by Trina M. Lee
The field mouse jerked, having caught her scent. He fled like a little maniac, zigzagging as he ran.
It was nice to spend time with her like this. Too often we were lurking in the darkened streets of the city, hunting vampires and other not so pleasant monsters. Unleashing the beast inside was more enjoyable with another. One could only wander the forests alone for so long before boredom became madness.
She loped off through the brush, and I followed along at a casual pace. I thought about Dayne’s invitation to run with Doghead on the full moon. Would Shaz be willing to come along?
Eventually he would see that I just wanted the best for him. My intent wasn’t to drive him away, merely to show him what could be. What I hadn’t told him was that it terrified me to think of how I would be without the balance of light. I might be a stone cold bitch that saw him only as prey. If that were the case, he would be far better off without me.
Losing my light was something I tried not to think about. I shoved it out of my thoughts night after night, pretending it wasn’t real, that maybe “one day” just wouldn’t come. But it would. I knew that.
I bounded after Jez, hurrying to catch up when her longer legs carried her away. She disappeared into the trees, and I tracked her scent as I followed. Like so many times before, I was tempted to keep going, to continue on this path away from the house without ever intending to return. It was perhaps a shifter’s greatest temptation, to remain as animal always and abandon the human world. I couldn’t come out here anymore without considering it.
Arys would never let me go though. He would seek me out wherever my four legs took me. Knowing that was both reassuring and terrifying.
I broke through the trees into a small clearing and jerked to an abrupt halt. Jez was face to face with a whitetail deer fawn. It couldn’t have been more than a couple of months old. White spots still dotted its back. It peered at Jez with big, dark eyes. Holding perfectly still, it waited. Jez sat back on her haunches, trying to appear less intimidating. I followed her lead and got down on my belly.
The mother lingered. I could smell her, but I couldn’t see her. For the space of several heartbeats time stopped.
I knew Jez wouldn’t hurt such a young, helpless creature. The fawn seemed to know it too. Ever so slowly it leaned forward inch by tiny inch until it’s nose bumped against Jez’s. Then it froze.
I held perfectly still, watching this special moment. A predator bumped noses with prey, and it was precious.
A crow shrieked at us from a tree overhead. The shrill caw sliced through the calm, ruining the moment. I felt like it had revealed our secret, announcing to the forest that we were frauds. That we were monsters.
The fawn turned tail and fled. I exchanged a look with Jez, finding joy in her eyes. I wanted to share it with her, but I stared at the crow instead. It stared back, accusation in its beady little eyes. The annoying bird knew we didn’t belong.
It shattered my delusional belief that I could leave the world of humans and vampires to live out my days among nature. Being a wolf was very much a natural part of me that I truly loved. But it didn’t mean that I belonged here with the forest dwellers.
Everyone saw me as a hybrid now. The vampires wanted to take me out. The wolves had given me a chance, but it had come at a price. And the humans had become prey. I walked in many worlds and belonged to none.
And it fucking hurt.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.” Kylarai’s squeal of delight echoed from the bathroom through my bedroom. “In less than two hours I will be Mrs. Coby Haines.”
“Hold still,” Jez admonished as she wrestled with Ky’s hair. Over top of Ky’s head, she flashed me an excited smile.
After spending two days at home, keeping to myself and running with Jez, I was feeling pretty damn good. This was going to be a great night. The wedding was scheduled to begin at dusk. The reception would follow. Arys would join us then. An invitation had been extended to Jenner though he had politely declined. Kylarai had also extended an invitation to Kale though I didn’t expect to see him.
A few of the Stony pack wolves had spent all afternoon decorating the backyard. Several rows of chairs were lined up before a beautiful flower and vine draped archway. The guests would be facing the end of the yard where the forest could be seen beyond.
Buying property on the edge of town was one of the best decisions I’d made. After living at Kylarai’s, I’d gotten spoiled and needed to have a forest-bordered property of my own. My closest neighbor was on the other side of the tree-lined graveyard that separated us. It was about as private as it could get. A great location for a werewolf wedding.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you shine like this.” I sat on the edge of the tub with a hand-held mirror doing my makeup while sneaking glances at Ky. She was beaming.
“I’m afraid I might pee myself when I get up there in front of everyone. Or pass out.” A hand flew to her mouth, and she gasped. “What if I throw up?”
“Morning sickness?” Jez asked. She wielded a curling iron like a pro, creating perfect spiral curls in Ky’s deep brown locks.
“No. Just nervous. I never let myself believe this would happen.” She giggled, a high-pitched, anxious sound. “I also never thought I’d be thanking you for attacking a stranger on the street, Lex.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “It was my pleasure.”
We could joke about it now, but what I’d done to Coby wasn’t really funny. It made me think of the wolf Shya had forced me to make for him.
Screw that. I can have one damn day without that demon ruining my mood.
“Have you spoken with Shaz since the other night at the Kiss?” Ky couldn’t see my face from her position, but she didn’t have to look at me to give me that mother wolf tone.
“He told you about that, huh?” Carefully I applied eyeliner, creating a dramatic, 60s-style, cat-eye point. Now if I could just make the other eye a perfect match, it would be a miracle. “Shaz tells you everything these days, doesn’t he?”
“He always has,” Ky said softly. “He thinks you’re afraid of how things will change between you two after you…you know, become a vampire. Whenever that happens to be.”
“I am afraid because everything will change. Again. It never stops changing. And I can’t be what he wants. You know that, Ky. Shaz and I will never have what you and Coby have.” I saw the shadow of sadness pass through my eyes and had to look away from my reflection for a moment. Crying off my makeup would be a small disaster.
Ky tsked and shook her head, receiving a scolding from Jez. “You’re out of your mind, lady. Seriously. What you and Shaz have has existed since he was a teenager. It still exists now despite all of the Arys stuff. Don’t be so quick to write it off as doomed.”
I suppressed a laugh when she said, “Arys stuff.” Oh if only it could all be so easily summed up.
“How can it not be doomed? I can’t give him the monogamous commitment he deserves. The last year has been nothing but conflict between Arys and Shaz regardless of the few times they actually get along. Besides, none of that even matters now. Once I turn, Shaz and I will be worlds apart.”
Kylarai was swept up in the romance of her big day. She sounded like a lovesick teen when she said, “Everything happens for a reason, Lex. Trust that. It will all work itself out.”
It sounded completely delusional to me, but I knew better than to say so. Instead I said nothing and focused on finishing my eyeliner.
“I still think you should enjoy it all while you can,” Jez piped up. “Maybe if you got naked with Kale again, he’d stop banging everything that moves and find some peace.” My jaw dropped, and I stared at her as if she’d just revealed the Caramilk secret. Kylarai squirmed uncomfortably in her chair and cleared her throat. Jez did a double take when she noticed my expression. “I’m sorry. Should I not have said that? I didn’t think Kale was still a touchy subject for you two.”
“He’s
not,” Kylarai patted Jez’s hand. “Not for me anyway. I think it’s Alexa who finds Kale to be a touchy subject. No pun intended.”
There was a moment of silence before the two of them burst into giggles. I groaned and hid behind the hand-held mirror, refusing to continue this conversation.
“He’s a very intense guy,” Jez mused. “I bet he’s a passionate lover.”
I stood up and set my makeup things on the counter. “In order to avoid this discussion, I’m going to the kitchen to get some champagne. Can I get you guys anything?”
“Oh, Alexa, when did you become such a prude?” Jez scoffed. “It’s just a little harmless girl talk.”
“So nothing for you then,” I surmised, retying the belt of my robe before heading for the door.
“Bring me some champagne,” she called after me, joined by Ky’s request for some green tea.
Pausing in the hall outside my bedroom door, I took a deep breath and willed away thoughts of Kale. Whether she knew it or not, Jez had set loose memories I tried desperately to keep caged. It rarely worked.
She wasn’t wrong about Kale. He had made mad passionate love to me in the rain up against the wall of The Wicked Kiss. And I had every detail forged deep into the recesses of my brain.
Before I could remember the way he felt inside me, I rushed down the stairs to fulfill my mission. While waiting for the teakettle to whistle, I gazed outside at the elaborate wedding setup.
Two local wolves were setting up tables with overhead umbrellas for the dinner after the ceremony. The florist was busy at work, decorating each table with a gorgeous centerpiece made up of wildflowers.
The doorbell rang and I called, “Come in.”
When I turned to find Shaz opening the door, I was struck speechless. How many times could I apologize? I’d sent him messages and called. He had ignored every one.
Our eyes met, and he froze. Holding the bag that contained his suit, he seemed to search for words. “I just thought I’d get ready here, if that’s ok.”
“Sure. The main floor bathroom is all yours. The girls have taken over upstairs.”
“Thanks.” Averting his gaze, he headed down the hall to the bathroom.
The teakettle whistled, and I rushed to silence it. After pouring a cup of tea for Kylarai and two glasses of champagne, I put it all on a tray and carefully made my way back upstairs.
I couldn’t help but feel like I should have said more to him. Pushing the issue today of all days might not be the best choice, so I let it go and returned to my bedroom.
“Shaz is here,” I said, passing out the drinks. “He does not seem happy to see me.”
“Wait until he gets a look at you in that dress,” Jez snickered. “He’ll do anything you ask and forget that it ticks him off.”
Jez’s constant lighthearted jokes were her own way of hiding her inner pain. I knew that. So I laughed along with her even though we both knew that forgiving and forgetting were two very different things.
“Don’t worry about it, Lex. He’ll come around. He always does.” Kylarai beamed and showed off her bouncy curls. Jez had swept them back from her face and pinned them so her veil could be attached atop her head. “How fabulous does my hair look?”
“Pretty damn fabulous.” I touched Ky’s silken tresses, admiring Jez’s handiwork before she slapped my hand away.
We continued to get ready. A plethora of makeup and hair accessories littered the bathroom counter. When I had finished applying mascara and blush, Jez went to work on my hair. With a big barrel curling iron, she created large, loose curls that fell in waves down my back. Then she made a small braid on either side and joined them together in the back. It was subtle but classic in its simplicity.
“Thanks, Jez. Who would have thought you’d have such a handy hidden talent?”
“I have many talents, most of which you’ll never know about.” She grinned and sipped from her champagne.
As the clock ticked, Kylarai grew more restless. I was nervous too. This was a big deal for her, and I couldn’t be happier.
I toyed with the black amulet around my neck. Brogan had instructed me to never take it off. Yet, I wasn’t sure it was right for the dress I’d be wearing. So I tied it around my ankle instead. It hung on the outer edge of my leg, a small black teardrop against my pale flesh.
From my underwear drawer I retrieved the small box containing the old, silver cross pendant Kale had given me. It was a beautiful piece of jewelry. Lying against my chest at the base of my throat, it shone as if it was brand new rather than hundreds of years old.
“Good choice,” Jez commented from where she stood at the counter applying her trademark red lipstick. Her hand shook slightly, the faintest tremor of withdrawal. “That pendant is gorgeous.”
The sound of muffled voices downstairs could be heard from beyond the closed door. People were starting to arrive. Shaz must have let them in.
Kylarai reacted to the noise by clutching her chest in mock agony and letting out a little shriek. “Holy crap, ladies. I think I’m scared.” Then she laughed so hard she began to tear up.
“None of that,” Jez admonished. “You’ll ruin your makeup. Save the tears for the big ‘I do’ moment.”
The energy in the house buzzed with excitement. On impulse, I pulled Kylarai into a hug and squeezed. “I am so happy for you,” I whispered, battling my own tears. “Now let’s get you wrestled into that dress.”
It took both Jez and I to get Ky into her wedding dress. It was a phenomenal strapless gown that hugged her tightly before flaring out below her waist. A simple pink ribbon tied around the middle was the only splash of color. The skirt was mostly made of tulle which made it fabulously huge. A train flowed from the back, trailing her like a white cloud.
Once Jez secured the veil into Ky’s hair, the three of us stared in the mirror, each wearing similar expressions of awe and joy.
“You don’t have to pee, do you?” Jez asked with a frown. “It’s not going to be easy with a skirt like that.”
“No,” Ky laughed. “I’m fine. For now.” She sobered quickly, and the joy faded. “Just so you both know, Coby and I, we’re not telling anyone yet. About the baby. You know, just in case it doesn’t work out.”
It was incredibly rare for werewolves to reproduce naturally. Our biological makeup was of two natures, human and wolf. It just didn’t make it likely. In most cases, conception simply never occurred.
“Hey, take a look at me.” Jez held her arms out as if she were on display. “I was born, not bitten. It happens. Maybe not often but it does. Keep the faith, ok?”
Ky nodded, her grey eyes sparkled with renewed hope. “Thank you.”
“Now,” I said, clapping my hands together. “Let’s go get you married.”
When all three of us were dressed and ready, we headed downstairs. Jez got stuck fighting with Kylarai’s skirt and train while I ran down ahead to make sure Coby was already in place outside.
I moved carefully in the pale-pink stiletto heels that added four inches to my short frame. No surprise, Jez had picked them out, but I’d had to admit that they were a perfect match to my soft pink dress.
The skirt flowed behind me as I moved, making me feel more feminine than usual. It was a nice change from bloodstained casual wear. I rounded the corner into the kitchen and living room area and almost collided with Shaz as he exited the main washroom.
“Whoa,” he exclaimed, taking a step back as he looked me over from head to toe and back up. “You’re beautiful, Lex.”
A blush warmed my cheeks, but his words warmed the cold spot inside me where worry lived. “Thanks, babe. You’re quite the looker yourself.”
Hell yeah he was. In a black tux that perfectly hugged every angle of his body, Shaz was dressed to kill. His short, platinum hair was lightly gelled into place; his face, clean shaven. I’d seen him in a suit before but never quite this dressed up. It was a good look for him. Very sexy and suave. It was swoon worthy.
We stared awkwardly at one another until he began to babble about everybody being seated and in place. All we needed to begin was the bride.
“Right.” I sprang into action. “I’ll just tell Kylarai we’re ready for her then.”
Once Ky was positioned in the hallway, Jez took her place with Bryce, a local wolf acting as a groomsman. I loved that Coby was connecting with the pack. Even if I was just a little bitter still about being kicked out.
The wedding party was small. The entire event was cozy, consisting of less than a dozen guests. The Stony pack seemed to be shrinking.
When it came time to take Shaz’s arm and follow Jez and Bryce out the patio doors, a sense of panic struck. One foot in front of the other, I managed to clutch my pink and white rose bouquet and descend the patio steps without falling on my face.
Shaz held tightly to me as if he knew I was afraid of embarrassing myself. Staring straight ahead at Coby made me forget my clumsy fears. He stood in front of the archway with the minister, waiting anxiously for his bride.
As we parted, Shaz gave my hand a squeeze. We lingered for just a second longer and then let go. I took my place next to Jez and turned along with everyone else to watch Kylarai’s entrance.
The setting sun cast her in a pale orange glow. She walked alone, taking slow, even steps. Shaz had offered to give her away, but she had wanted to give herself to Coby. It was insanely romantic. The guests rose as she passed by. She joined Coby at the front and already her eyes shone with unshed tears. The energy jumped between them, creating a warm, loving atmosphere.
As the minister spoke, the rest of us looked on, each lost in our own thoughts. I could feel Shaz’s gaze upon me. Our eyes met and so many things stormed against the dam I’d built inside that I was sure it would come crumbling down.
This would never be us. We would never bind ourselves together this way, declaring til death do we part. Though my spirit was elated with joy for my friends, it mourned the loss of something I had never had to begin with.
My sorrow shone in Shaz’s eyes. It was an unspoken dream our wolves shared, to be mated always. The human within knew better though. In that moment, as we listened to our friends declare their undying love, we were forced to let go of a future that would never be ours.
