I'll Be the One

by Hazel James

  “The county budget wasn’t approved, and you got laid off.”

  “I guess that means I’m not a hot firefighter anymore. What’s the good news?”

  “We’re having another baby.”

  “Really? Sweet! So what do we need to do?”

  “Our revised budgets are due on Friday. Students who were laid off this week are expected to report on the unemployment process and discuss where they’re applying to.”

  “Sounds easy enough.” We spend the next half hour filling in our charts, including what our medical co-pays will be for the new baby. “How many kids do you want to have?” he asks, looking up from our homework.

  “I dunno. Two or three, probably. I hate being an only kid. What about you?”

  “Definitely at least two. I never felt like an only child since we usually lived with people who had kids. This is actually the first time in about ten years that I’ve been the only kid in the house.”

  “That sounds like a really strange way to grow up.” James puts our finished homework in my backpack and leads me to the couch. Lazarus follows and flops down at our feet. He may be ugly, but he makes a great ottoman.

  “I didn’t know any different, so it was normal to me. It wasn’t until I was around seven that I realized most people didn’t move around like we did.”

  “Do you ever wish you grew up like me? In the same house and school district, I mean?”

  “Not for one second.” He takes my hand and traces his finger along the lines of my palm.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I wouldn’t have met you.” He presses a kiss into my palm and goes back to tracing the lines. “Besides, I had a pretty fun childhood and I got to see a lot of the country.”

  “Where was your favorite place to live?”

  “Actually, it was right here. Gran and Grandpa’s house is where I always felt the most at peace. I used to walk through the fields with Grandpa and help with the planting or harvest. Gran tried to let me help with her pies, but I kept eating the fruit, so she shooed me out of the kitchen and made me the Official Taste Tester instead.” He laughs softly at the memory. “You know, all these questions made me remember that you still haven’t asked me question twenty.”

  “Huh. I forgot all about that. I can’t believe I made an ass of myself that day in the cafeteria.” I wrinkle my nose just thinking about it.

  “Nah, you were pretty adorable. Besides, there is no beating my epic display of stupid in Economics that first day. I’m really surprised you voluntarily spoke to me after that.”

  “It was just because I felt bad for you,” I say, teasingly. “I still can’t believe you felt all of that stuff the minute you saw me. Instant feelings still seem… I don’t know… like the garbage in romance novels.”

  “Have you ever read a romance novel?”

  “Ummm, no. Romance novels are for losers. They’re all the same anyway. Boy meets girl. Boy seduces girl. Boy hurts girl. Boy gets girl back. The end.”

  “That may be true, but that doesn’t mean instant connections don’t happen or that they’re doomed for failure.”

  Lazarus jumps up and runs to the front door. Several seconds later, Gran, Grandpa and Sunny walk in, talking animatedly.

  “Dad, I better not catch you in a Speedo, that’s all I’m saying,” Sunny says.

  “Oh, come on. I’ll blend in with all the other old farts on the beach!”

  “I can’t wait to make my first gooseberry pie. Or maybe strawberry pie. You know, they have festivals every year for that!” Gran’s grinning from ear to ear.

  James sits up on the couch. “What’s all the fuss about?”

  “Well hey there, son! I wasn’t sure if you were working this afternoon. I’m glad we don’t have to wait to share the good news,” Sunny says.

  “What good news?”

  “I sold the farm, boy! We’re moving to Florida!” Grandpa spins Gran by the arm, then dips her backward and kisses her. Sunny does what I assume is her version of a happy dance. It’s eerily similar to those solar powered hula dancers that people have on their car dashboards.

  “What do you mean we’re moving? When you mentioned selling the farm before, you never said we were moving.”

  “The land developer bought everything. In about five years, this will be a whole new community, and they don’t need the farm or the house. If I’m not mistaken, this house is the site of a future elementary school. You think they’ll name it after us, dear?” He turns to Gran and winks at her.

  “But what about me and Mom?”

  “We’re going with them, River. The package is more than enough to buy some property with a separate cottage for us.” Sunny looks at James as if he sprouted two heads.

  “It’s James! And I’m in the middle of my senior year!”

  “You’re a pro at moving, kid. And this will be the last time.” Her smile begins to falter. The news obviously isn’t going the way she thought it would. I’m still trying to get my brain to catch up with all of this.

  “That’s what you said when we moved here.” James leaps off the couch. “This is all about money?” He snatches the folder out of Grandpa’s hands.

  “No, this is about your gran and me enjoying our retirement years.” James flips the folder open and I see the top of the contract. My hand flies to my mouth as I realize the severity of the situation. James immediately walks toward me and hugs me over the back of the couch.

  “It’s okay, baby. I’m gonna figure something out.”

  “You don’t understand. That’s my father’s logo. Wheaton Properties bought Grandpa’s farm.” Cherry flavored bile threatens to make an appearance on Gran’s worn rug. James comes around to my side of the couch as I sink back and concentrate on taking deep breaths. Grandpa’s voice carries over the sound of my heart breaking.

  “I know you don’t understand our decision, but this was too good of a deal to pass up.”

  “What about the crew who helps you? They’re just out of a job now?” He rubs small circles on my back.

  “No, that was part of the contract too. They’ll be paid through the summer.”

  “When?” I ask. It comes out in a whisper, but it’s still loud enough for James to hear. He relays the question.

  “A month or so. We’re not going to move until we have a property lined up down there.”

  “I can’t believe you did this without asking me.” James’ voice is a mixture of defeat and betrayal. His eyes shoot daggers at his mom.

  “River, don’t talk to your grandpa in that tone of voice.”

  “What the hell, Mom? Can you honestly stand there and think everything’s okay? That I’d be happy about this?”

  “You’re going to college soon, and you’ve never been upset about us moving before. Why would now be any different?” She puts her hands on her hips and huffs with exasperation.

  “Because I’ve never had her before,” he says, pointing to me. He stands up and gets my backpack, then walks me to the front door. “For someone who spent her entire adult life chasing love, I can’t believe you are so willing to take me away from mine.” He slams the door behind us and helps me into The Beast. The engine rumbles to life, but he pulls me to him before we drive away.

  “Rachel, I swear I’m going to find a way to fix this. I’m not going to Florida with them.” I buckle up and he drives toward the main road.

  “You don’t have a choice. You’re not eighteen yet.” I wipe more tears from my cheeks. “Is this what your bad feeling was about yesterday?”

  “No, I still have it so it’s gotta be about something else. Don’t worry. It’s going to be alright,” he says, squeezing my hand. “And we still have a month to figure something out.”

  Those words should be reassuring, but they’re not. I don’t want to figure something out. I want everything from the last thirty minutes to go away. A month ago, James was nowhere on my radar. Now, I feel like something is being surgically removed from my heart. Whoever said �
�It’s better to have loved and lost” needs to be junk punched.

  “Great, another month for me to make memories with you? To fall more in love with you? To make it even harder to say goodbye?” I remove my hand from his and lean against the door.

  “Why are you acting like you’re mad at me?”

  “Because I am. You promised we’d be together, and in a month we’re gonna be ripped apart and you’re going to find someone new and I’ll be left here trying to put back the pieces of my heart.” A new round of tears spill out of my eyes. Truth be told, I’m madder at myself than I am him. He is a habitual nomad, after all.

  “Ray, it’s Florida, not Mars. And if I do have to go, it’ll only be until the end of the school year. Then I’ll be back up here to start college.”

  “We’re seventeen, James. Long-distance relationships don’t last. Just ask Derrick and Avery.”

  “Don’t ever compare what we have to Derrick and Avery. That fucktwat doesn’t deserve the air he breathes. And me moving has nothing to do with my feelings for you.”

  “Just wait until Florida’s version of Vivien comes waltzing your way.” The thought of another girl rubbing all over him makes me wanna hurl. I crack the window to chase the feeling away. Garth Brooks’ Shameless comes on the radio, which makes me think of my dream on the day James first kissed me. God, that feels like a million years ago.

  “Ray, I’m not the bad guy here. I’m not sure why you’re blowing up at me.”

  “You should have known this would happen, Mr. ‘I know things!’ For someone who is supposed to know what happens in the future, you really suck at it. I could drive into downtown Durham and find a handful of phony psychics who are better than you. My Magic 8 Ball could probably do a better job.”

  “Well I’m sorry my psychic radar isn’t as in-tune as you want it to be. So what if I would have known I was moving? What difference would that have made?”

  I hold up my fingers and start counting the reasons. “I would have asked for a new Economics partner because I’m pretty sure my grade’s gonna suffer now. I wouldn’t have told Avery I’d go to prom and get her hopes up. I wouldn’t have quit track. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.”

  I cross my arms and return to leaning against the window. James physically jerks in reaction to my words. I know I’m being harsh, and probably irrational, but I’m a teenage girl. These things happen. Besides, it’s true. If I would have known he wasn’t staying, there’s no way in hell I would have ever given him the time of day. I’m not sure that all the good stuff was worth feeling like this. And I probably shouldn’t have thrown track in his face, seeing as I’m the one who wanted to quit anyway, but I just don’t have time for that kind of logic right now.

  “I can’t believe you just said that.”

  “What am I supposed to say? That everything’s gonna be fine? That the person who first said ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ was wrong?” Adrenaline courses through my veins. I guess this is what they meant by a “fight or flight” response. We’re fighting because he’s leaving.

  “What about ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’?” His voice is laced with desperation, something I’ve never heard coming from him. I hate it. He pulls into my driveway and puts the truck in park. “Rachel, please don’t shut me out.”

  “I’m sorry. I just don’t see how this is going to work.”

  I grab my backpack and slam the truck door without a second glance at James. Seeing his face would only cause another round of tears. I open the front door and focus on getting to my bedroom where I can have a breakdown in relative privacy.

  “Not so fast Rachel Lynn.” Dad’s voice is stern and it’s the last thing I want to hear right now. I forgot on the drive home that technically he’s the one responsible for all of this. I hate him so hard right now.

  “What?”

  “What the hell is this?” I look over at him and he’s holding an envelope from State. A big envelope.

  Fuck.

  It looks like it’s seen better days—crumpled, one corner is ripped off and there are black streaks across the front of it.

  “Would you mind explaining why this envelope came in the mail today and why it has your name on it?

  “Would you mind explaining why you bought the Glenn farm without telling me?” I counter. His eyebrows draw together, and for a moment, confusion replaces the anger on his face.

  “What does the Glenn deal have anything to do with you?

  “I’m dating their grandson.” Was dating. Whatever. I don’t even know anymore. “That deal means they’re moving and taking James with them.”

  “That deal got me a thirty-five thousand dollar bonus, which I thought would be handy considering my only child is starting college this year. Which brings me back to this.” He thrusts the envelope toward me. “How could you do this to me?”

  “Relax. It’s just an acceptance letter. I thought it’d be good to have some options.”

  “Is this where James is going to school? Is that why you applied there?”

  “Actually, I applied before I met James.” I cross my arms. He will not talk to me like I’m a love-struck fool who’s incapable of making her own decisions. Even though that shoe fits a little better than I’d like it to.

  “Well, if you’re this upset about some teenage fling moving away, I’m glad he’s leaving. You’re entirely too young to be this worked up over a boy.”

  I manage to keep from screaming out loud, but internally it’s a different story. I can’t do this right now. I reach over and snatch the envelope out of his hand and stomp down the hall to my bedroom. Deciding to skip dinner, I put on pajamas and crawl into bed. This morning, I woke up with a boyfriend. Tonight I’m going to bed with a broken heart, and I have no idea how to fix it. Or even if it can be.

  The movers are everywhere. There’s a rhythm to their movements, and from a choreographer’s point of view, it’s actually quite beautiful.

  Reach¸ remove, wrap, pack. Reach, remove, wrap, pack.

  One guy walks down the hallway toward the kitchen carrying Lucy. The sleeves of his light gray hoodie are pushed up, and there’s a grease stain next to his embroidered name. Instead of “Carl,” it looks like his name is “Carly.”

  “Hey man, check this out,” he says to another mover. “Didn’t you say you were looking for a new one?” He holds Lucy out for inspection. The other guy picks her up and strums a few chords.

  “Yeah, this one’s pretty nice. Put it in the cab of the truck, will ya?”

  “No prob.” He steps toward the front door. I have no idea what’s going on, but Carly better back the fuck off of my guitar.

  “Hey, asshole, that’s mine!” It doesn’t come out nearly as loud or authoritative as I intended. Carly keeps walking. I run toward him, but my feet won’t move. What the actual fuck? I scan the room for Gran, Grandpa, or Mom, but they’re not here. It’s just me and a bunch of thieves. Another guy walks out the front door with an opened box full of my stuff. From here, I can see my speakers and my amp. He smiles and nods at the guy in the kitchen packing up Gran’s dishes.

  “You look like a repo man!”

  He shifts the box up to his shoulder and uses his free hand to point toward my bedroom. “It’s like Christmas back there, dude. You’d better take a look before all the good shit’s gone.”

  “They’re not taking any of that stuff?” He sets down a cup – my blue cup – and heads to my bedroom.

  “Nope. The kid’s gone, and they don’t want his shit anymore.” The speaking thief passes Mom and Grandpa on his way outside. They sit on the couch, which has been shrink wrapped, and Mom props her feet up on a stack of boxes. She looks tired.

  “It’ll be good to get a fresh start,” Grandpa says.

  “Yeah, it will. Besides, the sunshine always makes everything better.”

  “Is that why you changed your name when you left home?”

  “I suppose so. Thanks again for all the help with River’s l
ife insurance paperwork. I’m just glad that’s all done with.” Mom rubs her hands over her face and sighs.

  “It’s the least I could do. I was working on your mother’s at the same time so it only made sense to take care of his, too.” He pats Mom on the knee. Is it me, or is his hair grayer? His face has more lines in it, and for the first time he looks every bit of his age.

  “I’m gonna fall asleep if I keep sitting here.” Mom stands up and walks into the kitchen. “Want any coffee, Dad?”

  I bolt upright, my heart hammering in my chest. Lazarus lifts his head and thumps his tail against the covers.

  I flip the edge of my curtain back and see the colors of an early morning sunrise. This is the second one I’ve watched since I dropped Rachel off at her house. She hasn’t spoken to me since then. She was out of school yesterday and didn’t answer any of my phone calls or texts. I admit that I’m mad at the way she flipped out on me. She knows there’s no rhyme or reason to what I predict, so I don’t know why she’s making this my fault. But mostly, I miss her. If this is what two days feels like, I’m not sure I can make it three months.

  There’s no chance of me going back to sleep, so I head to the kitchen and start the coffee pot. Lazarus runs to his food bowl and exchanges glances between me and the refrigerator.

  “You know the rules, dude. Pee first, then food.” I take him to the front door so he can do his business. I haven’t had him that long, but he’s already made himself home. His favorite place, besides the kitchen, is underneath the pine tree off the corner of the house. He’d lay there for hours if I let him. Gran, ever the early riser, pads down the hallway as I fill my blue cup with coffee. Without needing to ask, I start her teakettle.

  “What has you up so early?” She moves past me and takes the waffle iron out of the bottom cabinet. Gran’s a fantastic pastry chef, but she makes a mean Belgian waffle too. I don’t anticipate having a great day, but at least I know breakfast will be awesome.

  “Bad dream.”

  “Wanna tell me about it?”

  “We were moving, only I apparently died and y’all told the movers they could have all of my stuff.” I decide to leave out the part about her being dead too. With that thought, I rub the ache that flares in my chest. It’s the same feeling I had on the phone with Rachel the other day, and the one I’ve carried with me since then. I take a minute to watch Gran as she makes the waffles, wondering if she’s the cause of this feeling. She looks like she’s lost a little bit of weight, and she doesn’t move as fast as she used to, though that part could be attributed to the general aging process.