Sweet To You (Fire and Icing)

by Evans, Jessie

  “Probably becoming a sex addict,” Maddie mumbled as she fetched a light beer from the fridge.

  “Talking to yourself?” Naomi’s voice came from behind her, making Maddie jump and her breath rush out.

  “Geez,” she said, laughing as she shut the fridge door and turned to see Naomi refilling her lemonade glass from the glass dispenser on the island. “You scared me.”

  “I’m getting good at sneaking around,” Naomi said with a grin. “When Noelle is napping, I can walk by her room and down the hall without a single floorboard squeaking.”

  “Motherhood is turning you into a ninja.”

  “It is,” Naomi agreed, glancing down at her lemonade glass before pinning Maddie with a more serious look. “And my ninja instincts are telling me something is wrong.”

  Maddie frowned. “Other than the fact that Mom has no sense of timing when it comes to cooking meat and everyone is going to be wasted by the time dinner is served?”

  “Yeah, something more than that. Something more…Maddie flavored,” Naomi said, making Maddie’s heart lurch.

  She should have known she wouldn’t be able to hide the truth from Naomi for long. Naomi was like a bird of prey, sharp and focused and not the type to let the slightest sign of activity in her surroundings go uninvestigated, not even when she was sleep deprived and in the midst of organizing half a dozen major life events.

  Maddie was preparing to spill her guts, and apologize for withholding information in the first place, when Naomi spoke again.

  “Are you mad at me?”

  Maddie blinked, surprised by the question “No, of course not. Why would I be mad at you?”

  “Because I’ve been a crappy sister lately,” Naomi said, setting her drink on the island with a sigh. “I’ve been so wrapped up in Jake and the baby that I’m losing touch with other people. I realized on the way here that you and I haven’t had a serious debriefing in weeks. I didn’t even know that your friend Dawn was moving to Atlanta until Lucy mentioned something yesterday, and I can’t remember the last time you bought a dress without at least texting me a picture first.”

  “I mean, I love it,” Naomi hurried to add. “It’s perfect and you look beautiful, I just…feel like maybe I’ve been sending out signals that I’m not available to you and I feel rotten about it.”

  “Don’t feel rotten,” Maddie said, feeling guilty that Naomi felt guilty.

  Their lack of debriefing was as much her fault as Naomi’s. She’d been so consumed by her new relationship with Jamison that she’d been letting the rest of the world slip away.

  “I know you’re busy, and I’m not mad at all,” she continued. “I may not be a mom, but I know having a newborn is a full-time job all on its own, without everything else you have on your plate. There will be plenty of time for us to catch up once Noelle is sleeping through the night and you’ve recovered from all the christening planning and wedding planning and honeymoon planning and all the other planning.”

  Naomi nodded, but her forehead was still furrowed. “I know, but I don’t like feeling like there’s distance between us.”

  Maddie crossed the room, setting her beer down to pull Naomi into her arms for a hug. “There, now there’s no distance.”

  Naomi hugged her back, her laughter stirring Maddie’s hair. “I love you, Mad.”

  “I love you too,” Maddie said, a wave of emotion making her chest tight as she gave Naomi a last hard squeeze.

  “I’m glad you’re my baby’s godmother.” Naomi sniffed as they pulled away. “You looked so perfect holding her today. I kept thinking about when we were little and went to Mick’s christening and promised we’d be godmothers for each other’s babies when we grew up. Remember that?”

  Maddie nodded, eyes beginning to sting. “I do.”

  Naomi sniffed again. “I almost cried three times during the ceremony and twice on the way home.”

  “Me too,” Maddie said. “And if you don’t stop with the sweet memories I’m definitely going to start crying now.”

  Naomi laughed, blinking her eyes as she squeezed Maddie’s hand. “Okay, I’ll stop being sappy. I just…I appreciate you. I feel blessed to have you as my sister. I feel so good knowing Noelle will have an amazing person like you in her life.”

  “Crap, that did it,” Maddie said, tears spilling down her cheeks even as she and Naomi both started to laugh.

  “I’m sorry,” Naomi said, giggling and sniffing as she pulled Maddie in for another hug. “I can’t help it. I’m so emotional lately.”

  Maddie pulled in a shaky breath, trying to stop the tears before her nose turned red. “It’s okay, but I’ve got to pull myself together. I’m all out of waterproof mascara; I’m wearing the cheap stuff that stings my eyes if it runs.”

  “Well, we’re going to have to fix that before the wedding.” Naomi pulled away with a businesslike nod before reaching out to grab two napkins from the stack on the kitchen island and pressing them into Maddie’s hand. “I’ll order you some of the stuff I use from my friend in Miami. It’s waterproof, but not clumpy and it comes off with the tiniest bit of eye makeup remover.”

  “Sounds great,” Maddie said, smiling as she put her arm around Naomi’s waist. “Now let’s go see if I can get mom to kick that roast up twenty degrees.”

  “Sounds good.” Naomi hesitated, forehead wrinkling again as she leaned into Maddie and sniffed.

  “What?” Maddie laughed. “Do I need new deodorant, too? It was hotter in the church than I thought it would be.”

  Naomi shook her head. “No, it’s just…you smell like Jamison’s cologne.”

  Maddie’s heart leapt back into her throat. “I do? That’s weird.” She shrugged. “Maybe it soaked into my clothes on the ride over.”

  Or while I was rubbing all over him behind the bakery with my tongue halfway down his throat...

  Naomi nodded. “That must be it.” She chuckled as she turned to grab her lemonade. “It’s just so funny. Back in high school you could always tell who Jamison had been making out with at a party by the smell. I don’t know what kind of cologne he wears, but it’s distinctive.”

  “I think he smells nice,” Maddie heard herself saying before she thought the better of it, but thankfully Naomi didn’t seem to think it was a strange thing to say.

  “Oh, me too,” she agreed. “And he’s been much friendlier lately. I think we’re finally turning the awkwardness corner.”

  Maddie nodded and hummed in agreement, not wanting to think about the awkwardness that might emerge between her and Naomi once the truth about her and Jamison came out. Surely Naomi wouldn’t care that lips that had touched her lips were now touching Maddie’s lips, or that Maddie had fudged the truth a little in an effort to make sure Naomi remained the focus of her special day. Naomi was understanding when it came to the right to keep private things private, and hopefully she’d see how good Maddie and Jamison were together and simply be glad two people she cared about had found happiness.

  Maddie followed Naomi back out onto the porch—exerting an impressive amount of willpower to keep from glancing over at Jamison—and in a few minutes they had succeeded in coaxing their mother into turning up the heat on the roast. A half hour later, dinner was served. The older set claimed the table for eight in the Whitehouses’ dining room, while the twenty-somethings crowded around the stools at the island, and the thirty and forty-somethings took their plates out to the patio set on the back porch.

  Maddie found herself wedged between her cousin Albert, who had started his family early and had two teenaged daughters at the ripe old age of thirty-seven, and her cousin Deidre, who at thirty-eight was preparing to send her sole offspring, Evelyn, off to college in the fall.

  Maddie did her best to make small talk, but she didn’t have much in common with her cousins and hearing them talk about reaching the end of their child-rearing years while she had yet to embark on hers had her feeling a little maudlin by the end of the meal. Come her birthday in a few da
ys, they would all be in their thirties, but she was at such a different stage of life. It was a good stage—Maddie loved her tiny apartment and the freedom to take off with Jamison on an adventure whenever she wanted—but she couldn’t help but feel like the window of opportunity was closing.

  By the time she and Jamison said their goodbyes and headed out to his car, she was feeling low, though she couldn’t really pin down the reason for it. After all, she was closer to moving forward with happily ever after than she had been in a long time—she and Jamison were falling in love and she sensed they were headed for some kind of commitment—but for some reason she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was wasting time when she should be seriously thinking about the future.

  “What do you mean?” Jamison asked when she confessed how she was feeling on the ride home. “You think you and I are a waste of time?”

  “No, no,” Maddie hurried to assure him. “I just, I don’t know…”

  “Yes, you do.” Jamison braked at a red light and glanced over at her, a no-nonsense look in his eye. “Tell me what’s bothering you. I want us to be honest with each other, Maddie.”

  “I am being honest,” she said, realizing the words were a lie as soon as she spoke them aloud. She did know what was bothering her; she was just too chicken to say it aloud. If she did, and Jamison said he never wanted to have kids that would be it for their relationship.

  But she had decided not to let fear rule her, and so she forced herself to say what she was thinking. “The christening and being around my cousins who are only a little older than I am, but already have grown kids… It got me to thinking.”

  “About?” Jamison asked, his eyes returning to the road as they moved out of her parents’ subdivision.

  “About what I want for the future,” Maddie said, the fact that Jamison’s focus was elsewhere making it easier to get the words out. “I’m having so much fun with you, and I care about you, but…I want to have kids someday. And probably someday not too far from this day, if you get what I’m saying.”

  Jamison nodded, but didn’t say a word as he took the turn that would eventually deposit them near downtown Summerville.

  “I mean, I’m going to be thirty in a few days,” she pushed on, the fact that he’d declined to respond making her nervous. “I’m already past my peak fertility and don’t say I’m not because I know I am. People may be having babies later these days, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy for them, and after the trouble Naomi had I don’t know how hard it will be for me to get pregnant or stay pregnant.”

  Jamison nodded again, but still didn’t respond, sending Maddie’s anxiety level ratcheting up another notch.

  “I mean, I don’t know for sure that fertility problems run in our family, but they could,” she babbled on. “And I don’t have the funds to adopt a baby the way Naomi has. I mean, I know she’d loan me the money or just give me the money if I asked her for it, but I don’t want her money. And I really do want to at least try to have a baby of my own. Because I’ve been wanting to have a baby since I was twenty-four and that biological clock thing is pretty intense. And if you don’t say something soon I’m going to assume that you never want children, or maybe just never want to imagine having children with me and I’m going to jump out of the car at the next intersection and walk the rest of the way home.”

  “Why don’t you stay in the car,” Jamison said, lips twitching. “We’re only two blocks from the bakery and then I’ll be able to park and give this question the attention it deserves. I’d rather look at you than the road while I’m talking about something like this, if that’s okay.”

  “Oh, oh okay,” Maddie stammered, twining her purse strap around and around one finger as Jamison pulled down the road, every second that passed making her more uneasy.

  Why would he want to look at her while they talked unless he was going to be giving her bad news? Maybe she’d been wrong about how serious things were getting between them. Maybe she’d misjudged the way he’d looked at her at the christening, with that light in his eyes that said he was thinking about what it might be like to have a baby together, too.

  By the time Jamison finally pulled to a stop in front of Icing, Maddie’s jaw was clenched and the back of her tongue cramping with anxiety.

  “Just lay it on me,” she said, turning to him as soon as he cut off the engine. “I can’t stand the suspense.”

  “Okay.” Jamison took a deep breath as he shifted in his seat. “Well I figure it will be at least a month before we can start trying.”

  Maddie caught her breath in surprise before she realized what he was doing and frowned. “I’m serious, Jamison. I know it’s early to be talking about something like this, but I need to know whether you want to have kids someday, with whoever you end up with. It doesn’t have to be with me in particular, but—”

  “Tough,” he said, breaking in. “Because I don’t want to have kids with anyone but you. And I wasn’t joking. If you’re ready to start trying, I say we do it. But you have to be off the pill for at least a month before you can get pregnant, isn’t that right?”

  Maddie’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened, then closed again, but she couldn’t for the life of her think of what to say. Jamison couldn’t be for real…could he?

  “You’re serious?” she asked after a moment of silence, her voice hoarse with disbelief.

  He nodded.

  “This is a child, Jamison,” she said, doing her best to get through to him. “It’s not a casual commitment. It’s forever, whether you and I decide we’re sick of each other or not.”

  Jamison smiled as if she were the one being ridiculous. “I know, Maddie. I’m in love with you, you goofball. Don’t you get that by now?”

  Maddie started to protest, but stopped herself. She did know that. She’d known it for a while now, felt it every time he kissed her, sensed it floating in the air around them, making even the most ordinary moments feel magical.

  “And I’m not getting any younger, either,” Jamison continued, holding her gaze with an intensity that made it clear he wasn’t joking. “I’m not saying we really have to jump into anything right now, but…yeah, I want to get married, have kids, and a family and I want to do that with you. Because I love you, Maddie.”

  “You do?” she asked, because she wanted to hear it again.

  “I do,” he confirmed. “I love you so much it hurts.”

  Maddie pressed her lips together, fighting tears for what felt like the tenth time that day. “But not in the bad way, right?”

  Jamison reached out to take her hand. “In the best way. In the way that makes me know I’m finally doing the love thing right, and I don’t ever want to stop.”

  “You promise?” she said, swallowing past the lump in her throat. “You’re not going to fall in love with a sexy lifeguard named Craig and leave me?”

  Jamison smiled as he gave her fingers a squeeze. “I’m not a cheater, Maddie. I’ve never cheated on any woman I was serious with and I was never as serious about any of them as I am about you.” He paused to roll his eyes. “Besides, it should be pretty obvious by now that I’m batting for your team. All the way. Not even a little bit interested in anyone else’s love-rod.”

  Maddie snorted. “Love-rod. I can’t believe I ever said that out loud.”

  He smiled. “I can. You say some funny stuff. It’s one of the things I like about you.”

  Maddie pulled in a deep breath, but it didn’t ease the tightness in her chest. She had a feeling there was only one thing that could, a few words that no longer felt quite as scary.

  “Well, then…I guess I love you, too,” she said, the tension within her beginning to ebb away.

  “You guess?” he asked in a teasing voice, making Maddie grin.

  “I know,” she amended. “I know I love you and your love-rod and I’m glad we’ve decided to think about making babies together in the not too distant future, but also not too near future, either, because I’m having a
lot of fun having kinky sex adventures with you and that will be more difficult to manage with a baby.”

  “Ditto,” he said, laughing. “Now can we go upstairs? I’ve been fantasizing about tying you to your headboard with this tie all night.”

  Maddie’s eyes widened. “I was thinking the same thing!”

  “Great minds,” Jamison said in his sexiest voice, leaning over to kiss her before whispering against her lips, “Now let’s get upstairs and get naked.”

  Minutes later, they were. And it was kinky and sexy and fun, but it was also special, sacred, and a night Maddie knew she would never forget.

  Chapter Twelve

  The only thing more stressful than going into a jewelry store to buy an engagement ring for a woman you’re secretly dating is running into the woman’s brother while you’re bent over the display case.

  As soon as Mick Whitehouse swung through the door of Leonard’s, Jamison did his best to slink past him without being spotted, but it was no use. The store was small and he and Mick were easily the tallest people in it by a good six inches. It was apparently “little old ladies come into town to get their rings cleaned” day and half the tiny, blue-haired women in Summerville were milling around the cases while waiting for their jewelry to be returned, making Jamison and Mick stand out like bulls in a china shop.

  “Mick, what’s up?” Jamison said when their eyes connected, trying not to look as exposed as he felt. He joined Mick near the entrance, where the midday sun beat through the glass doors forming a rectangle of heat on the thick carpet. Thank god he hadn’t asked the man behind the counter to take anything out of the case yet, or else he’d really be screwed.

  “Um nothing,” Mick said, looking a little off-kilter himself. “I was coming to look for something for…Maddie. For her birthday. It’s tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Jamison said then hurried to add. “She said something about it when I was over getting croissants for the station earlier. Your sisters make the best chocolate croissants.”