and sow those wild oats.”

  “She wasn’t always that way,” Mom scoffed. “The woman you know now is not the one I grew up with.”

  “Grandma Penny was uptight?”

  “Are you saying I’m uptight?” Mom teased.

  “Uh. No.”

  “She was pretty strict when I was young. She changed after Grandpa’s death. Instead of turning into a sad, mourning widow, she decided to take life by the horns and ride the bull. I think that’s how she phrased it.”

  And she had. She had travelled the world with her bunco group, bungee jumped, skydived, and took a painting class in Italy. She was my role model. After losing her love, she didn’t sit on the sofa or follow any mourning guidelines. She jumped into life with no life preserver. She inspired me to leap with her.

  A sharp knock on the front door interrupted us. I hooked my overnight bag on my shoulder and leaned over, giving my mom a quick hug. “See you tomorrow, Mom. Love you.”

  “Okay. Be safe. And happy early birthday.” She touched my face as I leaned back. “Have fun. I know I worry, but I do want you to have a great time.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” I swung around, opening the door.

  “Hey, Mrs. Holloway.” Stevie waved.

  “Please, Stevie, call me Amy. Mrs. Holloway is my mother-in-law.” Her lips hitched up in exasperation.

  I looked back at Stevie. “Think her expression says it all. Let’s go.”

  “Have fun, girls.” Mom motioned from the door.

  “We will. Don’t worry, I’ve got her back. I’ll protect it with my life.” Stevie walked backward, tripping over a flower bed. “Oh crap.”

  “Now I’m even more afraid.” Mom shook her head with a chuckle.

  We gave our last goodbyes and got into her car.

  “Okay, what adventure is in store for us tonight?” I rubbed my hands together with excitement.

  “Flashlight?”

  “Check.” I pulled it out.

  “Ski hat?”

  “Check.”

  “Passport in case we need to run?”

  “What?”

  Stevie grinned, putting the car in reverse. “The more time you hang out with me the more you will realize I’m really not kidding.”

  Stevie pulled the car into a large, open lot twenty minutes from town. The suburbs had given way to fields and farms. Only an occasional streetlight dotted the road. Gravel crunched under wheels as she parked the car next to a row of other cars. Thirty or more people mulled around a red barn with an old sign displaying “Pumpkin Farm and Corn Maze” on it.

  “Okay, you have me thoroughly confused.” I tried to see through the dark. One lamp on the barn bled over into the lot, giving the place an eerie glow. “And a little creeped out. You brought me here to kill me, huh? Children of the Corn style.”

  Stevie grabbed her black ski hat and pulled it over her black-and-blonde hair. “Trust me. You will love it.”

  I popped open the door, getting out. Her lips held a mischievous smile as she locked the car and proceeded toward the group. “Now I’m terrified.” I pointed at her expression, walking next to her.

  We inched closer to the group huddled around the barn against the cold. Everyone was dressed in shades of black or dark grey, making it hard to differentiate between them.

  Stevie turned to me and grabbed my hands. “Just don’t murder me. I’m too pretty to die by brats in Amish clothing.”

  My stomach dipped. “What are you talking about?”

  She turned me forward and my eyes landed immediately on the source of her worry.

  “I’m going to kill you,” I muttered to her, my gaze never breaking from the figure across from me, talking to his friends—Doug, Jones, Megan…and Sunny.

  “Did you know he was going to be here?” I asked.

  “Yes. I learned about this from him.”

  “Stevie,” I exclaimed, turning to face her.

  “I know. I’m sorry…okay, that’s kind of a lie. I’m not.”

  “How am I supposed to move beyond Colton, beyond Hunter, if you keep bringing me around him?” I hissed.

  “I think you have this all wrong.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I think you have moved on from Colton, which may be the problem.” She held up her hand, blocking my protest. “Of course you miss him. You always will. Your problem is you are afraid to let go of him. To be okay being with another and you feel guilty about wanting to.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not ready to meet someone else.”

  “Because you already have.” She clutched my arms, forcing me to not turn away. “I’ve seen you two together. The fact he’s Colton’s twin is awful luck. But look beyond his dashing, panty-dropping good looks and unfortunate family ties.” She winked playfully. “Are you happy around Hunter? Do you laugh? Do you miss him when he’s not around?”

  I gulped and looked down at my shoes.

  “The situation sucks, but life is messy, babe. Don’t cut yourself off from something because you are afraid or worried what other people think. You like this guy, I can tell. It just happens to be Colton’s brother.” She squeezed my hands. “I never knew you with Colton, but even the way you talk about him sounds more like a friend. You should see how you come alive when Hunter is near.”

  I took a deep breath, lifting my head.

  “Want to kill me a little less?”

  “Maybe. Only a little less.” She grinned, causing me to laugh. “Jeez, girl, you could sell ice to an Eskimo. I should hire you to be my therapist.”

  “Ugh, no. Listening to other people whine all day? I only want to hear myself... and occasionally you.”

  “Wow, thanks.”

  “What are friends for?” She shrugged. “Now let’s go have some fun.” She grabbed my arm and tugged me into the group.

  “Stevie. You made it.” A tall, lean girl with long, silky brown hair, olive skin, and dark eyes waved at her. She was gorgeous.

 
“Wow. Is that Pocahontas?” I muttered.

  “Yep.” Stevie fluttered her eyes dreamily. “Hot, isn’t she?”

  “And she likes you?”

  Stevie jabbed her hip into mine, and I chuckled.

  “Hey, girl.” Stevie went over to her, giving her a hug. As they talked, the side of my face began to prickle. I swiveled my head to see Hunter staring at me. My stomach plunged, reminding me of slipping down a huge waterslide. Fun, exhilarating, but terrifying. I lifted my hand in greeting.

  He dipped his head in acknowledgment, his eyes never leaving me. It was cold enough to snow, but my body blistered with heat. The jacket clung to my frame, suffocating me. Oh crap. I’m so in trouble.

  “Hello, everyone! Most of you know me, but to the newbies, I’m Will.” A guy broke my gaze from Hunter, pulling it to a large hay cart on the side of the barn. He looked to be in his early twenties and dressed in all black like the rest of us. He pitched himself on top the railing of the cart for everyone to see him clearly. “Welcome to our fourth annual flashlight tag-scavenger hunt.” A round of cheers erupted from the group. “As many of you know, this is secret and we change locations each time because the cops do not like us having any fun.” The crowd booed. “This year the hunt is taking place in the maze. The object you are searching for is a key, the prize is in what the key opens.” I could feel the excitement building in the air, bustling through me, and I bounced on my toes with anticipation.

  “See, what did I tell you?” Stevie leaned over to me. “This is going to be fun.”

  I nodded eagerly.

  “Okay, now for the rules.” Groans flowed over the gathering. “I know. I know. But they are simple enough. First, there are two on each team. Second, each one of you has to wear a light-sensing monitor.” Will pointed down to two guys holding boxes. “If it goes off, you are out. No exceptions. Perry here is a computer genius and is tracking all the monitors. So, no cheating. Other than that, let’s have fun!” Cheers burst up, creating an eagerness through the throng. “Okay, everyone pair up. We will begin in five minutes.” Will jumped down from the cart, and the crowd moved with intention and excitement.