Eternally Yours

by Anastasia Dangerfield

  “Uh…yeah, I guess so,” I say sarcastically. “I would say that my fiancé has some connections anyways.”

  He winks at me and smiles, so genuinely happy to be able to do something for me. I feel just a little bad hiding this from him. Secrets are already coming between us, thanks to me.

  We all make small talk for about thirty minutes, then Gabe says we should go to the room and put our flying gear on.

  “What color are you going to put on?” he asks.

  “Probably white,” I say. I don’t want to wear the blue one for him too. It has special meaning to me now.

  “That’ll look beautiful on you,” he says as he pulls out a black one.

  I don’t even try to resist my smile. “Thanks,” I say bashfully.

  “It’s just the truth. Are you nervous?”

  “Ah yeah, I’m not so sure this is going to go well,” I say. And that’s the truth, because I don’t know if I can pull this off.

  “You know I won’t let anything happen to you.” He practically puffs out his chest as he says it. He has so much pride. He seems so confident that he honestly doesn’t even think it’s a possibility that he could fail; that something out of his control could happen. Pride cometh before the fall, they say. So his pride may be his downfall, but I really, really hope that is never the case.

  “Thanks, Gabe. It means a lot. You’re… really great, you know?” And I mean it.

  He smirks and shrugs his shoulders, like he just can’t help being wonderful. He grabs the bottom of his white t-shirt and lifts it over his head, muscled rippling as he does it. I try to look away but all I manage is a slight turn of my head, my eyes still on him. It’s hard to fight this temptation when I know he wants me to look, but a small part of me feels like it’s betrayal to Shadow. I swallow the lump in my throat and force myself to turn around. I step into my white flying outfit and try my best not to remember when I did this last. I try to forget who was standing behind me that time, too, because this is not that time. I pull it up and put my arms through the holes, wondering how I’m going to fasten the straps in the back, when he grips my waist and startles me.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” his husky voice whispers in my ear. Goosebumps travel across my skin.

  “Oh, it’s okay,” I exhale.

  “Here, let me help you,” he insists. His fingers are steady and gentle as he buckles the straps for me and runs his hand in between my shoulders, right where my wing muscles are. I involuntarily shiver and worry that my wings will burst out of my skin due to my lack of experience and control over my emotions. Fortunately, they stay inside my body. I wonder how Gabriel can be so masculine and strong and yet so gentile and soft. Is Shadow the same way? I don’t remember noticing. I remember how his hands were shaking and he was so timid and nervous when he touched me, but so was I. When Gabe touches me I feel hesitant and indecisive, but not nervous. Which way should it be? I wonder. Before I can figure out it, he twists me to face him.

  “Your skin is so soft,” he whispers looking down at me with half lidded eyes. He rubs my arms lightly as he stares intensely into my eyes and I can’t help but look away and swallow nervously. I don’t want to kiss him right now. I do want to kiss him right now. I don’t know what I want and I certainly can’t think with his face mere inches from mine and his breath tickling my cheek. I feel like I’m betraying Shadow, but it’s so much worse than that. It is Gabriel that I’m betraying.

  “Where are you at right now?” he asks softly. I look back into his beautiful eyes now and they have changed. They no longer look sultry and dangerous, but now they are soft and sincere. Have I never truly noticed how unique his eyes are? They are so crisp and clear, like the sky on a cloudless day, yet deep as the ocean. They also hold secrets and his eyes are the windows into his soul, but I don’t yet know what I see. I do see that he knows what he wants, and it’s so simple for him.

  “Nowhere,” I sigh. “I’m right here, with you.”

  Whether he believes me or not, I guess I’ll never know, because then he shuts his eyes and closes the short distance between us. His lips are soft and gentle, just like the rest of him when he touches me. He smells of leather and something crisp and clean. For a second, I get lost in him and I forget the battle inside my mind. For once I just relax and let go. And it feels so good to do so. I know I’ll have to come back soon, but I feel so free right now, so lost. His kisses turn more urgent and he pulls me closer by my waist, moving his hand to that dip in my lower back. This catches my attention and brings me back to the present. For some reason, I want to pull away but I don’t know why and this confuses me even more as well as frustrates me. Every second that ticks by, his gentleness fades and is replaced by urgency. He backs me against my closet wall and presses himself into me so tightly that I struggle for a full breath. My hands somehow squeeze between us and I push back breaking the kiss.

  “Sorry?” he says, more of a question. He’s panting and seems confused, maybe a bit mad.

  “I—I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just—“

  “Just what?” he interjects, sounding angry.

  I gasp, startled at his complete attitude change. “I just don’t want to move too fast.” I slump my shoulders because I feel hopeless. I don’t know what I want and I think it’s beginning to show. I might lose Gabriel before I decide, and then I would be screwed.

  “It’s just a kiss, Alexia, and we’ve been living together for three weeks now. Damnit, most of the angels have already sealed their bond!” He’s getting frustrated now. He rakes a hand through his hair and his abs flex, distracting me. He isn’t wearing anything from the waist up because that’s how the flying gear on a male is made. It distracts me seeing his chest pump up and down as he tried to catch his breath and calm down. I can almost feel the heat radiating off of him as well. He is a virile male, but I can’t say that I don’t like that.

  “Well I bet those that have don’t keep secrets from each other!” I retaliate. I close my eyes immediately wishing I hadn’t said that because I’m keeping secrets too. Sometimes I don’t think my brain filters things fast enough for my mouth to speak them.

  “Secrets? What is that supposed to mean? You think I’m hiding some big secret from you or something?” He throws his hands up like he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. “I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone else!” He’s talking about our conversation from a few weeks ago, about possibilities of leaving and escaping and choosing who we want to be with.

  I press my lips into a flat line and narrow my eyes. “Well what about the prophecy? What about your father and what about the war that everyone thinks is going to happen? You haven’t told me any of that, and Wraith even told Kaia! I had to hear it from her!” I’m exasperated now but somehow I manage to lower my tone as close to normal as I can. “Talk about embarrassing, my husband’s dad is the Overlord and I’m clueless.”

  He sighs loudly. “I’m not hiding anything from you, Alexia, I just didn’t think to tell you. Honestly. And it’s kind of hard for Wraith to keep a secret with Kaia always fishing around in his mind.”

  “What?” I ask confused. “You mean—“

  “Yeah,” he cuts me off. “I mean he didn’t tell her, she just figured it out. Actually the Guard is under strict orders not to mention anything; we don’t want to start an unnecessary panic on some old prophecy that probably isn’t true.” His mouth lifts up on one side. “But I would have told you. I would have told you if I had thought about it.”

  Great! Now I feel about this big (insert finger pinch with no space between the two.) “I’m sorry, Gabe. I’m just stressed and nervous and—and a whole bunch of emotions I don’t even know. But mostly, I’m really sorry.”

  He grabs me for a hug and pats the back of my head, mumbling that it’s alright and not to worry. He tells me that we will take things as slow as I want and that even though it’s hard for him to resist me, he will tr
y his best. This makes me blush and I kiss him on the cheek.

  “I guess we better get to our lesson,” he says.

  “Yeah, this should be interesting,” I say sarcastically, and I smile at him as he takes my hand and leads me out of the room.

  *~*Chapter 13-His Wings*~*

  There’s a landing on the tallest part of the wall, specifically made for the lessons. We have to ascend about 1900 steps to get to the platform and the wind vigorously whips at me, trying to throw me off balance. Several times Gabe grabs my arm to steady me and I am thankful. If I fell I would not fall to my death, but I would give myself away by showing my wings. Just that by itself would be my death sentence. We finally make it to the top, hand in hand, and I have to bend over and rest my hands on my knees to catch my breath. I feel embarrassed because Gabriel only releases one deep breath and then he is fine. I watch as he stands there, the wind blowing the little spikes of hair on his head.

  “This is amazing!” he exclaims. “This is what I love! Let’s get the party started, Cole!” he says as he slaps our instructor on the shoulder with affection.

  “Indeed we will, Captain, just as soon as the wife catches her breath.” He smiles tightly at Gabe. They both look at me and I stand straight again, breathing in as much air through my nose and out my mouth as possible.

  “I’m fine now, thanks.” I sound weak, and very unconvincing. Plus I don’t really like being called, “the wife” because I am not a thing, I am someone and I have a name.

  Gabriel closes the distance between us and grabs my hand again, leading me to the edge of the concrete platform. He nods at Cole that we’re ready to begin.

  “Alright, there are a few things you need to know. I will explain the process of the wing release mechanism and what needs to be done in order. Also, I will be jumping with you to ensure nothing goes awry in the event such that things do not go properly.”

  “Wait a minute. Did you say jump?” Gabriel asks and I smile inside. I guess everyone is a little unsure of themselves when looking down fifty stories and knowing you are going to step right off into that abyss. Mr. Cole explains everything to Gabriel and I that Shadow already explained to me. What to do, the order to do them in, what to expect, and what helps. He says that he is going to release Gabriel’s wings and let Gabriel release mine. Gabriel nods and looks to me for…assurance? I give him a confident nod and a sure smile. He turns to face the edge where Mr. Cole has already released his rather small, white wings waiting on Gabe. Compared to Shadow’s wings, his are miniscule, maybe even less than half of their size. Even my wings are larger than Mr. Cole’s. I’m suddenly anxious to see Gabriel’s wings, wondering how large they will be and what they will look like.

  I have never seen Gabriel nervous but right now I can tell that he is, and I touch his shoulder gently and give him a sure smile. Mr. Cole flutters his wings like a giant butterfly and ascends out in front of Gabriel. “When you’re ready, Captain.” He offers.

  Trying to be brave, Gabriel wastes no time and leaps out toward Mr. Cole and out of my line of sight. I rush to the edge to look over and watch my husband’s first flight. It happens so fast I can’t believe it. Mr. Cole is diving downward with his wings in a point behind him to catch up with Gabriel who is trying to keep the aerodynamic position while falling a few stories every other second. Before I know it, Mr. Cole latches onto Gabe and places his hand along his spine in the middle of his shoulder blades. They are getting smaller and smaller to my eyes as they continue falling down. Just as I have to squint to see them, a big, beautiful, white pair of wings unfolds and I know they’re Gabe’s wings.

  His wings are the most beautiful white wings I have seen. They are also the largest and from here I can’t tell if they’re bigger than Shadow’s wings or not. They are such a bright, pure, white color. From here his wings look longer than his body length. This reminds me of a bid I read about in a science book of extinct animals from before the war. The Wandering Albatross was the bird I remember as having a wingspan of about twelve feet, the largest that was known. I would say we have a new record for wingspan now.

  The breathtaking white wings have escaped my vision now and I wait, with the wind still whipping at my hair and singing as it passes over this wall. I close my eyes and try to remember what my wings looked like but what appears behind my eyelids are sparkling, black wings of smooth gossamer. They haunt me in a beautiful way, just like the boy they belong to. Before I can reminisce on the little details, Gabriel startles by popping up from nowhere right in front of me.

  “Oh my gods! What. a rush!” he exclaims. He is breathing hard and my attention is brought to his muscular chest and his hard nipples. I realize that it’s not exercise that gets him pumped up, but instead I think it’s exhilaration.

  When I can drag my eyes away from his chest I’m immediately distracted by the white cashmere wings that are drooping on either side of him, right next our heads. They curl at the top into little points and wisps, unlike any I have seen. Curiously, I touch his right wing and it reminds me of a little piece of a cloud, so fluffy and soft.

  He shivers and laughs, “that feels weird…but not bad.”

  I just smile back at a loss for words. Soon it will be my turn and the knowledge depresses me. My stomach tightens into knots and my heart rate increases. It’s going to have to happen so I should just get it over with. “Alright, my turn. Let’s do this.”

  “Are you nervous?” he asks.

  I raise my eyebrow, “Were you?”

  He winks at me. “Remember what I said about not letting anything happen to you.”

  Of course I do, how could I forget? Because I remember thinking how sure of yourself you were. ‘Pride cometh before the fall’ is one quote that comes to mind.

  “Yep,” I say, popping the “p”. I step around him and walk to the edge. He comes up behind me.

  “On your count,” he says.

  I smile. I don’t think I’m going to do the count with him. It’s kind of special. I turn my head and look back at him.

  “Where’s Mr. Cole?” I ask.

  “I’m here.” A prompt reply from my left. I’m not sure how long he’s been standing there but it doesn’t really matter to me. I nod.

  “I’ll be making the jump with you both, no worries,” he says.

  I nod again. I walk to the very edge and stare down into the clouds. I look over my shoulder at Gabe and smirk. Gabe lets go of my waist.

  And then I jump.

  *~*~*~*

  Tonight I do not dream of my husband releasing my wings today. I do not dream of the guilt that I feel every time I looked at his proud, excited face after we both landed and examined each other’s new wings. I do not dream of the kiss he gave me there on the ground, or how he ran his hand down my wings and I shivered. I do not dream of our flight after he got the hang of flying, and the new experiences I shared with him in the sky as we held hands flying through the air. No. What I dream of is far off in the opposite direction. I dream that I have a pair of midnight colored wings and I’m lying at the bottom of a cliff, broken and in too much pain to move. I dream that I’m so thirsty and my mouth is so dry, but no matter how much I water I drink it never quenches it. This is the worst kind of nightmare. One in which I plead with myself to wake up, deep in the back of my mind. One in which my pleads are ignored. Faces flash before me that I don’t know, the faces of demons. Now I’m looking in the mirror watching blood run down my back in red rivulets as I begin to cut my wings from my back. Suddenly, I’m on my knees bawling into my hands. And then I see a familiar face. I see Lillith. The vein in her neck rises and pumps as blood passes through it. She tilts her neck to the side and my stomach cramps so bad I fall to the ground one hand holding it. She walks toward me and kneels in front of me baring her neck, causing an ache in my gums. Before I have time to question the dull ache, pain shoots through them and I taste blood in my mouth. It’s hard to recover from what feels like a razor blade cutting the sensitive tissue of you
r gums. Lillith cups the back of my head and eases me toward her neck. I’m so confused and alarmed but when my mouth touches her neck I instinctively bite. I can’t control my actions. My body is not my own. All I know is that the sweetest honey flows down my throat and I never want to stop drinking it. It relieves my stomach cramps and that horrid thirst that’s been slowly bringing me closer to death every day. “Shadow,” she calls me. “That’s enough.” But I don’t listen. I am greedy. I don’t want to stop. Something, a hand I think, comes between my mouth and her neck and forces me to release her. The sweet honey stops flowing when she pulls back a little to look at me. Then she pushes me on my back, coming toward me all cat like. My heart is thumping spastically and I can hear it in my ears. I’m so pumped up. Lillith crawls up between my body until she holds herself above me and slowly closes the distance. In my dream I want to kiss her but in the back of my mind I wonder if I’m going crazy. Just as I’m about to kiss her in my dream, I am woken up by someone shaking roughly.

  “Finally,” Gabe hisses.

  “I must have had a nightmare,” I say, confused.

  “Yeah, I would say. You kept screaming out like you were in excruciating pain.”

  “Hmm,” I wonder, rubbing my head. Why would I dream such a crazy ass dream? I think back to the little bit of Shadow’s story and bits and pieces of my dream all seem like bits and pieces of his story. Maybe I am just dreaming about his story? It’s just so weird and it seemed so real, me being him, living out his pain and pleasure.

  “What was it about?” he asks me.

  “I can’t remember now.” I lie, very un angel-like.

  He has a suspicious look on his face, like he doesn’t believe me.

  “You don’t remember seeing anything really ugly that flies and shoots arrows do you?”

  “No. Why?” I ask, nervously, remembering the monster from the island that shot Shadow.

  “I’ll tell you, because we talked about keeping secrets, but you can’t mention a word of this, Alexia. Promise me.”