Every muscle in my body locked up, going still.
“No! What?” another girl asked, her voice high and baby-like.
“Well, Jennifer said she saw them arguing by her locker. It looked really intense,” the girl said, stringing each word out dramatically. The sound of a bag unzipping echoed. “Like a lover’s spat or something.”
“Really?” The baby-voiced girl responded with excitement. “So…do you think it was them in the video?”
“Totally! She’s completely banging her dead boyfriend’s brother,” the first girl replied salaciously. “And them arguing in the hallway? Sorry, but you don’t have fights like that unless there is something going on.”
This coming from the girl who wasn’t actually there but heard about it from another person. It didn’t matter if it was true, and even less if we weren’t actually sleeping together. Their version was more exciting. Juicier gossip about others was more entertaining to spread. It was fun as long as they weren’t the ones being talked about.
“I think it’s disgusting,” the girl continued. “A brother is bad enough, but his identical twin? Ugh... like they are interchangeable or something. Colton was way hotter.”
“They were identical twins.” The other replied dryly.
“Yeah, but Hunter is, like, a poor man’s Colton. Hunter might be smokin’ hot with the tattoos and bad-boy thing, but you can tell he’s going nowhere. Like he’ll be a gas attendant or a convenience store clerk. I’ve heard he already has several illegitimate kids. Probably in every trailer park across the state. I mean, look at the crowd he hangs with. They probably only have one brain cell left between them. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him talk in class, like, ever. And now Mr. Anti-social is all into his brother’s girl… a cheerleader? It’s weird.”
A gasp came from the baby-voiced girl. “Maybe he killed his brother so he could have her.”
“They were in a car accident.”
“I know. What if it wasn’t an accident?” she whispered conspiratorially.
“Oh my god. You are awful.” The first girl giggled.
“Like you weren’t thinking it.”
I squeezed my lids closed and swallowed the lump of bile forming in my throat.
“Well, no matter what, it’s gross.” A bag zipped closed. “Poor Colton. Little did he know his perfect little girlfriend was a complete tramp. I would have loved to be the one to comfort him.” The first girl sighed.
“I think it should be illegal for hot boys to die. Such a waste.”
“Seriously,” baby-voice agreed.
“I better get back before Mr. Kisner sends his little teacher’s pet after me.” Shoes moved across the tile. The door squeaked open then shut, leaving the room in silence.
Their insensitive, malicious words echoed in my ears, flooding the tears forward again. I placed my face in my hands. Words could hurt more than any knife could. I had gone through excruciating pain with learning to walk again, but this was far more brutal. It ate at your insides and destroyed you. Unless it was them under the microscope, people had such little empathy for others. Quick to judge and condemn, even though they might have done the same or worse.
It made me realize how alone I was.
Dating Colton had brought me popularity and an instant group of friends. I innocently accepted their friendship and their world, taking it on like it was real and true. Not one of them stood by me now.
The only person I wanted to run to was the exact person I couldn’t…the reason they banished me and put me on stage with a scarlet letter on my chest.
Rage simmered. The things they said about Hunter were completely untrue. If they knew how smart he was, what he wanted to do, what he had done… they’d think differently. His road may not have been typical, but neither was he.
I wanted nothing more for him than to free himself of his parents, this town, all the sadness and bullshit he carried with him. He would never abandon Cody, but I hoped he would still follow his dreams. Find a way to do both.
I sucked in a gulp of determination, wiping my eyes dry. My chin jutted out as I marched from the stall.
One day we both would look back and be relieved we ended it now. We chained each other to the past. We needed to move on. He had his own path to follow. I had mine. Both better off without the other in it.
I had to believe that.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“I’m sorry, but what a bunch of shit.” Stevie bounced on her yoga ball. It was her last week at the clinic. I still had another month to go.
I sat on a blue one across from her. Justin left us to stretch before he put us on the machines.
“It’s not. It’s for the best.” Stevie was the one I felt I could actually talk to. This was not something I could discuss with my parents.
“Dude, Whiskey, you are seriously overthinking all this. You will find all this high school stuff is utter crap and means nothing once you’re out. There should be no restrictions when it comes to love.”
I lifted an eyebrow.
“Well, children and animals are off limits. But if you are of age, human, and can decide for yourself, then all is fair game.” She leaned her elbows on her knees. “Love is love.”
“I didn’t say anything about love.” I stretched back.
“Oh, please, you two are the definition of epic love. The ultimate star-crossed lovers. They should write a crappy movie about this depressing shit.”
I smiled thinly. “It’s not only about the high school shit.” I rolled back and forth on the ball. “That actually is nothing in comparison.”
“But the kid is not even his.” Stevie was the only one I told about Cody and Colton.
“Stevie, I don’t see you stretching,” Justin yelled from across the room. “I’m watching you too, Jaymerson.”
“Fuck.” Stevie rolled her eyes. “He had to be a drill sergeant before this. No one is that much of a tight ass.”
“Well, he does have an exceptionally nice, tight ass.” I grinned, rolling back on the ball.
“No kidding.” Stevie flopped back, doing half-assed stretches. “I wouldn’t mind it bouncing on my kitchen counter.”
I covered my face with a snort.
“Suzie’s can be on the washer…when it’s on spin cycle.”
I rolled off the ball, groaning.
“I don’t want you to feel left out. Want the hamper or the breakfast nook? Your lunch table at school? Now we could really get them talking.” She continued to list random places at school till I was grabbing my sides, trying to breathe through the giggles.
“Nope. I’m out of this one. I’m not having my ass compared with theirs.” I shook my head.
“Don’t worry.” She patted my knee and winked. “I’ll grade on a curve.”
We both burst into fits of laughter. It might have been silly, but it was exactly what I needed. Tears only released a portion of stress. Laughter was still the best medicine, and I seemed to laugh little these days.
“Stevie, Jaymerson. Machines,” Justin called over to us.
“Jeez, he seriously needs to relax.” Stevie reached her hand out for me to help her up. “Sex. Have some. Might loosen that stick in your ass,” she yelled over at him.
“Machines now, Stevie,” Justin ordered, ignoring her. He, like everyone here, was used to her mouth.
“Speaking of sex?” I nudged her shoulder, my eyebrows wiggling. “Seen Tarzan lately?”
“Maybe…” Stevie dipped her head, a slight blush coating her pale coloring. “He wants me to come to the next race to watch him. Chris on a bike covered in dirt and sweat? Yes. Please.”
“Chris?” I transferred my weight to my good leg, watching her closely. My mouth fell open. “Oh my god. You really, really like him.”
“What? No, I don’t.” She contradicted me, her cheeks turning a deeper ruddy color.
“You called him by his name.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.” My smile
grew. “Holy shit. You are completely smitten with him.”
“No.” She shook her head. “We had some fun, but that’s all it is. In all honesty he’s making me want to go back to women,” she said, but there was no strength behind her statement.
“Wow. The one thing Stevie Colvin can’t be truthful about is actually liking someone.”
She shifted uncomfortably. We all had our things. Stevie had lost her father. She was not immune to hiding and protecting her heart from getting hurt, like the rest of us.
“He’s cool. We have a good time…whatever.”
“Sure.” I smiled, letting the subject drop. “Come on. Before Justin adds more repetitions.”
“It’s my last week here. Shouldn’t I get a break?” She strolled over to the leg press grumbling.
I bent over and reached for my hoodie on the floor. As I stood, someone came around the corner, slamming into me. I stumbled to the side. Large hands grabbed me, pulling me firmly against them, keeping me from falling.
My body knew before I even looked into his blue eyes. I hummed with energy and desire, a chemical reaction I could not control. My eyes drifted up and locked on his.
What the hell is he doing here? This is not his day.
“Sorry,” he muttered. The feel of him against me was like taking a dose of ecstasy. He held me for another beat, his expression flat, giving nothing away. He stepped away, his gaze drifting over my head to Justin by the treadmill. Hunter’s shoulders set in a firm line, his tall, broad backside was firm, and every tight muscle showed through his shirt and workout shorts as he walked over to the trainer.
His nonchalant, indifferent attitude toward me cut as sharply as bare feet on a floor of broken glass. Even if it had been my decision, I felt like I was the one standing holding my heart, gasping and flopping around like a dying fish.
It wasn’t till I looked over at Stevie, her eyebrow lifted, did I realize I’d been caught outright staring at him like a lost puppy. A heartbroken puppy. She shook her head. I jerked my chin, pointing it at the floor and moved to the leg-lift machine.
“Hey, Hunter, glad we could switch your appointment.” I heard Justin say.
“Yeah, sorry. Had a family situation to deal with.”
Family? Was it Cody?
The book closed. The final confirmation I’d been looking for. Just not the one I wanted. His life was with them. Cody and Krista were his family. His priority. It would always be.
“Oh sure. For the best.” Stevie walked up next to me. “I believe that like my mother believes finding me in bed with my college roommate was only because the heat went out in our room.”
My eyes roamed back over to Hunter. His back was to me as he slowly jogged on the treadmill he fell off of before we first kissed. I couldn’t help glancing at the spot where he laid me on the ground. A kiss leading to jail.
That should have warned me…
Chapter Thirty-Three
The next month slipped by in a strange fog. Dad was willing to talk about the semester abroad program, which was a huge improvement. Mom and I had to work slowly at introducing the idea so he wouldn’t outright say no and close the door on it. He still had me filling out college applications where he wanted me to attend, but the compromise seemed to make him more open to my concept of me going to Europe.
Even though Stevie wasn’t at physical therapy anymore, I actually saw her more. She decided she’d wait till next fall to go back to school, which had a lot to do with me and a certain Aussie. They were happy being only with each other. It was kind of disturbing in a sweet way. They both teased about being bored and ready to move on, but they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.
Love was strange. It definitely chose you. It took hold even of those who laughed at the notion and were content playing around. Stevie couldn’t even explain why Chris broke her string of one-night stands. Nor did I think he could clarify why he didn’t want to be with other girls besides her. It didn’t matter. They both felt the same.
I was happy for them. Many nights they demanded I hang out with them, both teasing about having a threesome. I always felt there was an elephant in the room, especially when I knew they had seen Hunter or were talking about a Supercross event.
Even at school Hunter’s ghost lingered, but his physical person had vanished. After a week of his missing history class, I went to Mrs. Ambose. “Sorry to bother you, but I saw Hunter wasn’t in class this week. I wanted to see if I could get his assignments so he could keep up.”
She tilted her head in confusion. “Hunter transferred out. He needed to rearrange his schedule to have the last two periods free.”
“Oh.” Chagrin prickled at my hairline. Did he transfer because of me? “Thank you.”
The few times I did see him, it was across the hall, and he quickly dissipated into the crowd, almost like he was never there.
Soon winter released its reins and handed them over to spring.
The day of Colton’s memorial finally came, drawing most of the town to the campus. Rain threatened to descend at any moment, as if it was sympathetic to the occasion. The area between the gym and the football field was full of townsfolk and students. Ms. Matlin gave the school the last two periods off to attend the tribute.
The mayor, Mary Dunn, stood on top of the makeshift platform, speaking into the microphone about Colton. A tarp blocked us from seeing what was built in Colton’s honor.
Mom and Dad stood next to me as I stared absently at the ground at the base of the podium. The mayor’s words soared through the air like vapor.
Mr. and Mrs. Harris stood near the stage. Julia kept her head low, her husband’s arm around her. The football coach and the assistant coach stood next to them. Hunter was nowhere to be seen. I hadn’t expected him to be. My gaze wandered over the crowd, spotting familiar faces: students, the clerk at the market, the owner of the pizza parlor. Everyone was here.
Savannah clung to Jason. She was dressed in a cute black dress and a pair of large sunglasses and heels. Chloe held her other arm, patting at her eyes. Adam stood next to her. Madison next to Adam. Carrie and Dan were behind them, Dan texting away on his phone.
Scanning the faces, I couldn’t read the amount of sadness they felt or didn’t feel, but most seemed to stir restlessly like they’d rather not be here. It had been more than seven months since his death. The shock of his sudden demise was lessening a bit. Those not close to him had moved on, and those close were trying. Now we were being yanked back. I didn’t need to recall the anguish of his loss or be reminded of his character. Or even how much I missed him.
“Colton was a fierce friend, kind, loyal, considerate. A loving son and boyfriend, amazing athlete, and trusted friend.” The mayor nodded at his parents, then over at me. Mom’s hand came up, rubbing my arm.
I shifted. Just because he was dead didn’t make me not want to call bullshit on at least one of those. It was strange to think the one person who ever truly knew the real Colton was Hunter. Not even his best friends knew Colton had a son.
“His loss devastated our community…” Mary went on.
I knew she was a family friend of the Harris’s. Friend might be a stretch. Colton told me it was a “scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” kind of thing. Politics meets money and influence. He couldn’t stand her. And Colton liked almost everybody. Her presence gave his memorial a false edge.
“Now in dedication to Colton Mitchel Harris.” Mary swished her hand as some of the football players withdrew the tarp. Under the oak tree stood a large iron fountain formed in the shape of a football with the number twenty-two on it, his jersey number. Mitch and Julia walked up and pressed a button on the fountain. Water trickled out of the football and down the side to where a plaque was carved, with his name, years of birth and death, and a quote.
I could almost hear Colton groaning in my head. A fountain? Seriously?
The wind blew, swishing my hair around, but I needed air. To breathe. I can’t stay here. I began t
o turn. And stopped. In a featureless swarm of congregating bodies, only one burst to life, becoming my anchor in the sea of faces. A life raft of strength. Hunter stood in the distance, under a tree, blending in the shadows of the grey afternoon. No one seemed to notice him.
He sensed my gaze and turned his head. Our eyes locked on each other. The people and scenery around me became abstract paintings. He was the only thing clear and substantial. The muscles around my heart clenched, and the air seemed to compress around me. But the air he stole from me was different. This was laced with pleasure, a speeding of my heart, drilling into me an understanding I wanted nothing more than to run to him. Pressure went to the tips of my toes, pushing down into the ground.
“Jaymerson?” My name rang out over the speakers, jerking my head to the front with dread. Mary stared down at me in expectation. “Would you like to come up here and say something? I know you missed his funeral while still in the hospital yourself. I thought you might want a chance to say a few words?”
Oh god. No. “Um.” No words came to my head.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to.” Mom clutched my hand, giving me a knowing smile. Standing by myself in front of this crowd of people who mostly mocked and hated me was the last thing I wanted to do. What would I even say?
“Jaymerson?”
I gulped and went up to the platform and took the mic. I could hear my ex-friends mumbling and shaking their heads.
“Hi.” The speaker squeaked, and I took a step back, my tongue sliding over my dry lips. It’s okay. You can do this, Jayme. My gaze landed on Hunter. His face was expressionless, but the way he watched me gave me strength, propelling me to start. “Everyone here has a memory, a story about Colton. We can stand here and give a breathtaking impression of Colton’s character. Loyal, kind, caring, life of the party, goofy, charming… He was all of those things, but…”
I heard a rumbling through the crowd, clenching my throat. It was slight, but I saw Hunter tip his head, telling me to go on.
Shattered Love Page 30
