Play Only For Me: (A New Adult Romance)

by R. B. O'Brien

  “Well. I am.”

  “I can see that.”

  He looked up and down her barely covered body, angling his cell phone to get a better look. She looked down at herself and then back up at him.

  “Put that thing away,” she scolded, confused about what to do. A part of her wanted to kick him out; another, bigger part of her, wanted him to stay right where he was.

  “I will, but you’re going to have to get in bed with me.” He looked up at her. So sexy. His chest was bare, light hair gracing it, trickling down his navel. He didn’t have as many tattoos as she thought he might. She forced herself to stop looking at the rest. His hair fell in his eyes, and she had an urge to sweep it away. That feeling was coming over her again, that helplessness she felt when she was this close to him.

  “If you want to stay here, you’re going to have to sleep on the floor,” Lauren said finally, but even she could hear the lack of resolve in her voice.

  “Nope. Not a chance, Princess.”

  “Colton,” she said, exasperated.

  He heard something else behind her tone. Desire? He wasn’t a stranger to that tone.

  He watched her do that fidgety thing she did, and he tried, he really tried, not to stare at the outline of her breasts, the flatness of her tummy. He wanted to touch her so bad, even he didn’t know if staying was such a good idea.

  He yawned obnoxiously. “Night,” he said, rolling over, ignoring her.

  “Grrr,” she said, and he knew she was giving in, which made him smile.

  She wasn’t afraid of him or worried about what he might do. On the contrary, she was afraid and worried about what she might do.

  He turned to face her as she crawled in. “Did you just actually growl?” She could hear the smile in his voice.

  She giggled. She couldn’t help it. She felt the whole situation was just plain insane.

  “That’s cute, Princess,” he said.

  She sighed. She enjoyed this vulnerable, playful side to him, and she felt that heat again between her thighs. She craved him in ways her body had never known. And yet she felt like she was going to cry because deep down, she knew at any moment, he would shift, change his mind, decide he didn’t like her anymore, and leave her as usual, hurt and confused.

  “Come here,” he said finally.

  She turned to face away from him and exhaled. She could feel the shake in her breath and prayed he couldn’t hear it.

  “Hey,” he said in that tender way he did, right before he either left her hurt or left her hanging. She knew he was about to say he was sorry.

  “Don’t,” she said, trying not to lose the little control she had. She knew her voice hitched. “Just don’t.”

  He inched closer behind her and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He nuzzled his nose in her hair, and her heart began to race to a finish line of complete surrender.

  Her breathing matched her heart—lost in a rush. She couldn’t do or say anything else. She was falling completely apart. And she didn’t want to. He did this with everyone. He’s using me. Conquest, she remembered Stephanie saying.

  “Relax, Lauren. I’m not going to do anything more. I promise.” He inhaled the scent of her hair again and kissed under her earlobe.

  “Colton.” Her voice hitched, and she squeezed her legs together. She felt those tears again, those tears that wanted to push forth and run out of her. She wanted him to do more. She wanted to lose herself. She wanted to lose control. She wanted to lose herself to him. She wanted to give herself to him completely. But she knew better.

  “Sweet dreams,” he whispered, still holding her tightly from behind. “You have your audition Sunday. Sleep.”

  “You know about my audition?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Oh.” She feared if she said any more that he would leave. And she didn’t want him to leave. Just him knowing about her audition was like a warm blanket wrapped tightly around her trembling body.

  He lifted her hair tenderly and stroked it softly to the side. He gently kissed her neck. “You smell so good, Lauren.”

  She lost herself to him. “Colton?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t want to sleep.”

  She could feel that smile of his again on the back of her neck as his lips brushed across it, tickling her, sending sparks of desire to her sex. It was uncomfortable and exhilarating at once.

  “Oh yeah? What do you want to do, Princess?”

  She couldn’t answer. If she said what she was really thinking, if she said what she wanted to say, “You,” she feared he would reject her. Was he playing a game with me? Was this some kind of test again? She didn’t care if it was.

  She rolled over to face him, to try to discern what he might be thinking. She wanted to kiss him, but he held her in place and then grabbed her tighter, pulling her flush against him. She felt his erection against her tummy and gasped.

  “Exactly,” he said. “And I’m tormenting you?”

  His text went off. “Don’t look at that, please.” She was almost begging, having trouble getting the words out. She was short of breath. She didn’t want the moment to end.

  But he did, pulling away from her to type a response. She felt it right then, like she always did, that shift in the mood, that shift in the moment, that shift in him.

  “Sorry. I’ll be right back.”

  He went out into the hallway, and she shrunk under the covers, knowing he probably wasn’t coming back.

  She waited for the other shoe to drop. And he surprised her by coming back, but the atmosphere had changed. He climbed into bed again.

  “Everything okay?” She knew asking would only provoke him with a snide remark about her nosiness, but she couldn’t help it.

  “Yeah. Sort of. Nothing I can do about it right now.”

  And Lauren wasn’t about to push any more answers out of him. He wasn’t her boyfriend. He wasn’t really even her friend. They hadn’t even kissed for god’s sake.

  “Please stay,” she heard herself whisper.

  “Yeah?” She could hear mock teasing behind his voice.

  “Yeah,” she admitted.

  “One condition.”

  She froze. Was he going to ask what I thought he was? And would I say yes?

  She wanted to. She wanted him, and she didn’t care about the consequences. She somehow knew that being with him, giving herself to him would be the best experience of her life thus far.

  She stared into his eyes, nerves alight, heart pounding, and a wet need spread from her belly to right between her legs. “Yes.”

  “Yes? You don’t even know the condition.”

  She was embarrassed and looked away. What was I thinking? “I meant, yes to your condition.”

  He chuckled. “And what do you think the condition is?”

  Why does he torment me this way? “I…I don’t know…I just want you to stay.”

  He relented. “I will if you answer me these two questions.”

  “Okay,” she agreed a little disappointed. She didn’t want to talk. She wanted to kiss him at the very least.

  “So…were you the valedictorian?”

  “No,” she answered. Where was he going with this?

  “What? Really? I stand corrected. I’m surprised…wait,” he paused searching her eyes in the dark. “Salutatorian?”

  She felt herself blush and looked away.

  “I knew it! Let me guess. You missed by a few points?”

  “One to be exact,” she whispered. “My parents contested it. They still think the school made a mistake. I couldn’t have cared less.”

  She cringed at the memory. At the embarrassment. At the stink her parents had made. We don’t want our only daughter to become some clerical error.

  “Yeah, sure, Princess.”

  “Colton.”

  “You’re so predictable.”

  No, I’m not. You have no idea.

  “My turn,” she blurted.

  “I’m not d
one,” he said. “You didn’t get any conditions.” He smiled. She couldn’t really see him in the darkness, but she knew he was. She could feel it.

  “Not fair,” she whined.

  “You want me to stay or what?” he teased.

  She wondered how she went from trying to kick him out of her room to begging him not to leave. Not a good sign of things to come.

  “Fine,” she conceded.

  He touched her cheek, and she sucked in a breath, waiting, nervously, praying he would finally kiss her.

  “I may have been wrong about the valedictorian, but I wasn’t wrong about you being a virgin,” he said far too quietly. “Was I?”

  She let out her breath almost fully panting for some reason. She didn’t deny it. How could she? It was a true fact.

  “How? How could you look like…like…you, like this and still be a virgin?” He was quiet. Gentle. He wasn’t teasing her. He was sincere, inquisitive, curious. Baffled even.

  “Look like what?” she asked, truly not understanding what he meant.

  “Oh, come on, Lauren. You’re fucking gorgeous. You’re so fucking sexy.”

  “Are you making fun of me?” she asked, genuinely worried, too embarrassed to look through the darkness into his eyes. She thrust her face against his neck to hide her embarrassment. He smelled so sexy, an earthy mixture of him and cologne.

  “No, Lauren. I’m not. Answer me. How?”

  “I guess I just haven’t met the right guy.” She knew he could hear her innuendo. She didn’t care. She was ready. She wanted to tell him the whole reason. She wanted to tell him about her younger sister and the leukemia, her boyfriend in high school who cheated on her and lied to her and humiliated her.

  He pushed her away from him to force her to look into his eyes. He couldn’t see what color they were right then in the darkness, but he could sense how much emotion she was feeling, how much desire lay there. He was so torn with his own feelings, emotions. He’d never been with a virgin. “What are you hiding?” he asked. He knew it couldn’t be that simple.

  She pushed against him again, face in his chest, stomach against his, as if physically trying to hide from her true feelings right then. “I’m not hiding.”

  “Christ, Lauren,” he growled against her, his erection pounding, wanting so much to discover her warmth, devour her whole. Make her scream in ecstasy.

  She drew her fingers across his tattoos, landing on the cross on his forearm that seemed to fascinate her so much. He felt himself shiver. “What does this mean to you?”

  “A lot,” he answered.

  “Tell me,” she pleaded.

  “Pain replaced with pain,” he said simply. “I needed to take it back. I needed to control it.”

  “Tell me,” she whispered.

  He drew his hands down her back in light circles, circles he wanted to mimic between her legs. She pushed harder against him and trembled at his touch, and he knew he could do anything he wanted to her. But he knew he wouldn’t. He didn’t want that for her.

  “Stop, Lauren.” He dug deep down inside of himself to push her away.

  She wanted him so bad, but she stilled, realizing she was making a virtual fool of herself. If he wanted her, he would take her—that she was certain of. She suddenly felt a chill seize her body as she rolled back over, humiliated at how wanton she appeared. She tried to suppress the lump that threatened to travel up to open the door to her tears that brimmed on the edge.

  “Why are you here, Colton?” She finally mustered the courage to ask.

  “Damn if I know,” he admitted, removing all contact with her.

  She stifled her tears and bunched up into a little ball.

  “Let’s just go to sleep, okay? It’s late.”

  “Okay,” she whispered, completely defeated and lonely.

  “Good night, Lauren. Sweet dreams.” He draped an arm around her waist, and she squirmed against him but didn’t say another word.

  And he meant it. He wanted her to have sweet dreams. He wanted her not to be so sad all the time. He wanted to be everything to her. But he wasn’t that type of guy. He had a past. A past that always got in the way. Even then. Even right then when Angela had texted him and begged him to call her. When he stepped out into the hallway to do just that, he found Angela crying on the phone. A part of him wanted to go to Angela because he felt he owed it to her, but he didn’t want to leave Lauren. He felt torn. He felt guilt. He could never give Lauren what she deserved. She would end up like Angela, and he didn’t want that for her. Why am I giving her false hope? Why can’t I just leave her alone?

  She startled him by softly saying thank you, and he wondered if he would get any sleep at all, so close to her perfect little body. But damn it if he was leaving, even as he caught the moonlight reflecting against the keys to his car as they sat on the chair in the corner of the room.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Colton was gone when Lauren woke, his faint scent on her sheets and pillow. She wondered how he found his car keys so fast and then startled as she listened to her roommate moaning above her.

  “Fuck,” Beth said. “Advil. Somebody. Please.”

  Lauren got up and stood looking up at her hungover roommate. “Rough night?” she asked Beth, rolling her eyes.

  “Oh god,” Beth moaned again. “How did I get home?”

  Lauren didn’t know what she should say. Should she tell her the truth? Tell her about Colton? Let her know that he’d slept over?

  “Colton,” Lauren said tentatively.

  “Colton! Oh shit.” Beth sat up in her bed and then immediately lay back down, moaning. “Did we…I mean…did anything happen?”

  “Geez, Beth. Why do you get so drunk? You really want to blackout and have sex with strangers?”

  She threw her arms over her face. “If it’s Colton Masters, you bet I do.” She paused. “Sorry, Lauren. You don’t like him, right?”

  What could she say? She more than liked him, but she wasn’t about to admit that. She didn’t answer.

  “I mean, shit, Lauren. I would never go after someone you like. But Colton isn’t the liking type. I mean he’s not looking for any kind of girlfriend or anything. But the stories I’ve heard about what that boy can do with his tongue…hmmm…I just hope I didn’t miss out remembering the best night of my life.”

  “Oh, stop it, Beth. Nothing happened. You passed out. He got you home safely, and you’re damn lucky he did.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Beth said, a little sheepishly. “I think I need to tone it down a bit, before I really fuck up my future.”

  “Ya think?” Lauren said.

  “Yeah. I do…but…” Beth could never be serious for too long. “Did I miss out on anything?” She giggled.

  Irritated, Lauren said, “You didn’t miss out on anything, Beth. Cut it out.”

  Lauren was sick to her stomach thinking about Beth’s words. Why hadn’t he used his tongue on me? It infuriated her and made her want to crawl up into a ball at the same time. She would have let him. She cringed at how needy she felt around him. But he hadn’t even tried.

  “Ah. My knight in shining armor,” Beth waxed. “He’s kind of sweet in a strange way. Like he has this really soft side just waiting to come out.”

  Lauren sighed. She knew his soft side. He’d shown her glimpses.

  “Yeah. Well. I’m heading over to my friend, Leslie’s, to practice for my audition tomorrow.”

  “Did you go there last night?”

  “No.”

  “Wait. I remember you not being here. Where did you go then?”

  But Lauren didn’t have the energy or desire to answer, even though she heard genuine concern in Beth’s voice.

  When she was dressed and ready to leave, her text went off, and her belly flipped a bit when she looked down to see Colton’s number.

  How’d you sleep?

  She didn’t know if she should play hard to get. Should I wait a little bit before replying?

  She couldn’t. She
just couldn’t hold off. She couldn’t believe he was thinking of her, and it made her feel like a giddy kid.

  Okay. You? She finally wrote back.

  He wrote a smiley face.

  She wrote back—What are you doing today?

  She waited fifteen minutes before grabbing her stuff to head to Leslie’s. She waited all day for him to respond. He never did. She cried herself to sleep that night, wondering what a sexy, popular boy was doing with his tongue on a Saturday night.

  When she woke up, her phone read—Good luck today. He remembered, and it warmed her, even if she felt completely torn up inside, confused. She missed him. She thought of him all the time. She hated that he didn’t seem to feel the same way. But she couldn’t help but smile at his words.

  Thank you, she wrote back. But she didn’t hear from him again the entire day.

  ****

  Lauren felt like the audition went well. She would have to wait a week to see if she got a callback or the role. Now she had to get through her class assignment and perform On My Own in front of the entire class, exposing a wound she wasn’t sure she wanted people to know. Her nerves were all over the place. She felt like she might puke, especially as Blake began talking.

  “Anyone can play an instrument, sing a song. But true artists put themselves out there, expose a truth about themselves or their lives or the world we live in. I’m not trying to make you into the next pop star. Go ahead if that’s what you want. I’m here to get you to think about the art of music. If you’re not willing to expose yourself, to take criticism, to put yourselves out there, you’ll never develop the tough skin you’ll need in this industry. With that said, do I have any volunteers to go first?”

  Lauren couldn’t help it. She looked over in Colton’s direction. He was crouched over whispering into Angela’s ear, and it made her face redden. Did Angela get the same goosebumps I did when he was that close? She cringed, realizing she was staring. He caught her and gave her a smile, but he quickly turned his attention back to Angela.

  She felt sick. She was too nervous to be doing this. Somehow this was not the same as trying out for a play. This was like standing naked before a group of your peers who you didn’t quite trust.