by Combs, Sasha
As he watched his daughter disappear down the same wing as her grandparents, William joined hands with Pamela and strolled down his wing. He heard LaShawn and Michael laughing as they walked down the wing leading to their bedroom. This evening was a far cry different from the past few nights. There was a sense of tranquility that he welcomed and he hoped this feeling would be there to greet him in the morning. If not for himself, at least for his wife and Morgan.
After he showered and shaved four days worth of facial growth from his face, William put on a pair of silk pajama bottoms. He lay in bed waiting for Pamela to join him after her shower. The sound of running water had been so soothing, William felt his lids getting heavy, so he closed his eyes to rest them. When Pamela joined him in their bedroom; her eyes fell on William. His arms and legs were stretched spread eagle. By the rise and fall of his chest, and the fanned out dark brown eyelashes curtained just above his cheeks, it was clear that he’d lost his battle and had fallen asleep. While Pamela had changed into her nightgown, she’d stood in front of the mirror studying her fathers handy work on her chin. Her eyes peered closely at the thin stripes and the way he’d perfectly approximated the cut. She was certain due to his quick thinking, her face wouldn't be marred with a scar. She wondered why her father had not continued on with his first calling and became a doctor instead of an attorney but she wasted little time pondering this thought.
When Pamela pulled back the comforter and sheet’s, she nudged William gently in his side. He was laying on top, keeping her from fully pulling back the linen. He made a mumbling noise, then rolled over on his side. After a little maneuvering and tugging, she was able to finally get him settled underneath the sheets and blankets. But not once did he fully wake. She imagined after all he’d been through, he had to be completely bushed. Pamela nuzzled up close, causing him to instantly take her into his arms. She lay pressed solidly against his chest, secure in a spooning position. When they had first entered the room, she’d had in her mind the desire to make love but after a few seconds snuggled in his arms, she too was fast asleep. In their slumber, their dreams held no hint detailing events that had transpired over the past week. New visions of things that were a mishmash of nothing important composed their mental night walk. This was one of the brains glorious weapons. The mind has within it the power to shield itself from all that troubles and worries us.
_________________________
Like most mornings, William woke before Pamela, but on this day he did not attempt to make love to her. He’d been tempted of course but he had a breakfast date with his daughter that he wouldn’t risk missing. He also had to admit, there was a part of him that simply wanted to assure himself that she was still in her bedroom and not somewhere else.
William eased on the shirt that matched his bottoms. He stepped into his slippers then put his arms through the sleeves of his robe. Just before entering the room next to his bedroom, with one final look over his shoulder, his eyes fell on Pamela. She was resting quietly and he wanted her to sleep late. Even though she was in great shape, and the past few days more than likely weren’t difficult for her; he still couldn’t get the picture of the bear out of his mind. The thought that he could have lost her, ripped at every seam in his body. He’d always known that she was made from something special. A makeup so unique, too few people can boast having this sort of character. They still had not talked about what possessed her to confront the bear because William knew that she was still in shock. He was waiting for Pamela to broach the topic. So far, she skirted around it, never completing a sentence to tell him what happened at the cabin.
As he walked down the hallway, turning down the wing leading to Morgan’s room; William passed his parent’s suite. He wondered if they would be taking their breakfast in their suite or in the breakfast nook. He wouldn’t bother them this early. Besides, he was eager to see his daughter and he didn’t want to delay their breakfast.
When William knocked on Morgan’s door, he was surprised when Greta opened the door. She smiled, then stepped pass him saying...
“The Misses called down this morning to tell me what to prepare. She wanted the food to be here when you arrived.”
Greta eased by William, smiling all the while she did this. When she stood in the hall beyond the threshold, she said... “If you need anything else Morgan, call down to the kitchen and someone will bring it up to your suite.”
Morgan looked like such a perfect young lady. She was dressed in a pressed white shirt and a pleated skirt. Her dark hair was combed and pulled up with a black ribbon. She looked so much like her mother, the dark features from her Latin heritage were unmistakable. Sometimes when he caught short glances of his daughter, memories of Bianca would surge forth, and when this happened, the feelings would inevitably make William’s heart mourn for her.
Morgan smiled at Greta while she began pouring coffee in a mug for her father.
“Thank you for everything Greta but I don’t think that you or your staff have forgotten anything.”
Greta nodded, then she walked down the hall, back to the elevators leading to the kitchen. William still had not entered the room because he was still stunned by what he’d just witnessed. Then there was his daughter’s appearance to consider. The outfit she chose to wear this morning looked so much like her school uniform.
“Daddy, come in before your food gets cold.”
William crossed over the threshold, closing the door once he was inside. Morgan sat at the small table in the sitting area of her suite. He took the vacant chair and sampled the cup of coffee she’d just prepared for him.
“Is your coffee the way you like it? I hope that it is.”
Morgan studied her father’s face, eagerly wanting to please him. When William smiled, as the dark liquid bathed his tongue, Morgan knew that she’d gotten it right.
After he placed his cup back on the table where it had been, he lifted his toast and began buttering it.
“When did you have time to do all of this?” he asked.
“I’ve been up for over an hour. I wanted everything to be perfect because after everything that has happened...I’ve been looking forward to this. You know...spending time together. If you recall...this was supposed to be a vacation.”
“Yes, I do recall.” He said. William sampled his toast while carefully keeping his eyes trained on Morgan.
“Daddy, I’m not trying to pretend that I wasn’t the cause for everything going wrong. I know I’ve been a brat and I can never expect you to forgive me for everything that I’ve done wrong.”
“Morgan...” he said in a low voice. William didn’t want to start this meal off by placing blame. He simply wanted to reconnect with his daughter.
“Honey...I know that you were upset and you just didn’t know how to deal with me or with Pamela.”
“That may be true daddy, but you wouldn’t be so understanding if that bear would have hurt Pamela and me. I know you’re trying to be a good parent by giving me time to process everything that I’ve been through. Well, I get that. But daddy, you have every reason to blow your top because truly, I deserve it.”
William, laughed and supposed, given that they weren’t harmed by the bear; their safe return was the reason for his quiet mood. He was grateful and there was no way to get around that, even though Morgan’s antics were fresh in his memory.
“Morgan, I’m quite certain that we all need time to allow our brains to analyze the folly that has occurred over these past few days. Not to mention the countless close calls that could have potentially spelled disaster. I guess after we’ve counted our lucky stars, then we’ll feel safe enough to talk about what nearly happened. As for me...I’m not ready to talk about that bear. You’re safe. Pamela and the baby are safe. I’m grateful for that and I don’t want you worrying yourself over the part you played in the incident.”
Morgan shifted her eggs on her plate, as if she were testing their fluffiness. In reality, she was thinking over her father’s words. Whe
n she knew what she wanted to say, her eyes flashed bright. “Okay, fair enough. But daddy, I do have something important that I need to get off my chest. I understand that you don’t want to talk about me or what I’ve done here at Barn Wood Hudson, but you must let me tell you why I did what I did.”
William’s head moved in a slow up and down motion because when he walked in the direction of Morgan’s room, this isn’t what he’d expected to hear. Mending fences, that was his only desire but it would seem Morgan wanted to reconstruct the entire enclosure.
“Morgan, I don’t think that this is necessary but I will respect your need to talk and I will listen. But sweetheart, before you say anything, I want you to know that I did not come here to judge you, that wasn’t the reason I suggested we have this breakfast together.”
For some reason, Morgan appeared pleased with herself and William didn’t know if her happiness was due to something new she intended to share or if her glee was caused by his reprieve. Due to his kind hearted gesture, she’d just gotten off the hook and wouldn’t be punished for her scheming or her childish behavior. He wasn’t sure what prompted her sudden mood shift and he was beginning to wonder if he’d been to lenient by giving in.
“All right daddy, like I said...fair enough. But you will listen right? I mean, even after what you just said, you will listen, won’t you?” Morgan’s enthusiasm had nothing to do with reprieves. Her joy was rooted in something completely different. With her attention half on her plate and half on her father, Morgan lifted her fork filled with eggs.
“Yes, Morgan, I will listen.” William tried to eat, as if whatever she intended to say wouldn’t matter much; of course this was a ruse because his gut told him he was truly concerned.
Morgan settled back in her seat, she swallowed her eggs before she began talking. Over the next fifteen minutes, William sat completely stymied by the story his daughter relayed. As each detail rolled from her tongue, he wondered where was he when all these things had occurred, then he questioned why Bianca chose to shield him from the truth. Yet, as he studied Morgan’s face, in that instant he came to understand why he’d been kept out of the loop and in total darkness.
“Daddy, a little over a month before mommy got sick, she came to visit me at St. Margaret. You were in Washington and mommy was going to see you after her visit with me.”
This wasn’t unusual and William didn’t seem the least bit surprised by this.
“Mommy wanted to plan a summer vacation to include Granny and Granddad.”
William smiled when he heard Morgan referring to her other set of grandparents. He’d never fully understood why Morgan had not been as attached to Bianca’s parents. She’d always shown a fond keenness for his mom and dad and he’d never questioned this. Morgan continued.
“Daddy since my tenth birthday you and mommy have always allowed me to choose where I wanted to go for my summers. Even when I was nine, you knew about my fascination with Egyptology and when Nanny and Poppy said that they were going to Cairo, you let me go and I didn’t even have to ask. When you and mommy sent me away to boarding school I knew that you weren’t trying to get rid of me. You wanted me to be responsible and an independent thinker. You wanted me to play an important role in making choices that would affect my life. So you have to understand why I was miffed when mommy arrived, telling me that she’d already made plans to include her parents for some kind of family reunion. I didn’t think it was fair so I got angry. My roommate, Jessie and I, we’d already made plans for the summer. Her parents own a Villa in Cannes and they’d already invited me to spend a month with them. Mommy had even met Jessie’s mother in Manhattan for lunch to discuss me joining them. She’d already said yes, then she shows up a month later saying something completely different. Like I said, I was angry so, I told her I wasn’t going and that I would talk to you about it. I wasn’t going to allow her to ruin my summer vacation.”
William frowned after hearing this, because Morgan had not talked to him about any argument and she noticed his confusion.
“Daddy, I never talked to you about this because mommy asked me not to. She said that there would be no need. I don’t know why she said that...but when I got the call from you, telling me that a car was being sent to bring me home. Even then, I didn’t put all the pieces to the puzzle together. Actually, it took months before I fully understood what occurred in my dorm room.”
It didn’t take William months to know what his daughter would say next. Now he was beginning to understand a few more things.
“Daddy, I think mommy suspected that she was ill and she wanted to spend time alone with all of us as a family in St Croix. When I spent time with Nanny and Poppy before I went back to school, I felt guilty for not going to her parents house. They were the ones who’d just lost their daughter. I really should have been spending time with them, but I couldn’t because all I could think about was the argument that mommy and I had. When she left my dorm room, she didn’t call me and I didn’t call her.”
William strained hard, trying to recall the months preceding Bianca’s illness. He’d been so engrossed in his work, the events merged like an endless stream. Yet, in all his searching, he did recall a strange conversation with his deceased wife, in which she vaguely mentioned their daughter. This was odd because normally Bianca talked nonstop, detailing specific portions from her chats with Morgan.
Morgan studied her father’s face, looking for his forgiveness even though she didn’t feel that she deserved it. When he finally spoke, she calmed her nervousness.
“If you recall...your Granddad and Granny wanted to be alone after the funeral. They knew that their home would be the worst place for their grieving granddaughter. And that vacation... Maybe your mother changed her mind and decided that a family reunion was not a good idea after all because as far as I know, she never invited her parents. LaShawn and Michael joined us in St. Croix and not once did Bianca appear to be sad. As a matter of fact, St. Croix was one of our best vacations.”
Morgan recalled this but it didn’t sway her way of thinking.
She ate the rest of her eggs. Most of her food was already cold but Greta’s food was good served hot or cold.
“Is there anything else that you want to share Morgan?”
Morgan nodded. “Daddy, I had to get that off my chest because it’s been killing me.”
“I can only imagine.” He said, and he really meant it. She’d been angry at herself and blaming herself for not knowing her mother’s true reason for attempting to change their vacation plans.
“Daddy, do you think that mommy knew she was dying?”
William thought about this for a moment because he wanted the real answer for himself.
“That’s hard to say honey but your mother wasn’t the type of person to keep secrets from me. I think that she suspected but I really don’t believe that she knew with certainty something was wrong.”
Morgan agreed. “But, she did keep a secret daddy. She never told you about our argument.”
“That wasn’t a secret Morgan. Your mother never revealed personal or private parts of your conversations. I suppose she rightly believed that your disagreement fell into one of those categories.”
“Yeah...I guess so.” She said reflexively. Then she said... “But I wish she would have told you. Maybe if you knew that mommy and I had not been on speaking terms before she got sick...maybe you would have understood why I was so upset when you told me that you had remarried. That was a huge decision to make without ever considering if I wanted that big of a change in my life. You replaced my mother without talking to me. You replaced mommy as if she wasn’t still missed.”
“It didn’t happen like that Morgan. And it wasn’t that simple.”
Morgan could still feel the hurt as if the pang had just occurred, even though her trust had been tested more than a few days ago. She relished the passage of time because she felt much better and her situation looked brighter.
“I know daddy and I also
know that I’ve been upset for all the wrong reasons.”
He considered this for a moment. William wished he could have spared Morgan from experiencing needless pain. As he recalled all that they each had endured before Bianca died, so many memories flooded his brain. With each recollection, a scene would flash in his mental eye. A picture showing him, what that time had been like. William had not come to dig up old topics or pick at healed wounds. Yet, it had been Morgan who’d brought up the days that preceded Bianca’s death.
“Morgan...did you talk to your mother about this argument on the day you arrived home from St. Margaret?”
Morgan couldn’t make her head move in a way that would signal to her father that, this was the root to her problem. When she spoke, her words came out strained and she didn’t sound like herself. Her body had tensed into a tight coil because she could still envision her mother’s face.
“Daddy...I wanted mommy to forgive me for being such a spoiled brat. We had never quarreled like that before and I hated myself for that. When I arrived and saw how sick mommy was, even though Nanny and Granny tried to explain that she wouldn’t survive her illness; I was still holding on to hope. I needed to buy time for us to mend our relationship.”
“And there wasn’t any time left.” He added as a fact and not a question to be debated.
