I swallowed, taking a breath. “In death we seem to want to put a person on a pedestal, make them this one-dimensional, faultless person. He wasn’t. Colton had many faults. But now I realize it’s what I liked most about him. He was flawed. Real. Made mistakes.” I inhaled shakily, my mouth dry. “I miss him. It’s not the boyfriend I mourn, but my friend. My best friend... Someone who makes you laugh, feel safe, happy, knows all your different sides, and likes you more for them.”
Sometimes things come to you in a flash of undeniable truth. So powerful and strong it was like a light had switched on, showing you clearly in stark harsh light what has been there the whole time.
I wasn’t talking about Colton. He was never that person. Only one was all those things to me.
Hunter.
Anxiety quickened my breath, my eyes searching for the one person who made sense to me. My eyes flew back to the tree, wanting somehow to convey to him he was that person to me. But emptiness surrounded the spot where he once stood.
Hunter was gone.
My gaze darted around searching frantically for his retreating figure. Hunter! My heart and mind screamed. Where did he go?
It was like I’d lost my refuge, my one lifeline keeping me afloat. He gave me strength and confidence to stand here and be strong. Why did he leave?
Only when I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Mary did I realize I had stopped talking.
“Um, well—” My thoughts bumbled around on my tongue, wandering aimlessly with no set direction. “I mean…well.” Fire raced up my neck into my cheeks, feeling the stares from the crowd, further causing me to stumble over my words.
The mayor patted me on the back, nudging me away from the microphone. “I know this is extremely difficult for you, perhaps you can collect your thoughts and then come back. Now I’ll open it to anyone who wants to come up and say a few words about Colton.” She took control of the podium, sliding her attention over the audience.
I moved to the stairs and passed one of Colton’s football buddies running up the stairs to talk next. I made my way back to my parents, people surrounded me in every direction and yet I’d never felt more alone.
When the memorial ended, I strolled slowly back to my car, my head down, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone.
“Honey?” I heard my mom, but I was lost out in space.
“JayJay?” Dad’s voice swung my head to the side, linking me back to earth. “You coming straight home?”
My lips parted to say “yes” when I heard “no” come out instead. “I think I’m gonna go to Colton’s grave.” I twisted my finger around my key ring.
Mom and Dad nodded, giving each other a quick, pointed glance. Dad exhaled and smiled warmly. “We’re going to get Reece from daycare, then pick up a pizza for dinner. Sound good?”
“Yeah. I’ll see you later.”
Mom came over and gave me a quick hug. “You were so brave today.”
I stepped from her embrace, waved at my dad, and got in the jeep. I had yet to go to Colton’s grave, something I kept pushing off. I felt today was the day. A final door I needed to close.
Large droplets splattered on the leaves as I stepped from the car. I strolled over to the plot where Colton rested. The soft drumming of rain set a peaceful but sad melancholy mood to the cemetery. My chest clenched when his gravestone came into full view. His name, displayed in large block letters, finalized his death. I stopped close to the headstone. A leaf fluttered down, landing on the top. My hand automatically picked it off.
“Sorry it took me this long.” My voice came out uneven, breaking the silence. I shifted on my feet, not sure what to say. It was so quiet, only the pattering of rain on the leaves made any sound. “Damn, you would hate this.” A snort burst from me, imagining Colton pacing back and forth beside me yelling, “I’m so bored.”
The smile dropped from my face, and I folded my arms over each other. “I am so mad at you.” I blinked, a slight pressure behind my eyes. “How could you do that to me, Colton? You lied, cheated, and deceived me. You let your brother claim your baby. Have him pretend to be you so I wouldn’t know about your son and the fact you betrayed me. I thought you were my best friend, Colton, but friends don’t do that to each other.” I rubbed between my eyes. “You know what makes me even angrier? I don’t have the right to be mad at you because you’re dead. How can I? You can’t fight back and tell me why you did those things. Now I have to live with this sitting on my chest.” I tapped at my rib cage. “And what’s even worse is after all the shit you did, I’m the one who feels guilty. The one who feels I’m doing something wrong.” The knot in my throat swelled, and I took a couple of breaths. “I have fallen in love with your brother.” My legs crumpled into the soft dirt, a choked sob tore from my throat. “I am so sorry.”
I missed Colton. The Colton I thought I knew. His presence in my life, his laugh, his carefree, happy personality. I would never see him laugh or smile again. But my heart ached for Hunter. I was overwhelmed by the absence he left in my soul, and the craving I had to be near him.
I didn’t realize how much I wanted Colton’s forgiveness. No matter what Colton did to me in the past, loving his brother felt worse. I’d fallen in love with Hunter because Colton died. He could not retaliate, be mad, or hate me, but I had the luxury of experiencing both emotions about him.
The silent guilt had been eating at me. It was probably why I had avoided coming here. I would finally have to face it. I liked who I was becoming, but I couldn’t fully move on until I dealt with the past and my feelings for both Colton and Hunter.
“Please forgive me,” I whispered, the tears rolling faster. I let them come. My shoulders heaved with heavy sobs rendering my arms almost useless at keeping me from folding over into a ball. Sadness tore through me and I surrendered to it, letting the dark in.
The pain was real, but it didn’t consume me like I thought it would. In that moment I knew I was beginning to let him go. After a while the tears subsided, and I wiped the liquid from my cheeks.
The sound of birds crowing twisted my neck to look up. A dozen black birds grouped in the sky, flying over. The way they were positioned reminded me of my tattoo. It was happenstance, but a smile curled my mouth seeing the birds soar in the air.
I glanced back down at the grave. “I think I need to forgive you too,” I muttered. It was all in my head, but it felt like a heaviness stepped off my heart. My body wanted to fly up and join the flock.
“Losing you was the most horrendous, unbearable thing, and I didn’t think I would ever come back from it. But I’m starting to, and I’m even stronger. I hate it took losing you to find myself.” I wiped the last of the tears off my face and set my hands down in my lap, the wet earth soaking through my leggings. “I love him, Colton,” I confessed. “I never imagined it, but I don’t want to be without him. I want to believe you’d want us to be happy. To be okay we found each other through this horrible ordeal.”
The birds continued to dance above my head, circling and curving near the oak tree he was buried under. Music from a car passing on the main road pumped through the cemetery, scaring the birds away. The thumping bass gave away an extremely bad rap song. It was one of Colton’s favorites. “Still torturing me with your bad music.” I shook my head, a smile pulling the edges of my mouth. There was no clear sign or evident indication, but in my soul I felt as though he’d given me his permission to love Hunter.
“Thank you.” I stood, brushing off my damp knees. “Goodbye, Colton.”
I would always love him in my way, but right then the road to where my heart truly lay was open. For once, I held no guilt or shame running from here to Hunter.
If anything, I felt Colton pushing me to go.
And I did.
Chapter Thirty-Four
The evening quickly absorbed the last of the afternoon light, the cloudy sky plummeting the damp road to the Harris’s house in murkiness.
I had texted and called Hunter when
I got to the car, but he didn’t respond to either. I dialed another number.
“Jones?” I said when a guy answered.
“Jaymerson?”
“Yeah. Is Hunter with you?”
“No. Not yet. I think he’s heading over here later.”
“Do you know where he is?”
“I think he’s home.”
“Thank you.” I hung up, put the car in drive, and pointed it up the hill.
The house lights glowed through the trees as I drove up. This time I held no reservations. I knew exactly what I wanted, and I needed to tell him truthfully how I felt. Whatever obstacles came our way, I was willing to tackle them. The thought of Cody didn’t frighten me, nor did Krista or any other person who might judge us for being together. I wanted him, and we would make it work.
My excitement quickly drained into trepidation, filling my stomach with bile as I struggled to compute the scene in front of me. I slammed my foot on the brake.
Two figures lit by the outside lights thrashed around in the driveway, one shoving and punching the other.
Holy shit.
Mr. Harris, still dressed in his suit and tie, wrapped his arm was around Hunter’s neck, pinning Hunter to his side. Julia stood on the top steps to the house screaming indistinctly.
I climbed out of the car and raced down the drive. “Hunter!” No one seemed to hear me.
“You are such a fucking disgrace,” his dad seethed. “You can’t even be there at your own brother’s memorial. The whole town was there. The mayor. Even Jaymerson. How do you think it looked to your mother and me? How humiliating that our son can’t even show up?”
Hunter ripped his head from his father’s grip, pulling away. “I don’t give a shit how it looked to others.” Blood leaked from Hunter’s nose, and the side of his face was puffed and bruised.
“You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”
“Me?” Hunter screamed confoundedly. “All you are concerned about is yourself and your stupid image! Not me. Your son. Just how it will appear to others.”
“How dare you!” Mr. Harris moved forward, diving back at Hunter.
“Stop!” I jumped in between them.
“Mitchel!” Julia screamed in warning, her hand at the base of her throat in horror. Mr. Harris reared back in shock at my sudden appearance.
“Jaymerson,” Hunter shouted, trying to shove me out of the way. “Get away from here.”
“No!” I barked, standing my ground. Rage took over. His father’s words and blows shredded the last of my self-doubt.
“You need to leave, Jaymerson. This is family business,” Mr. Harris said through clenched teeth, his hand wiping his mouth.
“Then how come you know so little about yours?”
“Jayme,” Hunter growled, his hands reaching for my shoulder, but I jerked away.
“No. He needs to hear this,” I shot at Hunter, then faced Mr. Harris, my eyes narrowing. “How can you not see the truth? Or is it you simply don’t want to?” I moved closer to Mitch. “All you care about is if Hunter shows up and plays a part?”
“You need to go. Now!” Mr. Harris yelled, pointing at my car.
“Colton was the boy you dreamed about. One to brag to your friends and model after you. The captain of the football team, with good grades, and a sweet, dismissive girlfriend. The golden boy going off to Princeton. Right?” I swung my arm, gesturing to Hunter. “Hunter, on the other hand, never fit your ideals. He has a strong personality, he stands up to you. Chooses to be himself. You hate it.” The tension in the air was palpable, but no one stopped me. “Did you ever once try and support Hunter, love him for who he is?”
“Jayme…” Hunter took a step to me.
“Because he is the only real one here,” I stressed. “And you’re too blind to see it.”
“You don’t know anything about us or this family.” Mr. Harris’s voice was cold and hard.
“Don’t I?” I matched his tone. “Then how is it I know the tru—”
“Jaymerson. Stop.”
“The baby you think is Hunter’s? It is Colton’s!” I shouted, looking back and forth between the wife and husband. Mrs. Harris paled, her hand going to her mouth. “Hunter claimed it, wanting to protect his brother, the football scholarship, your love…” I tapered off, my focus on Mr. Harris. “But you knew, didn’t you?”
“Stop!” Hunter grabbed my arm.
“And Colton let him,” I whispered hoarsely. “You let him... all to save your precious boy’s reputation.”
A gasp came from the steps. Julia stared at her husband, waiting for him to respond. “Is it true, Mitch? Is it Colton’s?”
He ignored her question, his rage pulsing in my direction.
“Answer me!” Julia demanded, venturing down the steps.
Fury blistered Mr. Harris’s eyes. “How dare you come here and act like you know anything about me. Or my family.” His fists clenched at his sides. “I love my boys. Both of them.”
“Just not equally.”
His chest doubled in size.
Hunter grabbed me by the shoulders, forcing me to back away. “That’s enough, Jayme.”
“You were never good enough for our son. Either of them. You’re merely a gold digger,” his dad spat. “One died so you took up with the other?”
A glitch of silence. Hunter’s hands dropped away from me, fury trundling off him. He stormed up to his father, grabbing him by the collar and yanking him close to his face, showing how easily he could overpower his father if he wanted to.
“Don’t ever talk about her like that.”
“And you don’t talk to me like this.” His dad shoved him back. “Why am I not surprised you’d defend her? She’s wrapped you around her finger like she did Colton. What is it about her? She’s nothing special.” The energy in the air was swelling, violence nibbling at the edges.
“Both of you stop this!” Julia ran down the steps, rushing to them. “I’ve had enough of you two constantly at each other’s throats.” She shoved at their entangled arms. Hunter stepped back, releasing his father.
Mr. Harris straightened his suit, as if he could make the scene right by doing so.
“Is it true? Is the baby Colton’s? I need to know now.” Julia glanced back and forth at the two men. “Hunter?”
Hunter looked away. “Yes,” he murmured.
Pain flashed over her face, and she turned to her husband. “Mitch, look at me. Did you know about Colton?” Julia grabbed his arm, forcing his attention on her. “That the baby was his?”
Mitch shook her hand off, walking a few steps away. He ran his hand over his short hair.
“Tell me!” Julia demanded.
Mitch swung around. “Not for sure.”
“But you suspected?”
He grunted, shrugging his shoulders in a noncommittal response.
Hunter exhaled, shaking his head in resolved disappointment. “If it was me, you could ignore the ‘bastard,’ right? But if anyone found out it was Colton’s, you’d have to accept you had a grandchild. Take care of it.”
“The girl probably got pregnant on purpose.” Mitch swung around. “Tried to trap Colton. I would not give that trash our money or our name.”
Everyone froze, staring at him in disbelief.
“It may be harsh, but it doesn’t make it any less true. It was better this way,” Mr. Harris continued. “He had a future. She would have sucked us dry and opened us up for more trollops looking for a payout.”
“Mitch!” Shock and sadness seeped into Julia’s voice.
“I simply wanted to protect him, Julia.” Grief crawled over his features, tearing down the anger. “I only wanted the best for him. Our boy.” A sob wrenched from his throat. “And now he’s gone…” He grabbed his wife, pulling her in.
They both held each other, sobbing. Not once did they look at Hunter, to bring him in and share their pain together. It broke my heart.
Hunter slowly turned from them and walked away.<
br />
“Hunter?” I chased after him.
“Go home, Jaymerson.”
“I’m sorry. I lost it when I saw him fighting you. I felt like they needed to know the truth.”
He sucked in a breath, curling and flexing his hand.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“I’m not mad. You’re right; they needed to know. I’m relieved the truth is out.” He opened the jeep door, his voice void of any emotion.
“Hunter…?”
“Goodbye, Jayme.” I bit my lip and nodded, climbing in.
“Hunter?” Julia’s voice came down the drive.
“I’ll be right there,” he responded. Turning back to me, he closed the jeep door. “Good night.”
“Will I see you tomorrow?”
He stared at me, then gave me a quick nod. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.” He pushed off from the door and walked away.
Diving home, emotion swelled around my throat, choking me. I swallowed them back. I will see him tomorrow, I told myself. But trepidation settled in, pulling me down like an anchor.
I went there to tell him I wanted to be with him but left with the deep resonating feeling he’d just said goodbye.
Chapter Thirty-Five
I was restless all morning, a nervous energy waging war in my limbs, making it difficult for me to sit still. I tried calling Hunter several times, but I only got his voicemail. No matter how much I told myself to relax, I couldn’t fight the sinking sensation inside me.
With every passing hour, the foreboding grew worse. I practically sprinted out of my fourth-period class, already typing on my phone.
Where are you? I sent.
Nothing.
“Dammit.” I tapped the phone against my leg. From the other end of the hall, I saw a familiar black hat bobbing through the crowd.
“Jones.” I elbowed my way through, determined not to lose him. “Jones!”
He jolted, spinning around, shocked I had screamed his name down the hall.
“What’s up?”
Shattered Love Page 31
