Wall of Silence

by Dorey Whittaker

  Before long, Susan’s mind was again wandering back into the past, but this time it was to a sweeter, happier time. Having just spoken with Scott, she thought about how lucky she was to have him in her life. Sitting there, watching the sun’s rays dance on the windowsill, Susan refused to think about how her life might have turned out had he not fallen in love with her. That path was much too painful a journey to ponder right now. Instead, Susan reviewed those years that had brought them together and allowed her mind to travel back to those happier times, remembering how Scott had come into her life and changed it.

  ***

  Scott had gone away to college right out of high school. His father wanted him to attend an Ivy League school to broaden his life experience and give him a taste of “another world,” as they called it. Scott settled on the University of Pennsylvania and had come home that first summer and worked for his dad, but after that he always found summer jobs in Philadelphia. He loved taking the late train into New York City on Friday nights and spending the weekends exploring Manhattan. He loved the noise of New York City. He didn’t care if it was raining, snowing, or sweltering hot, he loved it. During his junior year, he considered transferring to Columbia University in New York City so he could be close to his newly adopted city but found he would lose too many credits and didn’t want to add another year to his studies.

  Sometimes Scott walked up Broadway around the time people were leaving the theaters so he could mingle with the crowds. The sounds, smells, and chatter were intoxicating. He had a favorite cafe that opened onto Broadway, and he would sit at the front table drinking coffee and listening to the taxi horns and movement of people until well after midnight. He made sure he visited all the museums and art galleries because his mother had made him promise he would. He wouldn’t fully appreciate all that until years later, and one day he would tell his mother how thankful he was that she had kept after him to go. He grew to love studying the Old Masters. He would stand in front of them for the longest time, trying to imagine these men’s lives at the time they painted. Scott had no talent for art, but he studied their work and appreciated the skill it took to create these masterpieces. His mother knew his education needed to be more than books. He needed to understand the gift of history and why art is a mysterious medium that allows us to almost see into the souls of men long-since dead. His mother knew he needed to develop an appreciation for things other than business and sports, and she knew such an appreciation would come if he spent enough time in museums.

  Although Scott fully intended to return to Atlanta and join his father’s company, he was determined to get his master’s degree in business first. He wanted to prove that his future success in his father’s company would not be due to nepotism. So during his senior year at Penn, he was accepted by the Harvard Business School.

  While at Harvard, Scott began dating an attractive girl from upstate New York who was also a business major. They enjoyed comparing the differences between growing up in the South and the North. She was intelligent, intensely driven, and had an exhaustive list of goals, a list that did not include being “stuck” in Atlanta, Georgia. She constantly pushed him to apply at one of the prestigious firms in downtown Boston. She had it all figured out. He would be offered a great job when he graduated; they would get married, and she would get her master’s at Harvard also. She had visions of them, with their Harvard MBAs, hitting Manhattan in two years and taking over.

  There was only one problem: that wasn’t what he wanted. Whenever he tried to tell her how important it was for him to go back and work with his dad, she would become hostile. She thought he would be throwing his future away. As far as she was concerned, there was only New York. If you didn’t work there, you were a failure.

  Scott was twenty-five the day he boarded the plane for Georgia with his college degrees in one hand and his father’s letter offering him his first official position within the company in the other. He felt anything but a failure, and he couldn’t wait to get home.

  Chapter 5

  Scott agreed to stay at his parents’ home for one month and allow his mother to spoil him a little with her wonderful cooking. Then he planned to get his own apartment closer to the office. Except for the first summer and a week every Christmas, Scott had been on his own for seven years. He was used to fixing his own meals, doing his own laundry, and generally making a home for himself. He never really liked the dorm life at Penn. Even though he liked to have fun like everyone else, he tended to be more serious and determined than most. He had never seen the value in getting wasted every weekend and was tired of having to defend his choices all the time, so right before Christmas break of his sophomore year, he found a studio apartment not far from campus. He had always held down a part-time job, and even though his dad paid for college, Scott wanted at least to be responsible for his rent and living expenses.

  It was important that he show his dad he was growing up. Scott admired his father and in some ways considered him his best friend. He had lots of buddies from high school and college to talk with about sports and girls, but he went to his father with any serious problem. He had grown up watching the way his dad treated his mother and sister and how they loved him. Even as a boy, Scott remembered going down to the office with his dad on a summer day and observed how people responded to his father. It wasn’t so much because he was their boss but more that they liked him. As Scott grew older, he came to realize that what he had seen in these people was the great respect and honor they had for his dad. Somewhere in his early youth, Scott determined that one day he, too, would be such a man. He couldn’t think of anything more worthwhile.

  During the month he was at home, Scott enjoyed spending lots of time with his kid sister, who had grown up while he was away. Carol Anne had been ten, almost eleven when he left for college. Except for letters, phone calls, and a week home during the holidays, he found he had little contact with his little sister. She was almost eighteen and would be graduating from high school in a week or so. Carol Anne had always been a very sweet, kind person, and he appreciated the time they were now able to spend together.

  On one of their evening strolls through the mall, Scott was reintroduced to Susan Miller. Carol Anne had known her in second grade, but Susan’s neighborhood had been rezoned to another school district. Later, though, their schools fed into Northeast High School, and they met again.

  Carol Anne had approached her the first day of their freshman year and with a warm smile said, “Well, hello again, Snow White.”

  From that moment on, they became inseparable. Susan spent almost every weekend during high school at Carol Anne’s where they were always making grand plans for their futures. They both wanted to go to college and have a career, but due to financial restraints, Susan was practical and planned to go to the local community college. Carol Anne, on the other hand, was expected to attend a university elsewhere. As with Scott, her parents encouraged her to experience life outside of Georgia before settling down.

  Having received her acceptance letter from USC, she was excitedly telling Susan all about it. “Snow White, can you believe it? I am actually going to be living in Southern California. I can’t wait to spend time on the beach.” They started giggling and began singing one of their favorite Beach Boys songs. They linked their arms together and strolled through the mall. Carol Anne was busy listing everything she was going to do when she arrived in California, and the girls almost forgot Scott was even there. Susan was sincerely happy for her friend, and she let Carol Anne enjoy this wonderful news. They both knew this summer would too quickly end, but they refused to let this put a damper on their fun tonight.

  Scott watched these two girls giggle and talk, seemingly without stopping for breath, and he marveled at their natural beauty. He had always known his sister was destined to be a beautiful woman. She looked so much like his mother that she couldn’t help being pretty, but Susan’s beauty was breathtaking. Her eyes sparkled as she talked with Carol Anne, and those eyes mel
ted something inside him. As he watched her, Scott realized she was unaware of her striking beauty. Her makeup was understated and her clothes were simple. There was something about this girl that made him want to spend time with her and get to know her better.

  Scott, Carol Anne, and Susan spent a wonderful summer together. Scott was busy during the week getting settled in his new job, but the weekends were reserved for the three of them. They spent every Saturday exploring and having fun.

  He found a very nice apartment only two blocks from work, and the three would spend their Saturdays hitting all the yard sales and antique malls looking for unique pieces of furniture to decorate his apartment. The girls were determined that, before the summer was over, his place would be perfect. None dared mention summer’s end, as if ignoring it would make it not happen. But all too soon, their last Saturday together arrived. Scott invited both girls to his apartment for lunch. How he had dreaded this weekend! All day he struggled to act cheerful and enthusiastic. He had always been so serious. Sure, he had fun throughout college and grad school, but not like this. This summer had been magical.

  Scott ordered pizza, and they sat down to talk as they waited for the delivery. Susan shared that she was signed up for the community college and was to start after Labor Day. With an unusual openness, Susan shared, “I need to get another part-time job now that I have college expenses. With my dad back in prison, things are tight at home.”

  Scott knew Susan’s father had been sent to prison years ago for his assault on her mother. All the local papers had run the story, and since Carol Anne and Susan had been friends, their family followed the story with great interest. The family felt they needed to explain it as best they could to Carol Anne. He also knew Susan never talked about her family. He didn’t dare ask questions, for fear of sending her back into her shell, but he was dying to know why her father had been sent back to prison and when. He didn’t remember reading anything in the paper about it, and he certainly would have taken notice if there had been anything printed regarding her family.

  Carol Anne was shocked to hear her talking so openly in front of Scott. Susan was usually guarded about her family. Carol watched her brother’s expression, hoping his dismay wouldn’t silence her friend. For months, Carol Anne’s only real concern about going away to college was leaving her best friend behind. She knew how much Susan depended on her when circumstances became unbearable, and she was unsure what Susan would do without that escape. Knowing how guarded Susan was about her family made this conversation even more puzzling. She wasn’t struggling for words or acting nervous. Susan’s matter-of-fact demeanor was so uncharacteristic it caught Carol Anne off guard.

  “Carol Anne, when I mentioned my plans to attend the community college, my mother became irate. She accused me of wanting to lollygag around campus instead of working full-time to help with the bills. College is my only way out. If I don’t improve my skills, I’ll be stuck in dead-end jobs just like my mother. The only way I can go to college is if I get a better paying part-time job so I can give her a little more money. Perhaps then she’ll lighten up on me.”

  Carol Anne stared at Susan, amazed at how calm she appeared in front of Scott. She thought back to a night several months earlier when Susan struggled desperately to share the cruel facts about her father’s last run-in with the law. Susan had been unusually quiet that night as the two girls were having an evening swim. Carol Anne was aware that something was bothering her friend, but she had learned not to probe. When Susan was ready, she would talk, so Carol Anne waited.

  Then abruptly, Susan turned and asked, “Carol Anne, you knew my dad went to prison for trying to kill my mother when I was little, didn’t you?”

  Trying not to act shocked at her question, Carol Anne kept a steady gaze and answered, “Yes, I knew. Why?”

  Susan smiled faintly. “I was pretty sure you did. I want to thank you for not asking me questions. It’s not that I don’t trust you, honest. I just don’t like to talk about it.”

  “I understand, Susan,” Carol Anne responded, although she really didn’t. Her friend had been through things she couldn’t even imagine. She wanted to say something profound, but there were no words.

  A few minutes later, Susan paddled up next to her and looked like she wanted to say something. She held onto Carol Anne’s raft so they were floating side by side, looking at the starry sky.

  Susan’s barely audible voice broke the silence. “My dad spent five years in prison for almost killing my mother, and then she took him back. Why? Why did my mother do that?”

  She knew Susan didn’t expect an answer. She remained quiet, hoping Susan would feel free to keep going.

  Suddenly Susan’s voice changed. It was a tone Carol Anne had never heard from Susan. It was not angry. It was almost pleading, as if she dared not say what she was about to. “He had to promise he would never hit her again. The parole board told him he’d land right back in prison if he did, but within a few months it all started again. I was eight when he was taken away, thirteen when he returned, and for the next four years he frequently beat my mother. He just made sure she never went to a doctor afterward. He did stop hitting me though, after a gym teacher became suspicious about some ugly bruises on my legs and back and wrote a letter home. The truth is, I was too ashamed and afraid of my parents to tell anyone it was still happening?”

  Carol Anne knew she needed to say something. “Susan, is it still going on?”

  “No. It’s finally over. Back in October, my father’s rage got him into trouble again. He had finally packed up and moved out of the house at the start of my senior year. He got a job with another freight company over in Jefferson, ninety miles from here. He didn’t want us to go along. He was finally through with my mother. What none of us knew at the time was, my sister, Lisa, had gotten off of parole in California and had moved back to Georgia and was living in Jefferson.”

  Susan turned, trying to gauge how shocked her friend was at her news. Carol Anne simply reached over and took hold of her friend’s hand and continued to look up into the sky. “You knew my sister ran away from home when I was eight. What I never told you was, while living in California, Lisa got into drugs and was caught selling to support her habit. At the age of nineteen she served two years in jail and three years on probation. As soon as that was over, she wanted out of California, but she did not want to come home. She had no intention of living in Atlanta. It was too close to our parents, so she settled in Jefferson, but we never knew any of this until this year. Lisa was a great sister to me, but now her life’s a mess. She’s still on drugs, drinking heavily, and selling herself to anyone with a few dollars to support her habit.”

  Having shared the worst part of her secret, Susan quickly finished her story. “One night last October, Lisa walked into a bar in downtown Jefferson and ran right into our father. His hatred for her had been smoldering for years, and without any warning, he pulled her outside and beat her beyond recognition. Some guys pulled him off her before he could kill her and held him until the police came. His trial was in Jefferson, and since he was a nobody, it never made our papers. My mother was forced to sell the house last fall to pay the attorney’s fees, but we were allowed to rent it back. My father was sentenced to ten to fifteen years, and at the sentencing all he had to say was, ‘Lisa better make out her will.’ ”

  Horrified, Carol Anne asked, “Is your sister all right?”

  “Sort of, if you can call her life all right, I didn’t go to the trial, although I did go to see my sister several times while she was recovering. Lisa needs some real help, but she doesn’t think so and has no intention of getting anywhere near our Mother. Besides, Mother wants nothing to do with her and couldn’t care less what happens to her.”

  The doorbell rang, bringing Carol Anne back to the present. Scott went to answer the door and get the pizza. Carol Anne studied Susan’s face and thought about that night in the pool. She wondered how Susan could have gone through that much stress an
d kept quiet for so long. Susan had held that secret in for almost six months, appearing normal, even to her closest friend.

  Scott grabbed his wallet and opened the door, expecting the pizza delivery boy. Instead, there stood his father. He had been gone on a business trip for almost a week and stopped by his son’s apartment to invite him to join them for a family dinner at the house that night.

  Scott turned and asked the girls if that would be all right with them, obviously including Susan. Without waiting for their response, he said, “Sure, Dad, we’d love to.” Just then, the pizza boy walked up.

  Mr. Thomas looked at the large pizza and then at his son and laughed. “Let’s make it around eight. That way you’ll all be hungry again.”

  Susan always felt good whenever Carol Anne’s family included her in their family get-togethers. Sometimes she felt a little uncomfortable and wondered if she was intruding, but they never seemed to act like it, and Carol Anne always told her she was silly to feel that way.

  Throughout high school she practically lived at their house; she thought Mr. and Mrs. Thomas were the kindest, most gracious people she had ever met.

  Susan excused herself around three o’clock, needing to go home to shower and change before dinner.

  As soon as she was gone, Scott cornered Carol Anne. “What’s the deal with her father? Why was he sent back to prison?”

  Carol Anne knew Scott wasn’t trying to be nosy. He cared about her friend, and there was real concern on his face. Carol sat on the couch, took a deep breath, and carefully weighed her words. “Scott, I was amazed that she talked so candidly about her dad in front of you today. That means she feels she can trust you. She trusts me also. If she wants you to know anything more about her family, she’ll tell you. I can’t! I’m glad she’ll have you here while I’m gone. She needs a good friend who will stand by her and, based on this summer, I think that could be you. Just don’t push her. Susan doesn’t open up easily.” With that, Carol Anne took off for home.