Laughing, Colton said, “Hey. You’re the one who brought it up.” But he took pity on her. He knew he was embarrassing her.
“Would you like some more wine?” Colton eyed her empty glass. “I’ve had a lot of practice pouring that’s for sure. One thing my parents knew was their booze. Didn’t know a damn thing about raising three boys, but damn well knew how to drink.”
Lauren froze and Colton wondered if he had said too much.
“You have two brothers?” she asked.
Relieved, Colton said simply, “Yup. And a sister.”
“I’m jealous.”
“Hey,” he said, drawing her closer. “Trust me. You’ve got nothing to be jealous of when it comes to me and my family. My father is a shithead, my mother was a shithead for staying with him, and we rarely had enough to eat.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. And Colton knew it was genuine. “I just meant that I wish I had had more siblings.”
“Yeah, well, I only have one brother I’m really close to, and I was close with my sister, until all the shit hit the fan last year.” He paused. “I’m hopeful, though, that over time, she’ll come around.”
He shifted as if shocked he’d said something so intimate, so private. It seemed talking about his family was quite difficult for him, and Lauren felt closer to him in that moment, knowing he trusted her.
“Hey…looks like the burgers are done. You mind getting me a plate?”
Lauren begrudgingly pulled away from him, wondering what until the shit hit the fan meant, but she didn’t need to push him away. This was the most open he’d ever been with her. “Would you like another beer?” she offered.
“Sure.”
She walked into the kitchen to get the plate, herself a little more wine, he, another beer, and met him back on the deck. “Hey, Lauren, if you want to set the table, there should be some paper plates in there. Some chips, pickles. Not sure. Rummage around. Anything you want, just take out. Ketchup, mustard…”
“Okay,” she said, feeling carefree for the first time since she’d arrived at college, enjoying the buzz of the wine, and mostly, enjoying how close she felt to him. But, as much as she was enjoying herself, she knew she had to ask him about Tiffany, sooner rather than later.
When she went to open the refrigerator door, she spotted a picture of Colton and Angela plastered on the front of it, among a bunch of other pictures and photos of people she didn’t recognize. Angela was kissing Colton’s cheek.
Lauren forced herself to stop staring at the picture. They almost seemed like a couple in love, and she didn’t want to think about the closeness of their relationship. Her attention was then drawn to a newspaper cut-out, which appeared to be a schedule of Colton’s performance dates and times.
“Always so nosy,” Colton said as he came into the kitchen, catching her frozen in place in front of the fridge.
“I’m not being…”
“Relax. I’m just teasing you.” He kissed her lightly and placed the hamburgers and rolls down on the table and grabbed the condiments Lauren had forgotten. Maybe I am too nosy.
“These are my favorites,” Lauren said, holding up a bag of Salt and Vinegar potato chips.
Colton grinned. “Me too. I knew there was a reason why I liked you.”
Lauren tilted her head, smiling, shyly. “So…you like me?”
Colton laughed. “Maybe a little,” he teased back.
“Only a little?”
“Sit down and eat, Princess.”
She did as she was told and spread ketchup and mustard all over her burger.
Colton’s mouth fell open when she stuffed the chips right inside the sandwich, pushing the top bun back into place. “That’s just…gross.”
“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” she said, taking an obnoxious bite, closing her eyes, and moaning, loud.
He laughed out loud, and so did she.
“I tell you what,” Colton said. “I’ll try your harebrained eating experiment, if you try something for me later, something you haven’t tried yet.”
She visibly gulped, and her face went pale. He could guess where her thoughts had gone—to sex.
He burst out laughing again. “I’m not talking about sex, Lauren!”
She paled even more, looking humiliated. “Um…oh…I”
“At least not yet,” he said with a smirk.
He watched her take another sip of her wine. He loved the outline of her lips and how plump and pink they looked. He loved the way her eyes changed color and how he saw desire in them. He loved thinking about her under him or on top of him. It wasn’t that he wasn’t thinking about having sex with her. It was that he wanted to be patient. For her. He might wait a lifetime for her if he had to.
“Colton,” she said impatiently. “What is it, then, that you want me to try that I haven’t yet?”
“I want you to sing with me. I kind of wrote a song for you…not for you…what I mean is…I…wrote it thinking of your voice…I think you…we…could sing it beautifully. Together.” Why am I so nervous?
She melted. He’d written a song for me? For me to sing? With him?
“Why can you be so sweet sometimes?” she asked barely above a whisper, her belly, doing that thing again.
“Trust me, Lauren. I’m not sweet. You, on the other hand, you’re almost too sweet.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” she said.
“No?” He cocked his head and grabbed her chin to make her gaze into his eyes. “What are you trying to say, Lauren? Are you trying to get me to do something?”
The wine that had made her so relaxed wasn’t enough when he looked at her like that.
“Uh-huh. That’s what I thought.” And he chuckled. “Now let me see how this tastes.” He stuffed the chips inside his sandwich and took a bite.
He covered his mouth. “God, Lauren. That’s just…” He couldn’t stop laughing as bits of potato chips flew out his mouth. “Gross.”
Lauren couldn’t stop laughing either. “Eeew,” she said pointing at him. “You’re gross! Keep your food in your mouth for god’s sake.”
Colton stuck out his tongue and began wiping it down with a napkin, exaggerating his disdain for the taste. “When the hell did you start doing this?”
“I don’t remember!”
And Colton proceeded to open his sandwich back up and stuff it with the chips. “Maybe it will grow on me.” He took another big bite, spitting it out again. “Nope!”
Colton took a swig of beer, sitting back with a big smile. He gave Lauren a wink, and the mood started to shift, even as they both still bubbled with giggles. “Come over here,” he ordered in that voice, that voice that Lauren knew might make her do anything he wanted.
Lauren felt her pulse gallop.
“Right now, Lauren. Come sit on my lap.”
Why she couldn’t think straight, she didn’t understand, but she did exactly what he asked. Because she wanted to.
“Sit,” he said. “Right here.” He patted his lap.
She drew her arms around his neck and snuggled into his lap, placing her head on his chest. She looked up at him. “So…you like me?” She really wanted to know.
“Lauren,” he said. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“No. It’s not.”
“Well. I do,” he said. “I don’t like that I do. You’re too…I’ll use it again…sweet, but I can’t stay away.”
“You’re sweet too, Colton.”
“No. Lauren. No, I’m not.” And just like that, his mood shifted again. “Finish up.”
She worried he’d be asking her to leave soon as she sat back down to finish her burger.
Finally, he said, “You want to stay? Watch a movie or something?”
She wanted to say, no, but instead, heard herself say, “Yes,” as air gushed out of her with gale-wind force she prayed he couldn’t hear. “I just need to text Beth, so she doesn’t freak.”
“Yeah. She has a love/hate relationship with me.”
“That’s one way to put it.”
She texted Beth and put her phone away, before Beth could scold her and turned back to Colton. “So, what about that song?”
“It’s not quite finished yet. But when it is…will you…I mean…I wrote it for you. Will you sing it with me?” He sounded nervous. And it warmed her.
“I would love to.” Lauren plucked deep within her to gain some courage. She flicked her head in the direction of the refrigerator. “What about Angela? What does she think of the song so far?”
Without pause, he answered quickly. “She doesn’t know yet.”
“Oh,” Lauren said cautiously. “So… what exactly is she to you? Or was she to you?” Lauren was tripping over her words.
“A friend, Lauren. A true friend.”
“Is that all?”
“Right now. Yes,” he said matter of fact, like it should be obvious.
“And Tiffany?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Yup. Nothing.”
“But Brian said he saw you…saw you right after…”
“Lauren, I needed an alibi for Angela. I know it seems weak, cowardly. I’m working on that. I am. With Angela. But it’s tricky with her. And I just couldn’t explain what I was feeling for you then. Not to her. Not even myself.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Lauren, it’s true. And I think you know that, or you wouldn’t be here.”
After a minute of silence, Lauren asked, “And what are we?”
Colton stepped into her. “What do you want us to be?”
“I…” She didn’t want to scare him off. “I can’t be just friends with you.” I think I’m falling in love with you; I think I do love you; I want you, all of you, I want you to be mine, my boyfriend, my everything.
He grabbed her face and stared in her eyes. She was immobile, trying not to pant. “I know,” he said. “I just wanted to see this pink again in your cheeks.”
She wriggled out of his grasp, and he turned to pick things up.
“You’re such a jerk,” she huffed. “And awfully cocky."
“See?” he said, smirking. “And here you thought I was some kind of sweet guy or something. I told you.”
She slapped him across his shoulder, and then she stomped into the living room to sit on the couch.
He enjoyed teasing her, if not for the mere fact that it helped him to avoid admitting his true feelings, feelings that were so foreign to him that he hadn’t been sleeping well. Like Lauren, he knew he could never just be friends with her.
“I have Netflix. Pick whatever you want, as long as it’s not a chick flick.”
Lauren rolled her eyes.
He came back with some seltzers and candy, and he knew no one could stay mad with a fistful of Goobers and Raisinets. They decided on a comedy, and by the way they laughed together, no one would have thought they were anything other than best friends.
Near the end of the movie, Lauren had fallen asleep on Colton’s chest.
“Hey,” Colton said, stirring her. “I think I better drive you home now.”
She looked up at him, a look of loneliness or sadness or something he wished he could fix. “Are you trying to do me one of your favors again?”
Colton looked at her, confused.
“You know. Not talk to me for a whole week or two?”
“Lauren, I can’t make you any promises. I’m sorry. I wish I could. I’ve never had a real relationship before. I’m not sure I know how.” He felt terrible saying it, but it was the truth, and he owed her that.
“I know. I just figured I’d ask. Brace myself this time.”
He looked at her face, her freckles. The way she was so sexy and innocent at the same time.
He could see a wave of anguish coming upon her, that look in her eyes, and he knew his words had hurt her, again. Fuck. Why do I keep doing this?
“I won’t be around next weekend,” she blurted.
“Oh, no?”
“No. Heading home for the weekend.”
“And where’s home?”
“Connecticut. That’s why I wondered if I’d talk to you during the week.”
“Why are you going home?”
Lauren welled up.
“Lauren? What is it?” At that exact moment, he didn’t want to let her go.
“It’s her anniversary.”
Colton was perplexed. “Her?”
“My sister’s anniversary. Of her death. There’s a memorial service.”
“Lauren. Christ. I’m sorry. She died from leukemia, you said, right?”
Lauren couldn’t help it. The thought of going home for the memorial for her sister, a memorial that was supposed to bring closure but that just kept reminding everyone of their great loss, and the thought of being in love with this distant, unavailable man, all came to a head, and she felt the tears building.
“Hey,” he soothed. “Let me go home with you,” he said. “Let me come to Connecticut with you.”
“What?” She suddenly felt panic instead of sadness. Her parents would die. They still hadn’t gotten over Greg, her ex from high school. But then again, they still hadn’t gotten over a lot of things.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Lauren said carefully. She wondered how he could afford a flight.
As if reading her mind, he said, “Well, everything is paid for here. School. Rent. I even have a food plan. And I make a killing bartending and playing out at gigs. I’ve saved up a lot of money. I’ve never been to Connecticut, and I’m coming with you.”
Lauren knew at that moment that she wasn’t falling in love—she had already fallen.
“Plus,” Colton added. “I want to see this Juilliard bedroom of yours.”
Lauren didn’t care what her parents thought. She wanted him with her. She didn’t want to miss this vulnerable opportunity he was giving her.
“Then I’m staying the night,” she said firmly.
“Yes. You are,” Colton said, unequivocally.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The next morning, Colton woke before Lauren and watched her sleep. The way she’d fallen asleep in his arms the night before, the way he held her close to him, the way he’d never slept better in his whole life; he just wished staring at her would make the moment last forever. The Colton Masters of the past was just that. He’d had so much fun with her, enjoyed chatting with her so much, touching her, kissing her, holding her. He’d never felt such intimacy before, intimacy without sex.
He kissed her lips and they immediately opened for him as he found the warmth that lay inside. She moaned, opened her eyes, and looked at him dreamily, and he wondered if she was dreaming what he was.
“Hi,” she whispered.
“Hi,” he whispered back and kissed her again.
“I fell asleep so fast last night.” She seemed embarrassed.
He wanted to reassure her. “You needed it. And I’m glad I got to sleep with you. I’m being honest, Lauren, when I say I haven’t slept that well in a long time.”
Lauren nodded. “No. Me either, Colton.” She grabbed him closer, and he let her.
“I’ve figured something out about how you’ve managed to remain so innocent for so long,” Colton said, never letting her leave his embrace.
“Colton,” Lauren said, tensing a bit. “I’m not that innocent. I wish you would stop saying that. Or better yet, I wish you would just take any innocence I have left away.” She looked up at him with bright eyes and a wide smirk.
“Sssh, Princess. Someday. Don’t you worry about that.” He raised his eyebrows, causing her to giggle. “But truly, I think your father purposely encouraged your relationship with your gay boyfriend because he didn’t want anyone touching you. He didn’t want anyone to have you. To ruin you.”
“Colton!”
“And I can’t say I blame him. Your father. He must be a smart man.”
“Colton. Stop it right now. I don’t want to be thinking of my father ri
ght now.”
Colton suddenly felt a little uneasy. “I’m a little nervous about meeting him, to be honest.”
Colton wasn’t sure Lauren knew how serious he was about going home with her.
“Don’t be,” Lauren said, and skootched closer to him. “I do think they want me happy.”
He paused to look in her face. “What do you mean, you think they want you happy? Of course they do.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Well, I’m listening.”
Lauren unwrapped herself from him and grabbed her legs in her arms. “I’m adopted, Colton.”
“Ummmm…okay…and…”
“I’m adopted, because my parents didn’t think they could have any children. I was an only child for a long time, a blissful time. And then…”
“And then…”
“Somehow, Shelby was born. The miracle, they always said.”
“And that was bad? I thought you loved her?”
“Of course I did. Very much. She was my best friend, and we were really close. And I didn’t feel like I was any different…until…”
“Until she got sick?” Colton whispered, getting the picture now.
“Yes.”
“I don’t know if they thought it, but I always felt they wished it had been me that got sick and not her.”
“Lauren, I’m sure that’s not—”
“No. I overheard them arguing one night, Colton. I know my mom was upset. But she basically said so. Basically said they were losing their real daughter. Why my real daughter? my mother screamed, not knowing I could hear.”
“Lauren,” Colton didn’t really know what to say. “People say things in grief they don’t mean all the time.”
“I know.”
Colton drew her back in his arms. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, so though we have this money and they paid for all my classes outside of school, my dance lessons and voice instruction and acting seminars, and got me all the best tutors and made sure I had the best of the best, the one thing money couldn’t buy was Shelby’s life back. Our relationship was never the same after she got sick.”
“They love you, Lauren.”
“I know. But—”
Play Only For Me: (A New Adult Romance) Page 12
