The Beast Within (Conversion Book 5)

by S. C. Stephens

  Leaving Julian on protection detail for his ex-crush, I hurried after my friend. I thought I’d fixed this situation already, by convincing Arianna to come back and talk to Julian some more…but, no, Julian had to go and make a mountain out of a molehill. As much as Arianna believed she had Julian’s whole heart, a small part of her feared she didn’t. And in about five seconds, Julian had all but confirmed that her fear was valid. I kind of wanted to kick his ass.

  “Arianna, wait!”

  Head down and hands balled into fists, Arianna ignored me as she stormed across campus. The warning bell had already rung, but with how quickly Arianna was striding toward class, I knew we’d make it with time to spare.

  Sprinting, I finally caught up with her. “Arianna, wait,” I repeated.

  Twisting her head, her eyes full of tears, she sniffed and said, “I hate your brother.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not what it looked like…”

  “He had his hands all over her. How is that anything but what it looked like? He’s always had a thing for her. He’s always been obsessed…” The tears in her eyes dropped to her cheeks, and my heart broke for her.

  “Trust me, he doesn’t want her anymore; he wants you. He’s just being a supportive friend to Raquel, nothing more.”

  Arianna shook her head as she opened the door to the building. “You can’t know that. Not for sure.”

  I worried my lip. Actually, yeah, I could know that. I did know that. I felt what Julian felt when he was around Raquel, and it wasn’t the same as it was earlier in the schoolyear. His emotions didn’t soar when she was around, his desire didn’t rise—thank God. He just felt protective. And guilty.

  Arianna tilted her head as she examined my face. “You’re not telling me something. And Julian’s not telling me something. What exactly are you two hiding from me?” She glanced up and down the hall, making sure the coast was clear. It was. All the heartbeats I heard were behind closed doors. “I thought I was on the inside now. I thought I got to know everything.” Her eyes returned to mine. “But I’m not, am I?” Her expression saddened into tragedy. “I’ll never really be let in…will I?”

  I opened my mouth to tell her everything, but the second bell rang, and she darted into class. Crap. Did I just make everything worse?

  Arianna was truly upset after that, and it didn’t help matters any that Julian stuck to Raquel’s side for the rest of the day, like he was her life preserver and she’d drown without him or something. He gazed longingly at Arianna whenever he caught sight of her, but he hadn’t been able to talk to her yet. From what I’d heard, things between them had been so frosty during the class they shared together, that everyone had noticed. People were starting to talk about them, beginning to wonder if they’d broken up. Raquel’s self-inflicted injuries were almost a byline in the story running around school. So, in a way, I guess my brother had successfully shielded Raquel from the gossip-mongering. At Arianna’s expense.

  At lunchtime, Arianna sat with some other friends, her back to Julian. I could tell Julian wanted to go over to her, but Raquel was sitting with us, and he didn’t want to leave her side. Once again, he was torn between two women. While Raquel made small talk with him, I whispered, “You need to fix this, Julie.”

  He looked over at me, concern all over his face. “I know.”

  I nodded at Arianna. “Then go over there and talk to her. Raquel won’t die if you leave her side for two seconds.”

  Julian sighed, then looked over at Raquel. “Hey, I’ll be right back, I need to—” He was about to excuse himself when Russell plopped down at our table next to Trey. Trey looked over at him, blinked, returned his eyes to his food, then snapped his head back to look at Russell again. He never sat with us. Ever.

  Raquel kept a straight face, but I saw her hand clench Julian’s under the table. “Go away, Russell. I think I made myself pretty clear this morning.”

  Russell smirked and pointed at my brother. “You’re seriously leaving me for this twerp?”

  Raquel shook her head. “We’re just friends, but you wouldn’t understand that concept, since all women are beneath you.”

  Leaning in, Russell sneered, “You used to be beneath me. A lot. And I didn’t hear you complaining about it.”

  Raquel’s cheeks flushed with color, and she averted her eyes. Julian half-stood from his seat. “She said leave her alone.”

  Every sound stopped in the cafeteria while Russell and Julian stared at each other. Finally, Russell sniffed and rolled his eyes. “Whatever. It took me three years to finally unclench her knees, and then it wasn’t all that great.” Standing, he added, “You can have her. I’ve had better.”

  Julian shot to his feet, a low, inaudible growl escaping him. Raquel tugged on his arm, trying to get him to sit down. I did too. Julian couldn’t make a scene in front of the entire school, not when he was this angry. He might…do something. Russell only laughed and walked away though. In his wake, I saw Arianna staring at my brother; she had fresh tears on her cheeks. She fled the cafeteria seconds after Russell returned to his friends, and Julian sank back down to his seat in defeat. I was sure he wanted to go after Arianna, but not with Russell still hanging around, waiting to pester Raquel. Raquel thanked Julian, but it didn’t lift his spirits any. He knew he’d just made things even more awkward with Arianna, and he didn’t know what to do about it.

  While Julian and Raquel headed off to their next classes, I left the lunchroom with Trey. He was shaking his head, confused. I understood the feeling, I knew everything that was going on, and even I was struggling to make sense of it all. The only thing I was sure of was that Julian needed to get his act together, quick, or he was going to lose the best thing he’d ever had.

  Trey cleared his throat, and I looked over at him. He had a scowl on his face. “So, I saw how cozy you and that Hunter guy were at the dance. You two back together? After he dumped you on your ass? Twice?”

  I nearly tripped on my own feet. I’d been expecting Trey to comment on Julian’s situation, not my own. Keeping my eyes focused straight ahead, I shrugged. “It’s complicated, and I don’t want to talk about it.” Very complicated, because I wasn’t quite sure what Hunter and I were doing. He’d come over every night this week, but only to eat. Once he was fed, he left. Eat and run. I was beginning to feel like my home was a late-night, all-you-can drink buffet to him…and nothing more.

  Miffed, Trey tightened his jaw. He was silent for all of twenty seconds while we walked along the cement pathway. “I just don’t get it. I mean, isn’t he dating one of your cousins or something?”

  I wanted to throttle Julian for mentioning to Trey that Hunter had shown up at the ranch with Halina. He couldn’t have known that Trey would fixate on that detail though. “They’re just friends…it wasn’t what Julian thought.”

  Trey scoffed as he kicked a stone on the ground. “Uh-huh, friends. Like Raquel and Julian are friends? Like we’re friends?”

  Surprised he would say that, I stopped and stared at him. There was a telltale red tinge to his eyes, but I didn’t think his being stoned had anything to do with his question. “What do you mean? We are friends.”

  Trey’s eyes shifted to the ground. “I know. It just seemed like…at the dance… I don’t know. I thought…for a second there…”

  I wanted to crawl in a hole for giving him that impression, for not telling him immediately that I didn’t want to kiss him. Since I couldn’t get away from him now without hurting his feelings, I forced the words to leave my mouth. “I don’t feel that way about you. I’m sorry,” I quickly added.

  Trey was silent for a moment as he stared at me, and my discomfort grew exponentially. Then he laughed and slugged my shoulder. “I know that, Little A. I don’t really feel that way about you either. I just didn’t want to see you end up with a dickwad like that…dickwad.”

  Before I could comment, he added, “I gotta get to class. Maybe I can knock some sense into Julian while I’m there. Catch you
later, Nika.” He patted my shoulder like we were best buds, then he turned a corner and practically sprinted away. Yet another boy running from me. Super.

  Maybe Trey had actually talked some sense into Julian, because by the end of school, he was finally at the groveling stage. Of course, he was groveling to Arianna with Raquel standing right behind him, and that pretty much ruined the entire effect. I wanted to tell Raquel to go home and let my brother patch up his mangled relationship in peace, but she was talking to Trey, and I was sort of avoiding Trey. God, when did my life become so dramatic?

  Standing off to the side to give them privacy, I eavesdropped on my brother and my best friend.

  “Come on, Arianna, just talk to me?”

  Arianna’s eyes flashed to Raquel standing by the steps. “About what? You seem to have already decided what you want, so I don’t see the point in talking about it”

  Julian grabbed her elbows, forcing her to look at him. “I don’t want Raquel. How many times do I have to tell you that?”

  Arianna lifted her chin to look him in the eye. “If you don’t want her, then tell her to go home. Tell her to leave you alone.”

  Julian sighed, and by the level of guilt exploding in his chest, I suddenly realized we were giving Raquel a ride home today. Great. “Can’t you understand what she’s been through? How much she’s struggling? I’m just trying to be a friend to her, because she really needs one right now.”

  Arianna’s cheeks flushed with color, and her eyes watered. “I know that. And I feel horrible about what happened. I feel awful for whatever was so bad in her life that she felt she had to hurt herself, and I feel like a complete bitch for not wanting you to be around her, because I know you are helping her. I just can’t stand to watch the two of you be so close. It kills me, Julian. Don’t you understand that?”

  Julian let out a weary sigh. Instead of answering her question, he quietly said, “Raquel didn’t do it to herself. What happened to her was my family’s fault. That’s why I feel like I have to help her. In a way, I did this to her.”

  Arianna looked floored; she clearly hadn’t expected him to say that. I took a step toward them before deciding to hold my ground. Julian needed to explain this to her, not me. I’d been trying to protect her by not telling her everything up front…but I guess I should have just told her the truth from the beginning. She might have understood Julian’s motives more if she’d known what really happened.

  Maybe realizing that something wasn’t adding up, Arianna looked my way. “But Nika told me…”

  “Nika told you the ‘story’ because the truth isn’t…allowed.” Julian raised his eyebrows in a pointed gesture that meant “vampire business.”

  Arianna looked even more confused. “What really happened on prom night?”

  Julian tried to cup her cheek, but she pulled away. She was still hurt. “I’ll tell you everything, just please, call me tonight? Or come over?”

  Arianna chewed on her lip before finally letting out a huge exhale. “Fine…okay.” Like she couldn’t stomach any more turmoil, she waved goodbye to me, then turned around and headed for her house on the other side of the graveyard behind the school.

  Julian sighed as he watched her leave, then he looked over at me. Feeling his pain, I walked up to him and rubbed his back. “What do I do, Nick?”

  Hoping Arianna wasn’t too upset to listen, I told him, “Tell her the truth, hope for the best.”

  Julian closed his eyes. “What if she can’t handle it? What if this is finally too much for her?” He looked back at me. “Grandma will erase her if we break up.”

  Sending him sympathy, I whispered, “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

  Julian shook his head. “No, you don’t get it. She’ll erase…everything. Arianna won’t even recognize us.”

  My hand on his back froze. “What?”

  Julian swallowed, then told me in a low voice, “Grandma said it was all or nothing. If Arianna and I break up, I lose her in every way…and so do you.”

  My heart thudded in my chest. It hadn’t occurred to me that Halina would take every memory if things didn’t work out between Julian and Arianna. Maybe it should have. Since everyone would be wiped when we left town, what would a year or so of memories removed early really matter? But it did matter. It mattered a lot. “Fix this, Julian. Please. I don’t want to lose Arianna.”

  Julian closed his eyes like his lids weighed a thousand pounds each. “Trust me, Nick…I don’t want to lose her either.”

  I WOKE UP hungry, but it was a tolerable level of hunger, not the gut-wrenching torture I’d been enduring for months. My glowing eyes fixated on the clock, but I didn’t need to look at it; I instinctively knew what time it was—forty-three minutes and fifty-six seconds until sunset. Give or take a few milliseconds.

  Leaping from my bed, I marveled at the difference in my energy level. A week ago, just thinking coherently took an extraordinary amount of effort. But now, after a week of eating every night, I felt like I could take on the world. I felt invincible.

  Flexing my arms, I watched the muscles bulge and contract. Physically, I felt better than I had in a long time. Mentally, I wasn’t quite so healthy. What I was doing to strengthen my body was tearing up my psyche. It went against everything I believed. Drinking blood, like a dirty, disgusting demon. I couldn’t deny how much I enjoyed it though. The thrill it gave me was unparalleled. The taste…indescribable. But it still horrified me. There was just no getting around that aspect of it.

  Walking into the bathroom, I studied my features in the mirror. I looked more like my old self, not quite so gaunt. Even the circles under my eyes were gone. I was fed and rested, a perfect vampire specimen. Opening my mouth, I let my fangs lower. Disgust flooded me as I stared at the physical manifestation of the beast inside me. These teeth were a reminder of my fall from grace. Or maybe they weren’t. Maybe I’d fallen a long time ago.

  I ran my tongue over a fang, feeling the sharpness of the ivory point. Now that I was drinking, the desire to puncture something, to hunt, was growing in me. I thought it would fade as I got stronger, but it wasn’t. I wanted to sink my teeth into something warm, juicy, tender…I didn’t even care what. Blood was all the same to me. It made being around Nika especially challenging. Her heartbeat tended to rage in my ears, the fragrance of her blood beneath her skin tingled my nose. I daydreamed about biting her. I wanted it as badly as I wanted to make love to her. And because of that, I tried to keep my nightly visits as short as possible. I didn’t want to cave into either desire.

  Nika wanted me to cave, I could tell. She wouldn’t push me, but her body language screamed at me to take her. In every way. She didn’t realize what that closeness would do to us, though. Of course, she didn’t know I was leaving soon, never to return. I was already going to miss her. Adding sex and…biting…into the equation would just make it even more difficult to leave her. And I had to. I had a job to do—a job that was becoming increasingly more important as time went on.

  Ever since Sam and Brett’s trap for me, I’d been scouting the city while Nika and her family slept, looking for more hunters. Just in the last few days, I’d come across two more that I’d once known, lurking around the Adams’ home, waiting for a chance to strike. I didn’t give them the opportunity. Sneaking up on them, catching them unaware, I cleared their minds and sent them on their way, never to harm another vampire again. Like most things in my life, I was torn on this as well. I was reducing the number of fighters waging war on the bloodsuckers. We were few and far between as it was, so I felt really shitty about that. But these men knew about Nika, they knew about me, and I couldn’t let them go on with that knowledge. Or risk them running back to a social circle that would clue them in on that knowledge again. My only way to protect Nika, for now, was to completely obliterate their minds.

  Dressing for my nightly rendezvous with Nika, I wondered if the attacks would continue after I left. I was certain they would stop once I put my father down, but
what if he sent someone while I was away? I’d been hiding my activity from Halina, not wanting her to spook the family, but maybe I should clue her in. Let her know what was going on, in advance of my departure, so she could take over watchdogging them. Yeah, I would do that. I would tell her tonight, after my feeding.

  When it was fully dark, I walked upstairs to join the rest of the nest here at the ranch. I could smell fresh blood in the air, the intoxicating, heady scent that sometimes drove me to distraction. I considered sitting and eating with Halina and the others, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it yet. Maybe after a few more feedings with Nika it wouldn’t be so hard. Right now, though, the smell was making me sick to my stomach, and I just wanted to get away. I went to the only place I could think of going, a place with a scent so pungent, it drowned out all the blood around me—the pool house.

  The air was heavy with moisture when I walked into the heated building housing the Olympic-sized swimming pool. The water-laden air felt heavenly on my chilly skin, and the chlorine-filled aroma cleared my senses. Standing near the edge of the pool, I debated going for a swim. I had time. I had to wait until everyone in Nika’s house was asleep before I could head over. Much like before, Nika and I were keeping our activity a secret. As I removed my clothes, I wondered if things between us would always be a secret.

  Forgoing the pool, I headed for the hot tub instead. I wanted to feel warm, especially now, when I felt chilled to the bone. The water was like liquid fire as I sank into it. It burned its way up my body, igniting my numb bones. “Oh God,” I groaned, lying my head back on the padded headrest.

  “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

  I didn’t look over, because I knew who was here. “Why aren’t you eating with the others?” I asked.